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Line of the Day

After dealing with the Worst. Waitress. Ever. at a diner today, I complained - vociferously - to the manager, he said "What do you want me to do, take her out back and kill her?" Well, now that you ask...


It isn't necessary to actually kill her. But please ignore her for a while and then be rude when she begs your attention. Treat her like she treats your customers. Of course, I expect you to give me 20% off my bill, in equal manner to the 20% I routinely give your servers. That is, when your service doesn't suck the life from a donkey. ANever mind that I won "Best Culture Blog," your restaurant will be prominently featured...tomorrow.


Yeah...you got the podium so you should name names. I'm sure many of your readers in Long Island would love to know which restaurant to boycott.

Evil Waitress Must Be Killed.

Starring Bruce Campbell, Michele Catalano, with Susan Sarandon as Stella the Waitress.

Directed by Sam Raimi.

Perfect Saturday matinee.

Nah, don't kill her...dress her up as a pony and put the spuuuurs to her.

No. You are supposed to take her out back and beat the shit out of her.

Who do you think you are, Tony Soprano?

It's not necessary for you to personally kill her, no. It's fine if you staff it out. But one way or another, just get it done, okay?

Leave her a tip in Canadian dollars. Or kill her. Whichever, I'm pro choice.

"What do you want me to do, take her out back and kill her?"

"If you'd ever like my business again, along with the business of everyone I know and everyone who reads my blog, that'd be a good start. And please bring her head back in to prove you really did it -- I know the 'Snow White' and 'Oedipus' stories."


"No, no -- allow me."

- "Kill" is such a non-PC extreme word... You could just assist her in joining the oxygen-disadvantaged, permently breathing impaired sub-group... in the alley... with a ball bat... that would be sufficient... and pleasing... carry on.... Oh... and when you're done, wash your hands and come back here and give me some decent service... or your next.... capeesh?

Oh, God, that is SO New York.

Sometimes, I really miss being in the area.

Down here, you're not expected to complain about the service at all, no matter what.