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this election is giving me a wedgie

On the morning of the eighth day before the election, I opened the drawer where I keep my panties and was oh, so surprised to see them all laid out nice and orderly and not, as I suspected they would be, in a bunch. Funny thing, ain't it, that the closer it gets to the election, the calmer I become? What's the point of going bezerk at this juncture? I can no more change the outcome of the election with my rantings than I can change the amount of money in my wallet with a wish. It's my belief that the outcome is already decided, anyhow. All that's left is the voting. Even the people out there who declare themselves as still undecided probably already know deep down who they are going to vote for. So, barring a huge October Surprise, nothing anyone does at this point is going to sway the election either way. Unless, of course someone comes up with a photo of Kerry getting a lap dance from a Chippendale dancer or one of Bush eating a baby. Oh, look at that. Not a baby, but close enough. Thanks, Alex Ross! No siren-wailing Drudge headline or British attempts to control Ohio voters will sway this thing anymore than my standing on a soapbox in the middle of the internet will. So why bother? Oh, sure. It's great to have a place to wail on about my angst and my anxiety. It's great to let it all out day after day. But to what end? So I can drive home from work thinking about all the aggravation I've gathered during the day and then take it out on some elderly driver whose only fault was in not using her directional to make the sllllooooow turn onto the side street? Eh, I probably would have screamed those things at her anyhow. Perhaps I'm engaging in a bit of avoidance. Maybe I'd much rather focus on the rituals of Halloween or the latest, greatest band to hit the airwaves because writing about the election - even talking about it to my friends and family - only serves to make me feel agitated. Maybe I don't want to think about what will happen should Bush lose. And I don't mean what will happen to the country as a whole, but what will happen to the building ulcer in my stomach or the volcanic anxiety building up in my head. Yea, who am I kidding. I'll start off today by writing about ghost stories or something non-political and by late afternoon I'll be wading through the swamps of Democratic Underground and feeling my panties slowly creep up my ass. I have no one to blame but myself. No one is forcing me to engage in all of this. I could just as easily turn the computer off and go read a book or bake a cake. And then I think that if I did turn the computer off - if I shut myself off from blogging for the next eight days - I would end up standing on a street corner wearing a sandwich board proclaiming the end is nigh. Which, when you think about it, is what a lot of us do anyhow, in a virtual sort of way. Sometimes those sandwich boards are hastily spray painted with things that are more dire than they seem, and then people laugh and point at us. And sometimes the words are right, or at least well thought out, and they laugh at us anyhow because, really, we're standing on a street corner ringing warning bells. Parents will steer small children away from us and then go home and prop those kids in front of the nightly news, where they can see professionals wearing sandwich boards that someone else painted for them. Well, that was off course. But honest, nonetheless. Which is all we can expect from each other, right? Hah. Even I don't believe that. It may be the season of the witch out there, but it's also the season of lies. Maybe it's no coincidence that Election Day is so close to Halloween. After all, we're getting pages full of tricks and treats every day. And one person's trick is another person's treat. So late at night on November 2nd, we'll all peer into our bags to see if we got the full-sized Hershey bar or the razor in the apple. Depends on which doors you decided to knock on, I guess. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a wedgie to pick.

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» Lileks isn't done yet from scrawlville.com
Some of us around the 'sphere have taken to backing off of commentary on the election. As Michele said, Funny thing, ain't it, that the closer it gets to the election, the calmer I become? What's the point of going... [Read More]

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I pretty much stopped talking politics on here a while ago. It just didn't seem to be worth it, I'm... [Read More]

Comments

So,as per my pic request,is your dainties drawer normally disheveled?Did dirty little elves straighten it in the wee hours?
On a more serious note,my main fear at this point is that some knuckleheaded asshats will use Halloween as a "cover" to wreak mayhem in their addled cause ,thereby tainting my favorite holiday.For that I would have no forgiveness.

Brilliant!!

mbruce: Seek help.

michele: I've also given up on the idea of doing anything more than light commentary on the 2nd. But here's hope: the last home game of the Redskins is against the Packers on the 31st. Assuming the Redskins can suck less, history tells us Bush will be reelected.

I'm sorry, I lost track after "panties".

I, too, am ready for this election to be over. It's getting disheartening, etc. I just want to see the final poll now.
The one that counts.

(and I pray that fraud does not have a part. And I worry about what is going to happen with Ohio and its messed up ballot that is already out there and being returned)

"I would end up standing on a street corner wearing a sandwich board proclaiming the end is nigh. Which, when you think about it, is what a lot of us do anyhow, in a virtual sort of way. Sometimes those sandwich boards are hastily spray painted with things that are more dire than they seem, and then people laugh and point at us. And sometimes the words are right, or at least well thought out, and they laugh at us anyhow because, really, we're standing on a street corner ringing warning bells. Parents will steer small children away from us and then go home and prop those kids in front of the nightly news, where they can see professionals wearing sandwich boards that someone else painted for them"

Really Fine writing. A+

I don't know a single person who hasn't decided. Not a single person. Like you say, it's all over but the voting.

Please bake a cake. And then send me a slice. I'm cravin' for cake just now. German Chocolate, if you don't mind.

Thank goodness for early voting. My wife and I voted last Friday. Had it been possible, I would've voted months ago (for Bush, of course).

The campaign goes on for WAY too long. Campaign fatique set in long ago. Now that I've voted, I've pretty much decided to ignore the news altogether until after the election, even more than I'd trended for the past month or so.

I, on the other hand, am scared totally shitless that John Kerry is going to win. Jebus. There has to be something we can do.

Please, keep fighting the good fight. Let's swim all the way to the wall on this one. You never know if you can sway a few people here and there. You have an enormously successful blog. You reach people.

You for one have been one source for me of keeping my morale up on political things. I've been trying to convince people in my immediate circle to vote for Bush. That's all we can try to do. Pick up a person here and there. It's not over based on projections.

As Lou Carnesecca said, "That's why they play the game."

I agree with Bill. You never know how many votes you might sway in certain states at the last second if you remind people about this. :-)

You're almost completely right as to the election. Almost everyone has decided, whether they'll say so or not. In this last week of campaigning it's not really about changing minds, it's about enthusiasm. There are always those who either give up and stay home or rush to the polls depending on how they perceive their side as doing.
Remember the people in the Florida panhandle when the Nets called Florida for Gore while those panhandle polling places were still open? Had those people not turned around and gone home, the Florida debacle of twelve bazillion recounts wouldn't have happened.
Now is not the time to relax. November third is. For maybe a whole day before we have to mobilise the fight against Kerry's SWAT Teams of ten thousand lawyers.

Mmmmmmmm ... panties.

Yeah, I'm about worn out trying to persuade anybody. And let's face it: Bush will lose New York even if he wins handily. But there's still a lot yet to happen that can sway this election - turnout, lawsuits, fraud. I voted on Friday by absentee so I'm free to go volunteer on Tuesday wherever the Bush campaign needs me (we Republican lawyers will be playing the defenders-of-Helm's-Deep role).

I'm tired too. But, when I mentioned this in class last week, one of my students, who just happened to immigrate from Iraq 6 years ago and became a US citizen 6 months ago, reminded me...at least we CAN vote! Properly chastened, I've gone back to quiet resignation and waiting.