Guess the Michael Jackson "Illness"
Judge: 'I received word that Mr Jackson fell in on the way to court. He is in the emergency room in the Marian hospital'... Jackson's lawyer Thomas Mesereau: 'He is very, very ill'.
A. Suicide attempt
B. Faking it
C. Hair on Fire
D. Passed out when he realized that if his only hope is Elizabeth Taylor and Kobe Bryant, he's screwed
E. Sympathy pains for Shanley
Comments
Feels a sudden need for emergency nose removal (again).
Posted by: Bryan | February 15, 2005 12:28 PM
He "fell in on the way to court"? The story Drudge links doesn't mention anything about a fall, though he's got the quote. He "fell... in on the way to court" or "he fell in... on the way to court"? Did he fall into something?
Posted by: C Bassett | February 15, 2005 12:30 PM
Is there an "all of the above" option?
Posted by: Keiran Halcyon | February 15, 2005 12:42 PM
Probably meant to say "fell ill". Just a guess.
I think Bryan was on the right track. Probably his nose fell off.
Posted by: dave | February 15, 2005 01:44 PM
I'll believe he has the flu after the autopsy.
Call me a skeptic.
My first crack at a tombstone.
Posted by: SarahW | February 15, 2005 01:53 PM
Here ya go.
Posted by: Jim Treacher | February 15, 2005 02:05 PM
Face fell apart as a result of too much plastic surgery.
Posted by: Lesley | February 15, 2005 02:08 PM
The Vapors.
Posted by: Roxanne | February 15, 2005 02:13 PM
He's got the rock'n'roll flu.
Posted by: Gord | February 15, 2005 02:30 PM
He's stopping by the juvenile cancer ward.
Posted by: Laurence Simon | February 15, 2005 03:02 PM
menstrual cramps
Posted by: rjtjr | February 15, 2005 03:17 PM
Fox News is reporting that MJ has the flu, which makes sense - the last time I saw him he looked kinda pale and, you know - strange.
Posted by: Nordicgirl | February 15, 2005 03:20 PM
E is close.
He figures if they convicted a Catholic priest in Boston, he is screwed.
Posted by: JimK (No Relation) | February 15, 2005 04:50 PM
Contents: Michael Jackson (at least 60%), Silicon (20%), Hair Gel (14%), White Cotton Glove (3%), Natural and Artificial Flavors (Skin Creams, Pepsi, Jesus Juice, Boy Spunk)
Posted by: jon | February 15, 2005 07:45 PM
Here lies Michael
Six feet down
When he died
Only his cock was brown
Posted by: prairie biker | February 15, 2005 10:13 PM
You know how Superman is affected by Kryptonite?
When Michael gets too close to the world of adults, same thing happens to him because on his home planet, there are no adults. Expect lots more of the same as the trial progresses. (Just a theory, but hey, it works!)
Posted by: Laura | February 15, 2005 10:38 PM
Does it really matter. I mean how does this trivial news change how we live our lives? It doesn't. It just gives us something to talk about.
Posted by: Steve | February 16, 2005 01:28 AM
How does this affect us? It doesn't. It just gives us something to talk about.
Posted by: Steve | February 16, 2005 01:30 AM
Steve,
I've enjoyed the man's music. I've enjoyed watching the man get weird. I've enjoyed speculating about every aspect of his unseemly weirdness. And I won't shy away from the fact that I am entertained by the bizarre and mind-numbingly wacko details of his alleged acts with young boys. He's definitely a sick man, but whether he is guilty of crimes is another mental exercise I'm going to enjoy for some time.
He's a trainwreck, an enormous talent, and a self-destructive looney all wrapped up in one. Will I be fundamentally changed by this trial? No, probably not. Will I be a little changed by this trial? Not likely. So you're right: it's just something to talk about.
And there's nothing wrong about that.
Fun MJ-related mental exercise: suppose a bizarre celebrity was going to invite young boys over to his house for a sleepover and NOT have sex with them. Only answers other than Michael Jackson count. I can't come up with any.
That certainly doesn't make me think he's innocent, but an annoying part of me thinks he might be so twisted and weird that he didn't have sex with boys. I want to totally dismiss that part of my thinking. But since my sons aren't likely to get an invitation to Neverland, I can indulge in such nonsense.
Posted by: jon | February 16, 2005 02:00 AM
No more Thriller.
No more frustration
At my outrageous
Limitation....
Limp, simply.
Posted by: Gerard Van der Leun | February 16, 2005 02:15 AM
His butt plug fell out.
Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge | February 16, 2005 07:41 AM
This comes vaguely close to being on-topic.
Posted by: Sobek | February 16, 2005 02:40 PM
Here is my Tombstone
Posted by: The Man | February 16, 2005 04:20 PM
generally, when a celeb is hospitalized and they say something like "exhaustion," that's code for OD'd.
In this case, I don't know. I like the Adults as Kryptonite hypothesis though.
Posted by: ricki | February 17, 2005 11:44 AM
I don't have a place to host the pic,
Here lies Mike,
no more troubles.
The kids are safe,
but what happened
to Bubbles?
Posted by: nigeltufnel11 | February 17, 2005 05:10 PM
Weak but safe-for-work effort here.
Posted by: Matt | February 17, 2005 06:57 PM
OK, here:
http://jerryaldini.blogspot.com/2005/02/i-suck-at-contests.html
Posted by: Matt | February 17, 2005 06:57 PM
Here lies Mike.
Should have used more for protection
Than just one glove.
Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim | February 17, 2005 07:54 PM
Here Lies
Diana Ross
no, really.
Posted by: Mick | February 21, 2005 01:09 PM