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your random piece of advice for the day

Pushing a lit elevator button will not make the elevator arrive at your floor any quicker. Seriously. Quit it.


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A Small Victory - your random piece of advice for the day Pushing a lit elevator button will not make the elevator arrive at your floor any quicker. [Read More]


The trick is to not show you're in a hurry and they'll be there instantly. Kind of like if you ever need a bus to show up, light your last cigarette.

Hmmm...I've learned by reading political "blogs" that when something occurs after something else, it means that one thing caused the other thing.

After I push the elevator button ten times, the elevator arrives. Therefore, my repetitive button pushing is leading to a speedy elevator arrival. "Q.E.D" or "Period," as these "bloggers" would say.

same with crosswalk lights-smacking them repeatedly does not make the light change faster. It's just irritates the rest of us.

Holding your finger near the button while repeatedly chanting "Chitty-chitty-bang-bang", though, will reduce the number of people who will get in with you (not that I'd know from experience or anything...)

Yes it does. It does. It does.

Actually it will come at a smaller interval of time on the tenth push of a button then it will on the first push. i.e., if it takes 2 minutes from the first push, if you keep pushing the button for a minute, it will come 1 minute after you stop.

But printers spit out documents faster if you snap your fingers at them, right? Right?

I prefer to stand just inside the door, face the back and look down. No one ever gets on the elevator when I do that, and anyone on board always scurries out.


My dad's old office had an elevator that, and I sweat to Holy Bob on this one, if you pressed the button the elevator would go away from whatever floor you were on.

Furthermore, that was the 'working' elevator. There was one that would just randomly stop on a floor or sometimes, and this was really fun, between floors. I kept expecting there to be a room somewhere in his office with a tiny little door leading to the inside of Sean Penn's brain.

I hate people who arrive at the elevator, see the button lit, and press it anyway. Dude, you see me standing here, I pressed the button, the light is on. You don't need to. It's already done.

Touch it again and I'll kill you.

THEY would have you believe that it doesn't make the elevator come any quicker.

But have you tested it yourself, rigorously?

I bet the elevator designers put in secret codes for the buttonpresses, so that THEY could get an elevator in a hurry.

I mean, I would.

Does pushing the button at the start of an escalator make it go faster?

Keith's Corollary: frantically pecking at the floor button once inside the elevator does not make the door close faster.

I'm tempted to print up cards like that, and start handing them out. It's that or start slapping hands.

It's just irritates the rest of us.

I don't know about anyone else, but irritating people is why I do ... well, nearly everything that I do.

<runs fingernails over blackboard>

Now I have a new way to drive you people nuts. tappata tappata tappata

But I push gotta get push push down to the push first floor push to grab push a snack push before the push push snack bar closes. push

whoops. my bad. it wasn't funny, anyway. (slaps forehead) Idiot!

Not always true, if you hold the button down, it will go right to that floor and skip the rest. Try it, it works on most elevators........it makes my hubby crazy that I do that when there's no one else in there, and he tells me it won't work. Then it skips all the other floors, and goes straight to mine, I love that....bypassing all those poor people who watch the elevator go right past them.

What about blinking your headlights at a red light? Somebody told me the traffic lights have sensors that respond to blinking lights so that police cars with their lights on will be able to get through quickly.

Me, I tried blinking my lights a few times, but I never saw any empirical evidence that it worked.

Y'know, someone should make elevators that do come more quickly if the keep on pressing the button.

Then the door opens, and all of the people who've had to get banged around by an extra-speed elevator ride get to get out and kick the @sses of everyone who kept pressing that stupid button...

Every second spent pushing the button makes one less second of waiting. Would you rather I whistle tunelessly?

Also, yelling at your browser does not make the page load faster. I know.

Rex: Those traffic lights that do have such sensors only respond to a specific frequency of light-flashing, like say 30 times per second. You can't match that by tapping the dimmer switch, but if it makes the time pass, go for it.

Don't forget the ass-hats that press BOTH buttons just to get the elevator to come to the floor, then don't get on and look at you while you're standing in the elevator like it's your fault that it is going in the wrong direction even though they're the dumb fuck-wit that hit the up button along with the down!

(BTW, don't ever try explaining to them that they are the reasons the elevators are slow because they stop unnecessarily at every damned floor and tend to break down because of the over-use - they are too stupid to understand, and will only waste your oxygen yelling at you while being proud of they're ignorant-by-choice life)

That's my all-time favorite, and only remembered, sniglet! "Eleacceleration" - the mistaken believe that pushing the elevator button makes it move faster.

Also when there are alot of people on the elevator, and everyone is squishing in to get those last few people on board, I like to wait till the door closes and then say something along the lines of, yeah, come on in, I'm almost sure there's enough air in here for all of us....
You immediately see all the claustrophobics freak out even if they'd been ok just seconds before as they think about what they'd do if the elevator got suddenly stuck with all of you in there. Now that's entertainment!
Or if you hear someone yelling that they are stuck in the elevator, you yell back and tell them that you will get help and that there's gotta be enough air for them until you can get someone to open the door. I made a grown man cry that way. LOL, if only I'd used my powers for good and not evil huh?