An open letter to my most prolific comment spammer
Dear bob (this could go to angrry girl as well):
I was thinking about both of you as I deleted the comment spam you left on my site during the night and I got to wondering about your chosen career path.
Let's say you make ten cents for every spam comment you leave. Does your boss know that just minutes, even seconds, after you leave that comment, it's deleted? I'm thinking that if the company you work for checks on your work at all, they would see no evident of the hard, long hours you put it informing the masses about granny porn and pocket bikes and you'd end up with a whopping paycheck of about thirty cents. Is it worth it?
And there's the other thing. See, no one really reads those old post you're leaving the comments on. Oh, I know that you're only doing it so your boss's website gets the high Google ranking, but doesn't it ever make you feel just a little bit sad that you're spending the time putting in these well thought out comments (great site! thanks for the info!) and the 47 links to dogs getting it on with grade D porn stars and no one is reading them? Does it make you feel empty inside? Just a little?
I was also thinking about your social lives. Bob, what do you say to a pretty young thing that you're trying to pick up in the corner bar after a hard day's work spamming blogs? When she asks you what you do for a living, do you fib just a bit and tell her that you're a publicist or a promoter? What if you get her in bed and she ends up falling in love with you (thanks to the free viagra you get from your company) and she wants to know more about your job? I can imagine the look on her face when you tell her that the publicizing you do consists of trolling weblog comments with promotions for lactating shemale porn. Unless, of course, the girl you end up bedding goes by the name of angrrygirl. Or she's really a lactating shemale. Then you're golden.
I suppose it takes all types to keep our economy going. But it can't do much for your self-esteem to know that you're among the bottom feeders of the workforce, right alongside telemarketers and bill collectors.
I almost feel sorry for you, that you were forced to choose such a disgraceful career path, but I have to wonder what led you to this juncture. There's a root cause for everything, bob, and someday we'll get to the bottom of why you think comment spammer is a good job choice. And maybe someday, we'll figure out why the people who pay you think it is worth doing so, when everything they pay you for disappears so quickly. Or why they think that people in the market for a second mortgage are going to use the first company that pops up on Excite to get one.
Well, if you're ever in town, let me know. I'd like to buy you a drink. Hah, no. What I'd like to do is hog tie you and hang you from my ceiling. Then, I'd invite every spam weary blogger over for drinks and, when they're drunk enough, I'll pass out sticks and yell Pinata time!
Don't say you didn't have that coming, bob. I know that deep down inside, you feel shame. Make the break today. Leave the seedy world of comment spam behind. Stop making the baby jesus cry.
Sincerely,
M
Yes, I am fully aware that "bob" may be just a bot. Work with me here, ok>
Update: Heh.
Comments
Hmmmm...to tie your last two posts together...you're voting for GWBush and, c'mon admit it, you approve of torture for spammers (not that there's anything wrong with that).
BTW, I want the bent stick with the knot in it.
Posted by: a different Bill | October 24, 2004 11:23 AM
I'd like to say that I'd beat his ass sober, but instead I'll settle for slitting his throat, collecting his blood, and baking passover Matzohs with it.
Posted by: Laurence Simon | October 24, 2004 11:25 AM
LOL
What may have brought 'Bob' to such a low level?
For about 8 mos seven years ago, in the midst of my divorce, I needed a part-time job and ended up working at my local newspaper in the telemarketing department. Of the rather motley group were two other divorced single moms, a couple single women who sometimes disappeared for a few days because you knew they were speed freaks and just lost track of time, one wanna-be rap artiste, and one 22 y/o guy who was well-groomed, well-spoken, college educated and didn't seem to need the money.
But he needed the job at the newspaper as a cover to tell his family. He was a porn-actor.
Posted by: Darleen | October 24, 2004 11:44 AM
I get the weirdest spam ever. Someone from "free online (insert name of common card game a popular painting shows some cigar-smoking dogs playing)" left a whole series of spam in my comment moderation queue with phrases like "To prefer evil to good is not in human nature; and when a man is compelled to choose one of two evils, no one will choose the greater when he may have the less." What--the--f-- And the email address was "lilo@suddenenlightenment.us." What really made it weird was that this spam wasn't even in my online moderation queue, just the email list of moderated comments that I have sent to me. Which makes me think that the spammers have somehow managed to spoof my site's comment moderation auto-emailer. Sigh.
Anyway, I just wonder: does this actually generate money for the people that do this? I mean, are there really people out there that would, upon receiving this spam in their website's comments thoughtfully say "Hmmm..." as they read "suddenenlightenment's" Zen clichs, and then squeal "Oh boy! I must visit Online (insert common card game etc.).Com immediately!" Sometimes I fear for the human race.
Posted by: Andrea Harris | October 24, 2004 11:46 AM
Michele,
I also had the Bob problem. Installing MT-Blacklist is painfully simple and it has solved the problem. Installed on Thursday, already thwarted around 100 attempts by good old Bob.
If you install it, just add the following as one of your blocked URL fragments:
\bbob@y[^\s.]+o\.com
Bob will not strike again.
Posted by: Bill K | October 24, 2004 11:49 AM
Bill, I do have MT Blacklist installed. Something tells me I'm not using it to its full potential, though.
Posted by: michele | October 24, 2004 11:52 AM
Just go to the add part and add the line I put up. It will take care of Bob.
Let me know if you have any ?'s
Posted by: Bill K | October 24, 2004 11:57 AM
is this the same Bob, i'm thining about? Microsoft Bob? Auuuuuuuugh!
Posted by: mr lawson | October 24, 2004 12:54 PM
Sorry to disillusion you, but comment spamming is automated, as you might expect for what would otherwise be a low value, excessively manual activity.
Posted by: Cracker Barrel Philosopher | October 24, 2004 01:46 PM
can my stick be a Louisville Slugger?
mmmmm, pinata time
Posted by: Dave in Texas | October 24, 2004 02:05 PM
I have the Angry Grrlll problem. Not so much Bob.
Posted by: bryan | October 24, 2004 03:37 PM
The comment spamming almost certainly is automated, but...someone wrote the code that causes it to happen. So just redirect the "open letter" to the programmer.
She: What do you do for a living?
He: I write programs to spam comments on blogs
Doesn't sound a whole lot better than doing it directly, does it?
Posted by: David Foster | October 24, 2004 03:38 PM
I like the image of the pinata party....everyone could don their favorite superhero/heroine apparel and take turns at being Mighty Spam Slayers.
Posted by: Trish | October 24, 2004 05:55 PM
I believe I have at least temporarily blocked Bob and angrrrygirl, but now kate.h is all over me like a barfly on a dumpster bagel.
Posted by: Velociman | October 24, 2004 08:29 PM
Since I have multiple layers of commerical spam filters the only spam I get are hand crafted letters from Nigeran royalty or some such.
Posted by: Joshua Scholar | October 24, 2004 09:38 PM
Bill - thanks for the mt tip, bob seems to like my blog a lot too.
Posted by: eve | October 25, 2004 12:21 AM
Imagine bob's karma.
And, if you're reading this, bob, consider all those people who hope that, if the terrorists hit again, or an earthquake pancakes a freeway, or a meteor crashes to earth -- well you get the drift.
Posted by: Kevin Murphy | October 25, 2004 12:31 AM
To avoid things like this, one of the other blogs I read (WesSalmon) turned off comments on blog entries that over over a certain age.
Posted by: Sarah Schreffler | October 25, 2004 09:31 AM
Between the time I upgraded to MT3 and the time Jay created the emergency version of MTBL, I was getting maybe 10 comment spams a day.
I had comment authorization in place, which meant I had to physically approve comments before they were posted.
Once I installed the emergency release of MTBL, comment spam shot through the roof, with at least 1000 a day being rejected by MTBL; at least I didn't have to delete the comments, and I went back to not having to authorize comments.
After installing MT3.11, I couldn't get the bundled version of MTBL to work, so I thought I would have to go back to authorizing again.
Except I have received another comment spam since.
MT-Blacklist?
Spam-blocker?
or
Spam-magnet?
I know which way I'm leaning.
Posted by: Rob @ L&R | October 25, 2004 09:48 AM
That should read:
"have NOT received another comment spam since"
Posted by: Rob @ L&R | October 25, 2004 09:50 AM
2 much spam in here :-(
Posted by: Angeln | November 11, 2004 11:21 PM
Hi-Allll! I am a filthy comment spammer. See my site to learn how I spammed you: http://gir.dyndns.org:3400/
Posted by: Comment spammer | November 14, 2004 02:23 PM
Hi-Allll! I am a filthy comment spammer. See my site to learn how I spammed you: http://gir.dyndns.org:3400/
Posted by: Comment spammer | November 14, 2004 02:24 PM
Explorer will always be the best browser. Don"t you dare install Firefox or we will sue you.
IE Team
Posted by: IE Team | November 14, 2004 03:25 PM
All these are spmmaers- fuck them all!
ritazohar@012.net.il amirgans@hotmail.com crashoverrride@hotmail.com remove@nitzanhr.com zshen@shenmedia.com grass@lm.com futureofus@yahoo.com yanivp@pc.co.il e-commerce@shoplet.co.il kfir@vparty.co.il michal@vparty.co.il guy@vparty.co.il guyel111@hotmail.com gil_stern@yahoo.com gilad19@israsrv.net.il noam@work2you.net webmaster@sweethome.co.il amos@work2home.net amosref@walla.co.il amosref@yahoo.com http://www.shoplet.co.il/ http://quimka.com quimka@quimka.com info@taocomputers.com ran_tao@netvision.net.il http://taocomputers.com orders@d-d.co.il d-d.co.il@internic.co.il shlomi@e-shop.co.il arcadia@inter.net.il newsletter1@e-shop.co.il newsletter@e-shop.co.il sales@dynamic-studio.co.il arkadyr@dynamic-studio.co.il robin@dynamic-studio.co.il eduard@dynamic-studio.co.il iggi@dynamic-studio.co.il tempter@dynamic-studio.com sergi@dynamic-studio.com abuse@hot.ee etgar@69.56.135.2 abuse@69.56.135.2 etgar@hit8.hotlog.ru abuse@224.96.64.80 zvika@etgar.org.il
Posted by: Fuck spammers | November 15, 2004 01:58 AM