today is the day I wear my tinfoil
There's no way. I know the RatherBiased guys will disagree with me and say that yes, Dan Rather really is that stupid and blind with Bush-hatred. But there's simply no way the entire News division could be too. At least, not to the point where they'd let it destroy their professional reputations. Something's up. Yes, something's up and it must be high tide because it stinks. There are at least fifty theories I could come up with right now, and some of them have me reaching for the tinfoil. Here's a partial cast of characters: Dan Rather, Mary Mapes, Bill Burkett, Ben Barnes, Robin Rather, Josh Howard, Dan Bartlett, Andrew Heyward, a whole slew of document "experts" and one unimpeachable source. Oh, and Karl Rove and His Magic Conspiracy Machine. And here are the questions: Who will be the fall guy? Who, if anyone, is Rather covering up for? Who actually forged the memos? Whose evil plan was this in the first place and did the person who planned it set up one of the other characters to take the fall? Will Rather ever admit to any wrongdoing? Will CBS shift the entire blame to someone else? Will Mary Mapes be shining up her resume by day's end? Is Bill Burkett just another member in good standing of the Anit-Bush Fetish Club who was just used as a pawn in this whole thing? And, if he was, who put him up to it because it would have to be a pretty trustworthy and/or powerful person to get Burkett to potentially damage himself like that. Unless, of course, he's just dumb. Personally, I think there's more here than meets the eye and I have my theories about who Mr. Unimpeachable Source is. But my tinfoil-gamma ray-rejector phasers are sending shockwaves through my body and I refuse to reveal my theory. There are two people in this known universe who know what my conspiracy-laden mind is thinking. So, what's your theory? I'll take them as far fetched as you can give them because I'm waaaay out there right now.
Comments
George Steinbrenner must be the culprit.
Posted by: Val Prieto | September 20, 2004 07:52 AM
Halliburton... Gotta be! BTW, you DO KNOW that they are the ones that have caused all the hurricanes by deploying GIANT FANS off the coast of Morocco in order to destroy the South East U.S. so they could profit from NO BID rebuilding contracts agreed to IN ADVANCE by the Chimp's bro JED. Yes, a diabolical plan devised by, none other than, CARL ROVE!
Posted by: Babs | September 20, 2004 08:03 AM
And... Why haven't you written anything about this, Hmmmmm?
Posted by: Babs | September 20, 2004 08:05 AM
I think I might have done it, but I'm not sure. I say I didn't, but I can't trust me very much.
Posted by: Sharp as a marble | September 20, 2004 08:52 AM
I close my eyes, and I see Kyle McLauchlan walking up the steps at Black Rock.
Agent Cooper is back.
Posted by: Laurence Simon | September 20, 2004 09:21 AM
I had a dream last night that there was more big breaking news on Rathergate on the Kerry Spot at NRO while I was sleeping. I woke up and it was true.
I don't know who besides Burkett was involved here, but if you read the tea leaves, it looks like the White House may have seen this coming and let CBS walk right into it.
Posted by: Crank | September 20, 2004 09:41 AM
The Kerry daughters wanted to save their daddy like he saved their hamster,so they fired up their laptops,under the direction of the wie and omnipotent Mrs Kerry.
Posted by: mbruce | September 20, 2004 10:02 AM
Carville made it as a joke and gave it to Terry who reaaaaly like it.
Posted by: Jane | September 20, 2004 10:11 AM
This is about as easy as it gets. The Clintons. Think about it, if Kerry wins then Hillary won't be able to run for President in 2004. Bill got his goons into the Kerry camp, and shazam! the "forged" memos (poorly done on purpose) just magically appear. Just like those law firm billing files. The liberal biased press have been foaming at the mouth for the smoking gun on Bush, and they took the bait. You may dislike the former President, but you have to admit he is one slick dude.
Posted by: jgbiggs | September 20, 2004 10:37 AM
It's 1972 and it's Donald Segretti.
Posted by: Rox | September 20, 2004 10:42 AM
My wacko theory, based on the theory that the forger is probably someone who thinks he's a pretty slick operator with that electro-mechanical computer thingy they put on his desk 10 years ago, but really isn't. Someone who's not tech-savvy enough to know what he doesn't know, but arrogant enough to be a "know-it-all."
And, he'd have to be someone considered both an "unimpeachable" source and one who's "too important" for CBS to burn for some reason. And someone who, by virtue of having created the Internet, would be considered authoritative by similarly not-REALLY-tech-savvy people at CBS. And someone who really, really, really hates Bush.
Yes, I give you the forger: Mr. Albert Gore!
Posted by: David C | September 20, 2004 10:54 AM
The color of the robots in your header makes me whince. If Bush is the RED states and Kerry is the Blue, should you change the colors to fit your politicial leanings.
Posted by: mark | September 20, 2004 11:09 AM
As I tell everyone else, Mark: NO.
The robot header was put there because I am big on toy nostalgia and I love those robots. They in no way represent anything to do with politics and the next person that suggests I change the colors around will have their hair set on fire by my magic assistant.
Posted by: michele | September 20, 2004 11:14 AM
All this time I thought it was a Yankees/ Red Sox thing. The robots, not the tin foil hat thing. Although ...
Posted by: Rox | September 20, 2004 11:26 AM
Michele - at first I was surprised that multiple people wanted you to change the robots....then I realized that it shouldn't be surprising at all. Everyone thinks everything should/is slanted, and it screws up perspectives in a big way. Kind of unfortunate.
Posted by: Tom | September 20, 2004 11:33 AM
I'm way out there too. I'm saying as much about my theory as you are about yours (but I will say none of the theories above matches).
As for a nice tinfoil hat theory, the black helicopters took over (insert your favorite suspect) and made him/her forge those memos!
Posted by: Kathy K | September 20, 2004 11:34 AM
I had a gut feeling about what was going on last Thursday, and the LA Times, the Washington Post, and the NY Times have confirmed much of what I predicted was going on. Basically Burkett was working with Mapes and Rather and probably Jim Moore and possibly Ben Barnes to pass off this forgery. Mapes was doing the groundwork and keeping the bits that supported the memos while misleading people she interviewed such as Hodges and trying to keep the documents from getting much scrutiny, which includes lying to the experts, while Rather used his influence to help Mapes convince the executives of 60 minutes to do a rush job. Mapes and Rather's combined connections allowed them to get Barnes on the show if they had documentation that "proved" strings were pulled for Bush. Thus the timing of the memo being obtained shortly after Barnes contacted Rather. I think there was a conspiracy but that it doesn't extend outside CBS and the partisans directly involved.
My full theory is on my weblog, here:
"http://post-modern-meanderings.blogspot.com/2004_09_01_post-modern-meanderings_archive.html#109536122484156539"
It is very detailed.
Posted by: NF | September 20, 2004 12:08 PM
My guess is a certain war-hero senator whose patriotism was questioned and that's why he lost his seat.
Posted by: Veeshir | September 20, 2004 12:33 PM
Vince Foster and Ron Brown created the memos 13 years ago. That's why they had to be killed. (Or were they?)
Posted by: Eric Akawie | September 20, 2004 02:22 PM
We will never know. However, the Shadow knows abnd he never talks.
Posted by: William Meisheid | September 20, 2004 04:33 PM
I'm giving 3-to-1 odds its a certain candidate's spouse who desperately wants not to have to do any more of this damned campaigning and rubbing elbows with people who aren't fit to pump gas into her car.
Terezzzzzzza!
Posted by: george gaskell | September 20, 2004 09:53 PM