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First, note: Several people (actually, 22 at last count) have emailed asking if I am going to do a follow up on the Annie Jacobsen story, given all the new stories coming out in regards to that flight. Yes. But not today, or at least not this morning. The whole family is going out to breakfast at the local buffet, which means I'll probably take a five hour nap after overdosing on carbs and salty foods. Now, I'm not really a big fan of buffets, but it was majority rules today. Hey, here comes another list. Three Worst Things About Buffets # Waiting ten minutes while the obsessive/compulsive guy in front of you picks out the perfect piece of bacon # When Mr. Perfect Bacon man has really bad body odor and leaves his stench all over the food # When Mr. Perfect Bacon man tells his Little Perfect Children that it's ok to use their hands to grab the scrambled eggs One Favorite ThingThat I Witnessed At A Buffet # Little Perfect Children run rampant through the food line, putting their grubby hands on everything, cutting in front of people, sneezing on the food, making rude remarks, spilling juice on other patrons, and then one Little Perfect Child slips on a piece of jello that his brother dropped and Mr. Perfect Bacon Man starts bellowing about a lawsuit and tiny, 70 year old waitress gets all up in his face and says: "Maybe if you controlled your little rugrats, that kid wouldn't be on the floor whining and crying right now. Now sit down before I make your brat clean up the jello he spilled." And then applause from the other patrons. Gosh, I love America. Five Uneccesary Things at a Breakfast Buffet # Pine nuts # Saurkraut # Carved turkey with gravy # Bacon bits (the real bacon isn't enough?) # Me [Ok, fine. I do love the biscuits and gravy]


I'm not with you here. I think Biscuits & Gravy is vile. Certainly, it's not breakfast...

I actually like Buffetts! I which I had 100 shares of Berkshire Hathaway or wrote "Cheeseburger in Paradise"...

oh wait, YOUR Buffet had one less "t", never mind

We were in Los Vegas several years ago waiting patiently in line to be seated at a buffet restaurant. A very obese man stepped to the front of the line and demanded to be seated immediately claiming he was a diabetic and needed to eat right away.
When we finished our entrees we met this man at the dessert table. Yup, some diabetic, loading up on cake and pie... Sad

Some people (like my husband) can have bacon bits, but not real bacon. Bacon bits are just soy flour with some flavoring, I believe.

I like pine nuts.

Perhaps you need to upgrade your class of buffet - might I recommend the Grand Hyatt or the local Hilton... done right, you shouldn't have to eat anything more except for a 9PM snack so the cost shouldn't be a show stopper. But then, I don't have kids.

Biscuits and Gravy are wonderful because they contain 3 of the 4 Southern Food Groups:

1. Salt
2. Sugar
3. White Flour
4. Lard

Somebody call a cop. My appetite just got murdered.

My favorite issue of Time-Travelling Buffet Patrol was the one where the guy was letting his little bastards swordfight with the bacon, play pancake-frisbee, etc., so the TTBP went back and arranged to have him lose his genitals in a "freak lathe accident" in junior high. Problem solved! I was so bummed when they cancelled that comic.

Biscuits and gravy is one of the most amazing things. It's an entire meal that can be concocted out of flour, milk, butter, and salt and pepper, if you're out of real food and very patient and not all that picky about your biscuits.

Of course, if you mix in some bacon fat or some crumbled-up sausage with the gravy... oh, God.

Now y'all all know why I'm a big fat tub o' goo. My only saving grace is that I'm not as fat as Michael Moore.

I hate buffets. There's just something so very wrong about "all you can eat". Maybe not wrong, but I wish those gluttonous perverts would limit their lewd behavior to their own homes.

But then again, I shouldn't complain about the sexist dipshit clientelle if I ever decide to go to a strip club. So I take it all back. Chow down, pigs! Enjoy another shot glass of ranch dressing!

Breakfast buffets are my one chance to eat bacon! Hotels, while traveling, only.

Enjoy another shot glass of ranch dressing!

Shot glass? Hell, give it to me in a Super Big Gulp cup.

Perverts? Lewd behavior? What the hell kind of buffet have you been in?

I thought this entry was about Jimmy Buffet when I first saw it

In re: perverts and lewdness, I haven't really seen much other than the sin of gluttony, but the perpetrators were certainly into it REAL bad.

You mean there are buffets that aren't
Northern Indian? Of course, gotta
watch that chicken tandoori - it can
be addictive. I haven't seen good
American food buffets since the last
trip to Vegas.

An aside: how is "buffeting" pronounced?
"Boofaying" or "Buf-fut-ing"? (I
haven't heard "buffet" done as a verb

You know, those 4 unnecessary things, when combined, will yield a superb carved turkey with saurkraut gravy sprinkled generously with pine nuts and bacon bits. Mmmmmmmmm

Southern buffet blog:

I hate the pretending.

You know, pretending that the guy ahead of you, who just threw the tongs into the salad, is not the same guy you just saw a few minutes ago leaving the rest-room without washing his hands.

Yea, that's the part I hate.