I WISH TO DIE A FATTY DEATH
In honor of the government once again giving the food pyramid a facelift, I'm reposting my own version of the food pyramid - the Food Pentagram.
It probably needs a bit of updating. Dunkin' Donuts (the bastards) discontinued the scones. I'm willing to revise, just like our big brothers of nutrition, if you have any better suggestions. Maybe I should replace the scones with the Chantico.
I'm sure the food pyramid is sensible and healthy, but sensible and healthy is no way to live! Sure, I'll have to be buried inside a grand piano if I follow the pentagram guidelines, but at least I'll have enjoyed the ride there. And at least my headstone won't say:
It probably needs a bit of updating. Dunkin' Donuts (the bastards) discontinued the scones. I'm willing to revise, just like our big brothers of nutrition, if you have any better suggestions. Maybe I should replace the scones with the Chantico.
I'm sure the food pyramid is sensible and healthy, but sensible and healthy is no way to live! Sure, I'll have to be buried inside a grand piano if I follow the pentagram guidelines, but at least I'll have enjoyed the ride there. And at least my headstone won't say:
Comments
You're a goddess for putting the Guinness on the pyramid.
Praise Michele!!
TV (Harry)
Posted by: Inspector Callahan | January 13, 2005 10:28 AM
Of course you realize that the star in the circle is a sure sign you're worshipping Satan. Be sure to share a brew with the guy. :)
Posted by: Rick DeMent | January 13, 2005 10:37 AM
Hmmm, looks like my daily diet. Oh my God! I am the spawn of Satan.... or Stan!
Posted by: Michael | January 13, 2005 10:55 AM
you forgot the deep fried twinkie.
IMO, people who have disgusting diets and don't take care of their bodies deserve whatever comes their way. Personally, I don't know how some people can stand to eat some of the disgusting shit that they do. yeeeeick :shudder:
Posted by: shank | January 13, 2005 11:32 AM
Mmmmm... butter-dipped butter...
Posted by: John Newquist | January 13, 2005 11:38 AM
Probably needs bacon in there somewhere.
Posted by: JohnO | January 13, 2005 11:59 AM
And Oreos.
Posted by: dorkafork | January 13, 2005 12:37 PM
I have actually eaten a deep-fried Twinkie. Not bad.
However, I'm afraid I can't follow your pentagram, michele. I'm 2 weeks into a diet/exercize program. Lost 5 lbs last week. I'll find out about this week on Saturday.
But it's not for my health. To heck with that! My goal is to become a wife-magnet again, or if being a hottie still doesn't get her attention, such a chick-magnet that she HAS to take action.
Not that I blame her. I wouldn't want my beer belly on top of ME.
Anyway, why on EARTH would you put stadium hot dogs in your pentagram? I thought the idea was GOOD tasting food that's bad for you? Where do they have good tasting stadium hotdogs?
Posted by: Slartibartfast | January 13, 2005 01:21 PM
Damn, I swear I was gonna do a "Food Circle" developed by Frito Lay today. You snooze, you lose.
Ever tried Fruity Pebbles with orange joice?
Posted by: Hubris | January 13, 2005 01:32 PM
"juice" is even better than "joice"
Posted by: Hubris | January 13, 2005 01:33 PM
This is great the only thing that is missing is the Elvis peanut butter bacon and banana sandwich. you have to love anything that has cheescake and guiness included in it
regards
gbfan
Posted by: gbfan001 | January 13, 2005 01:33 PM
Oh, Michele. Salt and Vinegar chips.
Make that Kettle chips and you have me.
I would have included dark chocolate and (seperately) almonds.
LT
Posted by: lt | January 13, 2005 01:43 PM
You forgot mountain dew and strawberry cake rolls...damn you all to hell!
Posted by: Darth Monkeybone | January 13, 2005 01:51 PM
Yeah, I had a friend who always drank, yeech, diet pop. And he was always a skinny guy. When he died at 35 from an accident he was still skinny. I have always thought that he should have been drinking the good pop...
Posted by: Bruce | January 13, 2005 03:05 PM
Then there's Hawkeye's beloved lime-flavored Kool-Aid with strips of bologna in it... oh wait, we're talking good food.
Better not forget some thinly sliced prosciutto.
Posted by: Charlie on the Pennsylvania Turnpike | January 13, 2005 03:32 PM
Where's the mayo?
Posted by: Sissy Willis | January 13, 2005 03:39 PM
Let's see . . . Chili dogs, hamburgers with green chiles and cheese, sotre brand cheese puffs, banana malts. Have I missed anything?
Posted by: Guy Caballero | January 14, 2005 01:35 PM
Eat more Possum!!
Posted by: Bubba | January 14, 2005 06:17 PM
Too much coffee, not enough Guinness. How can you sleep with those proportions? The 3:6 should be the other way round.
And our Scottish friends would add battered deep fried pizza of course.
Posted by: Tim Worstall | January 18, 2005 12:59 PM
Hot, fresh Krispy Kreme donuts in place of the Dunkin' Donuts scones. If you sweet-talk the person at the counter, they'll even give you hot, fresh, chocolate-covered Krispy Kremes. Heaven!
Posted by: Mira | January 18, 2005 01:11 PM
If you laid out that pentagram with the actual food and drink in it, I'd gator in it right now. Not that the Army isn't trying to feed us well...
Posted by: Major John | January 18, 2005 01:39 PM
An In-N-Out 4×4 would get my attention.
For Bubba:
Roast Opossum
1 opossum, skinned & cleaned
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 onion, chopped
1 opossum liver, chopped
1 cup breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 hard-cooked egg, chopped
salt, pepper
4 strips bacon
Rub opossum with salt and pepper. Brown onion in fat, add opossum liver and cook until tender. Add breadcrumbs, Worcestershire sauce, egg, seasonings and water to moisten. Stuff opossum with this mixture and truss. Place in pan belly down. Put bacon strips across back. Add 1 quart water to pan. Roast uncovered in 350°F oven until tender, basting every 15 minutes. It will be done in about 2 1/2 hours. Serves 2 to 4.
Posted by: Dougger | January 18, 2005 02:20 PM
I have long been a believer in the Writer's four food groups: alcohol, tobacco, sugar and grease.
Where's the fried chicken?
Posted by: Ira | January 18, 2005 02:21 PM
"I'm sure the food pyramid is sensible and healthy"
Um, no, it isn't. It was cooked up in an entirely political process at the end of the 70's.
If you look at obesity and diebetes rates, they both take a sharp upturn right about then...
Posted by: Deoxy | January 18, 2005 02:49 PM