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when you care enough to send the very best insults and dire warnings about one's mental health

I would like to take this time to thank a few folks for their words of concern and/or love over the past few days, whether they came by email, in comments on other sites or through use of The Force. To all: So, you think I've gotten "cranky" or "emotional" in the past few weeks. You think that I could use medication/a hot bath/a cup of lemon honey tea/a vacation/raunchy sex/a stiff drink/a time-out/my mouth washed out with soap/therapy/shock treament/a lobotomy/a spanking/a wake up call/barbituates. And a few of you think that I've become a brazen hussy by talking about (ohmygod, she's going to say the S word!) sex. Seriously, people. Go through the archives. I've been tame in the past year or so. Take off your chastity belt and live a little. I do, however, appreciate the tone of love in your emails. If only they made a Hallmark card for such occassions. Outside: (picture of a dancing banana) In times like these.... Inside: ...Roses are red Violets are blue You're a complete stranger But I'm concerned about you! Alternately: Outside: (painting of rabbits cavorting through a windswept field) Inside: I know that life is tough in this election year Perhaps instead of blogging You can drown yourself in beer You seem a little cranky and holier than thou Why not save some time and kill yourself right now? I know that I don't know you So this may seem out of place But maybe you should drop out Of the human race (And I say this as a fellow member of the right But you disagree with me on one issue So you must be a complete idiot who deserves to die and/or be locked up in a mental ward forever and ever! Sort of lost the rhythm on that one, but you get the point. So, to all of you who sent me those lovely messages of hope and love, I have this one for you: Roses are red violets are blue Although, they can really be considered purple If viewed in a certain light And roses, well they aren't always red, are they? Such a general statement about such a complex flower seems kind of silly. Anyhow. While I ready my morning post (you thought this was it? Nope.), you should know that I'll be guest blogging over at Goldstein's place this week, where I'll probably hijack one of his recurring themes and make it my own, while taking the time to make fun of each of the members of the powerful cabal of bloggers he bribed to blog for him while he's presumably visiting relatives in Baltimore. Like we buy that. And I'm still waiting for my ten dollars, Jeff. I did hold up my end of the bargain. You were too drunk to notice.
Let me explain something: This has been the week from hell (and that has nothing to do with blogging or the election - it's just been a long week that is only going to get longer before it ends) and I still have two days left before I can get a moment's peace. I have run out of patience with people who think they own me. I have run out of patience with my daughter and her mouth. I have run out of patience with my son and his disastrous schoolwork ethics. I have run out of patience with idiot drivers, with demanding people, with parents who never, ever offer to carpool but expect me to drive their kids everywhere and home again, with noisy, selfish neighbors, with people who want to take, take, take but balk at giving even a little smidgen, with people who expect you to hold up both ends of a friendship......Frankly, I'm at a point today where I'm either going to break down in tears or kill someone with my bare hands. And I'm not even PMS. I am In. A. Mood. Do not test me today. I have sharpened my machete. Conversely, I have a box of tissues ready.


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» It's going around from Darleen's Place
Between the twin's cold, Heather's skydiving, office politics (which I try ducking like crazy), Siobhan's last minute "btw, mom, I know its Wednesday, but I'm going to homecoming Saturday and I need [fill appropriate wallet-sucking stuff here]", a myri... [Read More]


it's too early for this

Then go back to bed, Ric. Close the browser and go back to bed.

Be strong little buckaroo! (I'm having the same type of week at work, but I don't have a blog OR a teenage daughter, can't imagine what your going through)

Reading A Small Victory is the highlight of my morning. We may be strangers, in that we have never met, but you are a close friend in that I (along with lots of others) really care what is happening in your life. I gladly admit that I am happy that I am not nearby when things set you off, but I wish I could be when you need support.

BTW, all of us parents of teenage girls feel the EXACT same way (I currently have two, and another who is heading that way). Also, the EXACT same things with the boys (three of them also). They sure do a great job of pushing our buttons, don't they?

Despite those who try to tell you what you owe us, your readers, I expect that most of us are just grateful that you provide what you do, the way you do.

I hope that you can have an enjoyable day today.

Get a dog.

Um...the Yankees suck?

Me too...after I got me screaming children to bed last night I sat down with a giant glass of wine and cried over the last half hour of "Armageddon" ... it's going around.

Crazy just means you're more interesting than the average schmuck.

As far as the disagreement on one issue deal, well, I think that's endemic to the bloggosphere. Specifically, there are enough of us out here that it is actually possible to find one clone or another that believes exactly like you do. So then, one begins to associate all peoples as having the exact same beliefs. When said person deviates from that preconceived notion, hell must march forth.

Just an observation from a complete stranger. But, I might add, a stranger so complete that I have been coming back just to listen to your blog.radio.

Sorry your week's been crappy. When I'm having a lousy time of it, it always helps to play gratuitously violent games (explosions are therapeutic) and music (Green Day's F.O.D. comes to mind).

Hm. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know that it really helps that much. But I like to think it does.

Isn't it amazing how we can be so slow to say "thank you" or something else that's positive and supportive; and how quickly we "pull the trigger" over some disagreement?

You don't know me at all; I know you only through what you've put here on your blog. I don't always agree with everything you write; but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it. Thanks for your thoughts; 'cause even when I disagree, what you've written makes me think!

And for the nasty people who've sent you such wonderful words of encouragement; well, if they disagree with you, they must be crazy, right? [grin] Hang in there...

I get about 10 pieces of hate mail a day from my blog and Moorewatch combined. On a bad week it can be as many as a hundred or more.




Fuck 'em. They ain't writing every day, they aren't baring their minds or their souls. They don't want to hear what you have to say, they just want to yell at you.

It took me a long time to figure it out.

Read each one witha bemused grin, respond to the ones you thnk you can string along and mess with for your own amusement, and screw the rest. And when they get personal and vitriolic, do one of two things: Delete it and never think of it again, or pick a famous person from history and pretend that famous person is a flame artists from the old days of Usenet. Try to flame the emailer in that style. Be creatively vulgar while trying to write in this other person's voice.

Seriously, after awhile, shooting the trolls can be a fun sport! ;)

I wish to Xst you'd stop validating these emailing motherfuckers by writing posts dedicated to them. They deserve to stew in the oblivion to which they're accustomed, not see their stupid, insulting words paraphrased in your rebuttal.

Alternatively, you could just forward them to me for some World Fucking Class abuse. I am in a fucking MOOD today, people.

God lord, Michele, how is it you give such fine, succinct phrases that perfectly captures the pulsating maisma I, too, have been experiencing of late???

Yes, it's going around.

I'm SO looking forward to the weekend.


I'm down to my last teenaged daughter (#4 is 17), but the "kids drive you crazy" doesn't go away. #3, 21 y/o decided to go skydiving.

I should have stock in L'Oreal for all the hair dye I use.


Michele, I think you should go the 'Kill someone with my bare hands' route. Mostly because you've got to follow through on your word or no one will repsect you but also because it's by far the best way to vent your frustrations. Besides, if you don't do it then you're not real gangsta, you're just playin' gangsta.

Daughter - Ditto
Son - Ditto
Traffic, house, neighbors, etc., etc. ad nauseaum. Plus, every day since Sunday has been a bad hair day.
Having. The. Same. Week. -- From. Hell.
I'm pleading justifiable homicide if anything happens.

Maybe it's lunar.

That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

What Sekimori said.

3 daughters, 30, 28, 25. 28 year old is pregnant and doesn't want me to come to Connecticut when she delivers, she'd rather have her rich in-laws.

3 grandchildren I go over and help with every weeknight while their mother is at work.
They live at my ex-husband's house. Whoopee.
Along with his Altzhimer's mother who is worse than the hyperactive 5 year old.

1 grandchild in Connecticut who's sick and I won't see him until Thanksgiving, see above.

Lung-ripping cough and cold.

I am completely convinced it's the waning moon. And fall. I hate fall.

So I would tell those meddlesome busybodies who tell you how to run your own @%#$ blog to go piss up a rope. And alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

Imperial Keeper

I'll own up to being one of the one's who called Michele "cranky" in a post on my site. It was meant as a term of endearment and not an indictment on Michele. As a matter of fact, in the same post I give credit to Michele as one of the number of inspirations for trying my hand at this medium, even if it is a hack job of a try. I apologize if it became one of the motivations for this post. No harm intended (in fact, just the opposite was meant). Perhaps I should re-examine my understanding of the 'sphere.

And roses, well
they aren't always red, are they?
Such a general statement
about such a complex flower
seems kind of silly.

Is pretty funny.

And yes, Jeff's little theme posts are irresistable targets. The other guest posters have been posting mostly little copies of them. I'm afraid there are almost no targets left. If you're up to it you could write a Brautigan chapter (that would cement your new Wonkette-like brazen rep). Or you could have a conversation with the Big Apple... Or, remember John Ewards/bunny jokes never go out of style ==>:P (that was supposed to be Bugs Bunny sticking out his tongue).

Jeff's literary fantacy style is rich but intimidating to anyone like me who doesn't have a liberal arts degree.

Ooops, Allah has already posted a bunny pic... I read it without realizing that it wasn't Jeff's.

What would your "Red pills found in the sofa" sound like?

Great post, Michele.
I think it's just exceedingly cool that you have the ability to take your bad week and redirect that negative energy into something positive that makes me smile...

You know, sharpened machetes do make mood swings a lot more interesting. That and life gets a lot quieter for at least a short time afterward.

I plead the Fifth to any further questions.

I have a box of tissues ready too. But for a different reason!

...but I like your bitchy moments--most of the time. I don't feel so alone, and you, Michele (and a few others), can lay it out so much more succinctly than I. ;)

Welcome to the world of daughters and their mouths (I have two). Sometime, when you feel better apologize to your mother.

Oh, and by the way boys are complete idiots, sounds like your son is right on track.

Brazen Hussy would be a great name for an all-girl band.

...if only they made a Hallmark card for such occassions.

They could have, but they rejected my portfolio! I don't know why they escorted me out of the building.
I had some like yours, but The only example I kept was my post-thanksgiving greeting card.

For some reason I just had a really interesting image of Michele wearing a silver helmet with silver body paint, wearing a blue/red/yellow superman outfit, shouting "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!"



Good thing it's lunch time... I didn't spew a drink all over my monitor!! Warning next time, eh???


BTW... what kind of card can you whip up for the deadbeat ex-husband? When I think of mine I just can't get "I wish you broken kneecaps" to rhyme with anything.

I agree with Shank. Kill them all, let Allah sort 'em out. ;]


I started something like that awhile back, myself. I called it the "Let's Be Frank" card company. You know with cards that would be, honest:

Front: I had the time of my life last night!

Inside: Maybe you should spend the evening at your mother's place more often.

Of course, yours was pretty honest.


Um, I missed this yesterday.

I'll just be going to take out the garbage. Then I'll wash the car and cut the grass. How about I paint the house, too?

(sorry, but it's an automatic defense reflex mechanism...)