Did you ever have a crush on someone so off the beaten path that people just shake their heads at you in dismay when you mention it?
Yea, that's why I hardly ever mention my celebrity crushes out loud. And it's ok to crush on someone when you're married (and it's ok to use the word crush even if you're over 40) - because it's just a harmless thing. It's not like I'm going to start sending fan mail sealed with a cherry lip gloss kiss. The last time I did that, it was for Leif Garret and the bastard never wrote back to me.
I just did a GIS for Leif Garret and came up with this, which is the exact poster that once adorned my bedroom wall:
Dreamy, eh? Even by today's teenage standards, I think he would pash the crush test. But not exactly off the beaten path. I mean, everyone liked Leif. I even know straight guys who swooned over that half grin and those wavy locks.
No one was afraid to admit they had a thing for him.
But there were dark secrets I kept. Crushes that went unannounced. Pictures and mementos hidden in an old cigar box under my bed. Sworn secrecy to myself that I would never, ever let anyone know about these guys who, for one reason or another, made me have daydreams about dating them, hanging out with them, maybe even marrying them some day. And why did this make me feel embarassed or even ashamed?
Because I had a crush on a comic book boy. A boy who had what appeared to be tic-tac-toe boards on his face. A boy who was so undecisive about his love life that he strung along two girls, playing them both for fools. A bumbling, dimwitted, foolish boy who for some reason made me feel all tingly inside. I think I just figured that if the two hottest chicks in Riverdale both wanted him, there must be something really special about Archie. Or maybe I just wanted him so they couldn't have him.
When you think about it, crushing on a goofy cartoon kid was ten times less embarassing than having wet dreams about this guy.
Yea, maybe I liked their music
a little too much, but at least I didn't join their fan club or send them my panties in the mail like some of my friends.
Apparently that goofy, bumbling, cartoon boy obsession is timeless, because this guy
is right up there on my list of Cartoon Guys I'd Date if I Were A Cartoon Girl. He reminds me of Archie in a lot of ways, except Fry is a bit dumber, a bit sweeter. Hey, it's better than my stupid, unrequited crush on a piece of shape shifting meat.
Who also happens to be dumb.
Anyhow, my intention today was not to embarass myself totally, but admit to my latest weird crush.
Even though he works for the most satanic company in the world
, I'm still thinking about sending him a love letter sealed with a cherry lip gloss kiss. While the rest of you are getting your jollies thinking about Jude Law, I'm having fantasies that involve the phrase "Can you hear me now
Maybe I should just go back to ogling Archie. Don't leave me alone out here, people. Confess. You've got a weird crush, don't you? I know at least five guys who dream about Kim Possible
, so don't try to hide it.
Oh, geez. Don't ever do a GIS for Kim Possible with the safe filter off.