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The Battle of the Movie Quotes (Coen Bros. Edition)

In the post below, Hubris suggests a battle of quotes between Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona and Fargo. ( see update) I say Lebowski wins this hands down, but have at it. May the best movie win. Haven't figured out yet how we'll determine the winner, but I'm sure it will work itself out. Update: Don't forget to mention which movie your quote comes from for the Coen Bros. impaired among us. And as of now, any Coen Bros. film is eligible.


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I'll put in a small ante for Lebowski:

DUDE: Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on, fuckhead!
MAN: Hey, relax man, I'm a brother shamus.
DUDE: Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk?

I like the verbal back-and-forth in Lebowski, but I nominate Nathan Arizona Sr. (Trey Wilson, RIP 1948-1989) as the all-time Coen Brothers quote factory:

"You got a table and chairs, you gotta dinette set. You gotta table and no chairs, you got dick."

"He was wearin' his damn jammies! They had Yodas 'n shit on 'em!"

"That's you're forte, ain't it? Chasing down crooks and Commies and shit. That's your whole goddamn raison d'etre ain't it?"

Marge Gunderson: OK, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here and then this execution-type deal.

Miller's Crossing wins for the following: "Bump the shmata (sp?)", "Are you givin' me the high hat? Is he givin' me the high hat?" and "What's the rumpus?"

The doctor explained, her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

Marge Gunderson: And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.

I honest-to-God don't know why you'd omit "O Brother Where Art Thou."

Pete: Who elected you leader o' this outfit?
Everett: Well, Pete, I figgered it oughta be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus, then hell! Let's put it to a vote!
Pete: Well, I'm votin' for yours truly.
Everett: I'm votin' for yours truly, too!
Delmar: Okay... I'm with you fellas.

And the one that cracks me up every time, though I couldn't say why:

"Friend? Some o' yer foldin' money's done come unstowed."

"Well, what's it gonna be, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? I mean to say,
if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion!"

norbizness, that was quite a raise..

DUDE: Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

"You can imagine where it goes from there."

"He fixes the cable?"

I think that's my favorite exchange in any Coen Brothers movie ever.

Evelle: We released ourselves on our own recognisance

Gale: What Evelle means to say is we felt the institution no longer had anything to offer us.

Raising Arizona


Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
Donny: What's that Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
Walter Sobchak: Don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!

The Big L

Classic stuff. You gotta love John Goodwin. Is there anything he wasn't great in?

For some reason, this line from O Brother always cracks me up:

"Aw George, not the livestock."


Nihilist: We thought we were going to get a million dollars! It's not fair!
Walter: Not fair? Who's the fucking nihilist?

Another good one from Lebowski:

WALTER: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socalism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

(And yes, I know "socia-lism" is misspelled... apparently the comments script doesn't like the fact that the name of a popular anti-impotence drug is in the word...)

Raising Arizona: "You've gotta get his DipTet! You've gotta get it right this very minute!"

"Government do take a bite, don't it?"

"Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard."


"Git down on the floor there, missy."

Barton Fink
W.P. Mayhew: Mister Fink, they have not invented a genre of picture that Bill Mayhew has not, at one time or other, been invited to essay. Yes, I have taken my stab at the rasslin' form, as I have stabbed at so many others, and with as little success. I gather that you are a freshman here, eager for an upperclassman's counsel. However, just at the moment, I have drinking to do. Why don't you stop by my bungalow, which is number fifteen, later on this afternoon, and we will discuss rasslin' scenarios and other things lit'rary.

O Brother
Pete: What's the devil look like?
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, Pete, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.
Tommy Johnson: Oh no, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He likes to travel around with a mean old hound.


In the same vein as Jay's:

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.


Cop: In the briefcase?
Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
Dude: I'm unemployed.

Lockjaw night vision.

Even though I put Lebowski at #1, I gotta give up two from raising Arizona in the interest of fairness:

Man: Son, you got a panty on your head.


Evelle: Do these balloons blow up into funny shapes?
Clerk: Nope, not unless round is funny.

Blood Simple

Private Eye: The world is full of complainers. But the fact is, nothing comes with a guarantee. I don't care if you're the Pope of Rome, President of the United States or Man of the Year, something can all go wrong. But go ahead, complain, tell your problems to your neighbor, ask for help, and watch him fly. Now in Russia, they got it all mapped out so that everyone pulls for everyone else. That's the theory anyway. But what I know about is Texas, and down here... you're on your own.

How about a little love for Hudsucker Proxy?:

Sidney J. Mussburger: It's working already. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art on Madison Avenue. What we need now is a new president who will inspire panic in the stockholder.
Board Member 6: A puppet.
Board Member 5: A proxy.
Board Member 2: A pawn.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure. Some jerk we can really push around.

"I'll just take these Huggies and whatever cash you got in the register"


"Jackie Treehorn...treats objects like women, man..."

"You're not just tellin' us what we wanna hear?"
"No Sir, no way."
"'Cause we just wanna hear the truth."
"Well then I guess I am tellin' you what you wanna hear."
"Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?"
"Okay then."

"So...you were having sex with the little fella then?"

"You two are just dumber than a bagful of hammers..." Oh Brother

"Well, it's a well-run campaign... midget, and broom, and whatnot..." Oh Brother


Maude: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?
Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.

Or how about Blood Simple:

Private Detective Visser: "You know, you know, a friend of mine a while back broke his hand and put it in a cast. Very next day, he falls, protects his bad hand, and he breaks his good one. So he breaks it too, you know. So, now he's got two busted flippers. So, I says to him: 'Creighton,' I says. 'I hope your wife really loves you, because for the next five weeks, you can't even wipe your own god damn ass.' [Laughs] "That's the test, ain't it? Test of true love."

... or ...

Marty: "You know...in Greece, they would cut off the head of the messenger that brought the bad news."
Private Detective Visser: "Now that don't make much sense."
Marty: "No. It made them feel better."

Agree with Jeff above, Fargo is my favorite of the bunch but "O Brother" is far underrated as far as quotes go.

Everett: What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?
Tommy Johnson: Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Delmar: Oh son, for that you sold your everlasting soul?
Tommy: Well, I wasn't usin' it.

Or another from OBWAT,

Ulysses Everett McGill: "Well isn't this place a geographic oddity. Two weeks from everywhere."


Maude Lebowski: My father's weakness is vanity, hence the slut.


Delmar: You work for the railroad, Grampa?
Blind guy: I work for no man.
Delmar: Got a name, do you?
Blind guy: I have no name.
Ulysses: Well, that right there may be the reason you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment...


Does the pope shit in the woods?

I laugh every single time I hear that. Try using it in its original context and see how people react.

Here is the script.

I gotta say though, Raising Arizona was my favorite movie until I saw Lebowski.

Gotta be Raising Arizona, for this gem alone if nothing else:

You're young and you got your health, what do you want with a job?"

And so many more...

Gotta give it to Hudsucker, one of (in my view) the unappreciated classics.
Apart from "You know....for kids", you gotta love that Board:

Sidney J. Mussburger: One month; to make the blue chip investment of the century look like a round trip ticket on the titanic.
Board Member 7: We play up the fact that Hud is dead.
All: Long live Hud!
Board Member 4: We depress the stock,
Board Member 5: To the point where we can buy 50%,
Board Member 6: 51,
Board Member 7: Not counting the mezzanine.
Sidney J. Mussburger: It could work.
Board Member 3: It should work.
Board Member 4: It would work.
Sidney J. Mussburger: It's working already.

Oh, plus one of the coldest lines ever:

It's a shame to waste a whole Monte Cristo.

Lebowski, the cab scene:

DUDE: Jesus, man, can you change the station?
DRIVER: Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab!
DUDE: I've had a--
DRIVER: I pull over and kick your ass out, man!
DUDE: had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man
DRIVER: That's it! Outta this fucking cab!

O Brother:

Penny: He's not your Daddy. Your Daddy was hit by a train.

Ulysses: No, I wasn't!

Penny: You could have been. A lot of respectable people have been hit by trains.


Pete: You stole from my kin!
Ulysses: Who was fixin' to betray us.
Pete: You didn't know that at the time.
Ulysses: So I borrowed it until I did know.
Pete: That don't make no sense!
Ulysses: Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.

DUDE: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!


Marge Gunderson: Hon?
Norm Gunderson: Yah?
Marge Gunderson: Prowler needs a jump.

Last one from me.


Walter: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

"Phone's ringing, dude." -TBL

From "Raising Arizona":

"We got a word for people like you, Hi. Ree-cidivist. Ree-peat offender."

"They say that returning home is the greatest joy." (Spoken immediately before a huge con mopping the floor hisses like a snake at Hi)

"When there weren't no meat to be found, we ate crawdads. And when there weren't no crawdads to be found, we ate SAND."
"We ate SAND."

The movie's humor is largely visual, though. Hard to top the fight scene in the trailer or the extended bank robbery sequence.

"Is that some kind of Eastern thing?"

"Far from it, Dude."

"Iiiii'lll show you the life of the mind! Iiiiiiii'll show you the life of the mind! I! Will! Show! You! The! Life! Of! The! Mind! (Heil Hitler.)"

Fink. You really need to hear it in context.

From The Big Lebowski:

WALTER: And let's also not forget--let's not forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city--that isn't legal either.

This just isn't even close. Lebowski all the way, man.

Walter (muttering): Fucking Germans. Nothin changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They where Nazis, Dude?
Walter: Oh come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Dude: They were nihilists, Walter. They kept saying they believe in nothing.
Walter Nihilists, huh. Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of national social-ism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

And the all-time classic...

Maude: Uli Kunkel, the man from the beaver picture?
Dude: Beav-- you mean, vagina? I mean, you know the guy?

P.S. Apparently "c-i-a-l-i-s" is an illegal word (part of "s-o-c-i-a-l-i-s-m").

"Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick!"

Can't chose between Fargo and Lebowski. I wanta throw some Barton Fink quotes in just because I feel like it:
Deutsch: Oh yeah? What kind of write?
Barton: Well, as a matter of fact I write for the pictures.
Mastrionotti: Big fuckin' deal.
Deutsch: You want my partner to kiss your ass?
Mastrionotti: Would that be good enough for you?
Barton: No, I - I didn't mean to sound...
Deutsch: What did you mean?
Barton: I - I've got respect for - for working guys, like you...
Mastrionotti: Jesus! Ain't that a load off!

Mastrionotti:Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives.
Deutsch: Couple days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz.
Mastrionotti: Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man.
Deutsch: All of which he's now missin'.
Mastrionotti: Well, some of his throat was there.
Deutsch: Physician, heal thyself.
Mastrionotti: Good luck with no fuckin' head.
Deutsch: Anyway.

Charlie:I pulled off early today. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.

Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I aint running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!"
Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Oh, don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire.

[Evelle is buying diapers]
Evelle: You know how to put these on?
Grocer: Well, around the butt and over the groin area.
Evelle: Do I need pins or something?
Grocer: They got them tape-ettes already on there. It's self-contained and fairly explanatory.

Mr. Mohra:So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: So he says, "So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin'," only he doesn't use the word jerk.
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then."
Officer Olson: Ya got that right.
Mr. Mohra: And he says, "Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean of old age." And then he says, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake."
Officer Olson: White Bear lake?
Mr. Mohra: Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh sure.
Mr. Mohra: So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides down here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End o' story.
Officer Olson: What'd this guy look like anyway?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy. Kinda funny lookin'.
Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Mr. Mohra: Just a general way.

I love the Dude!

Walter Sobchak:Okay Dude, so far it's just been a string of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the fucking toe man?


Walter Sobchak:You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.

The Dude:Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

Walter Sobchak:OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Walter, ya know, its Smokey, so his foot slipped over the line a little, big deal.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, the winner of this gets to progress into the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah but I wasn't over.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey you are about to enter a world of pain.
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, could you...
The Dude: Jesus Walter, you bring a fucking gun bowling?
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules any more?
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think i'm fucking around? I'm not fucking around!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero! Fucking mark it zero.
The Dude: They're calling the cops, man.
Smokey: Alright, its fucking zero. Are you happy now you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...Its a league game Smokey...

From TBL, one of my favorite exchanges in a script rife with zingers:

Dude: He has emotional problems, man.
Walter: What, you mean, aside from pacifism?

Dude: You got any leads on who stole my car?
Cop: Leads, yeah sure. I'll uh, just check with the boys down at the Crime Lab. They uh, got uh, four more detectives working on the case. They've got us working in shifts. (Walks away, laughing) Leads!

Treehorn: I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy...
Dude: Which one is Logjammin'?

I'd put the Hudsucker Proxy right up there with The Big Lebowski and Oh Brother Where Art Thou. I loved it when they tried to name the... the "dingus". (Shame they didn't have more of Bruce Campbell's character.)

"6-7-8-7-0-4-niner-Alpha slash 6! That is your employee number! It will NOT be repeated! Without your employee number, you cannot cash your paycheck!"--Hudsucker

"What if you tire before it's done?"--Hudsucker, guess it has to be heard to be appreciated.

"Say, what do you think you were in a previous life?"
"Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal, who thought she was one of the boys."
"I find that very far-fetched."
"Norville, I-"
"That kind of person would come back as a wildebeast, or a warthog. I find it more likely you were a gazelle. With long graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once. A chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope, or an ibex. The times we must have had, foraging together for sustenance, snorfling water from a forest stream, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched horns briefly, and went our separate ways."
"I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was a still a gazelle, and you were an antelope. Or an ibex."

And I've always like this line from O Brother
"Consider the lilies of the goddamn field..."

OK, I lied about that being my last quote. Well, it wasn't really a lie. I just forgot about one that's beautiful in its simplicity. As the Dude is muscled into a limo:

DUDE: Fuck, man! There's a beverage here!

Love the Dude

The Dude:What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.


Walter Sobchak:Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

The Dude:You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well... yeah.

Walter Sobchak:Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

The Dude:Oh, fuck me, man! That kid already spent all the money!
Walter Sobchak: New Corvette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options

Walter Sobchak:Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!

The Dude on phone with walter: Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!

The Dude:Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen. Flunking social studies.

Brandt:How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house
Idea for drinking game: drink every time Walter says "shut the fuck up, Donny.

Visual I like: Julianne Moore stomping around in Viking Outfit.

Oh Brother:

Well I don't want Fop, godammit! I'm a Dapper Dan man!


Delmar O'Donnell: You work for the railroad, Grampa?
Blind Seer: I work for no man.
Delmar O'Donnell: Got a name, do you?
Blind Seer: I have no name.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, that right there may be the reason you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment...

Delmar O'Donnell: Care for a gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.

Still lots more gold in that mine


"It really tied the room together."

Oh, and following arnie's lead on good visuals:

The check-writing for milk scene in the Big Lebowski.

Something about the check-writing scene that freaked me out the last time I watched it:

The date on the check? Sept. 11.

Another visual: the powdered coffee creamer used to make a white Russian.

Though I'm really a Fargo/O Brother woman at heart.

Attila Girl,

I enjoy the visual where the Dude shades the notepad with a pencil to discover what notes Treehorn was taking, and instead finds a nude/aroused figure.

"We thought you was a tooooooad."

"Keep y'gad-damn hands off m'wife."

"You breast-feed? You appear capable."

Funeral Dude: This is our most modest receptacle.
Walter: Is there a Ralph's around here?

I don't have the verbatim transcript, but Jon Polito's "ethics" monologue at the beginning of Miller's Crossing is one of my favorites.

I'm surprised "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" from TBL hasn't been mentioned yet.

Also from TBL - "Um, Dude? Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature"

Go Bears!
(While interviewing the hooker)

"Think I'm gonna barf!"


The Big Lebowski and Oh Brother Where Art Though are two of my favorite movies.
From TBL
Walter: Eight year olds Dude.

Cowboy: "Do you have to cuss so much Dude?"
Dude: What the Fuck are you talking about?


Ulysses: Damn, we're in a tight spot!

Pete: Papa always said never trust a Hogwallup!
Pete's cousin: Sorry Pete, I knows we's kin. But they got this here depression on. I've got to do for me and mine.

Pete's cousin: I slaughtered this horse come last Tuesday I suspect she's starting to turn.

Two quotes:

Dude: I was a roady for Metallica.
Maude: Oh
Dude: Speed of Sound Tour. Buncha assholes.

Brant: These are Mr. Lebowski's children.
Dude: Different mothers...racially he's pretty cool.

In my (totally unbiased) opinion it looks like Lebowski wins.