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oscar, oscar, oscar* [Updated]

It happens every January. I get all excited for the Oscar announcements, and then I realize that I haven't seen any of the movies that are likely to get nominations. This is a recent trend; years ago I used to watch the Academy Awards ritualistically - TV Guide ballot in hand, my heart racing in anticipation of my favorite movie winning a coveted statue.

That was a long time ago, when the movies I liked were the movies Hollywood liked. I wonder what happened? Has my taste in movies changed or has the snobbery of the Academy reached a crescendo, so that the kind of films I enjoy no longer have a chance of winning anything but a Razzie?

Granted, I don't go to the movies that much anymore - the cost is too prohibitive - but I do buy DVDs of good movies the day they come out (I'm going to write a poem called Tuesdays You Will Find Me At Best Buy) and I manage to see plenty of movies in a manner that requires me to not reveal it, lest the Feds come banging down my door, demanding my cable modem.

The word on the street is the following movies will receive several Oscar nominations: Ray, The Aviator, Million Dollar Baby, Finding Neverland and Sideways.

I've seen none of those movies. It's not that I don't want to - it's just that most of my movie theater money goes towards films we see as a family, and none of those would get the necessary unamimous vote needed in order to make the $500 investment in tickets, food, etc. Ok, so maybe I only want to see one of those movies. If there's an opposite phrase for movie snob, that would be me. Tasteless? Low brow?

So the Oscars mean nothing to me except a chance to see a few wardrobe malfunctions and the hope that one of the presenters will show up drunk and offer up some quality television time.

I miss my TV Guide ballot. I miss being able to check off movies that I watched from the back of dad's station wagon at the Westbury Drive-In. I miss having friends gathered in my bedroom, fingers crossed, hoping against hope that Rocky wins every award it's up for, even the technical ones.

Now, I just shrug and wonder when half the nominated movies actually were showing in a theater. I don't remember ever seeing Million Dollar Baby on the MegaPlex marquee - but I don't think the Academy really cares for MegaPlex quality movies. Too bad, they're missing out on some quality films.

In a perfect world (well, my perfect world), the ballot would have all these movies listed:

Dawn of the Dead, Napoleon Dynamite, Shaun of the Dead, Mean Girls, Shrek 2, The Incredibles, Spider-Man 2, Team America, Lemony Snicket.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. But honestly, Princess Diaries 2 just fell flat for me. I can't in good faith put it on my list.

You're also thinking that I need to get out more. Or refine my tastes, adopt a little culture in my life. I get plenty of culture, thank you. In fact, we watched the entire I, Claudius box set in 2004. If that's not culture, I don't know what is.

And I can say with pride that this year, none of my favorite movies are on the Razzies list. Even I know that Baby Geniuses 2 is awful without actually seeing it. Maybe there's hope for me, after all.

*

Update: The nominations have been announced.

Thomas Hayden Church? Wasn't he that stupid guy in Wings? Shows you how out of the loop I am. I just assumed his career died with that show.

Oh, and yay for Viriginia Madsen. I've had a crush on her ever since I saw her in the HBO movie Long Gone (1987).

Jammie Foxx: from Booty Call to Oscar. Now that's what I call career enhancement.

Ah, a kindred soul.

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Comments

And here I was expecting it to be a reference to the "Badger, Badger, Badger" thing...

oscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscar
FELIX! FELIX!
oscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscaroscar

With two little ones, I consider The Incridibles to be high art. I DO consider it the best movie ever about mid-life crises. Much better than American Beauty.

I also am breathlessly awaiting the release of "Because of Winn-Dixie". Seriously. The book is on my top 10.

Let me also add that I refuse to join the chorus of Christian whining about the snubbing of Passion of the Christ. It's just silly. If you brought me to your house and asked me to watch vacation videos from when your kids were 4 or 5, I'd find them mildly entertaining at first, boring later, and irritating if your played them for to long. But to YOU, those home movies are more precious than gold. I cannot see the beauty because I cannot see them through your eyes. It's the same with POTC. Christians cannot expect the world to look at it through our eyes.

I want to recommend that anyone planning on seeing Winn Dixie read the book first.

The trailer gives me hope that the movie will honor the book well, but the book deserves to be read. Whether or not you are a kid or have kids, it doesn't matter. It's a magical kind of book that doesn't come along too often.

Things I hate about the Oscars:

1. No movie that comes out before October has a chance to win Best Picture. (These days.)

2. Filmmakers always put their "Oscar films" out with only one week left before the end of the year (ie: Million Dollar Baby). Sometimes this results in rushed production or goofs that are fixed in later versions.

3. No movie that comes out before October has a chance to win Best Picture.

4. Except for LOTR:ROTK, sci-fi and fantasy films have virtually zero chance of winning.

5. No movie that comes out before October has a chance to win Best Picture.

You can see where I'm really pissed off about this, can't you?

I'm holding out hope that The Incredibles gets at least NOMINATED for Best Picture. It does what the Best Picture always does (at least, according to my film professors): entertains and educates. The entertaining part is easy; the education... well, the whole "if everyone is special then no one is" thing is there, isn't it? And that you can't deny your nature?

shrug

They have a separate animation category now, and The Incredibles was nominated, along with Shrek 2 and Shark Tale, which was just horrid.

I am so upset that F911 was not nominated. I mean, what soap box will Mikey be able to flatulate from now?

Paul Giamatti was robbed. Pure and simple. And where did that Vera movie come from??? Out of no where. I would like to see Hilary Swank and Clive Owen win...they were amazing. And yes, Jamie Foxx was excellent as Ray...but I would not vote for him just because he gave a great acceptance speech at the Golden Globes, as some are suggesting!

Thomas Hayden Church's career DID die, completely and utterly. And then Giamatti resurrected it like a zombie with this strange little movie.

Church's career will be packed with salt and have its lips sewn shut within a year.

The Incredibles was a tremendous movie, not just a tremendous animated movie.

The thing is, I go to the movies for the spectacle; the kind of movies that get Oscar nominations are often non-spectacle movies, and those I watch at home when they're out on video.

Then again, don't feel bad; a shockingly large percentage of the Academy hasn't seen all the movies either, and they still vote on them.

The Incredibles was a tremendous movie, not just a tremendous animated movie.

O-ver-ra-ted! clap clap clapclapclap O-ver-ra-ted! clap clap clapclapclap

I can't stand watching womens boxing, why would I ever want to go see a movie about a woman boxing?

Oh and what's up with every movie having a store name in it these days? "whatever and whoever go to white castle"..."because of winn-dixie"... what's next? "Thomas and Terry go to wal-mart"?

I urge you to see "The Aviator" in the theater. It is an astonishing film, though Cate Blanchett's performance as Kate Hepburn is overvalued.

Out of those movies, I have seen Sideways. Great movie.

Shaun of the dead was AWESOME!

And I have to see Napoleon Dynamite, or several people are going to kill me.

Ok, that is TWO people in the world who saw Virginia and William Peterson in one of the world's most overlooked baseball flicks...you and me.

And I have ranked Virginia Madsen as my Pinnacle of Female Pulchitrude ever since then. She has not relinquished her title, though she did SHARE it briefly with Halle Berry when I was at a crowd-following age.

I don't care about the awards, I care about the movies. Some years I want a movie or actor or actress to win something, some years I don't have a horse in the race. This year I don't even have a worn out greyhound that I'm fattening up to maximize my trip to the rendering plant as soon as the race is over.

And as for the triumphant hails regarding the non-nomination of Moore's film: dude pulled it from a category he would have easily won, since his was the only film anyone had heard of. (Now the award will go to the Holocaust film, if there is one. I haven't checked, but I'm sure it's there.)

Shouldn't they cancel the Oscars? L.A. needs the money they'd be using to secure that event for homeland security. I mean, doesn't it bother anyone that all those rich people will be whooping it up at the Kodak theatre while folks are recovering at the L.A. VA hospital?

I feel compelled to ask this because of the war and the calls for the cancelation of the inaugural.

I also think we should ban recess. Our kids shouldn't be playing in playgrounds while there's a war on.

And can we cancel all political fundraisers? ...you know, while there's a war on?

Ice cream. Nobody should enjoy ice cream if we're going to collectively sacrifice for the war effort.

Anyway, seriously, the Oscars would be a great place for all the critics of the inauguration to put their money where there mouth is. But I guess I should know better by now. If they ever followed through on their "principles" they'd all be in France or Canada by now.