New Year's Resolutions: Keepers
It has been my experience that the best New Year resolutions to make are the ones that are easiest to keep. This way, you don't disappoint yourself by failing to keep to a diet and you don't hear it from your family that your resolution to be nicer is obviously not holding up. Making easy to keep resolutions is a great way to keep your self esteem from deflating. Remember, keep your expectations of yourself low and you will never be disappointed.
2005 List of Resolutions That I Vow to Keep:
* Play Star Wars Battlefront at least once a day
* Fill up all 20GB on the iPod
* Never go on a diet
* Eat more steak
* Worry about things I have no control over
* Be a disappointment to my parents
* Complain about the weather as if there was something anyone could do about it
* Embrace lack of impulse control; buy Keurig coffee machine
* Be more apathetic
* Learn how to curse in Japanese
* Floss at least once a day
* Make fun of Motley Crue at least once a week (just to piss off my sister)
* Avoid social gatherings and large crowds
* Become a hermit
There. I think I can safely say I'll keep all my resolutions this year, with the exception of the last one, which I will need to become independtly wealthy to achieve. But there always has to be at least one resolution unkept, so as not to upset the delicate balance of my low self-expectations.
Comments
You can't be a hermit, you have to visit me. :P
Posted by: Faith | December 31, 2004 11:42 AM
I'll toss in off color Japanese lessons with the Porsche ride.
Gratis!
What a deal.
Posted by: Wind Rider | December 31, 2004 12:27 PM
Here was my first draft:
-Avoid activities that lead to Tostitos crumbs in chest hair
-Stop looking in that window
-Make self-loathing fun
-Eliminate introspective periods lasting longer than fifteen seconds
-Less chafing
-Build sense of community by grunting in greeting to neighbors, rather than averting eyes
Posted by: Hubris | December 31, 2004 01:49 PM
I can help you with one of these, Michele.
Repeat after me, the more gutteral, the better:
Have a Happy New Year.
Posted by: BTD Greg | December 31, 2004 09:24 PM
Play Star Wars Battlefront vs the Droid Army, or are you not that masochistic?
(^$&*!! droideka!)
Posted by: Patrick Chester | December 31, 2004 10:59 PM
Embrace my lack of impulse control... I want that one on a shirt.
Let's see if I can do this:
-take more road trips just because
-paint more
-write a song
-swear occasionally
-go to the late movie at least once a month
-use the word "steatopygia" at least two times during the year
-blog incessantly
There. I think I can do all of those things.
Posted by: IowaSoccerMom | December 31, 2004 11:01 PM
http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/japanese.htm
Enjoy!
Posted by: Robin Goodfellow | January 1, 2005 11:10 AM
Speaking of Crue, they were on Leno last night. Vince sucked, his vocals were sooo bad and Mick, oh my god, Mick looked like at any moment he was going to fall down and die.
I watched just waiting, for it to happen.*
*I didn't really want him to die, I was just expecting it.
Posted by: kat | January 1, 2005 11:38 AM
Michele - I'm with IowaSoccerMom on the "Embrace My Lack of Impulse Control" t-shirt. I would totally buy that. Impulsively.
Here are my “keepers”:
Posted by: Nordicgirl | January 1, 2005 03:26 PM
Be a disappointment to my parents
never was and never will be. You were always the 'smart one'!
Posted by: Jo-Anne | January 2, 2005 11:49 AM
Oh, please. You know you're the favorite.
Actually, I think your husband is the favorite.
Posted by: michele | January 2, 2005 11:55 AM
konichiwa....mo-fo!
Posted by: Dave in Texas | January 2, 2005 04:11 PM
i hope you're only making fun of the newer Mötley Crüe (Generation Swine and such), because their old stuff still rocks. Home Sweet Home, however much i like that song, was the beginning of their musical demise..
Posted by: mikey | January 3, 2005 12:11 PM
Ahem... I think you both know who the favorite is... and damn, girl... stop picking on the Crue! ;)
Posted by: Lisa | January 3, 2005 03:50 PM