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Nuanced Notices

1. I'm putting a halt to the Best of the 90's polling. If something as silly as that can generate vicious hate mail and comments that need to be deleted, then it looks like things of that nature will have to be pushed aside for the time being. I think if I put up a poll that said Eating Poison for Breakfast: Good or Bad? a fight would ensue in the comments. 2. There will be subtle changes around here. You could use the word nuanced, if you like. Some of you may see the changes, some may not. Depends on how well you read nuance. I like that word. 3. I'm putting together some essays from my Raising Hell days as well as some of my pop culture stuff from this site. I'm looking to self-publish a book or two. If anyone has had any experience in this area, using online self-pubishers such as iUniverse, I'd be happy to hear from you. Also, it would help if you would say something like, "I'd buy your book if you went through the trouble of self-publishing one!" Of course, it would help more if you said something like "I have a friend who works at BigNamePublishing and they would like to sign you up and give you a six figure advance." Because that would be swell, as we seem to have run out of money with which to fix this house up, so we are kind of in a limbo between white trash and middle class Martha Stewart decor. Not to mention those pesky bills that keep showing up every month uninvited. So, yea. Six figure advance would be nice and I don't mean $1.05555. Guess I'll keep the day job. That wasn't very nuanced, was it?


Michele, if you want to keep your rights with any book you do publish, Xlibris or Authorhouse would be better. iuniverse takes them and expects a cut if you ever get a (major)publisher.

Eating Poison for Breakfast: Good or Bad?

See also: Tim Blair's Vegemite airlift

Get with Sgt Mom over at Stryker's site. She's just finishing up the process and can probably help you through the land mines.

I'd buy it.

I'm glad you scrapped the 90s stuff. Call me a paranoid wacko, but isn't it strange that VH1, many morning shows and now the USAToday "magazine" are all waxing nostalgic for the 90s... when the decade just ended less than 5 years ago... but a popular Democrat was in office... and everything was great... and this is an election year.

Consider this a pre-order.

You can't even have some fun without people getting into a fight. Reminds me of elementary school. Try to avoid the flying barstools. ;)

"Nuance"? Is that what I get when my uncles get married?

Got a problem with an angry blogger? Call us, we're the solution.

If you want the six-figure advance, you need to do something notorious.

No Ken, that's what your wife gave to half the town while you were at work.

Dude, if you want to be a troll, at least try to be funny and/or make sense.

Yah, that wasn't near as funny as your quip about your Uncles. I'm still in stitiches...


I got a six-figure advance once for a first book by this guy named Fulghum. It has this snappy title EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN.

It was also a collection of short essays by someone the publishing world had never heard of.

For his next books we made it into seven figures.

I'm just sayin....

Troll Patrol, that is really not the way to make new friends or get people to go to your website. You claim to be able to do something about trolls; ironically, you ARE one.

You got hate mail over the polling? Ok, I've gotta know: was it the music, the movies, or both?

Perhaps you're right Michele, but Ken was a bit rude wasn't he?

Jim M

If it was elementary school, wouldn't it be flying brocolli rather than barstools?

At least I think that greenstuff I tossed from my moulded cafeteria tray at Rinaldi St. School was brocolli.........


I'm with Alex. Consider this a pre-order, too.

Ralph, Ken said:

"Nuance"? Is that what I get when my uncles get married?

That was a pun. It was cute. How the hell was that rude? If you are referring to this:

Dude, if you want to be a troll, at least try to be funny and/or make sense.

That was in reference to this comment of yours:

No Ken, that's what your wife gave to half the town while you were at work

Which was rude and assinine.


IMHO, I believe Troll Patrol is pun-challenged and read Ken's funny as some sort of "homophobic" snark.

Kinda reminiscent of the infamous case of the "outrage" and demand for the firing of a guy for using racist language when he used the word "niggardly" in a letter.

I admit it! It was me! I just couldn't stand that the brilliant music of Colour Me Badd was completely forgotten in your music poll!

You'll rue the day you do that again! RUE!

Michele - if you can work "ants-in-the-pants" into the forward, I'll take six copies.

Speaking of your personal favorite person with a book deal (well, someone up above was), her partner in crime, Wonkette, will be working from the Democratic Convention for MTV. I'm sure you can't wait for all the mature commentary that that pairing will ensure.

Then again, you and the rest of us only watched that network back in the dark ages when they showed music videos.

[blush - Michele said my pun was cute]

Okay, I'll admit to being a sucker for cheap puns (and that one was as cheap as they get) but where the HELL did homophobic come from?

Michele, Steve at Little Tiny Lies just published a cookbook with iUniverse. And he's a lawyer, so he should know which one to go with. You might ask him.


Somebody failed to see "nuance" = "new aunts"

maybe they pronounce "aunt" as "ant" rather than "awnt".

Do carry on. I actually enjoy puns. :-)

He misunderstood "homophonic"?

I'm guessing about someone elses guess, now, but with gay marriage all up in the headlines, I'm supposing ralph meant there was confusion about two uncles getting married. And that this would giving people ants, or something.

Or maybe it's homophobic to presume that two uncles getting married would marry women. I give up.

I thought it was a cute pun, too.

Someone who works at a publishing house and blogs.

Check out her archives for useful tips about self-publishing and the things to dodge. The entire commenting community over there is full of writers, too, and they have good/bad stories to tell.

They obviously did not share the same linguistic ontology. ::rim shot:

Yeah the new aunts was pretty funny in a silly Airplaneish ("and don't call me Shirley") sort of way.
"Over Macho Grande?"
"No, I'll never get over Macho Grande."

From what I understand self-publishing, or vanity publishing, is much like blogging. It's usually fun and satisfying, but it's rarely the road to fame and fortune. If you count in the time it takes you to write the book, you probably won't make money. On the other hand, if you have already spent the time on the writing you won't lose any money. Sales will likely be measured in hundreds. Unless you have some reason to publish quickly, you might consider submitting your work to some real publishers. It might end up sitting in a slush pile for a year unless you can get an agent, but you at least have a chance for a real contract and the thrill of seeing your book in stores.

If you want, I can send you some links to suggestions by real authors and publishers.

Either way, I'm a likely candidate to buy it. :-)

It went right over my head. I thought you were referring to "getting busy" with your Uncles.

Ralph, you're in the troll protection industry, are you? Something is making me think of this Monty Python sketch:

Monty Python's Flying Circus
Series 1, Episode 8: Army Protection Racket

Ralph didn't pick up on the New Aunts.

just too funny


Puns are great fun, and the greatness of the pun is how loud the groans are you receive at it's rendering.

I also enjoy malapropisms. Dating myself here (yet again) I recall the standup routines of Norm Crosby. Grand silliness.


Apologies, one and all, my typo cup runneths over.

You want six figures? Heh, I have the answer.

I'm working on my SECOND million. That's right... they all say the second million is ALWAYS easier than the first!!

I'm working on my second million: the first one didn't work out at all....


Michele, I want to reserve a copy, and I want to pay FULL RETAIL.

There. That oughta get things rolling!


Going to comment registration is easily the best thing I ever did on my blog.

I know it's scary but you need to do this. All of a sudden 80% of the moonbats, wingnuts, and hatemongering trolls simply disappear becuase they're far too cowardly and lazy to bother registering--and you're left with some civil dissenters, your regular crowd of fun people and a handful of cranks who are mostly charming. You know, like it was in the beginning, when it was fun? :-)

Go with TypeKey, or switch to WordPress and use their moderation, or whatever, but I an guarantee you girlfriend you will not regret it.

I'll never go back.

Oh, and if I can help just let me know.

Dean likes to control information like the Brownshirts used to.


Crushing dissent is my specialty!

I'd buy your book if you went through the trouble of self-publishing one!

I don't know anyone at Big Name Publishing, but if you self publish, and you want to market an electronic download version, then I'd be amenable to listing it in the e-store at the sites I work at. We listed Anthony Hernandez's sci-fi novel, why not a collected essays book?

You have my email - when you're ready to publish, you can give me a shout. Oh - and good luck. ;]

By the way, did you see the way Big Ralph questioned my patriotism? I demand that Big Ralph stop repressing me!

Michele! Make him stop questioning my patriotism!!!!!!

"I'm being repressed! I'm being repressed!"

(Following Srah's lead with a reference to Monty Python)

(Reads the posting by Ken.)

Oh bad, wicked, naughty Zoot. :)

"I'm putting a halt to the Best of the 90's polling."


You trolls better watch out. I have half a wit and I'm not afraid to use it.

I'm a likely buy, Michelle.

If you want to do a bit of test-marketing, or just do a pre-production copy, you should check out Cafepress. It's a vanity press with no upfront costs. I don't believe they yet include ISBN services, but if you want a quick book you can keep updating on an unlimited basis, it might make more sense than more traditional approaches - since you have the traffic to promote it yourself, onsite.

IT's also ideal for books such as the sort you are contemplating - you can keep it up-to-date very simply, by uploading a new PDF file.

You don't even need to create a shop any more - although I think you really OUGHT to have a tee or two, frankly.

Given the number of memorable quotes that come up here in comments, I'd go check out zazzle.com - you can create a shirt with text in moments, with or without graphics. You can even allow further customisation.

At least people READ your blog.