Kerry's Exploding Fuel Tank
It's a bumpy, 39 day road to second-best and the Kerry campaign is riding it with no shocks. Next to go, the brakes.
Let's imagine the Kerry camp and all their important issues stuffed inside a Ford Pinto, driving down a New York City street after a harsh winter. Work with me here. Think potholes. Lots of them. With each subsequent pothole traversed, the Pinto jumps and shimmies. And with each jump and each shimmy, the Camp Kerry car loses another body. Look, another undecided voter has been thrown from the vehicle!
You with me? Good.
Let's take a look at some of those potholes. You have your mini-potholes, the ones that make the car bump around a bit. You may not lose any bodies with this one, but you have potential passengers backing off a bit [via Kerry Spot].
12 News Reporter: Most of the polls are tracking that Sen John Kerry as doing a better job on the economy. My question is, why hasn’t that transferred overall in the poll numbers?
Teresa: It has, of course. Of course it has.
Reporter: He’s still down.
Teresa: He’s not. Did you see the polls today? You saw Zogby and ARG —
Reporter: Yes, but he’s still down in Arizona.Teresa: Oh, who cares? You know, one state is not a whole state. In the whole United States, he is even, even, and in some of them one point ahead, and in some one point behind.
Was that the collective body of Arizona I just saw fall out of the car? Before you ask, the answer to your question is yes. Yes, it does matter what the potential First Lady says in a campaign. Just the other day I heard a clip of Teresa using the word scumbag. It's not like she was referring to terrorists, which might have made it acceptable. No, she was referring to her critics. [the clip is from April, you can see the context of it here]
"I believe there is a nobility in public service. I believe every citizen can be a public servant. And should be," Heinz Kerry told News 4. When Wiggin asked, "Do you think some of the nobility has gone out of public service?" the would-be first lady shot back, "Oh, there is [sic] a lot of scumbags everywhere. Not just in politics. In everything. There are a lot of immoral people everywhere."
So, people who don't engage in public service are immoral scumbags? Eh, that's not even the point. The point is, this is not a woman I want representing my country. She's got a foul mouth and is quick to throw insults at those who dare to not be like her. She's a pothole in the campaign.
Thump. Oh my, I think the fender just fell off the Pinto. It tried to maneuver around this pothole but, this being a hypothetical New York street, the thing was the size of Michael Moore. And it looks to be growing, too. What was once a small crack in the road, peripheral to the Kerry campaign, is now threatening to swallow the Camp Kerry car up whole. As Joe Lockhart hangs desperately onto the steering wheel, Bill Burkett is chasing the Pinto down and it looks like he just about caught the door handle. Having Burkett on board this thing - even if he is an unwanted stowaway - is going to weigh this baby down so hard, every pothole is going to look like the black hole.
Gosh, I love metaphors.
Yesterday, the gang that couldn't campaign straight hit a pothole of major proportions. Thing is, they didn't see it for what it was. The view from their car is, shall we say, skewed. The deep pit looming ahead appeared to be a pit stop; a place where they could get out of the car, stretch their legs and get a little repair work done. They would then use this pit stop to pick up more of those undecided passengers, as well as rally the crowd already in the car.
This pothole has a name: Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi.
Allawi spoke to Congress yesterday, thanking America for its role in moving Iraq towards democracy. It was a moving speech, made by a man "almost axed to death by Saddam's henchmen in the U.K. and under constant threat of assassination today."
Not only was the Camp Kerry Pinto traveling far off course when Allawi came to town (it was on Ohio), but Kerry comes out and all but calls Allawi a liar. Ponder this: the man who wants to be President of the United States could not be bothered to meet up with the man who will play a vital role in a vital part of foreign affairs for the next few years. And then, he disses him. Allawi is thanking the country Kerry wants to be in charge of and all he can do is spit at him.
Well, that's par for the Kerry course, anyhow. After all, this is the guy who called our allies fraudulent.
Back to the car metaphor, it seems as if the Little Pinto That Couldn't is purposely steering into these potholes. Rather than drive around them or find another route, they keep chugging along like extreme drivers looking for a challenge. Daredevil campaigning, in a way.
Most of the people hanging on to this deathtrap of a car are there only because they don't like any other available cars. They ignore the bumps and look away when the driver - like a character out of Crazy Taxi - plays chicken with oncoming traffic.
Eventually this car, like thousands of Pintos before it - is going to meet a nasty end when the big Bush Bus rams it from behind. As the Kerry campaign goes down in flames, with it will the hopes and dreams of a million desperate people holding "Bush is Hitler" signs. But they knew what they were getting into. I say, let them crash.
You people who are running alongside the Kerry car right now, debating whether to grab that handle or not: There's still time. You can still back away from the car before it's too late. Do you really want to be riding these crater-filled streets with no shocks?