« It's Over | Main | Site Notes (usual crap plus contest notice) »

Post-Election Contest, With Prize!

[NOTICE: COMMENTS ON THIS POST HAVE BEEN CLOSED AS THE CONTEST SUBMISSION TIME IS OVER. See here on how to vote] Jim Treacher has written a piece of beautiful poetry about his feelings towards this election. I didn't realize he had such an artistic side. This has given me an idea for a contest. Post-Election Limericks. My previous limerick contests have always been met with success, and I'm sure a little levity will be a good thing today. So, the rules. Limerick form (obviously). Topic has to be about the election, but what about the election is entirely up to you. You can enter as many times as you want, but only one entry per comment so I can keep track. I reserve the right to delete entries that make my skin crawl or make me want to hit you with a brick. Have fun. A ten dollar Amazon gift certificate will be awarded to the winner, which will be determined by the readers of this here blog, by a democratic voting process. Void in Ohio.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Post-Election Contest, With Prize!:

» Limerick Contest from I love Jet Noise
There`s a Post-Election Limerick Contest over at Micheles Site. Go on over there and post a little ditty and show them that the good folks at I Love Jet Noise be representin'. - Joatmoaf - [Read More]

» Well isn't that special? from the scrawl
Today has been a weirder day than most. I feel like I've given birth to a child. Sadly the labor lasted almost two years. And now, that child, will hopefully call for a full scale invasion of Fallujah. So anyhoo,... [Read More]

» Avoiding the Obvious from Dust in the Light
Michele Catalano is hosting a post-election limerick contest. Here's my entry: Kerry gained fans through concession, And learning the truth of depression Let his stone visage crease — Bet his bishop and priest Both wish he'd concede at confession!... [Read More]

» Campaigning for a Limerick from This Blog Is Full Of Crap
Is it rude of me to campaignfor a limerick? I'm especialy proud of: John Zogby said to Tommy Chong "Light up, and then pass me the bong." He sucked all the smoke in Screaming "Kerry will win!" And that's how... [Read More]

Comments

One chilly day in November,
Michele told the world to "Remember";
So all the right wing
Went and did the right thing
Now the Leftís flames are shrunk to an ember.

First!

There once was a hero named Kerry
Full of plans and ideas he was very
Unafraid to take sides
Often both, based on tides
Dr. Frankenstein called his face "scary"

i awoke one morning in november
i felt a bit nervous, i remember
the recounts, the chads
but this time i'm glad
we actually know before december

I'm pleased with the country's direction,
The result of the recent election.
But I'm given to pause
as I ponder the cause,
of this longer than four hour erection.

they say that both men looked funny
some say the resemblance was quite stunning
a chimp for an elepahnt
a horse for an ass
in four years a bitch may be running!

There once was a pol named Kerry
Whose wife named Ter-AY-ZA was scary
He tried to give Bush the boot,
But the point it was moot
Because the voters of Kerry were wary!

Once a Johnny who changed like the weather
Met a Johnny with hair all a-feather
Said the first, "Letís not fight
With ourselves and the Right,
We can join up and lose this together!"

There once was a man named John Kerry
Who ran on a Viet Nam ferry
But when tit came to tat
Even a magic hat
Couldnít make Kerry less scary

Call me this, and call me that, but I still say, GW Bush wears the president's hat.
Ten gallon white cowboy hat.
Wanted dead or alive 'UBL'.

Another election has passed,
Another Democrat tossed out on his ass.
Four more years
Of warfare and tears
At least Al Queda will be in the past.

Ok, ok, what about this one?

I'm glad to have cast my vote.
No greater right have I ever known.
I just kinda wish
I didn't have to pick
Between an asshat and a dope.

Right...more enthusiasm. How's this?

I voted again this november
In the precinct of which I am a member.
I did what I should,
To change what I could
But the Dems could not produce a contender.

eh, maybe I'll be poet laureate (sp?) next year.

John Kerry, with heavy long face
Conceded he got second place.
While his own running mate,
Spewed out the same ol' hate,
Mass's Senator departed with grace.

Kerry and Bush, their campaigns of disparage
Our country they ruin with political miscarriage
Despite who will win
We all lose again
Now time for that alcoholic beverage

John Edwards along with John Kerry,
said to the world America was quite scary;
but George came along,
and won the election quite strong,
so the world will provoke America quite leary.

Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper

P.S.: First attempt at any sort of writing, folks, so be gentle.

There once was a man from Nantucket
With more ego than he could haul in a bucket
His agenda we rejected
He wasn't elected
And he's still pretty sore where we stuck it

The State she lived in was Red
Her young brother lived in a Blue
And though she loved red
She left home and bed
Cause he had to be told what to do.

To gloat on the vote would be wrong
Let all of our bygones be gone
We should use our tomorrows
to rid us of Soros
and let Michael Moore just move on

A Leftie whiner, neurotic
spews bile on his blog, psychotic
"Freedom's obviously unfair"
is his response, doctrinaire
while my eyes glaze over, sclerotic.

The Democrats ran with a man
That was left of the Kennedy Clan
He flipped and he flopped
and was finally stopped
now we won't get a peak at his Plan

Man, these are good. I'm not going to even attempt one. Well done, guys!

Secret hats he was said to carry,
Secret plans seemed always to vary,
But his pander he'd rue,
And in the end face his due,
For his only success was to marry.

We saw Kerry get the big snubby!
Next time, we'll be even more clubby!
The Dems will run Hillary,
so we'll get to pillory
Her and the would-be First Hubby!

It was said his charm would disarm us,
And his smile so bright it could harm us,
But his thumbs up in the end,
Did little portend,
The rate that his taxes alarmed us.

Kudo's to Mr. Dragnet for avoiding using "chubby" in limerick about Bill Clinton. Don't know as I could have resisted, myself.

I'll remind all you neocon fish
Revenge is a cold kind of dish
You're ruling the game
With no one to blame
Be careful for that which you wish...

Hey! I think that's a winner, right there! :)

Exit polls had us all weeping,
A sinking feeling had begun creeping,
In the end it all washed,
And Ohio kaiboshed,
Few hours were actually spent sleeping.

On another tack:

A newsman unfamiliar with truth
Was biased from the days of his youth
He broke a bad story,
Never said he was sorry,
And proved himself vain and uncouth.

A troll managed to make a short rhyme,
Without reason or hope he has time,
Four more years we'll have to endure,
But 'selected's no longer couture,
Still BusHitler is still so sublime.

A man with a wife named Therressa
Is afraid now that he'll have to face her
He spent lots of her dough
now with nothing to show
the bed could be cold as a glacier

Old Dan Rather was in for the haul,
Some said documents showed he had gall,
Others still would contend,
On CBS we depend,
For the most media bias above all.

So ends the election of 2004
And America showed Kerry the door.
Now it would be really keen
If the next thing to be seen
Is the funeral of one Michael Moore.

Mary Cheney it seems is a lesbian,
Kerry's use of her seemed down right thespian,
In the end it was moot,
And hurt him to boot,
And now we must ask 'How did it help again?'.

Like a pig Tom Daschle was stuck,
From his fingers John Thune did pluck,
A race so close,
It was won by a nose,
And proved that Tom really does suck.

The Kerry Campaign is now dead
Much to Big Media's dread
We all watched with glee
as we waited to see
Rather say Ohio's Red

A 'global test' was required we pass,
To protect our own homeland and ass,
From the terrors abroad,
That Moore called a fraud,
But now look who's laughing last.

Cambodia was 'seared' in our brains,
Before his chances were drained,
So now we must ask,
This question at last,
Did Vietnam really help your campaign?

The fascists took over Amerikkka,
Now I'm just feelin' hysteria.
Bush looks like a chimp,
Hated Reeves tho' a gimp,
That's why I'm movin' to Canada.

-By Just About Any Eschaton Poster

He was a losing candidate it seems,
Who once was trailing behind Dean,
And after a year,
Of blather sans cheer,
I actually miss Howard's scream.

Dem pundits continue to spin
Though their candidate didn't quite win
They moan and they whine
As they've done throughout time
Makes 'em all look the more feminine

2000 they cried "He's Selected!"
The liberal candidate, rejected.
Bush wins the electoral lot,
The popular thickens the plot,
So shut up, he's fucking elected!

They had all the big stars on their side
And they wore their big hairdos with pride
They were smarter than most
this they said coast to coast
Now I'm hoping the noise will subside

You weren't such a big fan of Ronnie
Think Cheney's a bad neoconnie
The election is over
It came out like I told ya
It's time to shut the fuck up Donny.

His wife is kinda kooky
His skin tone's orange and spooky
For billions he will nooky
even Teddy Kennedy!

sigh

Can I put this nightmare behind me?

The Swift Boat Vets were a force to reckon,
Their call is seems other vets did beckon,
But it can really be said,
That the blood they shed,
Was as solid as the words they did stand on.

The Democrats picked them a hero,
The public thought he was a zero.
They cried and they cried,
"Look at Bush, how he lied"
But he was less fit to rule than Nero.

Greg

It was a new book a week for a while,
W's enemies just seemed to pile,
A lot of good it did them,
For few really read them,
What good was all that bile?

Okay I'm done. I'm having to make a conscious effort not to respond to emails in AABBA.

I watched the election intending
To see Kerry cry at the ending
But when he conceded
I had what I needed
So let's start the process of mending

It's not fair, I whine and I wheeze.
The Republicans won with such ease!
They're hiding their tricks!
Where the hell is Hans Blix?
Karl Rove is the master of sleaze!

I ask myself why rock the boat?
Why disturb you when you're in mid-gloat?
I hope you can see
That the fun thing for me
Is I know how to get y'all's goat. ;)

"I reserve the right to delete entries that make my skin crawl or make me want to hit you with a brick."

Not in the face! Not in the face!

Solonor,

You're welcome to give me some back
Sometimes I'm a partisan hack
My limericks were mean
Though relatively clean
So forgive me my rhyming attack.

Are you referring to the recent little election you've had in America? If as a European, I was like most Americans, I would even know where Europe is. It is this complete ignorance and amazing bias that turns people off America. I am British, have 5 American grandchildren, and 2 American daughters-in-law. I am basically pro-American. I am a conservative businessman, no left leaning liberal. Somehow, America has turned me and millions of other members of the human race off over the last 4 years. As a further marker, I am a Christian, anti-aabortion, pro-life and pro-family. How on earth did Bush do it?

Are you referring to the recent little election you've had in America? If as a European, I was like most Americans, I wouldn't even know where Europe is. It is this complete ignorance and amazing bias that turns people off America. I am British, have 5 American grandchildren, and 2 American daughters-in-law. I am basically pro-American. I am a conservative businessman, no left leaning liberal. Somehow, America has turned me and millions of other members of the human race off over the last 4 years. As a further marker, I am a Christian, anti-abortion, pro-life and pro-family. How on earth did Bush do it?

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose chin was so long you could fuck it
He had a plan
cause kids hate the MAN
But the voters told him to go suck it.

"I reserve the right to delete entries that make my skin crawl or make me want to hit you with a brick"

Interestingly enough Will Pitt of truthout and DU fame was mugged last night by a brick wielder. He's okay...but where were you last night Michele? ;-)

"How on earth did Bush do it?"

I blame it on him not giving out enough hugs.

A poke at John Kerry:

Though Bush rarely sounds educated,
it's clear that he's been under-rated.
So give him his due
'cause he outsmarted you
and your chance at the White House has faded.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who will now soak his head in a bucket
His wife is named Heinz
for the White House he pines
but America told him "go fuck it!"

The Swift Vets told a tale sad and long
Of betrayal by one of their own.
Ancient scandal they stirred,
But their voices weren't heard.

In November, they got the last word

After Bill and his infamous zipper
The left brought forth a flop-flipper
But the might of the right
'Twas not blinded in sight
And another was won for the Gipper.

A Popular Heinz family aristocrat
once ran for president, and you may think that
this was John Kerry's thing
but thats a red herring
for it really was Morris the Cat

(I'm Morris the Cat and I ap-purrr-ove this message)

The future for us is quite cloudy
both sides of the fence were so rowdy
the SUV's rolled and took to the polls
to show thier true love for the Saudis.

Hey, limericks are great and all, but don't think we've forgotten that you owe us video of the drunken shrieking streaking event, missy!

Poor Arafat, dying in France
Hoping that he got just one more chance
If Bush were to lose
Then he could kill more Jews
But instead, he just soils his pants

John Zogby said to Tommy Chong
"Light up, and then pass me the bong."
He sucked all the smoke in
Screaming "Kerry will win!"
And that's how the dumb bastard chose wrong.

Elected again we hail Dubya
With 51% sayin' we lubya
Tis the far right he pleases
Getting advice from his Jesus
Me, I'd prefer to just club ya

Elected and thought to be moral
For his predecessor much preferred oral
First he beat Gore
Then Kerry by more
By popular and electoral

Never a day was I not awoke
by fifty lefties telling me to vote
but then I saw Diddy
sitting in my own city
so I shit in his shoe for a joke.

Bush has made a career
of controlling his flock with fear
to make us all christian
that is his mission
or at least to get rid of the queers.

George is the man to beat. Here's an attempt:

Kerry gained fans through concession,
And learning the truth of depression
Let his stone visage crease ---
Bet his bishop and priest
Both wish he'd concede at confession!

Wow Michele, I would not want to be in your place. These are all quite good! Gabe seems to have the lead though.

George, when he thought about Kerry,
said "Ah. This won't be half scary."
He forked over cash
read returns with a gasp
Now Soros lives in an Abbey.

Dubya's elected, that's fair
though done with tactics that scare
if Jeb's next elected
it's best I defected
three too many Bushes to bear.

In NJ they called him the "Boss"
To Kerry, his support he did toss.
But with no weight like Moore
His "rockin'" campaign failed to score.
Face it, Bruce, you back the wrong hoss'

Apologies for the drivel

One august day in November
John Kerry lost to his better
He said it quite rare
The election was fair
Now if his fans will remember

It was quite unexpected
And I'm feeling rejected
Despite my attempt
I got stiff contempt
And Bush got unre-elected!

Your positions a scam
The nuance a sham
What did you think
The people would blink?
"Did I tell you I served in the Nam"

About that man of the Left
Whose words and deeds were bereft
Of value or pride
Who seemed very snide
He's lost and can't call it theft

Last one - I'll go put my hairshit on now.

My partner preened like a pimp
While my foe got stuck with a gimp
When returns came in
I said with chagrin
"Good Lord, I've been beat by a chimp!"

The time for our anger has past
we must be united at last
bin Laden is waiting
now no hesitating
let's go kick some terrorist ass