Thanksgiving Advice, Part III: No Tofu, No Peace!
[see here for explanation and legal disclaimer]
Well, the answer lady is too late on this one, as it has already been determined that Drew will start. You know, when your team has to choose between a rookie whose only TD pass was a one yarder and a 41 year old near has-been with a sore shoulder, it's time to start questioning your team loyalty.Shawn asks: Should Drew Henson or Vinny Testaverde start against the Bears on Thanksgiving Day?
A vegetarian Thanksgiving is like Christmas without Santa Claus. Not that I'm implying that turkey is a fictional image which embodies the secular takeover of a religious holiday. Not at all. However, turkey does play a vital, important role in all Thanksgiving feasts. Making a turkey out of wheatmeat or tofu would be sacreligous, if eating meat were a religion, which it is to some of us. I also have a question. The tofu turkey linked above is shaped like, well, a turkey. Not a carcass that comes out of a normal, meat-eating household oven on Thanksgiving day. No, it's shaped like a live, breathing turkey, with a beak and eyes and that long thing that hangs down its neck. Wouldn't a vegetarian feel bad about digging his fork into that bird? The plaintive eyes and sad turkey smile might not be real, but surely the vegan conscience would not let one stab even a tofu turkey in the heart. Sort of makes my longing to devour the Turkey Named Adam not such a bad thing, eh? I think if I ever was in a home where they were serving a tofu turkey that was molded to look like the real thing, I would hide a little microchip in there somewhere so when anyone went to take a stab at the tofu bird, it would let out a cry. Nooooo, please don't eat me! You bastard! Anyhow, I think our meat eating ancestors would be ashamed to know that a thing like tofu turkey exists. But you go ahead and make it. Just don't say I didn't warn you when the ghosts of a thousand indians and pilgrims make their way into your bedroom on Thanksgiving night and pelt you with haunted animal carcasses. That's gotta smell really bad. Happy Thanksgiving. And enjoy that tofurky jurky.
Comments
Michele
Check your "wheatmeat" link...it's pulling up your MT login screen.
:-)
BTW I'm lovin' your advice.
Posted by: Darleen | November 24, 2004 10:12 AM
Not to be too pedantic, but the Roman numeral '4' is depicted using a capital 'I', followed by a capital 'V', thus: IV
Posted by: Neuroto | November 24, 2004 10:12 AM
Not to be too pedantic, but it was a typo (this is part 3) and has since been fixed.
Posted by: michele | November 24, 2004 10:16 AM
No, we just want to do pasta & beans. Fake meat is creepy to a longtime vegetarian, and tastes crappy to a longtime meateater. Everyone's pissed off.
I just don't want to ever cook a turkey. That's all. I hate dealing with poultry. I'm a steak-and-potatoes gal. Steak for Thanksgiving? Mmmmm.
Posted by: meep | November 24, 2004 10:32 AM
Hi!
I'm trying to cut calories; do you suppose I could use the following idea for my holiday meal and if so, how many bottles would I need for 20 people??
http://www.meanderings.typepad.com/meanderings/2004/11/thanksgiving_di.html
Posted by: Michele | November 24, 2004 10:44 AM
I shall risk burning myself with my own pedantry, and point out that it wouldn't have even occurred to you that something needed to be fixed unless I unzipped and whipped out my big ol' pedant...
Posted by: Neuroto | November 24, 2004 10:49 AM
My dept. head names her turkey each year. Sometimes after a departed family pet or one of the guests.
Posted by: Nancy | November 24, 2004 10:53 AM
Actually, Neuroto, my fixing of the typo went through before your comment did.
Nancy, that is the most disturbing thing I've heard in a long time.
Posted by: michele | November 24, 2004 10:57 AM
Neither one of these statements has any real merit, in the grand scheme of things. Dallas fans know that a few years often pass between a Staubach and an Aikman. Henson may be the real deal or may be as big a bust as Quincy Carter. Like the Yankee's fans did followin' elimination from the World Series, most of us Dallas fans are jes' shakin' our heads and sayin' "Wait'll next year!" We jes' started it out a bit earlier in the season that was 'spected.
Predictions by the DJs on the radio this mornin': Dallas 17 - Chicago 9 and the other one said Chicago 44 - Dallas 14. I'll make my prediction by reversin' the numbers on the former pick: Chicago 17 - Dallas 9.
Happy T'Day to you and yours, Michele.
Posted by: Tiger | November 24, 2004 11:03 AM
Well, whip my pedant and call me 'Burn Boy'. Or burn my zipper and call me whipped. Or something. Sigh.
My apologies to you, Michele.
Posted by: Neuroto | November 24, 2004 11:27 AM
Tiger, I'd prefer Q-Car over Vinny at this point.
sigh Woe unto us Fans of the Silver Star when even a win against the lowly Bears is in doubt. At least, I'll be watching the game with my aunt, who just loves to tease Cowboys fans.
Posted by: Shawn | November 24, 2004 12:06 PM
Oh, and thanks for taking my question, Answer Lady.
Posted by: Shawn | November 24, 2004 12:08 PM
What about Tony Romo? Eastern Illinois grad not good enought for ya? Muck Fichigan!
Posted by: Chris | November 24, 2004 12:13 PM
There are plenty of places, such as Boston Market, that will do your entire meal for you, Turkey included.
Posted by: Bruce | November 24, 2004 12:46 PM
Ew, Nancy, that's creepy.
I don't name my food, for starters. But...
ew.
Posted by: meep | November 24, 2004 02:58 PM
Mmmmmm, steak... ::drools::
And just for the record... Santa has never been part of Christmas for my family. He's not a decoration, or on wrapping paper, or anything. So it does work just fine without him!
However, Thanksgiving without meat seems just wrong.
Posted by: Sunidesus | November 24, 2004 08:22 PM
I fail to understand why any literate person would care about the professional athlete barbarians.
Posted by: Victor Krueger | November 25, 2004 02:12 AM
Back in 1946 when TV was black and white, did anybody know the Bears wore orange jerseys?
Posted by: Dave in Texas | November 26, 2004 01:41 PM
We did the big get-together without turkey because Beppy hosted it and she believes that a feast should feature ham cooked with pineapple. On thursday we did have a turkey breast, but that was acquired in the expectation that it would still be warm enough out for me to hotsmoke it on the grill.
Posted by: triticale | November 28, 2004 12:32 PM
The pilgrims sure were not vegetarians so why should we want tofu on thanksgiving? this is the stuff(tofu yuk)that the jerks at PETAould shve at us and as for a vegetarian christmas SHUT UP AND PASS THE ROAST BEAST
Posted by: phoenix | November 28, 2004 04:19 PM