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Rumble in Iowa!

On Drudge right now: bq. Bush and Kerry will attend events just blocks away from each other in Iowa on Wednesday, campaign sources reveal. The two will be so close, crowds will overlap! Kerry will begin at 10 am at the Davenport RiverCenter. During the same hour, Bush will hold a rally at LeClaire Park -- just three blocks away on the banks of the Mississippi River... And now all I can imagine in my mind is Sharks v. Jets. The two disparate crowds, edging towards each other, sleeves rolled up, fists clenched. Maybe protest signs instead of switchblades, but the tension is still there.. Who will be the first to break out in song? The Right are gonna have their way, tonight... The Left are gonna have their way, tonight.... Well, it seemed funny to me.


Oh,yeah,just the thought of it makes me hum "Somethings Coming".The air is hummin'.....

...hmm, probably betraying a complete ignorance of Iowan geography and history, but my mind was trying to adapt "The Farmer and the Cowman Should Be Friends"...

I think since it's Iowa, it'll be relatively calm (unless each campaign brings along their own protestors).

LDH, the farmer and the cowman are pretty much one and the same around here and Bush/Kerry are in the quad cities - not exactly the ag heartland. Still a funny thought though.

I see it as Alien vs. Pedator.

No matter who wins, we lose.

"Boys, boys, crazy boys,
Stay coooooool boys!"

I just met an heiress, Teresa!"

I'll leave it to those with theatre arts degrees (and Allah) to finish.

Worst. Visual Image. Ever.

All seriousness aside, which politican do you think will break out in song first?

Ashcroft has the pipes, Kerry on guitar, and I'd put Bush in a miniskirt and hand him a tamborine.

Then again, I'm not Robert Smigel.

On a related note, Heinz-Kerry brings some more civility to the debate.

While I think heckling is foolish, describing the past few under-Bush years as "hell" in response is a bit of an overstatement, I think.

I'd pay to see them break out into a gangland dance-off a la Michael Jackson's 'Bad' video.

But who gets to play MJ's part?

Shank, the really important question is who gets to sing the first line: "Your butt is mine"...

Needless to say, I question the timing of these events. No doubt the Rethuglicans purposely scheduled their event at the same time and place so they could stifle dissent!

The Jibjab crew should perhaps take a shot this whole song and dance?

Wow. I'm snapping my fingers already

"When you're a Dem you're a Dem all the way,
From your first tie-dyed shirt to your last Earth First day..."

Or maybe:

"When you're a 'Pub you're a 'Pub all the way,
From your first IPO to your last Chardonnay..."

I kind of like the latter version myself, it seems to flow a bit better.

Man, I wouldn't want to be the Secret Service that day.

'Swift boat commander Kerry,
Reporting to the land,
Those shrapnel wounds are scary,
But here's my master plan,
I'll get three purple hearts and,
A bronze and silver star
Golly Moses, surely I'll go far!'

'Gee, Senator Kerry, we're really impressed;
With someone like you at the helm our nation'd be blessed;
We're still undecided,
But now we have heard:
When duty called to you your served!'

'I have served!
I have served, I have served,
I have really served!
Like, unlike the other guy, I've served!'

Reporter: That's a touchin' good story.

Card: Lemme tell it to the world!

Reporter: Just tell it to the protesters.

(To next verse, I suppose.)

NICE job, Jeff!

Well, it beats cow tipping......

Hand to hand combat ending with the principles being tossed in the river.
Kerry being an ex-squid will have the upper hand once they reach the water.
Bush's strategy, keep the grappling on land, possibly using stage bunting to fashion a lasso to hog tie that lib weenier.

Jeff, Good Job! Love it! Can you do the last stanza for that one... the part that would end like this... "Gee, Senator Kerry... drop d--d!"

Hey, that song's nothing without its strongest points!

Hadn't even thought that far. I think I can manage the second, though:

CAND: 'Dear Winter Soldier Panel,
I wanted to come home,
The officers each man, a,
War crim'nal to the bone,
They said they mined the Tomkin,
And somehow I was had.
Leapin' lizards! The war was very bad!'

HEIRESS: 'Right!
Senator Kerry, you're really the man;
Toss those medals aside and make yourself a new plan:
With millions of dollars, you ought to swell,
So, step right up and marry well!'

BOTH: 'Marry well! Marry Well! Marry very well! We'll Marry Kerry Pretty Well!'

??: 'In my opinion, this politican how has sufficient financing to make it to the senate'

CAND: "Hey, I'm financed on account I'm affianced!"

??: 'So take him to the Senate.'