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Sometimes

In the effort to quell my bad mood, I'll rip myself off with something non controversial. sometimes i....... Sometimes when a really annoying person is talking to me, I tune them out and chant "i hate you" over and over again in my head until they are done. Sometimes, when I am driving through an underground parking garage, I duck my head. Sometimes I imagine I work in a jigsaw puzzle factory, and I throw away one piece from each puzzle just to mess with people. Sometimes, if I have to speak in front of a group of people, instead of imagining them in their underwear like most people do to keep from being nervous, I imagine that they are all dead. Sometimes, when someone says that the Magnolia is the best movie they ever saw, I want to kick them in their shins. Sometimes Belle and Sebastian will come on the winamp right after Rammstein and I feel like I want to kick my own ass. Sometimes I wish life was a musical and that music would come out of nowhere and we would all break into songs that we know all the words to and dance in total synchronization. In an Oklahoma! sort of way, not a Cop Rock sort of way. Sometimes I fall asleep with the remote in my hand, and I change the channels in my sleep and I start dreaming that I am on C-Span. Sometimes I take the covers off the Sharpies just to sniff them. Sometimes I hear the call of Cthulhu. Sometimes I think if I try hard enough, I really could make The Force work. Yes, yes, you may add your own.

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Comments

I do so many of those... but then you knew that.

Power Twins, we are.

If The Force worked for Silent Bob, it can definitely work for us.

We'll have to get the rings, you know.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if dogs had hands.

Ew! Shaprpies! I blogged about those yesterday!!
How can ANYthing in the world that smells so nasty be considered "non-toxic"?!?!

Sometimes I actualy sit down and try to imagine a town that is perfectly PC. I usually end up with a headache.

Sometimes I want to not believe.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd asked her out if I'd be married to her today, and not to the girl who is my wife now.

Sometimes I don't know where in the world I would go, even if you gave me the $ and told me I could go anywhere.

Sometimes I bore people. (ok. a LOT of the time. :p )

Sometimes I wish I'd never taken the red pill.

sometimes I feel like a nut.

sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I picture Roger Clemens in a Yankee uniform, in Yankee Stadium, having roses thrown at his feet by adoring Yankee fans. :-)

Sometimes I'm the bird and sometimes I'm the statue. But mostly the statue.

Sometimes I walk, sometimes I don't run.

Sometimes I think I could really talk to the animals if I just concentrated hard enough.

Sometimes I imagine that I am a great chef inventing new and wondrous dishes.

Sometimes I hold my breath when driving over the Missouri river bridge to Leavenworth just in case the bridge fails and my car plunges into the water below.

And sometimes, when I do that, I make sure that at least one window is down so I can swim out of the car.

Sometimes I wish I didn't need to sleep so that I could get all my work done at night and play in the sun all day.

Sometimes I want people to take responsibility for their own actions. Ok, that would be "Always", not "Sometimes".

Sometimes the call of the wild is very strong and I want to escape to mountains.

Sometimes I just watch prople and do the "I am crushing their heads"thung from "The Kids in the Hall"

sometimes i get paper cuts, and i have no idea when or where i got them. i'll be like, reaching in my pocket for my keys or something, and "ow". and there'll be a cut. and i'll be all "where the fuck did i get that from"?

it's even worse when you have a cut you don't know about on your fingertip, and you go to eat some salty fries. ack.

and oh, man, you know what's the worst? corregated cardboard box cuts. man, those things cut deep.

"Sometimes, when someone says that the Magnolia is the best movie they ever saw, I want to kick them in their shins."

After that, what else needs to be said?

Apart from you could change "Magnolia" to "American Beauty" and "shins" to "nads."

Sometimes I detour around a grate in the sidewalk so that the chance that, while walking over it, my keys will somehow work their way out of my pocket and fall through it will be reduced from microscopically slim to zero.

Ditto my wristwatch and hanging my arm outside the car window.

Sometimes I see and hear people who aren't there. (I'm not kidding. I occasionally hallucinate. I've decided that the minute one of them tells me to burn something, I'm driving straight to the hospital.)

Sometimes you're beaten to the core. Sometimes.

"Sometimes I think if I try hard enough, I really could make The Force work."

Ha! Me too!

Sometimes I want to ask my co-workers if they're really that stupid.

Sometimes I imagine my life playing out like a movie scene, complete with catchy dialogue and background music.

sometimes I start saying "shut up shut up shut up" over and over again in my mind, when someone is either talking endlessly about crap I don't care about to me, or when I'm in a meeting that's going on too long.

sometimes I have this fear when I step on an elevator, that anything I'm holding in my hands (hotel key card, important papers, piece of jewelry) will leap out of my hand and fall in the crack between the elevator door and the floor and be lost forever.

sometimes when I'm traveling and have to leave my car at an airport or a train station, I worry the whole trip back that my car has been vandalized or stolen. (Well, it happened once. Vandalism, I mean.)

sometimes when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep, I imagine that I live in a small stone house high up on a mountain, where I live as a writer (or some other profession where you can be solitary) and I don't ever have to deal with other people.

sometimes I wonder if I have a touch of austim or Asperger's syndrome; I'm pretty socially inept and I get distracted by weird things.

Sometimes I feel I want to
bomp bomp
get away
I've got to
bomp bomp
run away

Sometimes when we touch,,,,,,,

"Sometimes, when I am driving through an underground parking garage, I duck my head."

Whew. Thought I was the only one.

When I'm driving in the rain and the car coming at me in the next lane hits a puddle and splashes water across my windshield, I'll turn away so I won't get wet.

Your name is really Wednesday Addams, isn't it?

sometimes I feel like a motherless child.

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fthagn!

sometimes I feel like the windshield.
sometimes I feel Like the bug.

Sometimes I forget to take my meds.:-)

Sometimes I read a post about musicals and suddenly can't get that "Summer Nights" song from Grease out of my head.

Sometimes I feel like I've been tied to the whipping post.
[There, that helped the Grease thing...crap, there it is again!]

sometimes I have this fear when I step on an elevator, that anything I'm holding in my hands (hotel key card, important papers, piece of jewelry) will leap out of my hand and fall in the crack between the elevator door and the floor and be lost forever.

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes.

I think it's from too many years of playing Zork as a kid. Either that, or it's a profound statement about insecurity and the fear of loss.

One more:

Sometimes when I'm faced with a minor challenge when driving, like having to merge onto the freeway or find a street number, I turn down the radio.

Sometimes I think that if I just had enough duct tape, I could attach the kids to the wall. Wait, here's another roll! Back shortly.....

Sometimes when I drive, I drink alcohol, but only to fight off the boredom.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if our genetalia weren't located between our legs, like if they were on the back of our elbows or in that spot on your back that you can never reach.

Sometimes, I wonder why I spend all this time at work, if what I really want to do is go surf kayaking everyday and cook out every night.

Sometimes, I am entirely full of sh!t.

Sometimes, I want to ask shank if his/her "sometimes" are actually "all the time."

Sometimes, I have more tact than that.

Sometimes I am convinced that one thing the world really needs is lots more coverage of women's beach volleyball. Oh yeah. ;-)

Sometimes the lawyer jokes do actually hurt, you know. I mean, we're just people with feelings, too. Or at least I am: I can't speak for the rest of the Bar and have strongs doubts about some of them.

Sometimes, I take stuff seriously. But usually I get over it.

Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul.

backwards things get I Sometimes

Sometimes Yoda I talk like.

Sometimes I make it through the day without wishing painful death on my co-workers.

Sometimes I wish my boss wasn't a total liar.

Sometimes I wish my friends would just shut up for a second.

Sometimes when I drive under a railroad bridge that has a train on it my neck tenses up.

Sometimes I wish I could come up with ideas like this for my own (much less entertaining) blog.

Sometimes I wish a day was 25 hours long.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night feeling that death is upon me, and I wonder if I've told her I love her enough times.

Sometimes I am glad I haven't won the lottery (ok.. sometimes I lie through my teeth too)

Sometimes I dream I see myself in, sort of, Sun God robes, on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.

Sometimes I wonder which side is really the wrong side of the bed.

Sometimes I wish they would take my red Swingline stapler.

Sometimes I think I really am my khakis.

Sometimes I cheer for the umpires.

Charlotte sometimes.

Sometimes I wish that I had never seen Grease 2.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do differently if I could transplant all my current knowledge into my younger self. Usually, I think I'd exploit others in horrible ways.

Sometimes I think my children are the ultimate expression of my own selfishness.

Sometimes my children are the ultimate expression of my unselfishness.

Sometimes I think in extremes.

Sometimes when I'm coming up to a bend in the road on the way home I turn on my blinker.

Sometimes I make faces at people in rush hour traffic.

Sometimes people point guns at me.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else, like an unknown scientist working on top secret government super-technology or a LeMans driver.

Sometimes, eeeeeevery body huuuuurts....Soooooooooomme tiiiiiimes...

Sometimes I dream of a world where doctors and lawyers stop practicing and actually get it right.

Sometimes I wish we used the metric system so I wouldn't have to do a web search to convert measurements all the time.

Sometimes I wish car horns were attached to a taser so when that idiot 2 cars back leans on his horn the instant the light turns green, he'd be put out of my misery.

Sometimes I wish you could hug somebody over the internet.

Sometimes I wish you could punch somebody over the internet.

Sometimes I actually remember to put cell phone in it's charger before the battery dies.

Sometimes I dream of a world where PC-liberals grow up and start to take responsibility of their own actions, thereby drastically reducing the amount of ambulance-chasing lawyers.

Sometimes I wish I could bitch slap every person I meet that day.

Sometimes I think there may be hope for the future, then I go outside and interact with people and realize we are all fucked.

Sometimes I dance like an idiot in my apartment, and forget to check that the blinds are closed.

Sometimes I care if someone sees me.

Sometimes I wish accuweathter really was.

Sometimes I think. Sometimes I care. Most of time I don't think anyone cares, and sometimes I don't either.

Sometimes I wish to God I didn't know now, the things I didn't know then...

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