« an open thread on oral sex | Main | time keeps on slippin'..... »

More Stupid Parenting Stories

Keeping sort of on topic....

I was going through all the old Raising Hell stuff I have saved on my computer (a now defunct group blog about crazy parents) and came across a few more stories about my kids and all things sex. I'm posting them more for posterity than anything else - I'd like to eventually get all my RH archives back up on the web again.

So here's one starring DJ and a dress (from May, 2002):

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Yesterday, I caught DJ trying on Natalie's makeup. He stood in front of the mirror, grinning and looking a bit Christina Aguliera.

So this reminded me of a couple of years ago, when DJ was about 7 years old. Natalie had taken DJ into the bathroom to "help him brush his teeth." Fifteen minutes later, they were still in there. I know you should never disturb children who are playing quietly, but this wasn't a nice kind of quiet coming from the bathroom. It was conspiratory. Hushed giggles and whispers made me open the bathroom door in a hurry, expecting to find them filling the bathtub with shampoo or wrapping each other in gauze tape.

And there was DJ, looking for all the world like the second daughter I never had. He was wearing one of Natalie's old sundresses, her flowered flip-flops and he had a zillion colored clips in his hair. And he was sporting more make up than Tammy Faye Baker at a Mary Kay convention.

They were both grinning, as if this was some masterpiece I should be proud of. So I played along. I called him Danielle instead of Daniel and he ran around the house, belting out Ethel Merman Broadway tunes and asking to have his nails done.

Justin and I watched with amazement. When Justin had enough of seeing his future stepson prancing around in a dress, he called an end to the game. DJ wouldn't oblige. He wanted to leave the dress on. He let Justin wash his make up off and take the clips out of his hair, but he would not part with the dress. Not even at bedtime.

We thought about letting him sleep in it, but it was becoming not an issue about the dress, but about DJ listening to us.

"Take the dress off," Justin said.
"No! It feels good!"
"Take it off!"
"Ok," said Justin. "Suit yourself. Just don't come crying to me in the morning?"
"Well, if you sleep in the dress, when you wake up your penis will be gone."
Dress off. Superman pajamas on.

I'll tell that story to his future girlfriend some day.


Words fail. Fabulous.

That's awesome. I'll have to remember that for if I ever have kids.

I'm glad my mom never had a blog.

How old's DJ now? Poor guy. I hope my Mom never learns to post stories about me on the net.

He's going to have a girlfriend someday?

(Now now, no dirty looks, please, you're the one that put that on the web...)

I love lying to kids. It's so fun.

Tell them you love them. They fall for that one all the time.

I'm already threatening my 8-year-old grandson with naked pictures of him running down the hall in his dad's boots (at about 1 year old). Shuts them up real quick even now.

I love the smell of blackmail in the morning.

Imperial Keeper

God, us three girls did that to my brother (except we managed to get one of our mother's bras on him too).

He was naive young enough to let us take pictures before ripping them off in disgust. That picture still haunts him.

"I'll tell that story to his future girlfriend some day."

Ummm ... don't count on it.

Sorry. I spelled my Web site incorrectly.