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The ASV Happy Holidays Open House

With the exception of a post or two here and the possibility of finishing his short story today, this will be my final ASV post until the day after Christmas. I leave you with an open thread by the fireplace. I left some hot cocoa and the liquor cabinet is open. There are freshly baked cookies. Talk about anything. Gather round the fireplace and tell stories. Let's talk - talk about your holiday food and holiday traditions and whether or not you think Christmas tree Peeps are overdoing it just a little bit. Tell me your holiday horror stories. Paste in the lyrics to a South Park Christmas song. Give me a recipe. Throw me some links. Drop a link to your own posts about the holidays. It's an open house, write anything you want. Thank you all for all the comfort and joy you have brought me this past year(s). May all your days be filled with good cheer and may your holiday season be merry and bright.


Amoung my favorite Christmas Songs:

The 8 Polish Foods of Christmas (Veggie Tales)

Oscar: The first Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
A boiled potato topped with dillweed.
The second Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Two steamed pierogies.

Jimmy: What's a pierogi?

Oscar: It's...a...dough, wrapped around...meat.

Jimmy: Oh...

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Oscar: The third Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Three simmered gwumpkies.

Larry: What's a gwumpkey?

Oscar: It's a, cabbage...wrapped around...meat.

Larry: Oh...

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Oscar: The fourth Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Four baked paprikas.

Archie: Now what's a paprika?

Oscar: It's a bell pepper, stuffed with...meat.

Archie: I see.

Larry: Three simmered gwumpkies,

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Oscar: The fifth Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Five smoked Kielbasas!

Pa: What's a Kielbasa?

Oscar: It's pretty much just... meat.

Pa: Oh.

Archie: Four baked paprikas,

Larry: Three simmered gwumpkies,

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Oscar: The sixth Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Six fried hooscheekies.

Bob: Let me guess...something in the meat family?

Oscar: Actually, it's a delightful pastry with a thin, flaky crust.

All: Ohhhhh!

Pa: Five smoked Kielbasas!

Archie: Four baked paprikas,

Larry: Three simmered gwumpkies,

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Bob: Wow, Oscar, I'm gettin' kinda full, I think that's about...

Oscar: The seventh Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Seven pitted prunes.

Junior: I don't like prunes.

Oscar: With this food, you'll need 'em son.

Archie: Oh, is that right!

Pa: Uh huh!

Bob: Six fried hooscheekies,

Pa: Five smoked Kielbasas!

Archie: Four baked paprikas,

Larry: Three simmered gwumpkies,

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Pa: I'm gunna bust! I couldn't eat another bi...

Oscar: The eighth Polish Christmas dish I bring to the party:
Eight poppy seed cakes.

Larry: Poppies, poppies, poppies...

Archie: I'm feeling rather sleepy. There's no place like home.

Junior: Seven pitted prunes,

Bob: Six fried hooscheekies,

Pa: Five smoked Kielbasas!

Archie: Four baked paprikas,

Larry: Three simmered gwumpkies,

Jimmy: Two steamed pierogies,

All: And a boiled potato topped with dillweed.

Happy Holidays, Michele and family! :)

Damn, the hot cocoa is GOOD!

I brought some extra booze, because I know how this crowd is. You made no mention of mistletoe so I brought some of that tool. A Christmas party ain't a Christmas party if there's no random nookie. :pours two fingers of VSOP: Happy Holidays everyone!

We can leave bitchy links about non-holidays as well? Cool.

Happy Holidays, Michele and family! Best wishes and thanks for a great year at ASV.

It is a little early to start drinking so I will just stick with my coffee. What? Baileys, a little pick me up for my coffee. Well it is the holidays. :fills coffee cup with irish cream: Joy.

Oh, and you'll want to add this holiday tune to your your 500+ songs:

Chipmunks Roasting on a Open Fire (MP3, 3.1 MB).

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

No Weird Al songs in your list of 500?

Eat It, Fat, Amish Paradise, Another One Rides the Bus, Girls Just Wana Have Lunch, (lot of food songs) ....

I used to claim Weird Al as "cousin" but it turns out he is not realted to Frankie Yankovic ("The Polka King") who is a distant relation. But I do still like his music.

Or the classics from Dr. Demento...

"Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun," "They're Coming to Take Me Away..."

It's the blog equivalent of the WPIX Yule Log! The Yule Blog!

open thread, huh. ok.

10 celebrities I could do without in 2005:

1. Paris Hilton
2. Jessica/Ashlee/their creepy father
3. Lindsey Lohan
4. Britney Spears/King of WT Federline
5. Ashton Kutcher
6. Ben Affleck
7. anyone from "The Apprentice"
8. Madonna
9. Clay Aiken
10. Kobe Bryant

someone'll play along, right?

I'm pretty good with your list, Mikey. Except for that whole fascination with Lindsey Lohan thing I have.

Your graphic reminds me that when I was a kid, you could buy cardboard fireplaces, in case you didn't have a real one. Just a big piece of corrugated cardboard in a brick pattern. I so wanted one.

Later we moved to a house that did have a fireplace, but it wasn't nearly as cool as the fake ones (despite the fact that you could actually roast weenies in the real one). It's kind of like dorm refrigerators. Whenever I see a dorm refrigerator, I think, "Those are way cool, wish I had one," even though I have an actual full-sized refrigerator.

I must have more of in 2005:
1. Alicia Keys - because there's actually a person inside that gorgeous body.
2. Giada De Laurentiis - Um, she's hot. She's a great chef. And she wants me?
3. Oranges - there's nothing quite like citrus fruit.
4. Bombay Saphire - Because I'm going to drink my entire supply in the soming ten days, and I'll need a stock to survive in '05.
5. Cheap gasoline. Oil prices have recently hit a slump, and for guys like me, that means lower overhead for our favorite hobby: racing!

weird. i didn't know you liked Lindsey. well, just for you (and since I'm avoiding work like the plague)...

see Lindsey's implants go shopping with Tara Reid's implants.

here, she goes shopping with Ashlee and Paris.

you really like her? hello - look at who she's hanging with. skank by association.

I don't like her, per se. I like her implants.

Has anyone else noticed what a weird story "A Christmas Carol" is?

We start with Scrooge, who is built up as a man who is only concerned with himself and his money. He runs a successful business, but doing what exactly, we're never told. All we know is that his business only benefits Scrooge, and people give him lots of money for some reason, while no one ever boycotts him or gives their business to a competitor. Apparently Scrooge does something where he can just command people to give him money, and they do.

Next, he's visited by the ghost of Jacob Marley, who has long chains that symbolize Marley's lack of concern for the poor in life. Now that Marley is dead, he helps the poor by hanging out in one of the nicest privately-owned houses in all of England.

Following this, three ghosts visit Scrooge and show him the error of his wealthy ways. One example he's shown is the house of Bob Cratchit, where we apparently learn that having a large family that you have so much trouble supporting that you can't provide sufficient medical care for your lame son, and having to let him die later on, is a much better way to live.

Why these ghosts never grace Queen Victoria's presence and make her open up to the castle to the homeless is never explained. Perhaps Scrooge was better off than Queen Victoria, since he was in business where he could simply command people to give him money.

In the end, Scrooge changes his ways, and is able to financially help out only the Cratchits, his nephew Fred, and a charity or two, while the ghosts with the ability to traverse all of time and space do nothing more to help the poor, and never directly contact the poor themselves.


Merry Christmas Michele! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

My day is made because my nightmare with FedEx is over and I finally got the box of Christmas presents that they were holding hostage!

ha ha Charlie, that was classic!!! I guess the disturbing thing is that, after marrying into my wife's family here in Pittsburgh, I knew what every one of those foods was.

Anyone got a Tums?

I knew about half of them, and I am from an Italian/Irish/German background.

And I prefer a little Briosci...

Scott...selective charity is better than no charity at all?

And from the pic of Lindsay and Tara's implants a'shoppin'....it looks like Tara's implants are in need of some charity, in the form of a sturdy underwire bra. She's heading south way too early.

Here's a favorite recipe for all those holiday potlucks. I never comment, but the thought of food always makes me want to share.

Flintsone Bread
8 oz. softened cream cheese
1 1/2 C. mayo
1/2 pkg. Knorr Dry Vegetable Soup mix
1 1/2 pkg. Buddig sliced ham - diced
1 C. shredded cheddar cheese
1 chopped green onion
1 Tbls. Worchestershire sauce
1 round loaf King's Hawaiian Bread

Slice top of bread off to make lid. Hollow out bread in chunks. Mix remaining ingredients and put inside of bread. Put lid back on and wrap in foil (I usually just cover it). Bake at 350 for 1 hour. Last 10 minutes put bread chunks in to crisp up (be careful with this part! I've scorched them too many times to count).

Add one Charlie-Brown Christmas tree, one minature, nudist version of me, an unrelenting desire to possess a specific ornament, and you get Christmas magic.

Merry Christmas, Michele.

ScottC: Like Mr. Potter, Scrooge is a property owner/developer who collects rent/mortgage payments, and evicts people on Christmas. At least he is in A Muppet Christmas Carol.

Caught most of Chris Isaak's Christmas concert/special on PBS last night (when the Big Killer Ice Storm wasn't screwing with the satellite reception) and I have to recommend it and his Christmas CD. A fine effort.

Everybody drink an extra glass of water and take a couple'o aspirin.

No Tylenol!

Merry Christmas y'all.

I'll email you with my pecan pie recipe.

A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of attending the Cleveland Blogger Bash. I got the job of feeding the gang. John Scalzi was so smitten with my pecan pie that he wrote an article about it :)

currently posted on alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.comedy and alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.christmas:

8 Polish Foods of Christmas (Veggie Tales)

The Gift of Maggie (and others) (from The Mad Show musical)

Shepherd (Peter Cook) interviewed by Matthew (Dudley Moore) (script here)

One example he's shown is the house of Bob Cratchit, where we apparently learn that having a large family that you have so much trouble supporting that you can't provide sufficient medical care for your lame son, and having to let him die later on, is a much better way to live.

Well, Scott, Dickens was ahead of his time (one might plausibly call him a futurist) since he was clearly making some subtle arguments about the need in Britain for a National Health Service that would provide contraceptives and, in the case of Tiny Tim (who, let's face it, would've been better off had he never been born--what, with all the congenital defects he obviously had) abortion on demand.

Now, an astute critic of 19th century literature (such as yours, truly) can use years of training in proto-feminist hermeneutics to see that Dickens, through the Scrooge-narrative, is slyly suggesting that, had Ms. Cratchit been aware of her reproductive rights and a means to assert said rights, she could have asserted her personhood by leaving Bob Cratchit and pursuing a fulfilling career of her own. Lest one is tempted to feel sorry for Bob Cratchit as a member of the proletarian underclass, make no mistake that he represents (as the "father" of many children for whom he arrogantly forces Ms. Crachit to care) a symbol of the patriarchy to which Ms. Cratchit has been enslaved.

In short, Dickens' vision is couched in terms that a 19th century male readership (vis-a-vis Scrooge) can relate to, but the reader-response in a more enlightened epoch can tend toward a vision in which Ms. Cratchit is the central figure of a narrative of liberation from the drudgery of unwanted "motherhood." This subversive message was naturally couched in terms of the transformation of a capitalist because of the prevalance of anti-social-ist(the comment filter forced me to make a fascist change in order to accomodate a drug company's advertising) and gynophobic attitudes which dominated British culture at the time. There's probably something about imperalism in there as well, if you look hard enough.

To sum things up, I hope you have a happy non-denominational holiday. And if you mention "Christmas" in any way, shape, or form, I'll sic the ACLU on your ass.

Our family tradition:

Christmas Jambalya

3 pounds boneless chicken breasts cubed
2 pounds andouille sausage cut into 1 inch hunks
2 pounds shrimp peepled and de-veined (frozen shrimp will work just fine here)
1 big onion in pieces
1 or 2 big green peppers in pieces
1 bunch green onions chopped
3 stalks celery chopped
3 or 4 cloves garlic chopped
a couple-three tablespoons peanut oil
2 big cans diced tomatoes
1 little can tomato paste
2 cups uncooked rice
Cajun/Creole seasoning (just buy it already made- life is short)

Heat the oil in a big pot and toss in the sausage to brown
Take the sausage out and throw the chicken in to brown in the same oil adding some creole seasoning as it browns (start slow, you can add more later)

Take out the chicken and throw in the garlic - when gets nice throw in the rest of the vegetables and saute a bit until the onions are clear - toss in the chicken and sausage

Add the tomatos and tomatoes paste and stir add enough water to cover the whole mess and wait for it to come to a boil

Turn the heat down to simmer and toss in the shrimp

Add the rice and stir gently from the bottom up. Cover and let simmer until liquid is absorbed by the rice, occasionally gently turning the mixture over from the bottom.

Eat in big bowls with Tobasco or Texas Pete and cold beer while waiting for Santa.

Save leftovers for eating with holiday football games.

Merry Christmas.

All I want for next year is Abu Mazen's hat instead of his butt in that seat reserved for him in Bethlehem.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!! I'm glad you've found a little more peace this last year - it certainly was a stressful one for all.

Merry Christmas, Michelle. Your dry (parched?) wit and excellent musical taste have made ASV a daily stop in my surfing habits.

God Bless you and yours, and may you have a peaceful and prosperous New Year.

ooooo M, sorry I showed up late. I was out driving around in my present...

oh, wait, not sorry! What am I talkin about? Vroooom!

Merry Christmas, Michele.


Merry Christmas everyone.

Hope it's better than what I'm dealing with right now.

Merry Christmas to the blogger with whom I start my day, every day - but not in a weird, stalker-ish type way. You know what I mean.

Best regards, and all the best in 2005.

Your friend,

Queenie MacFarland
Sylacauga, AL

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Merry Christmas from your newest reader in snowy Sweden.

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours, Michele.

- Really enjoyed the food stuffs thing....I'm Russian but its pretty much the same except for the missing yitsa's and Kulitch.....

- Hope you had a great Christmas/Chunnaka Michele - From my little family to yours....

- Hunter and mini-me....

You know, I have to agree with you a couple posts back, Brand New's song The Boy who Blocked His Own Shot is pretty good.

But I'm just going to hand it to this band for having some awesome song titles (i've heard Taking Back Sunday is in the same boat, but I've never listened to their stuff)

"Okay I believe you, but My Tommy Gun Don't"
"The Quiet things That No One Knows"
"Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades"

It's all good stuff. I can't remember and honestly right now I'm too lazy to look up your 500 song list, but you listen to the Killers? I've been listening to BN and the Killers all week. Great Christmas Music.

A bit late to the party(I've been falling in love,all mushy and shit),but I wish all the best to you and yours Michele.The highlight of my Christmas was being invited to a party today that the hostess(see above) insisted that the dog come,too,as my daughter and I did not go back to Chicago this year because she wanted to wake up with said mutt on Santa Day.She was the happiest I've ever seen her,and that rules hands down.Hope all is well in Mville,and to all a good night.Love you all.