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Fourth Annual Kazaam Awards- Nominations

In the past, I have given out my Kazaam award to the worst movie of the year. The award is so named for the worst movie I have ever seen in a movie theater. I am now taking nominations for the 2004 Kazaam Awards. This year, I am opening the awards up to not just movies, but television, music, video games, whatever "worst" entertainment experience you've had this year. Feel free to suggest categories as well as make nominations. Use the comments below. I'll start by nominating Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen, a movie which I was forced to watch and which was not even redeemed by the stature of Lindsay Lohan's boobs.


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I'll see your Drama Queen and raise you a Van Helsing.

Buick for ruining Dream On by Aerosmith by playing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in their latest commercial.

Ok, that probably doesn't qualify -- unless you have a worst nationwide commercial category -- but I just needed to get that off my chest.

Since I have not seen a movie in the theater this calendar year, I will nominate National Treasure. Only because this is America and I can.

(OK, ignore me. Now.)

I accidentally saw the beginning of Nick and Jessica's music/comedy(?) special and had to gouge my eyes out. Who lets them do these things?

Oh, and those stupid Old Navy Christmas commercials. Thank God for mute and Digital Cable Guides so I don't have to watch them either.

Perhaps you should run a category for "worst movie" of "seeable" movies. I mean, there are so many movies that are just so bad, there is just no way I'm gonna see 'em. How about "most over-rated" movie? I know, I know (get your own blog, and make up your own contest.) Sorry, nevermind.

Those TV reality shows in which scantily clad women are put in precarious and ,in fact, quite dangerous circumstances. I don't understand how anyone can find it entertaining to watch a woman in a bikini get stung by thousands of scorpions! Yuck!

Can I be lamely predictable and nominate Fahrenheit 9/11 as the worst of the year?

The remake of the Stepford Wives.

Man, do I hate Matthew Broderick. And the costumes and sets made we wonder if everyone from Edward Scissorhands had won the lottery and moved out of pastel suburbia to pastel Stepfordia.

I'd nominate Catwoman, but did anyone out there actually go see it in the theater? Yeesh.

The Day After Tomorrow. It's worse than Van Helsing and Stepford II by far. It's the worst movie of the year in my opinion, and at the moment I can't think of anything worse from any era.


OK, I'll do a counterintuitive pick: The Bourne Supremacy, when measured against my expectations. I loved The Bourne Identity, I have no bias against sequels in general, and the critical buzz was extremely favorable. I didn't enjoy the plot and even found it to be somewhat boring.


I also didn't really see the point of wasting Potente when they did.

Was I just too drunk? Perhaps.

I'm late on this one by an entire year, but I thought I'd wait for my choice to come out on Starz. I am so happy I didn't pay for parking and theatre tickets for this mound of rhino snot.

The one redeeming quality was also it's most disappointing feature. The worse movie I saw this year was BAD SANTA. They should have named it Bad Movie. Those Cohen boys must have been under a contract they were unhappy about. Kinda like when Prince released that one album a few years ago, and shaved "slave" into his face in protest while he made the rounds to promote it.

The one bright spot was that Lauren Graham (Lorelai of the Gilmore Girls) was in it, and she is right up there with Catherine Zeta Jones when it comes to good looks. I hadn't seen her in any movies before, and I thought this might be a chance to see her do something other than be gorgous, and volley witty banter. All I got was "F*** Me Santa!" And she even kept her clothes on. I didn't really want to see her stoop to the nude scene,(though the gratuitous {sp} gratification on my part...*whew* just thinking about it) but it would have been a step up from the role she was handed here. I was hurt. Yup. No doubt about it. After seeing Bad Santa, I might not s*** right for a week.

I loved Bad Santa so much I bought the unedited version on DVD.

Worst movie: Raise Your Voice. The epitome of formulaic plots, overwrought dialogue, and recruiting of formerly notable actors (John Corbett and Rebecca De Mornay) to prop up DOA material.


I believe you,

I heard from lotsa people last year who thought it was funny. I couldn't even finish the thing. When the kid asked him the million questions in the bathtub, and all he could do was come back with un-witty foul remarks, I decided I had seen enough. I think I started watching Ben Franklin on the History channel or something.

As I said the one redeeming quality was Lauren Graham, and if it was only 2 hours of looking at her eat crackers in a mu-mu, I would have been more sufficiently entertained.

To me The Day After Tomorrow was one of the (unintentionally) funniest movies of the year, maybe ever. I had trouble not laughing out loud after Mexico "sealed the border" with the U.S. Pure gold. OK, maybe bronze.

Although it would be included in "Movies that were supposed to unseat Bush as President but failed."

A couple of my (un)favorites. Alexander. Jersey Girl. Catwoman.

Movies I didn't see, but heard enough bad things about them:

Exorcist: The Beginning
The Village (well, heard some good, lots disappointed)
White Chicks
King Arthur
Scooby Doo 2
You Got Served
The Whole 10 Yards

I'll stop before I get into move sequels and remakes that nobody asked to be made...

worst movie: Van Helsing or Alien vs. Predator

worst reality TV: that "who wants to marry a little person" thing

worst TV hype machine: the Friends finale leading into the Joey series

biggest new skank: Lindsey Lohan

worst TV trend: really rich people getting their own reality shows (Trump, Cuban, Branson, Hilton, etc.)

worst possible use of nepotism: ashlee simpson

worst choke: NYYankees, up 3-0 in the ALCS (honorable mention: the US Olympian dude who had a shooting Gold Medal in the bag, until he hit a bullseye.. the bullseye of the guy next to him - he shot the wrong target, and fell out of medal contention)

worst fashion trend: uggs, and now mukluks

worst fashion comeback: legwarmers

worst network move: cancelling Last Comic Standing the week before the finale, filling the space with a Father of the Pride mini-marathon, and then cancelling that show soon after.

worst celebrity child name: Phinneaus (one of Julia Roberts' kids)

is that enough? that give some people some ideas?

sorry, but i have one more:

worst rape of our childhood memories through the making of a live action movie of something that was a cartoon or comic: this one's tough. there's Scooby Doo. Garfield. Looney Tunes: Back in Action. and i haven't seen it yet, but this one looks to be the worst: Fat Albert.

The worse movie I saw this year was BAD SANTA.

I finally got around to seeing it last week and yeah, it licked balls. I laughed twice: Once when the bully bounced that soda can off the kid's head and the other time when Thornton says, "You ain't gonna shit right for a week." Otherwise, stone face all the way through.

I thought The Incredibles was more than a little overrated, too. But still pretty good.

and i haven't seen it yet, but this one looks to be the worst: Fat Albert.

Saw an ad for that last night and wept. Big salty tears.

There should be some kind of related award for that camera commercial where a group of hot young women in a restaurant literally knock their fucking table over angling for a shot of . . . Steven Tyler. Huh?

Jersey Girl - hands down worst movie! I couldn't even watch all of it, I'd have to leave the room while the g/f watched it and then come back and make sure it was still sucking - it was!

Haha no doubt Allah

Mikey pretty much hit it on the head above. Hah! I totally forgot aboutthat marry a little person thing! hahah that was hilarious.

Although I liked Van Helsing because it was cheesy.

Oh and legwarmers? How can you not like legwarmers on a girl? goes back to his 80's fantasies and drooling

I had managed to obliterate the memory that I did, in fact, watch "The Day After Tomorrow" at the theater.

Thank-you so much for hauling that back.

Awful, awful movie.

ok, i only breezed through the comments, but i really didn't see anything about video games. i'm a nut for all types of video games, and after finally getting my xbox this year, i have an opinion or two:

worst RPG video game: xmen legends.........they could have done tons more with the platform xmen has built in the movie industry and in the new legends comics that have been hitting the stores, but instead they throw up this pile of crap and slap a $50 price tag on it. i returned the game to gamestop the very next day.

worst shoot 'em up game: the FIRST terminator 3 game........this was just awful so bad, in fact, that they made a 2nd one that was actually playable and okay

worst game from a movie: lord of the rings return of the king.........considering the level of graphics the movies offered and what video games are capable of (see Fable), this was just not up to par. i couldn't play for more than an hour

i'll leave it at that for now, but i know there has to be someone else out there with an interest in smashing buttons on a gaming system of some sort. maybe i'm a nerd like that.

oh, yeah!!

worst song: .45 - Shinedown....this shit grates on me worse than creed, and generally i like grunge rock

Okay, if you love Bad Santa then I'm about to head out and rent it. I considered it the other day but was afraid of wasting my mother's hard earned money on another piece of crap.

I have to concur on the Bad Santa pick. I wrote a review on it on my old vanity blog and for two weeks managed to pull down traffic for people looking for 'Fuck me Santa' and 'Shit right for a week'. The Cohen brothers just completely missed that one.

I'm amazed that there's so much hate out there for Bad Santa. I mean, if you're not into that sort of entertainment, why would you go pay money to see it? Did anyone really plop their innocent arse in a theater seat believing that it was a friggin' remake of It's a Wonderful Life???

BTW, the movie was directed by Terry Zwigoff. Joel and Ethan Coen were just the executive producers.

Thanks for reminding me that I need to get the DVD, Michele.

The Day After Tomorrow...I was cursing at the screen.

We're all freezing! I know let's burn some books, like this Gutenberg Bible. Let's be sure tu huddle together on the tons of wooden furniture while the wooden bookshelves all freeze as the wooden doors let the cold in.....AHHH!

Hate fast zombies? How about fast glaciers!! Fast glaciers AND rising water!!!!

I'm one exclamation point away from total screaming lunacy.....

I went to see Bad Santa because I like dark comedies. Though it was dark, I just didn't find it particularly funny. Like Allah, I just sat stone faced through it. I wasn't particularly offended by it, but it was disappointing that it was John Ritter's last film.

Okay I saw Ocean's 12 this weekend and it is my choice. Do you want to know what they are really stealing in this movie? Your Money. yep that's the gag, we just ripped 8 bucks from you and 2 hours of your life away. Ha

God I hate hollywood sometimes.

"Worst disappointment" for me moviewise this year was a rental. Noticed a new horror movie, "The Hole", in our podunk video store. It's an indie/foreign! It's a psychological thriller! It has an awesome premise! Quick, let's rent it and skip gleefully back to our lair to enjoy!

Mistake. The major things I learned were: 1)It is possible to wind out dramatic tension so long and to such a pitch that the audience gets bored before the payoff instead of jumping out of their skins. 2)Psychological thrillers fail when the psyches of the people involved are uninteresting. No matter how scary the plot and setting are.

In the department of "movies people besides me have seen", the Stepford remake punched all my "I want my money back!" buttons, mainly because I really enjoyed the original novel and movie, especially the book. At some point in the first twenty or thirty minutes I wailed "But I'm supposed to LIKE Joanna!". At the end I nearly threw something through the screen.

I was singularly unimpressed with Polar Express. It had everything right, except chemistry. I could see most of it coming, and didn't really care about what happened to the characters.

It is definitely not the new Christmas classic.

In my book, anyway.

Legwarmers? Legwarmers???

Please tell me someone's joking.


Hearing about that Steven Tyler commerical reminds me of my daughter's recent Lord of the Rings mania and her assertion that Liv Tyler was soooo beautiful. I said her dad makes Orlando Bloom look like Gimli in comparison.

For hours she begged me to show her what her father looks like. After I couldn't endure it any longer (and I was sure the joke wouldn't be funny if I drew it out any longer), I showed her what he looked like. I believe her response is spelled "EEEeuhhh!"

Sometimes it's important to smash a young girl's dreams. That, or remind her that she once paid $17.99 for a Nick Carter CD.

Farenfat 91cheeseburgers.

I liked Bad Santa.

It should go to [Adult Swim] for one of two items:

1) Perfect Hair Forever
2) Tom Goes to the Mayor

Thankfully, PHF was a one-shot. But Tom is a regular series, and is appallingly bad. Oh, the sucknaciousness.

allready mentioned in the first post, but my most disappointing movie of the year: van helsing.

Expected a good horror flick or at least a moderatly good sci fi flick, got something worse than late night cable. I've seen worse, but never in the theater.

Catwoman, easily.

Gothika. Gothika. Gothika.

It's Gothika.

Worst TV show;

Hands down, FOREVER EDEN on Fox. A completely paint-by-numbers reality show with 'no ending' (except for its abrupt cancellation). From the annoying british girl host to the godawful computer 'enhanced' theme song, this one deserves a lifetime acheivement award for sucking.

BTW, Tom Goes to The Mayor is the best Television debut this season. It's easily the best adult swim show premiere since Aqua Teen.

"Farenfat 91cheeseburgers"

Does it hurt to be that unfunny?

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. How could such a beautiful-looking film be so bad?

Two words... Napoleon Dynamite!