A Small Victory

[If you'll look over to the left, there's a new selection of radio tunes loaded up for your enjoyment. Mostly random, chosen by fate songs from the Winamp playlist except The Eels, which is for him and AIC, which is for him.] I'll dispense with the baseball analogies today in regards to last night's debate. It's just not as much fun when your team is on the losing side. Honestly, I didn't pay full attention to the debate. I was busy a) trying to keep my eyes open and b) trying to maintain a civil atmosphere in the Command Post chat room. (A) was through no fault of Bush or Cheney's; yesterday was one of those days that required my children to be in seventeen places at the same time, all spread out across the planet. As any parent/chauffeur will tell you, that's exhausting. (B) was rather annoying. I find that some people spew instead of talk, even when the conversation doesn't really call for spewing, as it sometimes does. I watch what people type and I can practically feel the spittle flying from their lips and landing on my face. I don't like cleaning up spittle. It makes me angry. So I did what any chat room moderator would do under the circumstances; I went to bed and left the moderating to Trish and Faith. Thank you, girls. You don't mind that I called you girls, do I? I see that most are calling the debate in Cheney's favor but tempering it with the admonition that Cheney didn't exactly spank Edwards. Maybe he slapped him on the butt. I don't know about ennobling his leprauchan, either. Let's say he tied Edwards down to the bed, slapped him around a bit and talked dirty to him. But Edwards enjoyed it and Cheney left a few dollars on the table. That work for you? (Hey, I'm warming up for a guest stint at Goldstein's place. I'm trying out my Jeff voice). Although, Edwards really should be giving it away for free. Anyhow. The only way I could judge this match-up, given that I was otherwise occupied (ok, so the Yankees were on a second tv in the room) was to look at it in a shallow sort of way. Yesterday, Andrew Sullivan (who thinks that Edwards pimp slapped Cheney, making me think that he was fantasizing rather than actually watching the debate) said: bq. Well, I could easily be wrong, but I have a feeling Cheney will crush Edwards tonight. The format is God's gift to Daddy. They'll both be seated at a table, immediately allowing Cheney to do his assured, paternal, man-of-the-world schtick that makes me roll on my back and ask to have my tummy scratched. (Yes, I do think that Cheney is way sexier than Edwards. Not that you asked or anything.) He called Cheney daddy. Man, I reserve those fantasies for the more virile among the hot politicians. And when I do that fantasizing, trust me - I'm not having my tummy scratched. Whatever. The important part here is that I actually agree with Andrew on something: Cheney is hella sexier than Edwards. I like my men with a little meat on them. I mean that in a figurative way. Here comes the now requisite analogy. Given the choice between sleeping with Luke or Han, I'd choose Han every time. While Luke is waxing emotional and wistfully staring off into the twin suns of Tatooine, Han is all business. He's brisk, he's self assured and he's sexy. Luke is the vast, empty plains of his home planet. Han is Hoth. There's something about a hero and a planet made of ice that's stimulating. And where Luke is petulant and whiny, Han is witty and sarcastic. My kind of guy. You get Luke into bed, he'd jus want to cuddle. You get Han into bed and, well, prepare to be boarded. Look at it like this: Luke : You know, between his howling and you blasting everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're here. Han Solo : Bring 'em on, I'd prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around. Which one do you want as your vice-president? So, there you have it. Cheney not only won the debate, but he's sexier and way cooler than Edwards, and probably better in bed, despite the heart problems. And really, that ticking time bomb of his would just make the whole thing hotter. I'm almost to the point of disgusting myself here, so I'll stop. But - I do wish that at one of those points where Edwards had that smarmy look in his face, Cheney would have looked him in the eye and said, "Great, kid. Don't get cocky." [If you're looking for real debate commentary, try the round up at Allah's]