Equal Time For Male Appendages
This post allows me to keep with my Friday Fun vow, but at the same time address a political issue.
Dave emails with this burning question:
bq. Is there a correlation between a man's political affiliation and the side he "dresses" to, i.e., which side of his zipper his package goes or which way his member points when he's naked and not erect.
For the record, Dave's appendage points to the left, as does his ideology.
So let it all hang out, so to speak. Guys, does your thing swing the same way as your politics?
[ I do NOT want any pictures with proof.]
Update: It's disturbing me that I don't find the idea of all my male readers suddenly looking down their pants, well, disturbing.
I'm going to regret this. I know.
Comments
Actually, I've never paid close attention. I just checked, and damned if the little guy wasn't pointing to the right.
Maybe there is something to this theory.
Posted by: Keith | October 1, 2004 12:27 PM
Huh.
Oddly enough, yes.
Posted by: Keiran Halcyon | October 1, 2004 12:28 PM
Gosh, would you look at that, it does swing to the right.
Posted by: Vince | October 1, 2004 12:30 PM
Speaking on behalf of the husband...NO. Penis, left...politics, center right.
Now, THIS is quality election coverage.
Posted by: Sekimori | October 1, 2004 12:36 PM
This has nothing to do with me, but what about flip-floppers?
Posted by: Ed | October 1, 2004 12:38 PM
Ahhhh the new great political question of the 2004 election.
Swing to the right in both cases. But I'm also right handed if that has anything to do with it...
Posted by: Pete | October 1, 2004 12:39 PM
Mine drags in the dirt, just like my neanderthal knuckles do. Could be a coincidence, though.
Posted by: Glen Wishard | October 1, 2004 12:41 PM
This thread just got me fired from my job.
See, since you people never cease to amaze me, I wanted to join in all the fun. I went into the directors office while she was out because she's the only one with a mirror on the back of her door. I shut the door, turned around, and stood facing the mirror. I figured if I hurried, I could do this; it would only take a sec right? I quickly unbuckled and shoved my pants down. I was only standing in front of the mirror for about two seconds when the director barged in, followed by the VP of Human Resources. There I was, standing face to face with my director and the man who hired me. The VP actually made a noise through his noise and frowned; as for my director, I think she might have liked it a little more than she'll admit in her harrassment report. Look, if uh, if anyone's got an opening for a data analyst, please send it my way okay?
Oh, and it was uh, straight down the middle of course. heh.
Posted by: shank | October 1, 2004 12:43 PM
Uh, this is really bizarre.
I'm gonna have to go with to the left (which agrees with my politics).
Freaky.
Posted by: Mark | October 1, 2004 12:43 PM
willie: slightly left
politics: warhawk right
Posted by: TC-LeatherPenguin | October 1, 2004 12:46 PM
Weird, just this morning my wife noticed that I carry mine on the right (casual Friday=jeans), which does indeed match my politics.
Seems like I remember reading a while back that most men go to the right.
Posted by: skillzy | October 1, 2004 12:50 PM
They hang low,
they wobble to and fro'
I can tie them in a knot
I can tie them in a bow
I can throw them over my shoulder
like a Continental soldier
.... wait, those are my ears.
in answer to your question, to the right.
Posted by: BumperStickerist | October 1, 2004 12:59 PM
You know, even having raised this question, I understand that should my theory bear out, then there is absolutely no explaining this*. I would hardly call this man a centrist.
Perhaps Mr. Cheney's left one is stubbornly staying over there in defiance of the Gay Marriage Amendment, which I believe the Vice President has spoken out against.
(Oh, GOD, I am so SICK. This to me raises the question if it was the left one that produced the lesbian daughter for the Cheney family.)
I have to go dunk my entire head in a bucket of hand-sanitizer, now.
Posted by: David F. | October 1, 2004 01:04 PM
Dress left, politics are right or libertarian or anarchist. Theory -1.
Posted by: htom | October 1, 2004 01:13 PM
Yup. Like my politics: wildly to the left, then wildly to the right. Constant adjustment is required.
Posted by: Famous Author Rob Byrnes | October 1, 2004 01:16 PM
Nope, dress left, politics far right.
Posted by: Voxxy | October 1, 2004 01:38 PM
I OD'd on Viagra at a party a few weeks ago..... I'll get back to you on this one.
Posted by: Sharp as a marble | October 1, 2004 01:40 PM
Hi -
Inverse relationship. Definitely inverse relationship.
Left, but right. The rest is left as an exercise to the reader.
Right. This topic is best left to the right people.
Inverse, definitely inverse.
:-)
John
Posted by: John F. Opie | October 1, 2004 01:43 PM
Oh, a pole, so to speak, that I can take, so to speak. So hows it hanging? To the right, thank you very much.
Posted by: Scott B | October 1, 2004 01:47 PM
Wait, why no pictures? ;)
Posted by: Faithiepoo | October 1, 2004 01:48 PM
Nah.
Left, right.
Posted by: leelu | October 1, 2004 02:01 PM
because hubble's not operating right now.
Posted by: shank | October 1, 2004 02:01 PM
Left. Left handed. Fortunately neither reflects political opinions.
This would have made a great question for the debate. I wonder if Kerry would have managed to pick a side?
Posted by: Mark | October 1, 2004 02:01 PM
To the North. Always to the North.
Posted by: Val Prieto | October 1, 2004 02:01 PM
In lieu of pictures, a diagram:
Lower noodle = /
Upper noodle = \
Posted by: Midgard | October 1, 2004 02:04 PM
Slightly left. Politics libertarian. I guess that cliche was wrong and I'm controlled by my brain after all.
Posted by: Sam | October 1, 2004 02:05 PM
Left hanger.....
Politically a Right-libertarian.
Posted by: David Earney | October 1, 2004 02:05 PM
Dress: Left
Politics: Right
I wonder if Momma Ketchup can tell us anything in regard to the Senator's unusual muscular control?
Aw cripes, can't we get back on boobies already?
Posted by: carpediem | October 1, 2004 02:10 PM
Here is a little-known secret that some men know and few women know.
If you get a tailor-made suit--not just something off the rack but something made and tailored to your specifications, the tailor or the seamstres mesasures you carefully and then asks a simple question:
"Do you dress right or do you dress left?" It's almost as specific as a woman's cup size.
As for the way my own swings: I admit it swings mildly to the right. But then, this was true 20 years ago when I voted for Mondale and Dukakis. So it's up to you to determine the significance of this trivia..
Posted by: Dean Esmay | October 1, 2004 02:15 PM
My appendage is a lefty for Bush...
Same as me.
Posted by: JOshua ScOlar | October 1, 2004 02:23 PM
Yes, it's true. Although I think the correlation is stronger with which you hand you, er, "use" than which way you lean politically.
Posted by: Allah | October 1, 2004 02:25 PM
Points left (slightly). Politics are center right.
I've noticed there's a lot of left/rights on this board. Theory: If politics lean to the right, the trooper makes up for it by leaning left. A sort of balancing act to keep us centered. Like a tripod.
Posted by: Cool Tester | October 1, 2004 02:29 PM
Dress left, politics right
Posted by: bloatboy | October 1, 2004 02:35 PM
My has a slight clockwise torque to it. I secretly suspect that it has more to do with which hand the guys … um … used when we were going through puberty.
Posted by: Jeff Harrell | October 1, 2004 02:58 PM
Dress left or right and doctrine’s tight;
But flim-flam’s in the mix.
Will some new rise of supple guys
Call forth more Tricky Dicks?
Posted by: Stephen | October 1, 2004 03:04 PM
I think it has more to do with how the guy uh... puts his instrument away after taking a leak and/or the classic boxers or briefs question.
Like Val - I'm a North kind of guy
Posted by: JFH | October 1, 2004 03:10 PM
Can no one say penis?
I can make mine point left or right with my mind...
Posted by: earl | October 1, 2004 03:12 PM
hubby report
dresses left; politics right
Hmmm... wonder how this correlates with
Male:
boxers
briefs
commando
Female:
briefs
bikini
thong
commando
and I'm with Faith...what, no pics??
;-D
Posted by: Darleen | October 1, 2004 03:23 PM
I'm just wondering how Dave feels about having his One-Eyed ManSnake called an "appendage."
Posted by: slim | October 1, 2004 03:37 PM
Speaking for myself, I'm okay with "appendage," because it kinda makes me think "prehensile," which would be incredibly cool in so many ways.
Posted by: Jeff Harrell | October 1, 2004 03:55 PM
Uh, which would be considered significant? My right? Or yours?
Posted by: Bruce | October 1, 2004 04:20 PM
If there were picture, Michelle would lose her rights to use paypal
Posted by: Tom | October 1, 2004 04:34 PM
If there were picture, Michelle would lose her rights to use paypal
Posted by: Tom | October 1, 2004 04:35 PM
Purple helmeted warrior of love?
Posted by: JFH | October 1, 2004 04:38 PM
Jeff Harrell: "prehensile"! ROFL
Note to self: bookmark Shape of Days.
Posted by: MWB | October 1, 2004 04:47 PM
dress right, point left, politics start at the center and go either way depending on the issue.
Posted by: ac | October 1, 2004 05:17 PM
Hangs straight down, no pointing to the left or right (I question you freaks). Politics - conservative libertarian.
Posted by: likwidshoe | October 1, 2004 05:46 PM
Dress: Right up the middle (and I was well into adulthood before I even learned some men dress on one side or the other).
Politics: I think of myself as a centrist. My husband, perhaps more worldly wise, asserts that I am more of a Social Democrat, which would make me center-left.
Posted by: Robert | October 1, 2004 06:03 PM
God! I love a female perv.
Posted by: PhilTR | October 1, 2004 06:04 PM
Appendage Haiku
Defense to the right
Social libertarian
Appendage dress left
Posted by: Chrees | October 1, 2004 06:25 PM
Since i cracked my rib and have to lay on the other side, no, it doesn't.
:-D
Posted by: tommy | October 1, 2004 07:06 PM
November Chad Pecker
My guy dresses left,
but my politics are right,
does that mean something?
Posted by: Dave in Texas | October 1, 2004 07:48 PM
'Mr Happy Hat': Points due south, 180 degrees.
Mr Happy Hat's governor: Libertarian.
Posted by: blindchickracing | October 1, 2004 08:09 PM
I dress right, and my politics used to be far right but now they're dead center.
Posted by: Dave | October 1, 2004 08:57 PM
Politics: right
Dress: left
"is that Anna Kournikova on tv? Nix the 'left' part, we have movement...."
Posted by: Ricky | October 1, 2004 10:50 PM
Clearly right. And yet my politics are, um, hard left.
Posted by: Scott | October 1, 2004 11:21 PM
Dress hard left, politics hard right
Posted by: bjbarron | October 2, 2004 01:05 AM
ROFLMAO! Why yes, you are. ;]
And no, I didn't look. I'm a libertarian... I have no freaking clue what direction my ehrmm... "ideology" is supposed to point. ;)
Posted by: Ironbear | October 2, 2004 05:33 AM
I see England, I see France
Posted by: jcwinnie | October 2, 2004 07:01 AM
Why is Michele looking in Dan Rather's pants?
Posted by: jcwinnie | October 2, 2004 10:48 AM
About this little known secret....how did you men learn about this? Was it a Lifesavers father-son moment?
My sons are 25 and 21, and I don't know if they are privy to this.....and I'm pretty sure I don't want to ask them.
Posted by: Trish | October 2, 2004 02:06 PM
I am VERY glad that no one walked by while I was reading this post since they then would have asked me why I was laughing so much. And I would have had to explain.
Posted by: Sunidesus | October 3, 2004 08:26 PM
Hang left. Lean right.
Posted by: gymrat | October 5, 2004 01:57 PM