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Birthdays and Broken Bodily Functions

I'm sick. That hacking cough, burning chest, can't decide whether I'm freezing or burning up kind of sick. The kind of sick that says Everybody feel sorry for me as I lay here on the couch coughing up a lung and drowning in wadded up tissuesl Except no one will come near me. I am a leper. I haven't been sick since I had mono back in January. So of course, following the standard rule of my life which states that All Matters Will Be Complicated, I have to use a sick day on a week in which I already need to take two days off. Can't miss the kids' graduations, even if I have to stand in the back of the auditorium and run out to the lobby every time another piece of my lung wants to work its way up my throat. If today is the first day of summer, then it must also be my baby sister's birthday. The "baby" turns 35 today. So, in the same week that my son gradutates from elementary school and my daughter graduates from middle school, my little sister turns an age that sounds very adult like. 34? Eh, still a kid. 35? Hey, here's that AARP application! Now trade in those Judas Priest albums for some Barry Manilow. And put away the Playstations, for crying out loud. Don't you have better ways to spend your time? Like watching repeats of the Lawrence Welk show? I think if my sister and I combined the respective ages of our general maturity level, we still wouldn't reach adulthood. So I'm not really worried about her giving up her soul to the old age devil today. In fact, she'll probably even deny getting older. Besides, if we go by the AP article, she'd only be 24. Anyhow, nothing like some milestones to start off your summer with the image of a cane and housecoat hanging over your head while you're laying on the couch unable to muster up the strength to call in sick. I'm not sick, I'm just old! That revelation causes me to check my boobs. Whew. They aren't saggging down to my knees. I knew my grandma was old when she needed a sling intstead of a bra. Looks like I'm still in bra country. And I haven't developed that baggy chicken skin under my arms yet. Sure, grandma was about 70 when that happened to her, but when you're 41 and feeling the start of menopause already, 70 may as well be 50. I decided not to tackle any news right now. I don't have the mind for it. Nor do I have a stronge enough constitution today to put up with the backlash that comes from blogging about the news. Odds are good that someone will drop a comment on this post asking why I'm not writing about this or that, the this or that being something the commenter believes I am just not devoting enough time to so therefore I must not care about it. I've a form email ready for that, which states that when the commenter in question pays me to cover the news that he or she wants printed, reviewed and disseminated, then I'll be happy to cover the beat they have assigned me. Otherwise they will just have to settle for five paragraphs about a chest cold and old age. Happy Birthday, little sis. You're really lucky I don't have the energy to dig up baby pictures of you.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Birthdays and Broken Bodily Functions:

» Bodily Functions Alert from Bloviating Inanities
Not Bill's! Eww. Michele is feeling under the weather today. Mother Nature has conspired to help her kick off the... [Read More]

» Ages from This Blog Is Full Of Crap
You know, I've been comfortable with 34 for a while now. I think to myself "It's Walter's number" and I'm cool with it. Then I read this with Geralissimo Catalano going nuts over her "baby" sister turning from 34 to... [Read More]


I think you're just afraid. You know you can't cut the mustard and are just ducking the hard issues because they make your side look so bad!


Take care and come back when you're better, my dear.

You're not old. Your ripe.

Happy birthday to the fellow Cancer baby, too.

Summer colds are the worst! Take care.

Oh, and about the age thing...screw age! I'm about to be 36 and am trying to have my 2nd baby. I have taken every opportunity available, including living overseas for a year. You're only as old as you feel. I'm not even close to slowing down. And, Barry Manilow isn't coming close to the bootleg NIN CD in my vehicle, even if it IS a minivan.

hey, i didn't even buy a playstation until i was 38! and now at 40 i have 2 and my daughter whoops me all the time...

How can your baby sister be 35? I just read in the New York Post that you're 31!

Congrats on all the milestones.

For what various people think you should or should not write this, that or the other, and police your choice of words in the process today (or any other day), you can draw the distinct pleasure of dedicating particularly gobbish lugees (sp? - how the heck do you spell that word, anyhow? u or double o? Double e or y?) to them all day!

Get Well soon! Remember you will be here to write on another day, tomorrow. Take care!

Vitamin B12 and Vitamin C - massive doses. Every time I have gotten that 'I need to cough up a lung' sickness that is the only way I have been able to get rid of it.

Get well soon.

Er.... Ignore the news article I just e-mailed you. (oops)

Please take care of yourself and get well quick.

Best Wishes,

Don't worry about the headlines. That's what your devoted and dedicated personal slaves are for.

Oh, and don't worry about running out of shoes. That's what elves are for.

That reminds me... don't worry about the werewolves. That's what the silver bullets are for.

Ok, how about we pay you to lay down on your couch, cover yourself with a warm blanket, and let your husband feed you chickensoup and give you whiskey with honey to drink. Vitamins would also be a good idea.

Just a thought:

Who WILL be our generation's Lawrence Welk? Paul Schafer maybe?

Hope you feel better soon.

It's the stress you've been under, your body's taking a rest.

Get yourself a notebook and lie/lay on the sofa, close your eyes and mentally walk room to room about what you really want to do.

Do you need to buy new airvents? Ours were rusty. Think minute details. Think lawn and backyard. Time will fly. Pocketbook will follow.

Read Vodkapundit, he's also undergoing renovation.

Happy birthday. Feel better!

I haven't been sick for quite sometime. Not sure how I avoid it, but hope you get better soon.

Send somebody to the video store, get a bunch of sappy movies and veg out for a couple days. The Blog will still be here, the job will limp along without you. So your desk will be piled high when you get better, you'll work the piles down.
Hope you feel better soon and tell your sis happy birthday from Texas.

Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. Which reminds me, there have been precious few topless jpegs of you recently. Maybe just one, featuring perhaps the right wing? I'll bet it's more eagle- than chicken- like!

Now that's a conspiricy I could go for!