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Micah Wright is Still an Idiot

And now he's engaging in baseless - yet funny from this end - conspiracy theories. (Registration is required - and worth it just to glimpse at Wright's mental state of mind once in a while), so I'll just give you the most important part.
I - am - however, very interested by a very curious piece of information I turned up when doing a little search on two warbloggers who were hounding me... I invite everyone to go to http://www.register.com and tell them (in the provided box) that you want to register www.kevinparrott.com when they tell you that the web address is already registered, click "see who owns it" to see who owns it. There are a few steps to the process, but it doesn't take long. Then do the exact same thing for www.jimtreacher.com. Surprise, he's the same guy. Then go back and forth between the two sites and see how often "Jim Treacher" highlights and supports "Kevin Parrott" slamming on me and vice versa. It's amazing how often this guy slams me on one of his sites, then goes onto congratulate his "friend" (himself using an alias) about how clever his "friend" is. When you go onto other people's warblogs and see him/them roundly congratulating him/themselves and directing unsuspecting viewers to one "anothers" blogs, it's kinda astounding. It's even more delicious when you realize that their fellow WarBloggers truly think that Kevin and Jim are two different people even though their writing styles are exactly the same... these same WarBloggers who were rounding mocking everyone who visits this board or ever read one of my comics for being "duped" by Micah The Ranger are themselves being Duped by Kevin The Treacher.
See, Kevin hosts Jim's site. But Micah does not bother to try and find anything out beyond the big, giant conspiracy he thought he saw in front of him. He goes so far as to imply that both Treacher and Parrott's posts about him mean nothing because they are liars and cheats as well. Too bad it's not true. Micah has once again made a giant ass of himself. I'm sure that whole thread will disappear soon as Micah believes in revisionist history, as any time he has made an asinine statement, it completely disappeared from the web in record time. Good thing Jim saves everything Micah writes. Someone has got to be able to prove this guy is a Class A Moron. I mean, how hard is it to do a little bit of research to figure out whether they are actually the same people before posting to your forums such a ridiculous lie? Well, we are dealing with a guy here for whom truth is a foreign concept. He also links to me, but gets the address wrong. Eeediot! He says in another post: As to what my point is here: well, I guess there's no point beyond me having discovered that Jim and Kevin are the same person and being astounded that someone who went on such a fucking rampage about me being a liar and "sick in the head" is doing essentially the same thing. I'd love to see an apology from Jim Treacher, similar to the one I sent him under his Kevin Parrott pseudonym, but I doubt I'll ever see it. Keep waiting, you tool. Anyone want to take bets on how long this thread stays up on his forums? (All Your Micah Wright Belong to us) (Micah Wright ReMix Gallery) [Anyhow, everyone knows that Treacher is Puce. Or is he Ken Layne? No, he's Moxie. No, no, I think he's Allah....] Update: I just discovered that Treacher is ME! Take good care of those jugs, Jim. Update 2: I am not Steven Denbeste (though at times I have role played as him), but he wrote about this today, as he got an email from an anonymous "fellow warblogger" warning him that Jim and Kevin are the same dudes!!! Gasp! [Please note that the comments have been closed. There is only so much bandwidth I will suck up in the name of a run-on joke. But y'all were really, really entertaining for two days]

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Micah Wright is Still an Idiot:

» Conspiracy theories are your best entertainment value from Mother, May I Sleep with Treacher?
Now I know how Bruce Wayne must feel! (Registration to the Micah Wright Delphi forum required) Man, Steve Hogan is gonna be so pissed... I'm supposed to be him, not Parrott. I think I was supposed to be A. Beam too? Well, I categorically deny being Puc... [Read More]

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Micah Wright keeps digging. Oh, and by the way, I really am Jim Treacher. Don't be fooled by imitations.... [Read More]

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I admit it. I can no longer live this lie. I am not only Andrea Harris, owner of the Spleenville.com domain, I am also Tim Blair and Charles Austin! Both supposedly male creations were spawned on Blogspot as experimental forays into the world of fake i... [Read More]

» Andy and Roger from This Blog Is Full Of Crap
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» I Confess from Absinthe & Cookies (a little bit bitter, a little bit sweet)
I'm actually Paul Jané. Yes, it's true. I've had this near obsession with ham and Zils for many years but... [Read More]

» I Am All from Dean's World
Little does Micah Wright know, but secretly, Michele Catalano is one of Dean Esmay's many alter-egos. I want you all to know that I am... [Read More]

» I am clearly looked upon with suspicion by my masters. from Obsidian Wings
I mean, I didn't get an invitation to blog from the GOP convention, unlike some people I know; I still haven't seen one thin dime of the Right-wing blood money that's supposed to be falling from the sky in a [Read More]

» Confession day in the blogosphere from it comes in pints?
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» TBS - Too DELETED Slow from G'day Mate!
When I first read about Stephen Den Beste yesterday, I immediately thought it would be funny to point out that I am not only me but I am also The Gray Monk. I live simultaneously in Sydney and the UK. Mind you this is only possible because Pixy is the ... [Read More]

» Is Micah Wright Really Worth My Valuable Time? from Ace of Spades HQ
Is this lying shit worth your valuable time? He's not. But, if you want to know what "Ranger Wright" has been up to lately... den Beste catches Ranger Wright's Battalion of Truth spreading lies about his Jalvert, Jim Treacher. Basically,... [Read More]

» Overheard in the checkout line at Safeway, June 16 from protein wisdom
Man: "You know who Jim Treacher is, right?"* Woman: "Know who he is? Hell, I'm Jim Treacher."* Man: "You are? Really? Woman: "Yup. And Kevin Parrott, too."* Man: "Wow. Who am I, then?" Woman: "You're Micah Wright."* Man: "Oh, I... [Read More]

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Comments

Why do I get the feeling there needs to be a micahwright.isfullofcrap.com site set up?

Maybe not a blog, but a static page of his claims followed by his mea culpas.

I am Spartacus. I am also Hot Abercrombie Chick, Oliver Willis, and the InstaWife. Wow, it's amazing how liberating a confession can be. Thank you for the opportunity.

Sorry, Skillz. I don't buy the InstaWife thing. Oliver Willis, maybe. He is from Boston, so it makes sense.

Are you sure you're not me?

Treacher is Layne. Layne is Moxie. Moxie is Treacher.

Except on Tuesdays, when Treacher is Moxie, Moxie is Layne, and Layne is Treacher.

But when it's raining, Treacher is Treacher, Layne is Layne, and Moxie is Acidman.

What about when it's raining in NY but not where Treacher is? Would the rain force Layne to become Jay or Jane?

NO YOUR ARE LIES

We are all One.

I am Iron Man.

You sure are vehement about this, Michele. Interesting how we never see YOU and Parrott in the same room together... verrrry interesting...

Is there any blogger who attacked him who's hosted by Earthlink? You could really ramp up his paranoia by pointing out that Earthlink's founder is a Scientologist. Jim Treacher- J.T.-- John Travolta-- coincidence? I THINK NOT!

I am Dr. Frank. There, I said it.

I may, however, also be Kevin. Truth be told, I'm just not sure who I am anymore. I could swear when I woke up this morning I was wearing men's pajamas.

I yam what I yam and that's what I yam!

I COULD be the Walrus, I still don't have a car.

screwed up the quote

"I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of people. "

after all the cartoon talk, "Eeediot" just cracked my ass up and I forgot what VRMC polemic I was about to unleash against potential paper target poster bongoes.

...that's not a blip..."M" for "military."
The "w" is getting redundant.

I have a friend whose thought processes also follow the "path of most conspiracy". It's sort of entertaining to see the stuff he ends up spewing out.

Perhaps I'll get him a tinfoil hat for Christmas this year :)

D

All I know is that it's a damned shame that Wright has no integrity to match the talent.

Okay wise guy's (actually guy), I think I've figured it out. You "all" are actually just Micah Wright. I knew you were always desperate for attention, but creating dozens of pseudonym's - most of whom are supposedly anti-Micah Wright - that's low. So pathetically low.

I haven't a clue as to I am, but I'm glad I'm not him.

I am Emmitt Smith.

Ah-ha. What I ALWAYS suspected, bloggers are all psychotics. OR maybe one guy is actually the entire blogosphere. Yeah, that's story, you're ALL the same guy. Micah be praised for uncovering the TRUTH.

I am Bucky Dent.

Andrea Harris is Tim Blair.

I know, because, like, their sites are both on the same domain.

I'm at least as smrt as Micah Wright!

(Also, I bet Lileks is actually Steven Den Beste's alter-ego.)

And here I always thought Treacher was Keyser Soze.

Who now?

Jeff G. is Maureen Dowd.

There is no such thing as a Bucky Dent. It was a fictitious character invented by the Yankees, aided by the White Sox who needed the money, in the 1970s when most of the American public was on drugs.

Michael Moore's next movie will reveal all this.

So you're saying that I hallucinated that October 8, 1978 moment in Yankee history? Damn, that was some good pot.

Who is Jane Galt?

Actually, I am Tim Blair. And Andrea Harris for that matter. But you'll never get either of them to claim they are me.

Sybil anyone?

I am a rock. I am an iiiiiisland.

Poor Micha .. he just doesn't know when to stop and go back to what it is that he does ... which is, er, ummm ... wait, I know this.. don't tell me... ahhh yess, well... uh ummm... no,no,no, no hints.. uh ..

Damn JFH....thanks for the laugh on an otherwise hectic day.

"Who is Jane Galt?"

My nickname is Jane, so I must be Jane Galt.

Or not. Maybe I'm just Jeff G in drag. ;)

Michele,

October 8th?? That must have been some good weed, for you to lose 6 days of your life ;)

I'nm sure you've posted on this, but I KNOW it was a school day. Did you skip school or did the game last long enough for you to catch the end at home?

Soooo... if it's true that the registrar info is indicative of who writes a blog and you do a search on jimspot.net, then I must be bloghosts!

Wow! I never knew.

I like to think of myself as Michele's Tyler Durden.

I am Mike Torrez. You're welcome, Michele.

Man, he sure has a lot of pent-up frustration. Probably didnt get laid as much as all the other Rangers, and it's all just boiling out now.

I'm not Rappaport.

I know I'm me and not you, because you come and go and I'm here all the time.

L'Etat, c'est moi.

I am Kirok?

LOL DrSteve. ANother story I like about Louis XIV is when he is dieing he asked to see his 5 year old heir (grandson). The kid had been heavily coached by the court in his soon to be duties. When the kid approached the deathbed XIV asked who was the King. The kid responded "I am". Upon hearing this XIV grabs the poor kid pulls him to his face and says "Not yet your not".
I know this has nothing to do with Bucky Dent or multi personality bloggers, but hey.

Well, I'm Lileks. That's why I love me so.

Hi Sarah, I'm listening to you right now on Hugh Hewitt's show... Wow, you can really multitask!

Yes, but which Moxie?

(Has enough time passed so that situation is funny now?)

I am Sparticus.

(But not in that gay homoerotic gladiator way)

I am Kaiser Soze.

STOP THAT THE THREE OF YOU ALL!
YOU ARE NOT BUCKY DENT
(we have him safely ensconced in minor ball Hell.)

Pikers!

My name is legion.

And it's bloody exhausting trying to update 80 blogs every day.

I am the very model of a modern major general.

Pixey? Meet 'Rojo' who has a standing with the cops...who hate me because I keep popping caps...
"Come To Staten Island"
"I'll Shack You In My House!"

okay...lost all care...

Call me Mister Tibbs.

Or, if you'd rather, call me Ishmael.

first bullet gets a plane ticket

um.... looks like there might be a problem with Micah's forum... I'm getting an error page (is he doing his emily latella moment?)

Anyone else having the same thing?

Darleen -

You may have been banned.

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is a man! - Ace Ventura...

I'm Batman. Or at least this fellow seems to think I am. ;-)

I am the duly appointed Sheriff of Rock Ridge.

I'm Brian of Nazareth. And so is my wife.

What are the odds that every commenter on this thread is the same person? Micah, can you clarify this?

I'm Mrs. Calabash

(and boy is Mr Calabash gonna be pissed..)

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.

I'm my own grandpa.

Holy crap. I thought I knew who I was, but then you guys (or maybe just guy) have got me to start thinking I might not be me, but just another one of you.

So, when Kevin posts on Treacher's site, is it a similar experience as when John Malkovitch went inside his own head in that weird movie?

Man, I hardly ever post on my OWN site anymore.

I don't know about crawling into my own head, but I have been accused of putting my head up my own ass before - does that count?

I am Homer of Borg and you will be assimil.... oooh, doughnuts...

I am Tiger Woods.

Update 2: I am not Steven Denbeste

You sure? That blacklist post looks like it cracked 5,000 words. I had to use the mouse wheel!

I am Dislexia of Borg. Resistors are fertile. Your ass will be laminated!

I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!

(This is quickly becoming my favorite thread ever)

I am Atrios!

I am that I am.

<angry rumble of thunder>

All of you, out of My universe, NOW!

Damnit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a blogger!

I'm Idaho!

I, bitch, am Rick James.

And here I thought Michele was Ma Bell.

I've had CD. And he is Idaho. My own private Idaho, at that.

I'm your worst nightmare. No, wait, I'm ADRIENNE!

I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski

No, I'm Spartac.us.

Also:

I am the god of hellfire!

I am the god of hellfire!

Hi god of hellfire.

I am the terror that flaps in the night!

I AM THE LAW!

I am the entertainer
And I know just where I stand
Another serenader
And another long-haired band

I am not an animal. I am a human being.

I am Oprah. And also Uma. I am Uma Oprah.

I am a professor of modern literature at an Ivy league university. I may or may not be an artificial construct, predicated upon an extraneous meta-narrative.

I would say I was Michele, but I don't have a nice, firm pair.

Hi Darleen!

Wow, you can really multitask!

That reminds me! I am not only Lileks, but also Darleen's sweet baby Jaysus on a (spotted) pony.

I am strong, I am invincible, I am woooommmaaaannn.

BTW... looks like Micah might be hiding

can anyone access

http://forums.delphiforums.com/micahwright

???

How about: I am not a number! I'm a free man!

I am "I said" (But not even the chair heard me; which makes sense 'cus the chair is an inanimate object without the capabilities of receiving auditory signals)

Anyone notice how this morphing into an identiy thread plays directly back to SdB's prior posts?

It's like some giant feedback loop. denBeste writes about "What is identity?", then some loser sends him a deadfall, he steps around it, posts about it, links to Michelle, and the comments devolve into (ok, not very serious) identity issues.

Fools! This whole thread is fluff to throw you off the scent of the real mystery. What happened to the real Michele?

HELLO - New house, suburbs, little league baseball all-stars, things are a little too...perfect, no? Sounds a bit like a Nicole Kidman/Matthew Brodrick flick in theaters now.

That fact that Allah went on break about the same time and Glenn Reynolds dropped off the face of the earth last week is not coincidence. Someone is secretly replacing your favorite bloggers with robot replicas, and he needs more cowbell...

My name is Michael Caine.

I am Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius.

I'm a chickenhawk, and you're my victim.

I am, and this is my faithful servant, Patsy.

lpdbw - Who are you? The New Number 2. Who is Number 1?

I am Sam. Sam I am.

Open channel 2.

I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Killroy!

I am not a warblogger

I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!

I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me.

I am not a pony. I just ride one from time to time.

Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?

I am Malcolm X.

Ok Im not, but Osama suggested my name.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Or am I the very model of a modern Major-General?

I AM
(surpisingly sober at this point in the clock's cycle)
Ms. Ivanavo's lackey.

SWING IT, YOU B-5 BABY!

There are Nine of us,
yet we post on blogs as one,
and at least one of us
thinks he is mildly insane.
sssSo this brings us to the
real question.
Which one of you is really
BAGGINSSSS?

I am the greatest.

My name is Inigo Montoya.

You killed my father.

Prepare to die.

I am the All-Being, Master of Time, Space, and Dimension.

Failing that, I'd like to be Bill Whittle.

Bond. James Bond.

Cogito ergo sum.

You must be old and retired. With all the excellent posts you make on that many blogs, you just don't have time for a full time job.

I am Iron Man.

I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha. My destiny calls and I go.

Q: Do you know who I am?

A: John Kerry in a few years doing an American Express commercial.

Michele, I am your father.

I guess some people just have way too much time on their hands.

/chimes in late as usual

I am ... late for my next blog post.

"We are all individuals."

"I'm not."

Shh!

I am myself, my mother, my father, my son, and my grandfather. I wear a ring of the Worm Orouboros. (Anyone else remember this story?)

I am Micah Wright's conscience. Another piña colada, Juan, and a little more sunscreen on the shoulders.

I am the wind. Call me Mariah.

I am hot air. Call me Micah.

I am not a crook.

Nor am I the head of Richard Nixon.

I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Call me Ishmael

My name is Luka. I live on the second floor.

I used to be Robert Prather, but now I'm DB Cooper on my own bandwidth.

I yam what I yam.

I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

It hurts to think
Therefore
Am I ?

Pleeese...I am Ugoff!

Ugoff for Vice President! Write to Kerry!

Ich bin ein Berliner.

nhnhhhnhnhhnn.... berliner.

No, I'm Spartacus!

I was a ranger in the late 1980's, just ask my main man Micah.

And when I was two I solved the Suez crisis. Just ask me.

Currently I am a bridge salesman in NYC.

I'm big Dick Black.

Before anyone cries "Racist!" try to remember that movie with George C. Scott.

Hardcore. "I'm Big Dick Black! I can come 10 times a day!"

Anyway, now Micah Wright says he was just kidding. It really seemed like he was just kidding, didn't it?

Wait, you mean, no you couldn't be,
do you really mean that Micah Wright
wasn't kidding the whole time!!??!
Like, he was actually being SERIOUS
in there somewhere. Do you think he
will be nice enough to specify just
where he was really being serious?
Please!!! We need to know the truth.
Else the suspense is liable to kill us.:)

Get this: I am MY OWN WIFE!

Micah Wright should simply impose upon himself a vow of silence.

In order to shield himself from consequences, he is deliberately confusing the lies hastily erected to escape consequnces with lies deliberately designed for advancement. He even lies about these lies when he's confronted with clear evidence of his fraud by journalists. He's obviously baffled by the outrage this has generated; it's equally obvious that he doesn't equate his career success and his ability to advance his political views with his skill at lying. Yet that's the very thing that throws the rest of his works into disrepute. Worse, he undoubtedly knows the difference between the two types of lies, and so probably lies to himself that he doesn't know.

As a group, it's my opinion that humanity can deal better with lying to escape punishment -- which we all do or have done -- with lying for advancement. Discuss amongst yourselves.

What makes M. Wright so gratingly unbearable even to read is when he tirelessly defends his actions and explains in his patient, schoolmarmish, and decidedly unrepentant prose about how truthful and forthright he is now. You long for at least a bitter Pete Rose mea culpa, or at least a smarmy apologia like Clinton's or Hugh Grant's.

We should no longer be shocked or suprised by his inability to admit any kind of truth outside the "truth" that he himself concocts. He is borderline ill, in my decidedly un-medical opinion, and should be ostracized until he can come to some reckoning with himself.

He is, in fact, lost in the realm of metaphor, where "like" is identical to "is." If that sounds confusing, I'll explain further.

To kill time at work one day, I created a little game where I would enter a word, usually an adjective, and use Microsoft Word's thesaurus to generate its antithesis. The implications of this game are obvious: with enough rhetorical skill, it's frightently easy to turn "black" into "white." All you need is patience and relentlessness and an ability to push buttons, so to speak.

Micah can "push buttons" as if they were affixed to our foreheads, and his pride at this skill is unbecoming.

This is why I like Den Beste. I profoundly am not an engineer -- in fact, I was failed by my engineering fundmentals teacher with enough force to painfully shatter a good many academic illusions about myself. Nonetheless, I prize Den Beste as a member of a profession that systematically cannot afford either deceptions or illusions. If the same rigor found in engineering were to be applied to the humanities and to writing, the higher education system wouldn't be so much of a grand flimflam show.

We would also be spared the presence of so many Micahs.

I apologize in advance for bloating the comments section.

"What is a 'Danny Thomas'" - Kolak

Hmm. Something fishy going on around here...

I'm Chevy Chase...

And you're not.

No, I'm Don Francisco's sister.

What fun! Let me try:

Write was in the Rangers. He was on a secret mission that cannot be disclosed to this day. Unfortunately, one reason it cannot be disclosed is because patriot Write was captured and recieved the North Korean treatment. Write has been lost to us ever since.

ROFLMAO

Looks like Micah Wright has gone around the bend in paranoia... I'm now Michele.

I'm now bi-coastal! Thanks, Micah, I just had my 50th birthday, now I can be younger as Michele.

I'm-a da Pope!

Darleen, I'm speechless.

I went, I looked, I was amazed.

Darleen busted.

Which thread was that in? I clicked on that first link, but it went to a thread on Heidi Macdonald's forum.

Since I'm online,

here is a link that will take you right to Micah's revelation.

Oh lord. When Micah picks up a shovel, he has no idea when to stop digging.

Having the good fortune to get here a day too late, it occurs to me to observe:

This thread, which, if it occurred elsewhere, could have degenerated into a bash-fake-Rangers-fest, became a collection of wit that is the reason I'm now wiping up coffee from my desk.

I am a caged hamster. I am John Kerry.

http://arguewithsigns.net/mt/archives/001845.html

For the sake of completeness:

I am Superman, and I know what's happening.

I came, I saw...nevermind.

I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner, playin' my music in the sun. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker, sure don't want to hurt no one."

Hamlet, I am thy father's ghost.

Hey! If Darleen can be Michele, then I can be Micah!

Time to go register on some new bulletin boards :)

I'm The Dude!

Ever get the feeling you fell into the movie "Zorro The Gay Blade"?

I'm my own grandpa!
I'm my own grandpa!
It sounds funny, I know
But it really is so,
I'm my own grandpa!

I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake of the R.A.F.

I'd be Josey Wales.

You're too shy, shy, hush, hush, I to I.

Third I

I can't drive 55.

I am Damacles! No, I am Hamacles! I. AM. HAMACLEEEES!

Who is Number One?

Get yourself a genuine Red Ryder 200-shot carbine action air rifle BB gun. But be careful, you can put your I out.

"Who am I? What am I doing here?" -- Admiral James Stockdale

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Holy crap, nobody did this one yet:

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!

And I'm still Idaho.

Micah just shows that some people are genuinely incapable of just dying from embarrassment. Which is a damned shame.

Oh, and for the record, I am Allah ... I mean, he disappears, my blog starts, we both enjoy funny Al Gore photos ... do the math, people.

I'd also like to be Urthshu ... and the Chairman ... and either one of the Esmays ... and maybe Flea, who is obviously Sheila A-Stray who is, as everyone knows, Michelle ...

I'm sooooo tired
I haven't slept a wink;
I'm soooo tired
My mind is on the brink;
I wonder should I get up
And fix myself a drink
Nononoooo...

Don't listen to those impostors! I am Spartacus!

My name is Shake-Zula, the mic rulah, the old schoolah, you wanna trip, I'll break it to ya.

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!'

Words To Blog By from Alexander ("As of now, I am in control here in the White House") Haig:

That's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude.

I'm number one in the hood, G.

I am Don Quickorder, the Cook of La Mancha!

Anybody know the record for most comments on a single blog entry? Can we break it?
Oh, and I think I'm still me, at least my dog hasn't bit me for a stranger.

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man in a forum over there
Telling me I got to beware

I'm a cop, you idiot! I'm Detective John Kimball!

I'm a Pepper. He's a pepper. She's a pepper. We're a pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

I am the man who will fight for your honor...

Who am I?

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy... the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical... summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds... pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

We are all Ron. *

[FWIW, I'm NOT Ron; I just couldn't resist the rec.games.frp.dnd in-joke.]

"Who does this guy think he is?"
"I'm Keith Hernandez!"

Riiight. I'm a licensed Psychotherapist, line forms to the right. No Pushing, No Shoving and remember our policy - three or more personalities qualifies you for a group discount!

Call me Fishmeal.

Some years ago - never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me online, except for calling Bush a Nazi, I thought I would call myself a Ranger, and claim that I had seen combat in Panama. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation.

I am Fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable,not drinking too much,regular exercise at the gym 3 days a week),getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries,at ease,eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats), a patient better driver,a safer car(baby smiling in back seat),sleeping well(no bad dreams),no paranoia,careful to all animals(never washing spiders down the plughole), keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then), will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall),favors for favors,fond but not in love, charity standing orders, on Sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),car wash (also on Sundays),no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,nothing so childish - at a better pace, slower and more calculated,no chance of escape,now self-employed,concerned (but powerless),an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism),will not cry in public,less chance of illness,tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat), a good memory, still cries at a good film, still kisses with saliva,no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick,that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness), calm,fitter,healthier and more productive a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

I am a scorched earth tank.

I am a Scorched Earth Tank.


When I have a mission, it consumes me; I will not be satisfied until the job is done. I have a strong sense of duty, and a strong sense of direction. Changes in the tide don't phase me - I always know which way the wind blows, and I know how to compensate for it. I get on poorly with people like myself. What Video Game Character Are You?

I'm just a caveman...

At ease!

I thought I would stand up here, and let you people see if I am as big of a son-of-bitch as some of you think I am.

I've got it bad,
I've got it bad,
I've got it baaaaad,
I'm hot for Treacher. . . .

I-ee-yiii will alllllllwayyyyyys love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

I am a human!

I'm a god damn human being!

I can wipe my ass!

I'm an ape man,
I'm an ape, ape man
I'm an ape man.

I'm Peggy Lee....Zorba.

Peggy Lee Zorba.

OhmiGOD it's Russell Crowe's agent's brother's girlfriend's sister!

Omihyeahd eets neeeee nyaahh nyeee nhyah~
F@$# off, whores, or I'll bite a chunk out of the bouncer's neck.

WHo do you think your are talking to?

Ed Harley

Igor Stravinsky here.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil.

'Cause I'm the meanest motherfucker in the valley.

WHo do you think your are talking to?

:: in drunken stupor, throwing dinner plates about::

I am the eye in the sky, looking at you-oo-oo. I can read your mind.
I am the maker of rules, dealing with foo-oo-oools. I can cheat you blind.

Who I am? "Who I am?" "Who am I?" "Who am I?" is a question for the ages. That's one we're all searching for, to find out Who I am. Who's in there, who wants to come out and go..."Hey, I'm hungry." Who I am ... is too deep ... and you gotta go in deep and pull out the thing, like with that movie where the thing came out of the stomach and ate up the people on the fuckin' spaceship. May they rest in peace. My name is Ben Sobel. Leone. Ben Sobeleone. I'm also known as Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnoz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine, but that was at a party. It was years ago. I smoked a little bit, and I had a 'lude and suddenly I'm in fishnets and singin' show tunes. These things happen, but it has nothing to do with what I'm here with you fine gentlemen today. So I apologize. That being said, I am also known to the people who know me the best as the fuckin' "Doctor". The second part of your question that you axed me is "Why am I here?" I am here representing Mr. Paul Vitti as his consigliliere -

Jelly whispers "Consigliere."

Never correct me in public again. Do you understand that? You broke my heart, Jelly. You broke my heart. I apologize for the second interruption. As Mr. Vitti's...consigliere, I am intimately involved in all aspects of the Vitti family business, and I'm prepared to speak for Mr. Vitti on all matters.
Badda bing, badda boom, Betty Boop.

It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy.
'Cause every now and then I kick the livin' shit outa me.

I'm your only friend I'm not your only friend but I'm a little glowing friend but really I'm not actually your friend but I am...

I was born to love you
I was boooorn to lick your face
I was born to rub you
But you were born to rub me first

I am an anti-christ!
I am an anarchist!

I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

I am not a number! I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered! My life is my own.

you guys kill me.

ok, ahem. same dude. three different quotes.

"I am a Marxist, and have been studying socialist principles for well over 15 months. I am very interested in your YPSL".

"I am just a patsy".

"ow".

I am OZ! The all-powerful, the all-mighty, the...never mind that man behind the curtain.

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.

I just want to be loved, is that so WOOOOONG?

/channeling Harvey Fierstein

i am micah wright.
hah!

I am formica, right?

If I pretend to be Wright, does that make me wrong?

Is it wrong to be Wright?

It's hip to be square

I am Milli

and I an Vanilli

together I am Milli Vanilli , but that doesn't make me Wright.

If lovin' you is wrong,
I don't wanna be Wright.

(Although I'm not really Barbara Mandrell.)

Me and Paperkitten had a heart to heart with the Lord (Glen Reynolds was busy,
Wouldn't return my call, so I had to turn to someone.)

He said to err is human and to forgive is devine.
This thing is getting as big as a Detroit Piston's victory riot,
but the name of the blog is a small victory.
Before it goes any further,
I think we need to face some cold realities here.
People will forgive you, Micah, but they won't forget.
Micah , Boobalah, dear friend, may I make a suggestion?
It is time for an identity make over. Your old persona is tainted.
Time to slither free, and cast it away.

You need a new name.

How does Micah Wrong grab you?
Too obvious?
Lets ask the rest of the legionares.

I leave it up to you, dear friends of a small victory.
Could we get a little mercy from this creative bunch?
Micah Wright's name is mud. He need a new and improved screen identity.
Can we devote the rest of this bandwith
to finding Micah a new name so he can go
back to blogging incognito?
All suggestions will be apreciated.

This thread is about to get closed. I think it jumped the shark when someone quoted Alan Parsons Project lyrics.

"Is that you Micah Wright? Is this me?"

"Uh-mow mow, poppa oo-mow mow..."

Lend me some sugar,
I am your neighbor!

I'm 'Enery the Eighth, I am!

Micah Wright's name is mud.

And Treacher's name is apparently "munt."

I am a cop and you will respect my authority!!!

Don't shoot! I'm Dr. Ted Nelson!!!

(blam)

I'm funny? Funny how? Like a clown? I amuse you?

Who am I?
Can I condemn this man to slavery?
Pretend I do not see his agony?
This innocent who bears my face, who goes to judgment in my place

Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die be no more than an alibi?

Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God I know, I made that bargain long ago.
He gave me hope when hope was gone,
He gave me strength to journey on.

Who am I?
Who am I?
I'm Jean Valjean!

Back off man. I'm a scientist.