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alternative Christmas, Year IV

Nothing like having writer's block, a cold and a bad case of the blahs on the same day. Which happens to be a Monday, anyhow. Useless and contagious, I am. Anyhow, as per Lileks, who asks for your favorite/least favorite Christmas songs, the Worst. Christmas Song. Ever. Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time You see she's been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes would make her smile And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight I would rather gag myself with mama's shoes than have to listen to that ever again. Favorite Christmas song? There’s no presents, not this christmas There’s no presents Tom and jerry, drinking sherry They don’t give a damn King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas. No, not really. But damn close. Maybe Run DMC's Christmas in Hollis. For classics, nothing beats Holly Jolly Christmas. You know what this means, don't you? Time for Alternative Christmas Mix, Volume IV. [Here's 3 and 2. I can't find 1.] I'm once again looking for alternate versions of Christmas classics, metal/punk bands doing holiday music, as well as offbeat, or just deranged, seasonal songs. Repeats from the pasts lists are fine, as I didn't include them all when I made my CDs. As with the last few years, I'll cull the best from the list and make a CD out of it, which I will give away in one of my Christmas contests, and then I'll proceed to procrastinate sending the CD to the winner and he/she will end up getting it some time around Easter, after threats of a lawsuit and/or beating. Anyhow, let's have your best alternative Christmas songs. Please, no Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

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Gary Hoey's "The Grinch Theme" ROCKS.

"Father Christmas" by The Kinks.

Ren & Stempy: "Cat Hairballs."

Bad Religion's "Silent Night" is amazing. Always get bummed out by The Waitresses' "Christmas Wrapping." Love Korn's "Christmas Song" and MxPx's "Christmas Day" ... let's see ... oooh, Luscious Jackson's version of "Let it Snow" and there's a really, really cool tune BNL does (and no, this doesn't mean I actually like BNL) called "Christmas Medley." It's a nice mix of "We Three Kings" and another classic I can't remember at the moment. And don't forget Squirrel Nut Zippers' version of "Winter Weather."

Gridlock Christmas by the Hollytones

Why, "Fuck Christmas" of course, by Fear.

eh.. probably 80% of the stuff on the Merry Axemas albums, "Merry Christmas, Baby" as rendered by SCOTS, and "New Kids Got Run Over By A Reindeer", which is just the Gramma song with BETTER words! ehehe.

Well you really can't beat "Dominic the Donkey" for odd traditional xmas songs.

Also, Jethro Tull came out with a Xmas album last year. They played a few poorly timed tracks when i saw them (in August), and I'm sad to say that they where better live than on the CD. However, if you get a chance to listen to it before paying (perhaps from a friends phonograph while over for a cocktail party), you might still like it.

What is the deal with that "Christmas Shoes" thing, anyhow? I mean, if you were a Christian, wouldn't the implicit notion of the song be kinda offensive? The Jesus I read about didn't really seem obsessed with the footwear of people he met during his life, so why would he make such a big deal about it in Heaven? Does it have something to do with Saint Hubbins, the patron saint of quality footwear?

I'm amazed that you don't have "Punk Rock Christmas" by the Misfits (i'm pretty sure) on the list yet.

Jokey choice: "Merry Christmas From the Family," Jill Sobule

Serious choice: "Winter's Night With You," Sarah McLachlan

The Best:

~/ The Baron Made Snoopy fly to the Rhine
He forced him to land behind the enemy line ....
Why he didn't shoot, while we'll never know ..
or was it the bells from the village below?/~

The Worst -
Leroy Anderson's 'Sleigh Ride' ..

the 'clip-clop-clip-clop .. whip crack' song you hear in the malls. To have played in concert band is to know it, to know it is to understand that for the rest of your life you will be humming along when it makes its presence felt.

I love those Snoopy and the Red Baron songs.

If it doesn't come under the "Grandma" type song, I'd have to say my favorite is "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas". Cracks me up everytime. Also amusing, Barenaked Ladies' Christmas Medley

Worst: Alvin and the Chipmunks: All I Want for Christmas

that Jesus shoes song makes me come out in hives every time I hear it. I hate that song with a passion, even more than I hate the treacly renditions of "Do you hear what I hear" and "The little drummer boy."

I wonder if I could sue the publisher or performer for mental distress? I hate that song THAT MUCH. Even the Chipmunks are tolerable to me next to it.

I'm not big on alterna-Christmas songs, but I always had a soft spot for "Little Saint Nick" - either the Beach Boys original, or the cover by Sugar Ray, or even, dare I say it, the Muppets + John Denver Christmas version.

I also have to admit I can kinda get into some of the versions of "My Favorite Things" (which isn't really a Christmas song but has become one).

As for "modern" Christmas songs, I guess I buy the wrong compilations, because I always get ones filled with guilt-inducing folk rockie things talking about how soooooo many children don't have a holiday because they're poor, or the rich Americans consume too much, or some other godawful thing. I do not want a side of politics with my Christmas songs, thanks so much.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Metallica Carol of the Bells: Christmas Eve Sarajevo. If you've never heard of TSO, it's worth checking out. They truly rock.

Am I really the first to mention the Ramones? ("Merry Christmas (I don't want to fight tonight)")

Oh, and any discussion of the Worst Christmas Song Ever should be informed by the fact that an unfortunate number of holiday DJs operate under the odd impression that "In the Ghetto" is Xmas-y...

I am not an Elvis fan, so that's probably why I do not like Blue Christmas. Of course if could be the back ground ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh's.

found a cool site via google
http://www.christmasreviews.com/
don't tell me this wouldn't kick ass:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005QYI8/doyouhearwhatihe/104-4844431-3007918

Jethro Tull has done plenty of good christmas type songs, including a fabulous chunk of god rest ye merry gentlemen in a medly on bursting out.

Also a nice little song call "A christmas song" on living in the past. That album, my old version anyway, also has "another christmas song", I think.

Another good one is:
Ring Out, Solstice Bells
off of songs from the wood, an album that makes me think of christmas/winter atmosphere on most songs.

Now I see that they have a xmas album (CD rather, I guess) out that has some more stuff, plus some rehashes. I might need to buy my 8th CD to go with my 750+ albums which I half own in absentia.

"The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al. Sick as hell. My kid sung it for his Tae Kwon Do teacher. Good thing he didn't sing it in school, or I'd have been visited by Dr Nosy Dogooder PhD.

If you wish really hard, you could consider Raining Blood a Christmas song. Somehow. It involves red, at any rate, right?

Have yourself a very Slayer Christmas!

I love rock & roll Christmas songs.

A couple of my most beloved "alternative" songs are:

Christmas In Jail - The Youngsters
Mambo Santa Mambo - The Enchanters

Somewhere, I have a mix tape with Jimi Hendrix doing a "Little Drummer Boy/Silent Night" instrumental medley on his guitar. That's cool.

For my brothers in arms:

"Christmas in February" Lou Reed
"One More Day" Todd Rundgren

Hang in there.

In the interest of economy - both in one:

You better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout
I'm tellin you why

Santa Claus is dead.

Jesus Christ by Big Star
A Surfer's Christmas List by the Surfaris

Mo' here

My favourites are "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass" by The Arrogant Worms and "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues.

My favorite is from South Park - "Merry Fucking Christmas" - the lyrics are the best!!

My Favorite(s)?

Fishbone's Slick Nick (you devil you)...

and because I'm a sentimental jerk at heart, Crissy Hind's version of "Have yourself a merry little christmas"

"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas."

Here are the lyrics from "Merry Fucking Christmas"....oh yeah.....

Merry Fucking Christmas Lyrics

Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!

(Clapping)

Thank you Mr. hat

Here are the lyrics from "Merry Fucking Christmas"....oh yeah.....

Merry Fucking Christmas Lyrics

Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!

(Clapping)

Thank you Mr. hat

Oddly enough, I have a soft spot for "Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas" by Eazy-E.

I'm waiting for Was(Not Was) to come out with a Christmas album called T'was(Not T'was).

till then their 'Boy's Gone Crazy' deserves a spot on Michele's other list.

Michelle,

The hands-down, greatest Christmas album EVER is Mojo Nixon's "Horny Holidays". If you don't have Mojo Nixon then your store could use some fixin'!

Here's a quotation from "'Twas the Night Before Christmas":

"Now Horny Claus, was Santa Claus' illegitimate brother
You see Santa Claus' dad
and the Easter Bunny's momma
got together and made Horny Claus...

Now some of you all be sayin'
'Mojo - you shouldn't be combining
sex
and
Christmas.
But let me tell y'all somethin'...
Let me tell y'all somethin'...

Fucking is better than Killing
Fucking is better than Killing
Fucking is better than Killing
Fucking is better than Killing
..."

Complete, with wakky wakky guitar all the way though... You havn't had Christmas until you've had Christmas with Mojo.

Off beat --I agree with the Jill Sobule & Dominic the Donkey nominations.

for a relly nice one that's off the radar, I suggest Steve Earle's Nothing But A Child-- not really in the same vein, but different from the usual blend of Christmas standards

Best alternative Christmas song ever? Simple (200 bonus points to the first person who can identify the source of this song), it's this one:

It was Christmas Eve night at the poorhouse,
and all of the paupers were there.
I stepped in because it was snowing,
and snow always screws up my hair.

By the pot-bellied stove,
sat a pot-bellied man,
he spoke with some lumps in his throat.
His story was sad,
and his diction was bad,
and here is a song that he wrote:

"I once was the jolliest fat man,
with roses in all of my cheeks.
I'd load up my sled every Christmas,
and go on a drunk for two weeks.

"My friends said they saw me on rooftops,
and sliding down chimneys at dawn.
With my reindeer in hand,
I would glide 'cross the land,
and wake up on somebody's lawn.

"One morning my wife left this message:
'Each Christmas I've spent by my self.
I'm sick of your stupid traditions,
so I've run off to Spain with an elf.'"

Just then, the old man started dyin',
he screamed, "May the Lord take my soul".
We went through his wallet,
to see who he was.
His address read simply, "North Pole".

So, the next time you go by the poorhouse,
if by the poorhouse you go,
just take off your hat,
to a dead guy who's fat,
and whisper a silent, "HO, HO".

Run DMC's Christmas song brings back memories.

Before I agree with Laurence re: The Kinks, I have to nominate the musical version of "A Christmas Carol" with Kelsey Grammer that NBC aired this past Sunday as the WORST version of the Dicken's story EVER.

It was like watching a very bad Broadway musical, but you could turn it off if you wanted.

So, I did.

"The Muppet's Christmas Carol" being the greatest version, of course.
"Light the lamp! Not the rat!"

Back on topic: The Kinks "Father Christmas" has to be my favorite Christmas song of all-time.

Oh, man. You all are missing the single worst Christmas song ever.

Paul McCartney, Wonderful Christmas-time.

Gak. Augh. Blearg. So fucking awful, even McCartney fans disown it.

Some of the songs from the sound track of the wonderful movie Love Actually are going into my rotation this year - I don't know how alternative they are, but here they are:

All I Want For Christmas Is You (performed in the movie at the end by 10 year old Olivia Olson and NOT enhanced in any way - that's her voice)

Billy Mack's self-described "festering turd of a record", Christmas Is All Around....Billy Mack is played by Bill Nighy, and I especially loved his advice to viewers when he appeared on a tv show promoting his record..."Don't buy drugs, children. Become a rock 'n roll star like I did, and they GIVE them to you."

One musn't forget "Oy to the World" the xmas album by the Klezmatics. A Klezmer xmas.

I always like "2000 Miles" by the Pretenders.

And I'll second whoever nominated the McCartney song for worst ever. It is to vomit.

Rumors that I have occasionally sneaked up the volume for Wham's "Last Christmas" when it comes on the radio are scurrilous, outrageous, and 100% untrue. I deny them categorically.

Almost forgot...that Demento favorite, "The Day That Santa Claus Retired"

Although I didn't tell this to Lileks, the best Christmas song is "Whispering Christmas Warrior" (music and lyrics by David Sussman).

The worst is a song called "Christmas Candy Calendar" which chirps "It's six pink peppermints to Christmas!" I had to sing that in high school, and the scars have not yet healed.

Peter Murphy and Tom Waits - Christmas Sucks

"This holiday season is all the more reason... to die"

goes the chorus.

I'll see your "Wonderful Christmastime" and raise you "We Need a Little Christmas." The melody is So. Fucking. Annoying.

There's a CD out there called "A Rubber Band Xmas," which I own, having heard a few cuts on a local college (of course) station. Carols done with rubber bands, empty soda cans, staplers, and other office flotsam & jetsam. A little goes a long way, but it's interesting.

There was also a CD a while back called "Gay Apparel Xmas Songs" by the Go-Go Boys. Hard to find: I discovered it at one of those little flea markets in Manhattan in 1998, then foolishly lent it to someone to whom I subsequently stopped talking. Very, very, very dirty gay-oriented parodies of carols, particularly the ode to buttsecks set to the tune of "Jingle Bells."

Bob "Twisted Tunes" Rivers has an entire CD out of Xmas parodies. There are also plenty by John "Dr. Dirty" Valby on his various albums. Songs by both these dudes are readily available on p2p.

Finally, there's a CD of parodies whose title I can't recall offhand, but it includes the klezmeresque "Schlepp the Halls with Loaves of Challah," sung by some guy who sounds like he retired to Miami 30 years ago.

I see someone allready put one Weird Al song on here, but just for kicks: "Christmas at Ground Zero" is also hilarious.

Best - Merry Merry Merry Frickin Christmas by the Frickin A's.

Lyrics:

Frickin' A - Merry Merry Merry Frickin' Christmas
(World Champion Red Sox Anthem)

School's out Christmas break
Back to Boston, the Red Sox in four straight

First the Yankees then St. Louis
The curse, reversed, the Bambino really blew it

Derek Jeter's lost his mind
Trippin' on a broom stick, better luck next time

Have a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas
All you New York Yankees fans can kiss this
The tree the gifts the mistletoe kiss
Swing, a miss, Steinbrenner's really pissed
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas

Joe Torre, he's a weirdo
Gave me a picture of himself in a Speedo

Hey A-Rod, you gotta feel the sting
You could have come to Boston to wear a World Series ring

We all know you're chokin' on your lunch
Try a knuckle sandwich and the Varitek punch

It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas
All you New York Yankees fans can kiss this
The tree the gifts the mistletoe kiss
Swing, a miss, Steinbrenner's really pissed
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas

2004 the best Christmas yet
A World Series ring
I was sick of hearing 1918

It's gonna be a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas
All you New York Yankees fans can kiss this
The tree the gifts the mistletoe kiss
Swing, a miss, Steinbrenner's really pissed
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas

Leen, I think you just committed a bannable offense.

Best alternative Christmas songs are Cheech & Chong's "Santa Claus and his Old Lady" & Bob & Doug McHenzie's "12 Days of Christmas"

C'mon, michele, you knew I had to. Especially since I'm a boston girl in NYC and they won't play the damned song here. =D

Besides, it's so much fun to watch your reaction.

And yes, I know I'm evil. It's part of my charm.

The Christmas spoof of afroman was pretty funny.

And I bet that the Bosox Xmas song was nowhere near as horrible as "Who let the Mets out".

What about the horrid theme song from "Santa Claus Conquers the Marians":

"Hooray for Capt. Santa Claus and his Reindeer Space Patrol . . ."

Strong Men . . . WEPT!!!

Blue Christmas. But not Elvis, the one some Elvis impersonator covered with the Christmas message in the break.

ah, Christmas is a time of love, and peace man, peace..and love too, mostly love but a lotta peace, aw I sure would love another piece of that punkin pie man...thankyew, thankyewverymuch

I'm particularly fond of the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York."

Here are the lyrics. Keep in mind it's a duet.

The Chieftans issued a great Christmas record some years ago called The Bells of Dublin. It has them performing with a variety of artists. Some of the songs are traditional (the finale medley by the Renaissance Singers will make you weep), but there are a couple of interesting tunes by interesting guests artists:

The Rebel Jesus with Jackson Browne
I Saw Three Ships A-Sailing with Marianne Faithful

and the most subversive tune on the disc:
The Saint Stephen's Day Murders with Elvis Costello

That last one is worth the price of the CD.

I don't think anybody's mentioned my favorite, "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas."

LET'S HAVE A PATRICK SWAYZE CHRISTMAS
(Michael J. Nelson)

Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.
We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.
And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.
We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing.

Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!

It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!
I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,

Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them aaallllllllll!

I'll second The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl's Fairytale of New York. Lyrics time:

Shane:

It was Christmas Eve babe
in the drunk tank
An old man said to me,
won't see another one

And then he sang a song,
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
And I turned my face away
and dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one,
came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
this year's for me and you

So happy Christmas,
I love you baby
I can see a better time
when all our dreams come true

Kirsty:

They've got cars big as bars,
they've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old

When you first took my hand
on a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me Broadway
was waiting for me

You were handsome,

Shane:

You were pretty, Queen of New York City

Both:

When the band finished playing
they howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing
We kissed on the corner then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'
And the bells were ringing out for Christmas day

Kirsty:

You're a bum, you're a punk,

Shane:

You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead
on a drip in that bed

Kirsty:

You scum bag, you maggot,
you cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse,
I pray God it's our last

Both:

The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'
And the bells were ringing out for Christmas day

Shane:

I could have been someone,

Kirsty:

well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
when I first found you

Shane:

I kept them with me babe,
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

Both:

The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'
And the bells were ringing out for Christmas day

"Box of Candy and a Piece of Fruit" by Bob Gibson and Tom Paxton.

Lenny and the Squigtones for that Jolliest Fat Man. Or at least Lenny and Squiggy, who were called Lenny and the Squigtones when they sang in other venues. I have been trying to find the chords, actually (should be mostly a C-D-G thing, but I know McKean actually was a guitarist and threw a few extras in).

Worst song -- it's not the worst the first time you hear it, or the fifth. But Lennon's "And So This Is Christmas" can really take you apart after awhile.

How about Tom Lehrer?

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There’s time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Etc. Nuff said.

"Merry Christmas" by Wesley Willis. Need I say anything more? Rock over London! Rock over Chicago!

Seriously, there the Roches' "We Three Kings" album. Almost made me convert.

"What WE do on Christmas" by Atom and his Package, "The Atheist Christmas Carol" by Vienna Tang and "December is for Cynics" by the Matches. All three of these songs made it onto my own "christmas music that doesn't suck Volume III" album

oops. it's vienna teng, not tang. What WE do on christmas is perhaps the best and hardest to find punk christmas song, a sarcastic explanation of the "jewish conspiracy" taking place on christmas. and December is for Cynics is perhaps my new favorite song. not just for christmas.

Well I hate Christmas with an ungodly passion, but I do like songs about hating Christmas... so here are my favourites:

"I Hate Christmas" -- Oscar The Grouch
"I Hate Christmas Time" -- Ren & Stimpy
"Deck The Halls (I hate Christmas)" -- Zebrahead
"We Wish you a Shitty Christmas" -- CKY

There are plenty more, but.. you get the general idea.

And to BumperStickerist you are absolutely right about "Sleigh Ride". I'm playing in band this year for the bajillionth time, and it just keeps getting more and more unbearable

Didn't see it on the list but "I won't be home for Christmas" by Blink 182 always makes me laugh...

(Deck the halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la)
(Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la)

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me

My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging cickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers

And then I guess I must've snaped
Because I grabbed a baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and let me be alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve
Cause the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage

And even though the jail didn't have a tree
Christmas came a night early
Causes a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and let me be alone

I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas

So there is this song out there.. and it's not to any christmas song tune in particular.. its more alternative maybe rockish.. and i don't know the lyrics or anything.. i heard it once and love it but dont' know how to find it.. it does say silent night in it once.. liek its part of a sentence.. and then noel noel as well.. ANY IDEA WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT?