I'm reading the commentary over here
and sort of laughing while I do. Sometimes I'm not sure if Steve believes everything he writes or if he's just really good at parodying himself. And then somehow I ended up here
and my sense of humor just failed me.
The blog post is called Women and Porn, but don't let that fool you. I'll zip it up for you in one little paragraph:
Men like sex. They like football and basketball but they like sex more. Women don't like sex as much. Their version of porn is home improvement shows. They get off on Trading Spaces. Women like shiny metal kitchen appliances. Men like power tools. You can take away a man's football as long as you replace it with some pussy, but don't take away a woman's decorating show, because not even a ten inch dick will be able to replace that.
That's not a direct quote, that's my summary.
So one hand you have Steve saying all women are money grubbing whores and on the other hand you have this Duane guy saying that all women are whores for home improvement shows. No matter which way you slice it, we are whores of one kind or another.
I'm here to set Duane straight. See, his mistake is in assuming that all women are just like his wife. He sees his her staring at home remodeling shows for hours on end and thinks that all women do the same, that every woman out there masturbates to the Behr's color chart.
You know what my porn is? Why, it's porn
! Yes, I have amassed a vast and varied porn collection. And - now don't faint in surprise here - I like sex. I think about sex. I sit at my desk at work and sometimes my mind drifts and suddenly I'm thinking about things that make sitting still uncomfortable. Power tools? I have this recurring fantasy where I'm standing on the bed in a Wonder Woman costume, revving up a chainsaw and telling my husband to beg for it.
Men, do this experiment. Next time your one-and-only is watching HGTV, stand in front of the television (if you dare), and wave a thousand dollar bill, all the while screaming “Free shopping spree! Here’s the cash! I’m watching the kids!” She will decapitate you as she responds, “Move, dumbbell, Candice Olson is describing why she stenciled a polar bear next to the fireplace!”
Well, my husband has never waved a thousand dollars in front of me and most likely never will, but if he did, we'd probably get naked and roll around in the money before we headed out to go comic book and video game shopping. Stenciled polar bears, be damned.
I'm just a bit tired of men thinking that all women they date and/or marry represent every woman. Just because you dated a woman that sucked your bank account dry or married a woman who was more interested in his tools
than your tool doesn't mean some of us won't get it when our husbands say they want their wood polished.
[Comments have been closed - I already deleted ten and I'm not going to leave this space open for people so people with the dignity of barn animals can just make stupid jokes at the expense of others]