« The Time Has Come | Main | Important: Please Help »


It looks like they are coming to get you, Barbara. bq. Mark September 29 on your calendar because it will mark the beginning of the end of the world.
That's the chilling news from E.T. expert Dr. Terry Johnson, who claims various conglomerations of alien races are conspiring to destroy planet Earth on that day -- with the help of a few volcanoes and earthquakes.
Johnson says an earthquake is scheduled to take place in Guadalajara, Mexico, and when the "crest" of the quake happens, a giant spacecraft will slam into the fault line like a "kamikaze" fighter and start a global chain reaction that will result in the ultimate destruction of the planet.
All bets are off at this point. I am not saving up for Christmas presents. I'm not going to bother getting a new fall wardrobe. Halloween decorations? Forget it. This sort of frees us up when you think about it. None of us have to think past September 29th. This opens the door for all kinds of hedonistic behavior (though I would wait until the last week of September to engage in it). You can finally do all those things you wanted to do without fear of long-term repurcussion. Run naked through the mall. Tell your boss to stick it. Take twelve items down the ten item or less line. Live a little! Let down your hair and let it all go, as you won't be around to deal with any backlash. I say a slow build up is in order. Today, you start spending all your cash on porterhouse steaks and Guinness. Tomorrow, propose to your girlfriend even though you have a terrible fear of committment. Hey, the day will never come when you actually have to get married and she might be so thrilled with your proposal that you'll get some last minute nookie. Take all the money out of your retirement fund and buy a Corvette. Race it down the street at 3am. Piss on your neighbor's lawn like you always wanted to. Run up your credit cards. Take up chain smoking and binge drinking. You've got two months to live life to the fullest before the aliens wreack havoc on our great land. Oh: bq. Some humans will be saved, and Johnson says many are already being abducted to other planets to be used as super computers.
It sounds hopeless, but he says hundreds of human abductees are working as a resistance force by learning to fly UFOs. Viva le resistance! Maybe we should temper our near-death experience partying. Wouldn't want to be standing naked on top of the bleachers at Yankee Stadium throwing hundred dollar bills culled from your life's savings at total strangers when you get word that earth will be saved. Could be embarassing. At any rate, mark the date, set tin foil hats to stun and wait for Will Smith or Bruce Willis to lead us to safety. That's the way these things usually work. [link via Fark, of course]


Wonder if it would qualify as something that would postpone the election?

Gotta love Fark.

Hey, at least they're waiting until after my birthday. You wanna come up to Montreal for my the-world-is-ending-so-we-might-as-well-do-tequila-shooters birthday party?

Uh, can I get my paypal back then?

I need it for steaks and bail.


Thank God it's after my fantasy football draft on 9/4.

Don't you just hate it when that happens? ;-)

I read something very similar at DemocraticUnderwear.com 'cept replace all references of Aliens with Bushhitler, Haliburton, and neocons.

Oh yeah, the date was a little closer to Nov. 2.....

I'm not worried.

Shortly before all the bad stuff goes down, Bugs Bunny will show up at Marvin's moonbase and take away the Illudium Q-36 or whatever it is he is planning to use to blow up the world.

Bugs Bunny will save us, mark my words.

Of course, then he'll run for the presidency in 2012, and things will get really ugly, what with his cross-dressing past and fondness for Wagnerian opera coming out, but at least for a while, things will be good.

Thats my birthday! Yet move proof that the world does revolve around me (at least as long as it exists). But wait, I already engage in all those irresponsible behaviors (O.K., so I probably haven't pee'd on your lawn yet, but you're on my list;)

"Some humans will be saved, and Johnson says many are already being abducted to other planets to be used as super computers"

That must be one mathematically pathetic culture. I hope they at least chose people who can balance a checkbook.

It figures. And this was going to be the year that the red Sox FINALLY won the World Series. Damned foreigner aliens!

I was had until I came upon the part about humans being used as super computers.

That is just laughable.

Damn it. I was going on vacation the very next week.

I guess I'd better get my deposit back.

Rats!!! Another thing to worry about.
And if I am abducted, I just want to tell the aliens one thing.
Bathrooms. I don't go anyplace without bathrooms. Nice clean bathrooms. Soap by the sink, towels. Running water.
That and chocolate milk and I'll join the resistance teams and fight fight fight!!!

That's not fair! We had September 30th pencilled in for when we were going to destroy the earth. Dagnab it, those damn aliens just had to go and cut in line!

Well, I guess that will take care of Bin Laden and all the rest of the terrorist in this world. I guess I can stop worrying about the war, because on Sept. 30th, it is all over. Doomsday is upon us.

Hm. Suicidal alien pilots.

Proof, to me, that UFO stories are a product of extent popular (um, in the "well known" sense of the word) culture.

I, for one, don't find this article to be at all funny. Perhaps we should all take this as an opportunity to stop and relflect on why the aliens wish to destroy our world. If we did, we would understand that it would be because we have despoiled their space with cast off probes (Voyager, et al.) and culture with randomly beamed episodes of I Love Lucy.

Also, this supposed attack is merely a convenient excuse. Notice how we never heard about it until after the discovery of oil on Tau Ceti Prime. Halliburton already has the no-bid contract to build the space stations necesary to extract it.

Oh, Thank God. What a relief. Let's hope they're more efficient about it than we would be. How would you like to end up in the alien equivalent of Abu Ghraib?

Are they going to destroy us for any particular reason or is it just because they've heard we might have Weapons of Mass Destruction and may be in league with the terrorists who drove those asteroids into Jupiter a few years ago and they need to neutralize us before we become a threat to our region of the galaxy?

One final question. If the aliens abduct me to use as a supercomputer (snort!), will they take over the payments on my student loans?


Oh no they don't. That's our honeymoon they're screwing with. When my fiancee hears about this... Well, remember that "unprecendented" triple supernova over in Sector 14? Yup.

Will Michelle welcome our new space alien overlords, and as a trusted blogger will she suggest her utility in rounding up others to toil in their sugar mines?


Aw holy crap!

Just what the eff am I supposed to do if I've already been doing all that stuff you mentioned?

It'll be no fun if EVERYBODY starts doing it!

the ultimate destruction of the planet

Gosh, I guess I've missed all the previous.. uh... destructions... of the planet. I feel so lame.

Dammit, that's the day after my birthday, and I'll be on a cruise in the Caribbean on that day. Right by, you guessed it, Mexico. Naturally, I finally go on vacation and this happens. Shit.

So are the Zionists being blamed for helping the aliens yet?

You know, it really sucks that that is just 2 days after my birthday. Bah.

My wife and I will be visiting Fairbanks, Alaska in late September. I guess we better make sure we take all our friends out to dinner on 9/29 and arrange for the check to arrive just before the aliens.

Man is my wife going to be pissed. That's our anniversary, and we are supposed to be in Germany that week. She's been waiting a long time for this vaca, and she'll be after those aliens!

that is bullshit its a lie he just want people to stop violence and start acting good before the end of the world comes

You dirty alien bastards! If you think I'm gonna be abducted without taking at least 30 of you redneck extra-terrestrial scum-suckers down with me fyou've go another thing coming! Cuz me and Bugs Bunny are tight. In addition the Krazy Krew won't stand for worldwide domination unless we are the dominators. So put that in your crack pipe and smoke it.