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The Making of an Evil Sports Fan

I've discovered that a sports rivalry can be more divisive than any left/right politics. I am not a spoiled sports brat, contrary to popular belief. It's not like the Yankees have always had good years. I've sat through some major suckage, just like the rest of you. Bob Lemon ring a bell? 89? 90? 91? I'm an Islander fan. Who has suffered more than that? The early years were a disaster but it's even worse to win four cups in a row and then hit rock bottom all over again. I grew up a Jets fan. You want miserable failure? Try wearing the green and the white. How many of you had a team actually abandon you? I've taken a lot of crap over time for my sports allegiances. If you Red Sox fans want to complain about my attitude, go talk to your fellow sports enthusiasts in town, the Bruins fans. They singlehandedly did more to embitter me toward opposing fans than anyone else in any sport, including Flyers fans and Duke fans. And don't even get me started on the fair weather Met fans of 1986 who, to this day, remain on my list of people to smite when I receive my godly powers some day. I used to be casual about rivalries. I used to enjoy all teams from all sports. I've worn the jerseys of the Maple Leafs, the Braves and the San Antonio Spurs. I've cheered on teams from Winnepeg down to Houston. I've been a good sport. But those days are gone and you've all played a part in it. So now I've joined the dark side and become on of them; the sports fan that you hate. The one who gloats when your team sucks. The one who lords it over you when your team is so error prone they make the Bad News Bears look like a gold glove all star team. The one who cuts pictures of your favorite players out of the newspaper and mails them to you, defaced and disgraced. I am a bitter, war-torn sports fan and even though I will never, ever be the one who wears face paint or starts a stupid chant, I will be the one grinning like an evil bastard at you when your team goes down hard. I hate myself for it sometimes, but it can't be helped. I'm not spoiled. I'm just filled with a bitter poison that's been fed to me from years of rivarly abuse. Evil sports fans are not born, they are made. You made me. Are you happy now, Dr. Frankenstein? Well, are you? Yanks v. Mets tonight at the Big Blue Toilet Bowl. Bring it on, bitches.

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Comments

I knew I should have gone to the game when they were handing out commemorative Roger Clemens posters. I'd have sent it to you.

Defaced, I hope.

You've never been an Angels fan have you?
That teaches true loyalty after years of suckage and Disney (until Glorious victory finally was attained in 2002 and hopefully again this year).
Islanders are nothing.

I grew up a Jets fan. You want miserable failure? Try wearing the green and the white. How many of you had a team actually abandon you?

Having grown up (albeit grudgingly) in the Los Angelese area, I've had that happen to me twice with the Rams and the Raiders.

Al Davis and Georgia Frontieri: No.s 1 and 2 on my to smite list.

I was at the game where the Boston Sucks chant started. IIRC it was September of 1978. The Yankees had demolished the Sox in Fenway in a series the week before, then came back home to face them, and beat them again the first two games of the series, but in the third game (the one I attended) the Red Sox blew them out early. All the Boston fans were angry that their team was choking horribly and the Yankee fans were pissed about losing that game. You never saw so many fights in the stands--every few seconds you'd see beer being thrown at somebody in the upper deck.

As we made our way down the ramps out of the stadium, there was a natural tromp, tromp, tromp sound and somebody on our ramp started changing Bos-ton Sucks. Within a few seconds everybody was chanting it on the ramp, and when we got down to the bottom we could hear the other ramps had picked it up.

Just remember: the fair weather Mets fans of 1986 are all Yankee fans now, every last one of them, and they were Yankee fans in 1976-81 as well.

Suffering Islander fans? Try rooting for the Knickerbockers (ahem, Charles Smith).

Jets? Is that a professional football franchise?

Hey, after all of the early season crap I had to listen to from Boston fans, I want each loss to be more painful than the last. Game 7 last year was a masterpiece of cruel and inhuman torture.

Oh, Yeah - Pedro Martinez is still a punk-ass beyotch.

i'm the guy nobody understands. i don't care for sports at all. no matter who is playing.

yawn.

go team.

There is nothing better than a good rivalry.
Red Sox/Yankees
Florida State/Florida (college football for your northerners who when to colleges that did not have 80-100 thousand seat stadiums)
Michigan/Ohio State
North/South

And yes it is good to have a pure honest form of hate.

Now if we could just get the left to feel that way about the terrorist.

I share your pain with both the Islanders and the Jets though you'll find my back again each season. Alas, I threw my hat into the Mets' ring so I've a little more to brood about, but I have a special place in my heart for the Yankees, except tonight of course.

Not having lived in the States for a long time, I have to relate by thinking of my favorite soccer team Eintracht Frankfurt, who have been a major disappointment for the past ten years.

When you become a Goddess, could I trouble you with prayers to smite the past and present managers and owners of Eintracht?

Besides you are already pushing the envelope to demi-Goddess status with this blog thing. Would it help if I sacraficed Red Sox caps in your name? I have cousins in the Boston area that would supply them if I didn't tell them what I intended to do with them.:)

How did the Bruins fans get you started? I didn't think there were more than 8,000 of them left.

Rob, what about Georgia-Florida, the World's Largest Cocktail Party?

Ummmmmmmm. Smoked barbecued ribs!!!