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Self Indulgence

Adding to my ugly mood (what, you didn't notice I was in an ugly mood? It's been only, oh, six months or so) is the fact that my intended viewing of the spectacular meteor showers I was promised will be cancelled due to some crappy weather that may or may not include flash flooding, hail the size of brains, ten trillion volt lighting and winds that could knock down your basketball hoop (too late, the wind took care of that yesterday. Sorry about your car, neighbors!) I try not to write when the mood is really dark. Besides, it's hard to concentrate when the girl who cleans the offices is wandering around the hallway singing "Close to You" for hours on end. Even if her voice was good, it wouldn't be tolerable. If only I had some duct tape. Even if I did attempt to write something, it would descend into a held-back rant about people who have the balls to get pissed at me for not blogging their links. If I had to blog all the links I get in a day, there would be no original content here. None. It would be all links, all the time. Hello? I'm a blogger. That means I have an undying need to have attention drawn to me. I try my best to dole out a good portion of links to other bloggers, but I just can't get to all of you. I need me time! I'm trying to be nice about this here, but I do want to single out a few select people who send emails or leave commetns that go something like this: You know that post you wrote? I wrote a more interesting, better worded, funnier, smarter post on the same subject! Link me! Or: Hah, that Photoshop you linked is teh funny. But mine teh funnier. Come look! Uh..no, you jackass. Obviously, you did not read How To Win Links and Influence Bloggers. I descended, didn't I? Oh well. Ok, you know what set me off? This email: bq. I bet you made up that whole stupid, inane, poorly written story about Ben Franklin and the seance. Just like your president, you are a liar. And not a good one. No, wait. That didn't set me off. Because it was STUPID. Please, if you are going to send me hate mail, at least make me feel like you worked at it. There is nothing more depressing than lame hate mail. If you're going to hate me, throw yourself into it! You know what's really sad? The Library of Congress emailed today to tell me that they will archive A Small Victory as part of their Election 2004 internet archive collection. Years from now some college kid will be doing a paper on the 2004 election and he will come across this in his research. And he will determine that this election was all about corn, ketchup, tin foil hats and some guy's search for Colonel Kurtz. Hey, that was a link to another blogger! Do I get a cookie now?


I blogwhored in your Rick James Dead comment thread. Sorry.

"I descended, didn't I? "

I dunno, and I'm sure as heck not checking for you. But if so, congrats on hitting puberty.

I don't have a blog of my own, so I live vicariously through the hate mail of others.

This one cheers me up a lot, and it's hate mail is much better than yours, so you better link to it! :


"Hail the size of brains..." Are we talking "Kid Rock brains," "Jessica Simpson brains" or Mensa stuff?

I need to know whether to get the lawn furniture in...

Why wasn't I informed of the resurrection of Mean Mr. Mustard?

I am fairly sure...

That the crappy weather which canceled your meteor shower viewing was initiated by the Bush campaign. Further, I am pretty sure culpability goes deep into the cabinet, maybe even all the way to the top.

On the other hand, I sent you some funny photoshop pictures to lighten your mood.

At least I hope they do. I'd rather not be a target for a rant!

I hear ya on the 10 trillion volt lightning. As one of the storms passed overhead, I ran out to try and stem the flood from my overflowing gutters and downspouts. As I headed back inside there was a bolt so close that I felt the concussion and smelled the ozone.

Excuse me while I go scoop he crap out of my pants...

ooooh. you touch my tra la la.

"...kid will be doing a paper on the 2004 election and he will come across this in his research. And he will determine that .."

We were an emotional people that derided intelligence.

Even when you're self-indulgent you're writing is entertaining. Good work.

And you don't need to link to those other bloggers. Your stuff is better anyway.

I never get any hate mail. I want hate mail.

Does anyone ever find hail sized golf balls?

N. O'Brain
Imperial Minister for Useless Information

Look on the brightside...you got to work the word BRAINS into another post.

I'm sorry, but since you weren't linking to me, I wasn't paying attention.

Did you say something I should respond to?

[ducking and running]

If it makes you feel any better (or worse) I got the LOC e-mail today too. I'm going to post some celebrity porn to celebrate...

I question the timing of that storm...

Any chance of a lightning strike in the area of 1.21 gigawatts?