the voodoo that i do so (medium) well
My mistake last night was in making only a Johnny Damon voodoo doll. What good would it do to hex just one player of a team? None, obviously. So today I went all out. I knew I couldn't make a roster full of toilet-paper roll dolls (even if I ate $100 worth of White Castle, I don't think I could use that much toilet paper in one afternoon). Taking advantage of The Ghost of Ivan's winds, I scoured the neighborhood for fallen branches. When I gathered one for every member of the Red Sox, I laid them out in my backyard and recited an old incantation I learned from the cousin of a friend of a friend in fifth grade, who swore she knew how to maim people using just her thoughts. I then - following specific directions obtained from the How to Keep the Red Sox Curse Alive handbook - painted the sticks red, coated them with lighter fluid and set them on fire. This set off a chain reaction of events that eventually destroyed our shed, my neighbor's swingset and killed seventeen squirrels, but, hey, it was worth it. Mmmm....squirrel kabobs, medium well. Final score: Yankees 14, Red Sox 4. For tomorrow's game, I was going to try an ancient curse that utilizes cats, aresenic and a 19 year old virgin, but I think we've had enough excitement for one day and I'lljust stick to hand-sewing a collection of Red Sox pin cushions. [bonus points to anyone that recognizes the obscure video game character pictured here] Also, Karl Rove is behind the Red Sox loss. Because Karl Rove is behind everything. In fact, he's behind you right now.