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the diary, day five

I have never in my entire life felt a craving this intense. Not even when I was pregnant with Natalie and went out at four in the morning to get those little ten cent packets of Kool-Aid because I had to have it, and then drank a quart of cherry and a quart of some green flavor and peed rainbows for the next two days, and also dreamed about the Kool-Aid guy three nights in a row.

If that Kool-Aid guy showed up now, I'd kick him right in the knees. Why? Because I woke up with my entire body set on vibrate as it waits, waits, waits for that nicotine intake. It's jonesing. And I'm not giving it what it wants. So in turn my brain is like, "Hey, if she's going to screw us out of our addiction like that, let's fuck around with her mind!" and now I'm sitting here quite sure that today will be the day where I tear somebody's head off their neck and smoke their corpse.

But I can breathe a bit better so that counts for something, right?

Comments

That counts for something, all right. Take your victories where and when you can get them. Keep your thoughts out in the open (at least to yourself) so you are aware of what's going on in your mind.

Your body (and mind) are seriously pissed at you right now. Years of training have gotten it to the point where it accepts a toxin in order to placate the mind. Now you're not with the program anymore.

There's a new sheriff in town, but right now he's kind of weak, like Anthony Perkins at the beginning of "Tin Star". He'll learn his new job, but it won't be easy. And he had to listen to Henry Fonda. At least you don't have to.

Hang in there...think of it as the "largest Victory" in your life so far.

Okay, imagine this. You're cruising around, doing what you do in your life and BAM, out of nowhere you get hit with a heart attack or stroke. Hey, don't give me that look, we're getting in that age group missy.

Now imagine you're trapped in a hospital bed: Tubes, oxygen, the whole horror show. Imagine going through this first week while that's going on and there's no WAY the nurses are letting you out for a smoke.

Whatched it happen to my Mom-in-law last year. Decided right then and there I wasn't going to die jonesin' for anything.

You are approaching the end of the physical part. It sucks, but I never doubted for a minute you could do it.

I quit at 8:05 PM on Friday April 7th 1995. I still think about it sometimes. Know what I miss the most? My trusty Zippo. I still have it in my desk drawer. It's lke an old friend that...lives in my desk drawer, I guess. :)

I did about what you did...looked at the last Marlboro Light in the pack and said "Well, screw it. I'm not buying any more." Never smoked again.

I chew the living crap out of those dental floss/pick things though. Oral fixation and all that.

Hang in there. I know it's rough. I've quit twice and am currently gearing up for my third attempt. I seem to make it 2-3 years before going back for some reason. The biggest thing I found is to keep yourself busy. The busier the better. If you're concentrating on what you're doing, you aren't thinking about how hateful your body feels about the whole thing. Also, I chewed a lot of cinnamon toothpicks and coughdrops. Neither are fattening, and both have multiple benefits. The toothpicks give you something to do with your mouth and have flavor (plus, if you get desperate enough, you can chew three or four and just burn all the skin off the inside of your mouth). The menthol in the cough drops will ease your coughing some, clear your head and help substitute for the nicotine you aren't getting. Of course, your mileage may vary. Either way, I wish you the best of luck and should be joining you within 48 hours.

This may seem dumb, but it worked for me.
When I quit "cold turkey" five years ago, I had an Atomic Fireball candy when ever I REALLY craved a smoke. The heat of the candy distracted me from the craving, & it lasted long enough to get me through.

Good luck - You CAN do it!

TJB

Now this sounds more like real nicotine withdrawal. That you're posting rather than running out to the store for coffin nails is a good sign. Ginger or Liquorice Altoids might give your mouth and brain something to do (I find them not nearly as addicting as m&ms, which are almost as evil as tobacco.)

:guy from Waterboy: You can DOOO IT!! :/guy from Waterboy:

Hang in there Michele. But if you do snap, I would rather you tear someone's head off and smoke their corpse than a cigarrette. You would be my hero.

I'm like Drew. Quit a few times and currently not smoking.

It always helps me to think ahead past the physical difficulties of quitting. It only lasts a while and the payoff is great. You kind of forget how great it is to breath clearly until you've coughed everything out.

Hang in there.

First pathologist: "This was all that was left, after the SWAT team got finished with her."

Second pathologist: "Yeah, I wonder what makes 'em flip out like that?"

First pathologist: "Hm, I dunno. Now there is a tattoo you don't see everyday."

[grin] Congrats, M, you now are thru the worst of it.!

The worst of the jonesin for me was the last three days of the first week.

Week 2 surprised the hell outta me.

Hang in there!

Still checking up on you. Good job so far, it's not easy to quit any addictive behavior or we'd all do it.

Do you have anyone to keep you accountable and to provide emergency emotional/psychological aid? This is a tremendous advantage in battling addiction.

Don't be like me and do it all alone. It's one way, but it's not the best way.