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A Festivus for the Rest of Us: Grievance Airing Day

Tomorrow begins the great holiday of Festivus. grievances.gif
Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. Please feel free to use this space to do just that - air your grievances, whether they be toward me or your spouse or the creators of the horrid new shows on Adult Swim or your local radio station or Ben Stiller or your neighbor's dog or what have you. You know you have been aggrieved this year - now is the time to let it all loose. When we are done with our grievances, we shall challenge each other to feats of strength. As I said last year: So join me in celebrating Festivus. Air your grievances. Share your disappointments. Make challenges you would probably never win if you had to actually perform them. There's a whole world out there just chock full of crap for you to carp about. Now's your chance. Take a whirl around my Festivus pole and let loose a torrent of atrocities. Trust me, it will make you feel better in the long run and it will empty your soul of all the darkness living inside of you so you can enjoy the rest of the holidays in peace. Serenity now! When you think about it, this is the perfect holiday for me. Festivus rocks.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference A Festivus for the Rest of Us: Grievance Airing Day:

» A festivus for the rest of us from Sanity's Edge
Michele has declared that Festivus is officially upon us. In the comments to that post, Shank has challenged me in a Feat of Stength. I have accepted. Funniest story, true or not, by noon tomorrow. 700-1000 words. Must be written... [Read More]

» Festivus-Grievance Airing Day from Cry Freedom
I love festivus and now is your chance to celebrate it with me, pull up the Ol' Comment stool below and let your grievances out. Get em out of your system, you will feel better i promise, And tommorow be prepared for the feats of strength. [Read More]

» Sweet Release! from The Short Strange Trip
Grievance Airing Day Yes! I was looking for a place to air these out: 1. Ok, I don't frequent many... [Read More]

» The Festivus “Feats of Strengthâ€? Challenge from Sanity's Edge
Okay, here’s my story for the Feats of Strength challenge from Shank. It’s all Michele’s fault. Festivus is becoming more stressful than Christmas. Like Shank's, mine is a true story also. Humiliation in Tinsel Town My wife and I were... [Read More]

» A Festivus Song! from it comes in pints?
Officer Vic at KSFO just played a little Festivus tune, which was very amusing. It will be repeated online just about 11:50 PST for any Festivus fans out there. Just go to KSFO.com and hit "Listen now".... [Read More]

» Happy Festivus from Sticks of Fire
...heard of one public display. That, of course, is the Festivus display in Polk County, Florida. It was put... [Read More]

» The 10 Spot - Christmas Eve Eve Edition from Wizbang
Ten Christmas items you may have missed. The story of one dad's quest to buy his sons toy cowboy guns. Don't miss this one... Your mall Santa has got his mind on his money and his money on his mind.... [Read More]


You know my grievance.

Wear it like a chocolate-covered albatross as you celebrate around your blinking, needle-shedding tree.

It will weigh on your heart like a ten-ton concrete block!

Grievances: None really, which is amazing considering the amount of complaining I do.

Feats of Strenth: I challenge Paul

...air your grievances, whether they be toward me or your spouse or the creators of the horrid new shows on Adult Swim...

AAAAAAARGH! What kind of paint-huffing, drug-addled moron let Super Milk Chan on the schedule? If I could find this moron, my proposed feat of strength would be to hurl him or her off a cliff.

Ok, I'll give it a whirl and see if it makes me feel better:

"I don't wanna go to my inlaws on the 24th. They spend the entire day pretending like they are caring, attentive grandparents, when the other 364 days of the year, they are perfectly content to give my kids the shaft."

Ok, now what's my feat of strength? Making it through the 24th w/o making any snide comments? I don't know if I can do that.


I accpet the challenge!

Funniest story, true or not, by noon tomorrow. 700-1000 words.

I will own your ass.


1) Hey "people that decide to wait until they get to the ATM to fill out a deposit slip and then also spend time after the transaction putting away the deposit slip and any cash they take out", STOP IT!!! If you don't know how to do your transactions fast when cars are behind you, get your fat ass out of the car and go inside the bank.

2) Hey "people that promise to send certain computer game CDs to you, but never get around to it", send 'em already! ;)

You're on, squirt.

My grievance is not toward the makers of Family Guy, nor the networks that have shown it. My grievance is toward everyone who thinks that show is funny. IT'S YOUR FAULT.

"I got a lotta problems wit' you people!"

(Warning: tangential fluff ahead!)

Of all the grievances I could air, I'm going for the most meaningless and trivial. That's right, the Harry Potter spinoff candy merchandise.

Drooble's Best Blowing Gum is neither the best, nor is it really Drooble's, but it appears to be gum and quite certainly blows. This stuff is coin-op gumball machine fodder (and we're talking the little 10 cent gum here, not the quarter size) with a chewing experience that lasts a maximum of 43 seconds before it turns into a rubbery, flavorless wad of removable adhesive. You would think with a name like "Best Blowing Gum" they'd have used some of the top-secret technology that made Hubba Bubba so great. No, profit motive won out and they contracted the lowest bidder. Ugh.

Ice Mice. They're supposed to "make your teeth chatter and squeak", but they're just hard candy shaped like an ice cube with a mouse inside. Berry-flavored, no less. Meh.

Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, in all fairness, aren't too terrible. Goelitz was the obvious choice for high-quality candy, and as near as I can tell, J.K. Rowling based Bertie Bott's loosely on Jelly Belly jelly beans anyway. Trouble here is, they're nowhere near every flavor. There're what, like 20 of them now? And they keep adding like 4 new flavors with every movie. Grr.

Grievance? Heck yea I got a grievance.

Showtime just axed Dead Like Me.

In favor of something about a terrorist cell (escapist entertainment right there, yea sure) and something called "Hate," which is absolutely what I don't have enough of in my life that I need to get rid of my quirky humor show for....

grrrr. Merry Frelling Christmas.

Family. Would it be a very bad thing if I aired my grievance that my middle daughter is Satan's Minion™ in human form and I would like to disown her?

You'd think that by 28 1/2 she would show some human traits, but it just hasn't happened.

Fortunately for me, she isn't coming down this year for Christmas. She also told me that she wouldn't come to my house because I'm too poor. That's just a wonderful thing she said to the woman who worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs to support her when her father never paid me a dime in child support. Now I'm a hideous embarrassment because she now has rich in-laws and wants to suck up to them.

Thanks, I feel better now.

Imperial Keeper

I'm tired of dieing ... it's really starting to get old.

Festivus being celebrated in Fla. -


BARTOW, Fla. -- When a church group put a nativity scene on public property, officials warned it might open the door to other religious -- and not-so-religious -- displays. They were right.

Since the nativity was erected in Polk County, displays have gone up honoring Zoroastrianism and the fake holiday Festivus, featured on the TV show "Seinfeld."

I have a grievance with whoever put up the Festivus display that Headzero linked to:

The display, a reference to the fake holiday featured on an episode of the television sitcom, did not include the totem of Festivus -- a bare aluminum pole instead of a tree.

What kind of jagoff puts up a Festivus display without the metal pole? Whoever did this will clearly be humiliated during the Feats of Strength. Blasphemers!

Where are the Festivus Grievance cards at my Hallmark store? Those too-scared-to-be-meddlesome corporate bastards are trying to oppress the only religious holiday I ever really could get my heart behind.

I demand a heartfelt "You are a disappointment" card from my lovely wife, and she'll be damned if she'll bother to write it up herself.


If your Middle Daughter from Hell ever gets a blog, please tell us. I will gladly become her Nemesis and Worst Troll Ever. No IP blocking shall stop me. I haff vays.

I hope you will be spending a Merry Christmas with people who truly love and appreciate you, and skritching the bunnies behind the ears a lot. :-)

Grievances? Where do I start...

My lardass husband sits around all year long stuffing his face and barking orders at the "kids" to work harder (the poor dears), and then takes off on a whirlwind all-nighter to give away EVERYTHING those poor kids worked on all year. And does he EVER ask me to come along? Hell no. Says it's a "man's job."

Just once I'd like to break out of this food factory that is called my kitchen to enjoy Florida in the winter like other mature women. You know, maybe find some hottie Cuban masseuse for some relaxation...or something...


- Elizabeth - Your daughter must have a twin in my daughter, who at the ripe old age of 38 still thinks parking tickets are for peasents. I'm thinking if the two of them ever got together they could lay waste to an entire city in a week.... good luck....

- Note to Mrs. Clause...What are you doing Xmas eve...I know a little spot in Key West.....

My grievance is the outcome of the election. I can't get over it.