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I WISH TO DIE A FATTY DEATH

In honor of the government once again giving the food pyramid a facelift, I'm reposting my own version of the food pyramid - the Food Pentagram. It probably needs a bit of updating. Dunkin' Donuts (the bastards) discontinued the scones. I'm willing to revise, just like our big brothers of nutrition, if you have any better suggestions. Maybe I should replace the scones with the Chantico. I'm sure the food pyramid is sensible and healthy, but sensible and healthy is no way to live! Sure, I'll have to be buried inside a grand piano if I follow the pentagram guidelines, but at least I'll have enjoyed the ride there. And at least my headstone won't say:

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» The "new" food pyramid from Maladjusted - Fair and Balanced
Maybe the pyramid is new, but the info hardly is. U.S. releases new diet guide Calories and weight: Make calories count. Look for foods that are nutrient-dense. To maintain healthy weight, balance calorie intake with calories expended. DUH... [Read More]

» Death to the food pyramid! from Cynical Nation
Long live the Food Pentagram! [Read More]

» A Diet to Die For from Electric Venom
Who needs a new "food pyramid" when Michele's Food Pentagram is so much more fun?! [Read More]

» NYC Blog Roundup from Slant Point
From the Files of theBloggers that Never Sleep... Daily Lunch ran into Mark Green and asked if he was running for mayor. Nope. But Green said attorney general in 2006. Alarming News points out the absurdity of applying hate-crime laws to pummeled Satan... [Read More]

» NYC Blog Roundup from Slant Point
From the City that Never Sleeps,another edition of NYC Blog Roundup... Daily Lunch ran into Mark Green and asked if he was running for mayor. Nope. But Green said attorney general in 2006. Alarming News points out the absurdity of applying hate-crime l... [Read More]

» NYC Blog Roundup from Slant Point
From the City that Never Sleeps,another edition of NYC Blog Roundup... Daily Lunch ran into Mark Green and asked if he was running for mayor. Nope. But Green said attorney general in 2006. Alarming News points out the absurdity of applying hate-crime l... [Read More]

» Heh. Food Humor... from Milblog
A Small Victory - I WISH TO DIE A FATTY DEATH In honor of the government once again giving the food pyramid a facelift, I'm reposting my own version of the food pyramid - the Food Pentagram.Michele's got a WICKED... [Read More]

» http://whatattitudeproblem.blogs.com/home/2005/01/_bitch_bitch_bi.html from What Attitude Problem?
Bitch, bitch, bitch. The government's standing on our necks again. Aiming straight at the nation's paunch, the U.S. government Wednesday told Americans what nutritionists have been saying for years: Count your calories, get a lot more exercise and make [Read More]

» The 10 Spot - Express Yourself Edition from Wizbang
Ten stories floating around the interweb, several of which are speech related...MSNBC's Dan Abrams, who is now blogging, says of media lawyers, "Lawyers representing the media should never say, 'Nobody ever gets it 100 percent right.' It just isn't goo... [Read More]

» New Years' Resolutions from Six Meat Buffet
Sure, I made a few, just like you. I know you’re dying to know what they were and how I’m doing. [Read More]

» Food Pentacle from The Laughing Wolf
The pentacle, or pentagram, is a symbol not of evil but of protection. I mention this fact not just for educational purposes, or to stir up easy controversy, but for a more serious reason. I suspect that all such protection... [Read More]

» Items of Interest #4 from Multiple Mentality | www.multiplementality.com
In this issue: musings from Gregg Easterbrook, a bunch of new Item categories, and a thinly-veiled plea for you to visit our forums. [Read More]

» yet another way we're all not eating right from The Oubliette
Last week, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services released yet another revision to the Food Pyramid. Not like it's anything we didn't already know... [Read More]

» The other side of the story from U.S. Food Policy
From Instapundit yesterday -- Sandy Szwarc's merciless take on the new guidelines... and this link to the Food Pentagram. [Read More]

» more about the new food guidelines from The Girl Who Ate Everything
New York Times has an article about the new US health guidelines: Complying With Marching Orders (registration required, but if you don't have a NYT account by now you may as well get one). It's an interesting read if you... [Read More]

» more about the new food guidelines from The Girl Who Ate Everything
New York Times has an article about the new US health guidelines: Complying With Marching Orders (registration required, but if you don't have a NYT account by now you may as well get one). It's an interesting read if you... [Read More]

» James from Little Miss Attila
thinks we should just ditch the silly Food Guide Pyramid—even in its new "programmable" form—and let people feed themselves. After all, we couldn't be doing a worse job, even with all this Federal "help." Reminds me of Michele's Food Guide... [Read More]

Comments

You're a goddess for putting the Guinness on the pyramid.

Praise Michele!!

TV (Harry)

Of course you realize that the star in the circle is a sure sign you're worshipping Satan. Be sure to share a brew with the guy. :)

Hmmm, looks like my daily diet. Oh my God! I am the spawn of Satan.... or Stan!

you forgot the deep fried twinkie.

IMO, people who have disgusting diets and don't take care of their bodies deserve whatever comes their way. Personally, I don't know how some people can stand to eat some of the disgusting shit that they do. yeeeeick :shudder:

Mmmmm... butter-dipped butter...

Probably needs bacon in there somewhere.

And Oreos.

I have actually eaten a deep-fried Twinkie. Not bad.

However, I'm afraid I can't follow your pentagram, michele. I'm 2 weeks into a diet/exercize program. Lost 5 lbs last week. I'll find out about this week on Saturday.

But it's not for my health. To heck with that! My goal is to become a wife-magnet again, or if being a hottie still doesn't get her attention, such a chick-magnet that she HAS to take action.

Not that I blame her. I wouldn't want my beer belly on top of ME.

Anyway, why on EARTH would you put stadium hot dogs in your pentagram? I thought the idea was GOOD tasting food that's bad for you? Where do they have good tasting stadium hotdogs?

Damn, I swear I was gonna do a "Food Circle" developed by Frito Lay today. You snooze, you lose.

Ever tried Fruity Pebbles with orange joice?

"juice" is even better than "joice"

This is great the only thing that is missing is the Elvis peanut butter bacon and banana sandwich. you have to love anything that has cheescake and guiness included in it

regards
gbfan

Oh, Michele. Salt and Vinegar chips.
Make that Kettle chips and you have me.

I would have included dark chocolate and (seperately) almonds.

LT

You forgot mountain dew and strawberry cake rolls...damn you all to hell!

Yeah, I had a friend who always drank, yeech, diet pop. And he was always a skinny guy. When he died at 35 from an accident he was still skinny. I have always thought that he should have been drinking the good pop...

Then there's Hawkeye's beloved lime-flavored Kool-Aid with strips of bologna in it... oh wait, we're talking good food.

Better not forget some thinly sliced prosciutto.

Where's the mayo?

Let's see . . . Chili dogs, hamburgers with green chiles and cheese, sotre brand cheese puffs, banana malts. Have I missed anything?

Eat more Possum!!

Too much coffee, not enough Guinness. How can you sleep with those proportions? The 3:6 should be the other way round.
And our Scottish friends would add battered deep fried pizza of course.

Hot, fresh Krispy Kreme donuts in place of the Dunkin' Donuts scones. If you sweet-talk the person at the counter, they'll even give you hot, fresh, chocolate-covered Krispy Kremes. Heaven!

If you laid out that pentagram with the actual food and drink in it, I'd gator in it right now. Not that the Army isn't trying to feed us well...

An In-N-Out 4×4 would get my attention.

For Bubba:
Roast Opossum
1 opossum, skinned & cleaned
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 onion, chopped
1 opossum liver, chopped
1 cup breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 hard-cooked egg, chopped
salt, pepper
4 strips bacon
Rub opossum with salt and pepper. Brown onion in fat, add opossum liver and cook until tender. Add breadcrumbs, Worcestershire sauce, egg, seasonings and water to moisten. Stuff opossum with this mixture and truss. Place in pan belly down. Put bacon strips across back. Add 1 quart water to pan. Roast uncovered in 350F oven until tender, basting every 15 minutes. It will be done in about 2 1/2 hours. Serves 2 to 4.

I have long been a believer in the Writer's four food groups: alcohol, tobacco, sugar and grease.
Where's the fried chicken?

"I'm sure the food pyramid is sensible and healthy"

Um, no, it isn't. It was cooked up in an entirely political process at the end of the 70's.

If you look at obesity and diebetes rates, they both take a sharp upturn right about then...