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the voodoo that i do so (medium) well

vv.jpgMy mistake last night was in making only a Johnny Damon voodoo doll. What good would it do to hex just one player of a team? None, obviously. So today I went all out. I knew I couldn't make a roster full of toilet-paper roll dolls (even if I ate $100 worth of White Castle, I don't think I could use that much toilet paper in one afternoon). Taking advantage of The Ghost of Ivan's winds, I scoured the neighborhood for fallen branches. When I gathered one for every member of the Red Sox, I laid them out in my backyard and recited an old incantation I learned from the cousin of a friend of a friend in fifth grade, who swore she knew how to maim people using just her thoughts. I then - following specific directions obtained from the How to Keep the Red Sox Curse Alive handbook - painted the sticks red, coated them with lighter fluid and set them on fire. This set off a chain reaction of events that eventually destroyed our shed, my neighbor's swingset and killed seventeen squirrels, but, hey, it was worth it. Mmmm....squirrel kabobs, medium well. Final score: Yankees 14, Red Sox 4. For tomorrow's game, I was going to try an ancient curse that utilizes cats, aresenic and a 19 year old virgin, but I think we've had enough excitement for one day and I'lljust stick to hand-sewing a collection of Red Sox pin cushions. [bonus points to anyone that recognizes the obscure video game character pictured here] Also, Karl Rove is behind the Red Sox loss. Because Karl Rove is behind everything. In fact, he's behind you right now.


Get yer old time GrandMa curse: first:
STOP! Let them kill themselves, these Boston boys.
I mean, jeez, just look at their hair.

Good luck with that 19 year old virgin thing. Maybe a male one.

A little time, a little booze and a little freedom - it's amazing what can be achieved.

Karl Rove caused Rivera to lose his control last night.

OK, you and ConEd convinced me. I'm a Yankees fan. For the next twelve hours. Enjoy.

Voodoo Vince. So where are my points?

In my pocket.

Karl Rove is also responsible for Bucky Dent, Bill Buckner, and Aaron Boone. Damn that man is pure evil.

Karl Rove told Grady to leave Pedro in.

where you going to find the 19 yr old virgin at this time of year?

i suggest raccoons instead of cats. and maybe a 19 yr old bottle of scotch--that gets sacrificed when you drink it.

The dirty lil' secret in Yankee Land is Mo's getting "retired" the minute the season is over.

When my wife says "he don't look right" before he throws a pitch, and he blows a save ... toast.

Um, if you won't be using the nineteen year-old virgin...

mmm Squirrel Kebobs!
We suggest a good bottle or two of Scotch to go with that feast.