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A Sexy VP and a Good Blaster at Your Side

[If you'll look over to the left, there's a new selection of radio tunes loaded up for your enjoyment. Mostly random, chosen by fate songs from the Winamp playlist except The Eels, which is for him and AIC, which is for him.] I'll dispense with the baseball analogies today in regards to last night's debate. It's just not as much fun when your team is on the losing side. Honestly, I didn't pay full attention to the debate. I was busy a) trying to keep my eyes open and b) trying to maintain a civil atmosphere in the Command Post chat room. (A) was through no fault of Bush or Cheney's; yesterday was one of those days that required my children to be in seventeen places at the same time, all spread out across the planet. As any parent/chauffeur will tell you, that's exhausting. (B) was rather annoying. I find that some people spew instead of talk, even when the conversation doesn't really call for spewing, as it sometimes does. I watch what people type and I can practically feel the spittle flying from their lips and landing on my face. I don't like cleaning up spittle. It makes me angry. So I did what any chat room moderator would do under the circumstances; I went to bed and left the moderating to Trish and Faith. Thank you, girls. You don't mind that I called you girls, do I? I see that most are calling the debate in Cheney's favor but tempering it with the admonition that Cheney didn't exactly spank Edwards. Maybe he slapped him on the butt. I don't know about ennobling his leprauchan, either. Let's say he tied Edwards down to the bed, slapped him around a bit and talked dirty to him. But Edwards enjoyed it and Cheney left a few dollars on the table. That work for you? (Hey, I'm warming up for a guest stint at Goldstein's place. I'm trying out my Jeff voice). Although, Edwards really should be giving it away for free. Anyhow. The only way I could judge this match-up, given that I was otherwise occupied (ok, so the Yankees were on a second tv in the room) was to look at it in a shallow sort of way. Yesterday, Andrew Sullivan (who thinks that Edwards pimp slapped Cheney, making me think that he was fantasizing rather than actually watching the debate) said: bq. Well, I could easily be wrong, but I have a feeling Cheney will crush Edwards tonight. The format is God's gift to Daddy. They'll both be seated at a table, immediately allowing Cheney to do his assured, paternal, man-of-the-world schtick that makes me roll on my back and ask to have my tummy scratched. (Yes, I do think that Cheney is way sexier than Edwards. Not that you asked or anything.) He called Cheney daddy. Man, I reserve those fantasies for the more virile among the hot politicians. And when I do that fantasizing, trust me - I'm not having my tummy scratched. Whatever. The important part here is that I actually agree with Andrew on something: Cheney is hella sexier than Edwards. I like my men with a little meat on them. I mean that in a figurative way. Here comes the now requisite analogy. Given the choice between sleeping with Luke or Han, I'd choose Han every time. While Luke is waxing emotional and wistfully staring off into the twin suns of Tatooine, Han is all business. He's brisk, he's self assured and he's sexy. Luke is the vast, empty plains of his home planet. Han is Hoth. There's something about a hero and a planet made of ice that's stimulating. And where Luke is petulant and whiny, Han is witty and sarcastic. My kind of guy. You get Luke into bed, he'd jus want to cuddle. You get Han into bed and, well, prepare to be boarded. Look at it like this: Luke : You know, between his howling and you blasting everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're here. Han Solo : Bring 'em on, I'd prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around. Which one do you want as your vice-president? So, there you have it. Cheney not only won the debate, but he's sexier and way cooler than Edwards, and probably better in bed, despite the heart problems. And really, that ticking time bomb of his would just make the whole thing hotter. I'm almost to the point of disgusting myself here, so I'll stop. But - I do wish that at one of those points where Edwards had that smarmy look in his face, Cheney would have looked him in the eye and said, "Great, kid. Don't get cocky." [If you're looking for real debate commentary, try the round up at Allah's]

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» Hmm... never thought of it that way... from scrawlville.com
a small victory says the debate was really between Han and Luke. Given the choice between sleeping with Luke or Han, I'd choose Han every time. While Luke is waxing emotional and wistfully staring off into the twin suns of... [Read More]

» Hmm... never thought of it that way... from scrawlville.com
a small victory says the debate was really between Han and Luke. Given the choice between sleeping with Luke or Han, I'd choose Han every time. While Luke is waxing emotional and wistfully staring off into the twin suns of... [Read More]

» Edwards Taken to Woodshed from Infidel Cowboy
Paraphrasing, "if you can't stand up to Howard Dean, how can you expect to be trusted to stand up to Al Queda." Substance-wise, Edward got hammered, especially during the first half, just as Kerry was in the Presidential debate. No... [Read More]

» Debate, Shmebate from Coffee with CrankyBeach
The first Tuesday of the month being the usual meeting time of the Left Coast chapter of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, I did not watch the debate. Co-conspirators Ith... [Read More]

» Who’s your Daddy? from exit zero (formerly what are they saying)
During last night’s debate, Cheney and Edwards had a kind of father/son vibe between them – especially when Cheney told... [Read More]

» Who’s your Daddy? from exit zero (formerly what are they saying)
During last night’s debate, Cheney and Edwards had a kind of father/son vibe between them – especially when Cheney told... [Read More]

» Who’s your Daddy? from exit zero (formerly what are they saying)
During last night’s debate, Cheney and Edwards had a kind of father/son vibe between them – especially when Cheney told... [Read More]

» Cheney as Solo from Dorkafork's Cavalcade of Crap
I can't believe nobody did something with Michele's idea about Dick Cheney as Han Solo. So here you go: And not a bad summary of the debate. "Who's gonna fly it kid? You?" ("You've never heard of the Halliburton Falcon?... [Read More]

» Edwards Taken to Woodshed from Infidel Cowboy
update: I think Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom had the best summary: Dick Cheney smokes imported cigars, drinks double Scotch neat from a chunky tumbler, and talks to his friends about dames and gams and stock options. John Edwards wants... [Read More]

Comments

Gee, thanks Michele. I'm going to have to wash my mind out with soap now, between you and Sully. ;]

I'd vote for the Wookie, truth be told. Growl and shoot.
(NO "Bear" jokes, Andrew!)

well, that was kinda gross.
The mental picture of cheney getting his swerve on.

It's a good thing I'm not quite awake yet, maybe I'll be able to forget this. I think you just stepped over the not-so-fine line between political commentary and sexual deviance.

[Funny. I woke up with that song in my head.]

shank: what is this "line" you speak of?

I don't mind being called a girl. In fact, I enjoy being a girl.

And I agree with your comparison of Han/Luke to Cheney/Edwards Give me a guy who's got that touch of 'bad boy' any time.....

Hmmm. I think Cheney reminds me more of Obi-Wan (who was quite sexy in his youth), but I agree with your larger point. Whining is about as unsexy as it gets.

"Cheney is hella sexier than Edwards."

I completely agree. Edwards is prettier, but definitely not sexier.

Bush/Cheney have a robust masculinity that Kedwards can only hope to achieve without breaking a nail.

I also made a Star Wars reference in watching the debate. To me, the debate appeared to be Darth Vader vs Luke, and I am part of the dark side.

"And really, that ticking time bomb of his would just make the whole thing hotter".

Ewwwwh! Two words - Nelson Rockefeller

I'm with Trish. Call me a girl any time, babycakes.

Han, all the way.

Happy to be the first to try to make you feel better about the Yankees loss. They should score before the series ends.

Uh...Michele? I don't want you hanging out with that Sullivan kid anymore. He's putting all kinds of nasty ideas into your head. The words "sex" and "Cheney" don't even belong on the same page together. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr. That's just disgusting. Deep shudder

In fact, I gotta cry 'foul ball!' on this. The mental image of Andrew Sullivan rolling over on his hairy back to take it up the back stairs from "Daddy" Cheney is going to put me right off my dinner tonight. I may not sleep for a week.

Foul! FOUL BALL!!!

You'all crack me up.

Girls in charge of the chat room.

wistful longings for the older vice president.

images of gay sex.

Michele are you tring to move in on wonkette's street corner? I hear that hooker keeps a shive. be careful.

hehhehe. I have the picture of SNL's Cheney in Afgainistan with the super heart pacemaker, the one that makes coffee, showing up at Michele's new house ready to go....

it's interesting to note that without anything substantive to talk about with regard to your guy's policy and issues, y'all are forced to talk about how the candidates would perform in bed.

Yes, yadda. Because my blog post represents EVERY Republican voter in the United States of America.

Idiot.

Sorry, but I keep seeing Cheney as Jabba the Hutt...

You're right, though...the Han Solo types are preferable (whether they belong to the left or the right of the spectrum)...

Sorry, Doug, but Michael Moore OWNS that role......

And Michele, if you think Luke's bad after being raised as an orphan, just remember what his daddy was like as a teenager.... Talk about blood telling....