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girls of porn*

I'm reading the commentary over here and here and sort of laughing while I do. Sometimes I'm not sure if Steve believes everything he writes or if he's just really good at parodying himself. And then somehow I ended up here and my sense of humor just failed me. The blog post is called Women and Porn, but don't let that fool you. I'll zip it up for you in one little paragraph: Men like sex. They like football and basketball but they like sex more. Women don't like sex as much. Their version of porn is home improvement shows. They get off on Trading Spaces. Women like shiny metal kitchen appliances. Men like power tools. You can take away a man's football as long as you replace it with some pussy, but don't take away a woman's decorating show, because not even a ten inch dick will be able to replace that. That's not a direct quote, that's my summary. So one hand you have Steve saying all women are money grubbing whores and on the other hand you have this Duane guy saying that all women are whores for home improvement shows. No matter which way you slice it, we are whores of one kind or another. I'm here to set Duane straight. See, his mistake is in assuming that all women are just like his wife. He sees his her staring at home remodeling shows for hours on end and thinks that all women do the same, that every woman out there masturbates to the Behr's color chart. You know what my porn is? Why, it's porn! Yes, I have amassed a vast and varied porn collection. And - now don't faint in surprise here - I like sex. I think about sex. I sit at my desk at work and sometimes my mind drifts and suddenly I'm thinking about things that make sitting still uncomfortable. Power tools? I have this recurring fantasy where I'm standing on the bed in a Wonder Woman costume, revving up a chainsaw and telling my husband to beg for it.
Men, do this experiment. Next time your one-and-only is watching HGTV, stand in front of the television (if you dare), and wave a thousand dollar bill, all the while screaming “Free shopping spree! Here’s the cash! I’m watching the kids!” She will decapitate you as she responds, “Move, dumbbell, Candice Olson is describing why she stenciled a polar bear next to the fireplace!”
Well, my husband has never waved a thousand dollars in front of me and most likely never will, but if he did, we'd probably get naked and roll around in the money before we headed out to go comic book and video game shopping. Stenciled polar bears, be damned. I'm just a bit tired of men thinking that all women they date and/or marry represent every woman. Just because you dated a woman that sucked your bank account dry or married a woman who was more interested in his tools than your tool doesn't mean some of us won't get it when our husbands say they want their wood polished. * [Comments have been closed - I already deleted ten and I'm not going to leave this space open for people so people with the dignity of barn animals can just make stupid jokes at the expense of others]

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» Misogyny day in the blogosphere from Signifying Nothing
For the first time in two weeks I was able to both get a good night’s sleep and get up at a reasonable hour. And, after spending a little time around the blogosphere, a theme began to emerge: misogyny. Much... [Read More]

» All the World Owes Me Some Tail from Ilyka Damen
Michele touches on just one reason I don't read weblogs like Hog on Ice: It's the generalizing, stupid. The only thing I could add is that sometimes I think there were mamas out there who did their jobs a little... [Read More]

» Yeah... NO! from JimSpot
Yeah, it's not that that in my house, either. I'll try to expound a bit on Michele's points later. Suffice... [Read More]

» was that on purpose? from Doc Rampage
I can't tell if this is supposed to be a joke or not. Michele Catalano of A Small Victory writes (among other things): [Read More]

» Women and porn from SayUncle
Michelle attempts to set the record straight on the analogy that home improvement programs are like porn to women. This got me to thinking about porn and what it really is for men. Unlike the posts linked above, I'm actually going to write about por... [Read More]

» Sex, Porn, & Misogyny, Anyone? from Villainous Company
Well I'm sick to death of politics so I suppose it was inevitable. But I can't say I'm too happy about it... There I was, reading Robert Prather, just minding my own business when suddenly I was sucked into a... [Read More]

Comments

What is it with bloggers named Steve and misogyny? For a minute there I thought you were talking about Den Beste and his stripper fixation.

OMG! I hate HGTV. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I hate it so much I don't even select it as a channel that I get on my TiVo channel preferences. It never appears on my channel guide.

I actually hate all home improvement shows, but I can't deselect every channel that shows them, because I might actually miss something I like.

BTW, the Unboyfriend hates sports. I do not. I can't even get him to attend a Yankees game with me. I'm not sure how he feels about home improvement shows, though. He doesn't actually get cable.

http://www.ultrasaurus.com/sarahblog/archives/000031.html

heh

All men love power tools and all women love home improvement shows?

Well... I DO love power tools, and to be honest, my wife will occasionally watch one of those shows (we call them the "gay shows" in our house).

But here's a little secret. We're best friends (wait, what was that?) that's right, we actually are interested in conversation and opinions. Instead of waving $1000 why not try asking about her day, telling a joke, or discussing the news? My wife is my pal AND my porn star.

Perhaps Steve should have spent a little less time whacking his clancey to sitcoms and a little more time going on dates, with actual girls......

I think carpediem's post has to be one the single coolest things I've ever read.

Hmm. I'm quite sure I'm female, and my gynecologist agrees. Yet I love power tools. Am I wrong? Do I need counseling? I don't watch TV so by definition the home improvement shows don't rate, but as a general rule whatever I think looks cool can't be found in Decorator Dens. Fooey on stencils, anyway. I wanna ROBOT! With blinking lights and IR detection and ...

Um, power tools. Yeah.

Wow. I'm going to thank, and then...well, you don't need to know that part, but I'm certainly going to thank my wife for liking home improvement/decorating shows AND porn. Also for liking sex...maybe more than I do.

Apparently those two idiots are married to or dating ice queens. Too bad for them. Real women like porn and power tools. If she can't handle a drill, she can't handle you) drill, ifyaknowwhatimean. ;)

Oh, by the way:

"I have this recurring fantasy where I'm standing on the bed in a Wonder Woman costume, revving up a chainsaw and telling my husband to beg for it."

So hawt. Hawt like a bow-chikka-bowmp soundtrack hawt. ;)

Not sure about the other guy, but hogonice.com is just a misogynistic asshole, simple as that. He can't get/keep a woman, hates all women, yet spends a great deal of time groveling at their feet and whinging about it. Reading his site is like walking through a room while rabid rats gnaw at your ankles.

Hey hey hey - if my husband wants to wave a $1000 bill in my face, I'd polish his wood and THEN go shopping (there's always time for jokes and conversation when I get back). And for a while ... he would make me "dance" for my play money. So, I guess I'm a whore, but you say that like it's a bad thing? Really, I feel sorry for guys like Steve. He probably doesn't have very much fun at home.

I'll second syd888 on that.

I don't watch much TV, and never watch home decorating shows. My bf's a football fan, though, and I love to spice up the game for him with a little oral attention.

Bravo...

This attitude is prevelent everywhere... just like the styles of "He's Just Not Into You" must describe every man's dating rituals.

Will you marry me? :p

In all seriousness, all generalizations are false. Including that one. Ones involving women doubly so.

It's David Brooks Syndrome (DBS).

In tomorrow's news: black guys talk like this, while white guys talk like this.

Long live stereotyping!

For a minute there I thought you were talking about Den Beste and his stripper fixation

I've never gotten the impression that Den Beste was misogynistic. Besides, what's misogynistic about being fixated on strippers? Naked women kick ass.

1. Arbiter is a fat angry bitch who travels free by giving head to truckers.

2. No one but Donna Shalala masturbates while watching "Maude."

I love power tools, hate HGTV and think porn is boring. And I'm female.

BTW Steve's a pretty nice guy for a lawyer. He just ain't much punkins at picking women.

"My wife is my pal AND my porn star."

That would make a great bumper sticker.

And, in a pinch, it would also suffice as a wedding vow.

Rita, you're messing up my "rep."

I'm full of HATE. HATE. HATE.

I worked at a library up until last Friday (I'm moving for school), and let me say, the idea that HGTV has replaced romance novels is bogus, there's no lack of interest in those. Or in erotica short-story books. If it's written and it has sex in it, women are reading it.

Steve's generalizations aren't even GENERALLY true. I suspect if men keep running into women like this, they need to occasionally consider talking to a woman without D-cups once in their pitiful lives, because the two women (a distinct minority) I know who act like Steve describes do so because it's almost an automatic reaction for certain males to see large breasts and throw money at them.

Pfui. My wife watches HGTV,and cooks and is my best friend. And she is great in ............. Try listening to her and HEARING her once in a while. You might be surprised at the results. And yes, random acts of consideration do wonders. For ALL aspects of a relationship.

So the fact that my significant other is obsessed with home improvement shows is a reflection on my choice of woman ? Considering we started dating when Trading Spaces didn't exist and the Queer Eyed guys were still coming to terms about their sexuality, I'm not quite sure how I could have predicted that Home improvment would become the end all be all, much less figured out a way to head the growing obsession off at the pass.

Trust me, while the ideal may be "my pal and my porn star", for many of us, that is not a reality. And while making blanket statements that every woman fits into the HGTV mold, at the same time, it is not even remotely sexist to suggest that perhaps many many men have encountered the same or a similar problem.

Sheesh. He was just coming up with SOMETHING that grabs women the way sex does for men.

If you know what it is, by all means, let the rest of us know. Sitting there bitching about his attempt to come up with something is turning you into a stereotype.

God is my porn star

Clone Michelle now!

1000 copies should do it!

Arbiter: Perhaps you're right. From what little I've read of Steve's site, he falls into the same category of men as Acidman, who have made some rather poor choices in women and continue to suffer for it to this day.

Also, it's very easy to slip into casual mysoginy when women, of any sort, won't give you the time of day. I know this from experience. To be a short, ugly, shy man is pretty much a lifetime sentence of celibacy. After awhile the Nietzschean ressentiment kicks in, and it becomes easier to hate than hope.

If you need further evidence, go to some google support groups like alt.support.shyness, and have a look around. No man is an island, and after awhile, the abscence has to be filled with something, even if it's spite.

New soapstone countertops would get my husband some very sore knees.

I'm just saying.

Hey, lighten up! No one is saying that all women think of is home shows, and truth be told, my beautiful wife has watched about three times as much football this year as I have.

However, I would suggest that stereotypes originate in some level of reality, but they are stereotypical. They tend to address the first sigma-about-the-mean of a normal distribution, which explains why HGTV's viewership demo is very heavy on the female of the species, yet there are lots of other women out there with different interests. Viva la difference!

And I agree that Michele should be cloned, for many reasons that encompass her brain (almost- oink) as much as her, er, other hobbies. And so should MY wife. For as many reasons.

the men who blame their bad or non existant sex life on their wife or girlfirend because she doesn't like sex are kidding themselves! She likes sex and craves it just as much as he does, it's just that he stinks at it and she finds it a waste of her time! No wonder she rather watch HGTV insted of watching her watch and praying for him to hurry up and finish

lol

Sigh. I'm tired of women generalizing about how men are such generalizers.

Well, a couple of years ago, for Christmas, my wee wifey bought herself a Bosch 10" compound miter saw...

"Apparently those two idiots are married to or dating ice queens"
Yes, and there are a lot more of us idiots out there married to ice queens. We know we are idiots married to ice queens so let us bitch about it. We have to release pressure somehow because it sure as heck is not through sex.

And I agree with Duane. To be a little more heavy handed with what he implies if something like 69% of men have a high sex drive and 69% of women don't then you will have a lot of men out there frustrated that they are not getting enough, a few women frustrated they are not getting enough, and then the ones of you who have a high sex drive and are in a relation with someone who has a high sex drive. If you are in that third group the rest of us hate* you in an jealous sort of way.

*The hate remark is tongue is check but the envy is real.

Re: "New soapstone countertops would get my husband some very sore knees. I'm just saying."

Um... I'm afraid I just cannot figure that one out.

(For what it's worth, both my wife and I enjoy watching home improvement shows, and neither one of us has any particular interest in porn, though we have enthusiastic interest in jumping each other's bones. Though stereotypes usually originate in a germ of truth, I do not think the germ is a very big one in this case.)

Unless you were forced to marry through a threat of violence, or are being prevented from departing a marriage by a threat of violence, you're not a victim. Anyone who's spent much time actually talking to women - people you weren't hitting on at the time - should know that there are a LOT of women for whom sex is important - whining that they can't be found is nonsense.

On the issue of porn, as far as I'm concerned seeing the naked female body is one of life's greatest pleasures, but most of the porn movies that get made are thoroughly un-erotic.

And yet... Don't the exceptions noted above tend to prove the rule argued against? Please, let us hear from persons married 10, 15, 20 years. Do you honestly believe that the "rule" for these persons is that they are best friends, or most are F***ing like when they were newlyweds? The average horny woman is still no match for the average horny man. Ever heard the joke about what a lesbian brings to a second date? A U-Haul. And yet there is no gay (male) equivalent to this, why? Could it possibly be that the average man could and would engage in more sex than the average female? The answer is yes. And HELLO - this gets worse once you move up the socio-economic ladder; married 10-20 years and middle or upper-middle class? Loyal? Committed to your spouse? Then odds are you are sexually frustrated. Doubt this? That is not what the men are saying - and recall men prefer to brag to each other, not express frustration and disappointment.

To the Don't Get It Club, Founding Members "ss" and "Frustrated:"

No one would give a rat's ass if you fellows got blogs and used them to bitch about a specific ice queen. That's not what Michele's talking about and that's not what pisses women off who read these generalizations. (Incidentally, ss, no one's "generalizing about how men are such generalizers:" Michele named specific individual men who are generalizing.)

But a man crosses a line when he goes from "my particular woman is a money-grubbing bitch" to "all women are money-grubbing bitches." It's (a) bullshit and (b) misogyny.

As for this:

If you need further evidence, go to some google support groups like alt.support.shyness, and have a look around. No man is an island, and after awhile, the abscence has to be filled with something, even if it's spite.

Which is why mean old bitches like me call that "Short Man Syndrome." Never occurs to you fuckers to shed a tear for short, ugly, painfully shy women now, does it? Oh, no, we all make jokes about them and how sad it is that they fill THEIR voids collecting Precious Moments figurines and lemon bar recipes. Don't see too many ugly little women running sites like Hog on Ice, do you?

It never occurs to you poor losers to try filling the void with something positive like good works, does it? Jesus. Cry me a short, fat, bald, shy RIVER.

Married 11 yrs hear (been together for 15) - yes, still best friends, no- not f***ing like rabbits, but that's because we have five kids (which we got by f***ing like ... tired rabbits? I dunno - LOL.) MIddle class (check). Loyal? Check. Committed? Check. Sexually frustrated? I dunno, my husband's eyes are still stuck in the back of his head from the blow job he got the other night. I really think that anyone can have a good relationship with their spouse, if both try hard enough at it. I know too many people that have self-destructive attitudes in regards to their relationship. If my husband tuned me out, and tuned IN the tv ... he wouldn't be getting very many bj's.

Californio: "And HELLO - this gets worse once you move up the socio-economic ladder; married 10-20 years and middle or upper-middle class? Loyal? Committed to your spouse? Then odds are you are sexually frustrated. Doubt this?"

I'm closing in on ten years and am quite comfortable financially. By most peoples standards, maybe a little more than 'comfortable'.

Loyal, yup. I'm not going to claim that in eight years I haven't made a mistake or two but they were short-lived and regretted. It's been quite some time since I've played footsie and though we don't dwell on it she has also had her moments of indescretion.

Committed? Bet your ass. She shares in the rearing of another womans children that she has come to love as her own, she is the only person I trust without reservation and has busted her ass both at home and at work to make a life with a miserable nitwit (that'd be me).

Frustrated? Sexually? Your kidding, right? We have spent years learning what the other likes and when you couple practice with honest emotion the results are incredible. As far as frequency goes, it's usually me begging for mercy. Her recuperative powers are little better than mine :)

My only complaint would be a lack of time and privacy, three kids and three jobs between us don't leave much time for romantic evenings. However, because of our investment in one another I look forward to years of enjoying her company after the kids go do whatever it is kids do when they grow up.

You see, loving another in an equal partnership offers the luxury of time. That's the biggest gift of all.

Do it lots with the wife, up, down, sideways, wet, dry, standing, sitting, laying, kneeling, prancing, driving, experimentally, riskily, outside, inside, quickly, slowly, once, twice, three, four, (more?)times at a go and it's yummy! Been married 7.5 years, 3 kids best friends and lovers. But I do know that when she told her girl-friends how often we do they were agog and threatened me if I ever told their husbands.

Poor guys. The link? We don't have TV (haven't since before we were married) Her friends do. A connection?

Dunno but I'm going to go make a connection with my honey right now!

oh yeah, live in the burbs, 2 dogs too, big house, upper middle class, voted GOP (if that isn't a stereotypical incication of frustration I don't know what is!)

Beat down the stereotypes, beat them down with the thumppity-thump-thump of the manually induced - off - balance washing machine

Hm. I don't like power tools OR home improvement shows. Hate 'em both, actually. Don't read romance novels. Like some porn.

I'm a freak. A freak, I tell you. I'm so depressed after reading this post. I simply don't know what normal is. But it isn't me.

Heh.

I'm sorry, but I just can't get past "Yes, I have amassed a vast and varied porn collection.". Maybe take a break from the 500 best songs thing and start on a best porn list?

All I know is that if Michele had put the picture of her with the "B" hat on this post might have broken blog records.

As for a clone army of Michele....tink about it. Demand for comic books would skyrocket, 80's hairmetal would make a come back. And soon there would be a Michele army taking over.

ON the up side she could kick the crap out of the Mets.....

I would be the first to salute our new Michele overlords!

With annotations...please.

that should say "think about it"

once again I am an idiot

ilyka: There's absolutely no need for that kind of response. We are all capable of acting like adults here, and showing mutual respect for each other.

"Never occurs to you fuckers to shed a tear for short, ugly, painfully shy women now, does it"

As little as you seem to think of us "fuckers", I can assure you that I do sympathize with anyone who is alone and feels unloved. I felt this way my entire life, and it just get's worse every passing year. I'm sure there are plenty of women who are in the same boat, and I do sympathize. I've even dated one or two. I'm not holding out for Miss America or the Prom Queen, you know. I'd say that the few women I've dated range on the attractiveness scale from about a 4 to a 6. I consider that to be a pretty "realistic" range. All were short, some were shy. But things just didn't work out. Two people together, neither of whom are terribly self-confident or outgoing, tends to make for long, uncomfortable pauses in conversations and generally unpleasant dates.

Also, I'd say that protracted singleness and a sexless existence impacts men more harshly than women. The British National Health Service once did a study that suggested that permanently single men are at a greater risk for premature death than smokers. There is enormous societal pressure in the US to be a "successful" man, and that means being with a woman. What do we call men who always seem to be alone? Losers, loners, creeps. Every time another serial killer makes the evening news, what do his neighbors say about him? I'll bet you it's some variation of, "He was a loner. I never saw him wiht friends or any women."

My relatives think I'm either gay or mentally ill, for God's sake. To be a single woman, from what I've seen, is a sign of independence and strength. Wasn't, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," a feminist rallying cry at one time?

As for the dearth of female versions of Hog On Ice, I'd say you are looking in the wrong places. Casual misandry is perfectly acceptable in contemporary America, and in some circles a sign of intelligence. Why would women need to vent their frustrations regarding men on their blogs, when they can see it on prime time TV virtually every night?

Lastly, please note that in my response, long winded it may be, I didn't make a single ad hominem attack on you. I'd appreciate it if you could try for the same.

Just thinking out loud. In the name of equal rights, girls get "misogyny" to cry when boys are feeling a little bitter and smack the ones they need the most - metaphorically. What do boys get to scream when the man bashers come in force? Oh, and gods forbid someone gets picked on with a little sarcasm. I think the whole damn world is too sensitive! Of course I'm a white surburbite male 30 something 6'0 average weight if a little skinny, blue eyed, dirty blonde - I have no right to call foul, my life is perfect. Merry Christmas!

Thread useless without pics!
/nothing

val:
"the men who blame their bad or non existant sex life on their wife or girlfirend because she doesn't like sex are kidding themselves! She likes sex and craves it just as much as he does, it's just that he stinks at it and she finds it a waste of her time"

You have no idea how unfair, untrue, and hurtful this is. You must be young and know nothing of female biology past the age of 40. About 30 to 40 percent of women have reported having low sex drive. Y'all can present all the personal antecdotes you want (which is crappy argumentation by the way), the facts are the facts.

That being said, I agree with michele that the two bloggers made ridiculous generalizations. However, if michele thinks her situation is even close to the norm, well, all that sex has clouded her judgement.

While it seems that you most often hear about male frustration with sex, I have known many female friends for whom it is the man who had little drive. One of my college boyfriends had such a low drive, I finally broke up with him (his previous girlfriend had broken up for a similar reason.) In my informal survey - it seems that when men have lower interest ... it is really a NEXT TO NOTHING. And, My situation isn't that rare (some of my friends are married to such men.) One such man even had the nerve to brag about having sex all the time - so, men cannot trust what other men tell them. What man is going to BRAG about not wanting to ever have sex??

Funny, none of the men who come to my lingerie blog seem interested in power tools and the women are all into packaging....Hmmmmm.

Not to generalize you understand....

ilyka: There's absolutely no need for that kind of response.

I'll let the site owner be the judge of that.

Also, I'd say that protracted singleness and a sexless existence impacts men more harshly than women.

Of course you would. It fits your preconceived notions and absolves you of any responsibility for your situation whatsoever.

The British National Health Service once did a study that suggested that permanently single men are at a greater risk for premature death than smokers.

Then let them do their darnedest to DO SOMETHING about it. A single woman is confronted at the checkout stand with dozens of magazines all trying to help her "do something about it," but what help do you guys get? Maxim, Stuff for Men, For Him magazine--all dedicated to spreading the message of "Cheer up, dude, and check out the hot pix we took of Eva Longoria this week." In other words, stick your head in the sand. Forget those mean, nasty women who object to you talking to them like children.

Which, incidentally, you are doing to me.

Be angry at the culture that says "It's not your fault." Whether a man's alone through his own fault is of no consequence; it doesn't matter whose fault it is, it matters whose responsibility it is to try to fix it.

"To be a short, ugly, shy man is pretty much a lifetime sentence of celibacy."

Hey! I am not short!

A single woman is confronted at the checkout stand with dozens of magazines all trying to help her "do something about it," but what help do you guys get? Maxim, Stuff for Men, For Him magazine

Um, ilyka, women's magazines are every bit as useless as Maxim if you're looking for advice on how to improve your relationship with the opposite sex. The difference is that most women seem to think that women's magazines provide useful relationship advice, whereas most men think that Maxim provides pictures of supermodels with big tits.

And stop trying to imply that any guy who isn't getting laid as often as he'd like must have something wrong with him. It is a proven fact that average woman simply does not want as much sex anywhere near as often as the average man does. There are a host of evolutionary reasons for this (the main one being that sex has much higher costs for women) and reading "Vogue" isn't going to change any of them. A man could be the perfect husband in every respect and he's still going to have to resort to porn to fill his orgasm quota.

"I'll let the site owner be the judge of that."

Well, fair enough, I guess. I still don't see what I did to raise your ire. As far as I can tell, I haven't done anything to you.

"Of course you would. It fits your preconceived notions and absolves you of any responsibility for your situation whatsoever."

Where did I say that? I merely stated that prolonged loneliness, while painful for both sexes, impacts men in a worse manner than women. As I previously stated, there are societal expectations of men when it comes to dating/mating, and if you don't fit the norm, people tend to think there something very wrong with you. That, or that your a Homersexual. Furthermore, there is some evidence to suggest that men are poorly adapted to living without some kind of companionship. God, I thankful just to have a hetero-lifemate in the form of my roomate.

Where did I ever say that I am not responsible for my own condition? I was born shy, and it's impacted my life in a variety of unpleasant ways. Yet I'm still the one who, ultimately, makes the decisions regarding my own existence. I've never stated anything to the contrary.

"In other words, stick your head in the sand. Forget those mean, nasty women who object to you talking to them like children.

Which, incidentally, you are doing to me."

I am sorry if I come off that way. Your response to my intial post was, I feel, completely unwarranted, so I'm trying very hard here to keep everything copasetic.

As far as other women go, I don't talk to them like children, because I really don't talk to them much at all. As I've already stated, I'm painfully shy. I have trouble even speaking on the phone to people.

"Be angry at the culture that says "It's not your fault." Whether a man's alone through his own fault is of no consequence; it doesn't matter whose fault it is, it matters whose responsibility it is to try to fix it."

I've been to therapists, I've taken the happy pills, I've done extrodinary things to try to build my self-confidence. Have you ever done a static-line parachute jump from a C-130 flying at 1200 feet at night, while in full battle rattle? I have. Have you studied martial arts for eight years, immersing yourself in Eastern mysticism and philosophy in a desperate attempt to master yourself? I have. Have you ever taken stock of life one day, realized that you are an alcoholic with no future, and decided that very day to throw every possession you have in a ratty car and drive 1000 miles to a new city to start over with nothing but an old friend's phone number? I have.

None of it worked. I don't know what will, but I'm open to suggestions. But don't tell me I haven't tried. I've at least made an effort. Nothing ever seemed to come of it, though, but the passing of time and dashing of dreams. I've watched my teens and early twenties slip by while nothing ever seems to appreciably chnage, like a man standing on a bridge watching the river flowing under. But Heraclitus said that you can't step in the same river twice, and sure enough, those years were spent in misery and isolation and they're gone forever. But I can at least claim that I put myself out there, and made an honest attempt to improve my lot.

I think a lot of women (I'm one of them, and have known quite a few others) like sex -- a lot -- but don't like (most) porn, because (most) porn is designed for men, who seem to be incredibly literal-minded, visual, and to like things (parts) more than sensations. I think each woman has her own private porn in her head, and that it usually doesn't match up with any set of standard imagery, and that it involves multisensory channels. And most of us aren't telling any more than that.

Steve has it backwards. Women enjoy sex much more than men; it's not even close. Men are disappointed by sex; never quite as good as they envisioned. But, being men, they're not conscious that they're disappointed.