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Happy Birthday Donald Duck, You Dirty Old Man

Yesterday marked Donald Duck's 70th birthday. How did I ever miss this incredible cultural milestone? How did I let the day go by without commemorating this stupendous event?

Oh, that's right. I hate Donald Duck.

I look at Donald in the same way some people look at Crispin Glover. There's just a wrongness about him that makes my skin crawl. I suppose, to be fair, I shouldn't blame it entirely on Donald himself. I feel the same way about any animated animal that doesn't wear pants.

Why bother wearing a shirt if you aren't going to put a decent pair of trousers on? Even shorts or a bathing suit would be better than letting your genital-less nether regions hang out like that. It's just wrong, I tell you. The fact that Daisy refuses to wear a skirt or pants either just makes it all the more horrible to look at.

Do you let your kids watch Donald Duck cartoons? You shouldn't. No one should have to stand for Disney's veiled attempt to pass partial cartoon nudity onto our children. Where are the warnings? Where is the PG rating?

It's not just the no pants thing that bothers me. Donald's whole personality, in a word, sucks. He's selfish, obnoxious and a really bad role model for his nephews. He's got a worse temper than Tommy Lasorda. I wonder just what goes on that we don't see with those nephews. Ten to one he's hit them more than once. Probably with a belt buckle or a shoe. He's also a miser, as seen here and here. This stuff is documented, people. I am not making it up.

He is continually jealous of Mickey's good looks and luck with women. But no, nothing is ever Donald's fault. He just sits around and bitches about Mickey and Goofy and how easy they have it. Not once does he try to better himself or his life. Instead, he chooses to complain about how life isn't fair. The dude has a chip on his shoulder larger than, well, Chip. And that Daisy, she's just an enabler who continues to try to soothe Donald's frail ego every time he does something wrong. Hmm..I wonder what goes on with them behind closed doors? I'm willing to be the sex includes a lot of "I said turn over, bitch!" and such. She takes whatever he gives her, and what he doesn't give her, which is respect and proper attention. Dumb bitch. Eh, what can you expect from a chick that doesn't even have the decency to wear at least a thong in public? No wonder the girls today dress like they do! They've been raised watching pantless animals!

And what's wrong with Disney, expecting us to be entertained by Donald's long line of failures and defeat? I may not like the duck, but I would certainly back him up if he were to go to Eisner and claim exploitation.

It is my contention that Donald Duck is in serious need of some medication. Perhaps Zoloft or Prozac, something to help those mood swings and control his passive aggressiveness.

But what Donald really needs is a pair of pants. I keep looking for his duck dong; not because I want to see it but because it's pretty damn obvious that if Donald is wearing no pants, his thing is going to be swaying around. I suppose this is one for that scary group of folks known as furries to answer for me. Too bad I won't let myself get within ten feet of one of those folk. Do the folks at Disney think we're that stupid, that we are supposed to believe that ducks have no dicks? Then again, maybe that's why Donald is so angry all the time.

Well, happy birthday anyhow, Donald. You're 70 now. Calm the hell down, put on a pair of slacks and give Daisy some lovin'.

[I am well aware that this is clearly the stupidest thing I have ever posted here.]

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Comments

Best Donald Duck moment:

His nephews trick him into eating a whole slice of pie full of "volcano hot" mustard. He stuffs it down his maw and starts in with the "Yum yum yum yum yum!" Then a look of worry slowly crosses his face as he smacks his lips a couple of times.

Then one last uncertain "Yum" before the howling and the fire-breathing.

Oh, man. That's funny. Donald's the best classic Disney character, no question about it.

Combine this with Daffy (to say nothing of what George Lucas did to Howard's film career), and what you have is a racist anti-duck media bent on playing into historical stereotypes about ducks.

Donald also used the "N word" against Daffy Duck in Who framed roger rabbit... yet another reason to hate that duck.

:D

I think Walt Diseny planned the devopment of DD character the way he did on purpose to try and shoe the kids of the day that being selfish and obnoxious will only lead to a life of dispair. Donald is only trully happy when one his friends has done something for him.

Yeah, he SAYS they're his nephews, but have we ever seen or heard of this supposed brother or sister? Nah, they're his illegitimate children, and Daisy's even more of a doormat for putting up with his mistresses...

Interesting related fact - apparently Kim Jong Il is the proud owner of the worlds largest collection of Donald Duck related memorabilia. Yet another reason to hate that evil spawn of Disney.

You can stop staring at DD's undertail coverts.

His cartoon penis is, unless he is VERY glad to see you, found coiled along the ventral wall of the cloaca, which he doesn't have. And if he did his feather pants keep things discreet.

The male Argentinian Lake Duck penis , however, needs a tron suit or something.

Yeah, but the WB characters don't wear anything. I think the partial nudity of the Disney Ducks is more of a tease.

Anyway, you're right about Donald. He's a very unlikable individual.

The only thing funny about Disney is the story about him being frozen.

Disney sucks. WB rocks.

Steve - Disney sucks, yep; MAX AND DAVE FLEISCHER rule.

Hi de HIIII de ho.

Interesting bit of pantsless cartoon animal trivia - we have a WB laserdisc (hubby bought Beta, too). There is a Bugs Bunny cartoon that has Bugs stepping out of the bath and toweling off. If you go frame by frame, there are one or two frames that show Bugs with a fuzzy rabbit love machine. I am not making this up.

How to Read Donald Duck,
Ariel Dorfman

http://www.majbill.vt.edu/history/arnold/ModernLA/DorfmanMattelart.htm

So, will Disney bribe Congress to illegally and unConstitutionally extend the copyright on Donald, too?

Donald couldn't carry Daffy's jock strap. Er, if he had one... or needed one... or chose to wear one...

"But no, nothing is ever Donald's fault. He just sits around and bitches about Mickey and Goofy and how easy they have it. Not once does he try to better himself or his life. Instead, he chooses to complain about how life isn't fair. "

Sounds like DD is a liberal to me.

Meaningless trivia: Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Hey, let's give the duck his due. Anyone remember Ducktales? At least Donald was willing to serve his country, even if it was mostly by swabbing the deck.

Am I the only one who could never understand what Donald Duck was saying?

I figured out why the ducks don't wear pants.

Because ducks swim. They just wander off shore into the water. I think, though I'm not positive, that in early cartoons Donald did this. I know Daffy did.

Howard the Duck, Marvel's varient on the insane duck, also didn't wear pants....until it was pointed out that since he had a human girlfriend he was walking around half naked. Getting the (human)girl got him some slacks.

Oh, BTW, I'm not talking about that horrible movie. Read the comics. They're surreal.

"Disney sucks. WB rocks."

Amen, brother.

Having sat through about 39743 Donald Duck cartoons lately, I have come to love the fellow. More so than his cohorts, anyway. But there's one scene that really unnerves me. Donald is courting Daisy. They're on the couch. He tries to kiss her; she coyly turns away. But her tail goes up like a crooked finger and beckons him to try again. It's so very, very wrong.

But very Disney. They had a thing about butts.

My fav character, always has been.

Thanks, Michele, if it's his B-day, that means there's actually some Donald items to be bought.

They are few and far-inbetween.

Which also means WDW in 5 years for the 75th.

Me, I just love the juxtaposition between the post titled "Funerals, Pride and Dignity" with one described by our hostess as "the stupidest thing I have ever posted here." It what keeps us coming back.

Yes, but what about what happens when he showers? He dons a towel around his waist, walks to his closet, takes off the towel and puts on a shirt.

What the hell am I missing here???

You're right, Michele. Donald is a perv: http://www.snoozebuttondreams.com/archives/007098.html

This does put us in a difficult spot.

[I am well aware that this is clearly the stupidest thing I have ever posted here.]

Me: "No it isn't!"

Michele: "So what are you saying? That I've posted something stupider?"

Me: Umm... yes! Wait, no! Uh, I mean...

Donald can't hold a candle to Mickey or Daffy in the cartoons, but...

Donald in the comic books is probably the greatest funny animal feature of all time. Carl Barks and Don Rosa rule!

Michele... If you want to cover yourself in feathers from the waist down you can ditch your thong. However, you must post pictures here.

I'm disappointed to learn of something else about which we strongly disagree, and was sorely tempted to write a detailed rebuttal, but the subject is just too emotional for me to address.

Suffice it to say that your sense of Donald's personality is disturbingly shallow; your perception of indeceny in his appearance reveals far more about you than his nudity reveals of him; your assumptions about Daisy and their relationship are patently groundless, bordering on slander; your proposed rehabilitations are pathetically leftist; and your birthday wishes are insultingly insincere.

Or were you kidding?

Clyde, I will forever wonder about your feelings towards Donald. Just what kind of skeletons are in your closet, young man?

...pervy duck fancier?

"...in your closet, young man?"

There you go again :). I'll be 53 in September.

Skeletons? None with any possible connection to Donald that I know of.

Perhaps the fact that I was born blind in one eye, thus lacking visual depth perception, made 2D animation much more real for me than other young children. I started out life with Disney; Warner came later, when its kind of humor made more sense.

A Golden Book with Donald, Chip & Dale, and a sailboat was the first book I read--in fact, it was what made me want to learn to read. Donald's voice; his crabbiness (and its silly consequences); his care for sons Huey, Lewey, & Dewey; his love for Daisy; and his simultaneous jealousy and admiration for Mickey--all taught me how to recognize, appreciate and deal with the rich depth and variety of moods, attitudes, intelligence and other facets in each person, especially adults.

And there I go again, turning a light exchange into psychobabble.

'Yes, but what about what happens when he showers? He dons a towel around his waist, walks to his closet, takes off the towel and puts on a shirt.

What the hell am I missing here???'

It's simple. He's keeping the water that runs off his feathers from dripping on the floor.

j.

Muwahahahahahaha

This is way cool and a good distraction from the realities of the last few days. I am definitely a Daffy fan. Mallards are much cooler than a garden variety honkazoid duck in a Tom of Finland sailor suit.

Even at their ages, Daffy Duck can kick Donald's butt any day of the week and twice on Sunday!

Amen, Brother Steve. Even as a small child in the 1950's (I'm only 2 years younger than Clyde), I didn't like Disney. I absolutely adored WB. More edgy, more sarcastic, and more fun.

Daffy Duck Rules!

Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper

If he doesn't need pants, why does he always wrap a towel around himself when he gets out of the shower?

im really stupid. so i waste my time reading articles u wrote

im really stupid. so i waste my time reading articles u wrote

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY I DON'T SEE HECKLE AND JECKLE CARTOONS ANYMORE? when i tell my children about these cartoon characters they look at me funny and laught, saying all granny no such cartoon.

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY I DON'T SEE HECKLE AND JECKLE CARTOONS ANYMORE? when i tell my children about these cartoon characters they look at me funny and laught, saying all granny no such cartoon.