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left behind

I owe an apology to Verizon. But only half an apology, really because they were still arrogant bastards on the phone. Turns out that the reason the phone line isn't working is because the psycho that we bought the house from ripped the wires out of the phone box in the back of the house. Just because he felt like it, I presume. So the psycho tally thus far: When his wife gave birth, he claimed the baby wasn't his. The neighbors all say not only was there no doubt that the baby was his, but there was no way the wife was fooling around, as he kept watch on her day and night. He decided right after the baby was born that he no longer wanted to be married or a father. He filed for divorce and insisted on selling the house. He then made the wife and baby move into the upstairs apartment so he could fix up the main part of the house to sell. He did all the work himself, something he was obviously not qualified to do. The new flooring in the hallway stops about two inches before the bedroom door. He primed the walls, but never painted them. He removed vent covers and stuffed the vents with cardboard. All the molding in the hallway is warped and crooked. The list goes on. Also, he was apparently a civilian employee with the Navy. He got fired, according to the one neighbor, for being psycho. I'm almost afraid to start ripping up floorboards. One never knows what lurks underneath the homes of known psychotics. Hmmm...maybe that really expensive landscaping he put in is actually hiding something. Guess I'll wait and see if any funky smells come up in the next few weeks.


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waiting for Darth...

The scary part is that he knows where you live. I hope he doesn't read this blog.

Someone really needs to send some German Nilhists his way with an angry "marmot" and a "warning". I guess he doesn't owe a bunch of money or anything, but still...

Jeez, thanks, bryan, for bringing that issue up on an already stressed Michele.

That said, Michele, wouldn't try to "tree spade" the Japanese Maple any time soon.

Not only do we have terrorist to worry about, but now you also have psycho man out there. I say keep them windows and doors locked. YIKES!

It's not so much the smells I'd worry about...

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!"

That reminds me of when we were digging in our front flowerbed. Apparently, that's where all the trash while they were building the house got buried. Drywall scraps, wire, shingle bits, pipe cutoffs, cans, bottles - we stopped excavating when we found a pair of burned long underwear.

It wasn't Jimmy Hoffa... although Fox reported he apparently was cremated... hmmm.

Good luck to you!


And don't go knocking down any suspicious stone walls.

"For the love of God, Montresor!"

Let's see... your house is probably haunted or possessed and was inhabited by a psycho who did a lot of yard work. If you find any of the following, leave immediately:

*pictures of yourself from the 1920s

*If you start to blog "All work and no play makes Michele a dull girl.

*If the house says "Get out!", follow its advice.

*If rooms start stretching, you have "doom buggies" running on a track through the living room, and hitchhiking ghosts, call a priest (or a lawyer to defend you from Disney lawsuits).

Shouldn't I just call Scooby Doo and the gang?

Jeez, thanks, bryan, for bringing that issue up on an already stressed Michele

Lighten up, JFH. If she didn't want comments, she wouldn't have opened up the comment section. Who are you, her nanny?

Shouldn't I just call Scooby Doo and the gang?

Nah, they suck. Two of them will eat you out of house and home, the only smart one in the entire group is blind without her glasses (which she loses a lot), and the other two, well, I don't know what they do exactly.

Oh, and the less said about that thrice-damned puppy who occasionally hangs out with them, the better.

If you have a problem, it's probably best to call your local Ghostbusters™ franchise. Expensive (and destructive), but worth it.

"Don't try and trace me, Clarisse, I'll be long gone...I'm having an old friend for dinner.........."

Look on the bright side, Michele. You may have zombies in your basement.

Yeah, on that basement part...isn't any freshly dug spots are there? Freshly cemented?

On the bright side, it might just be a shoddy patch job on a hellmouth. On the bad side...well. If it is concreted over, the smell probably won't be an issue.

I don't know anyone who doesn't despise the previous owner of their house (electrical wires spliced with masking tape, anyone?), but it sounds you have a an extra-special winner.

I'd stay away from the floorboards. Our guy isn't half as nuts as yours and we found a .22 rifle (a Remington 572 Fieldmaster, IIRC) and a Penthouse Forum from 1985 under the floorboards in our attic (the Penthouse is still there. I wasn't going to touch it!)

-- Erik

Alright...so what posessed you to buy the house in the first place? I presume (hope) you got a good price?

It's actually a very nice house. But it wouldn't be much fun to write about the good things, would it? I nitpick in the name of good reading!

"Gee...I never noticed this door under the stairs before...I wonder where it leads.."

If you do find anything...unusual...look on the bright side. You've got a teenager and a preteen in the house. Once the initial shock wears off of them, think of the mileage they'll be getting out of that story at school! If they play their cards right, they could dine out on that all through their entire secondary-school careers...

damn, andy beat me to the telltale heart comment.

on the other hand, any crazy crap you find might be sellable on e-bay. I mean, people have tried to sell "ghosts in jars" on there, so I think just about anything would go.

so far I haven't found anything too weird in the house I bought from an old woman suffering from alzheimers - just rolls of wallpaper that don't match any currently in the house, and boxes of empty mayonnaise jars, and a single, size seven, dark blue pump.

Please tell me that the very first thing you did was change the locks.


That is actually a GOOD thing. Psycho people tend to hide money in strange places and then FORGET about it. I would suggest you rip all of the flooring out and take a closer look. You might fight as much as $100.

Sounds like a winner..

Change the locks.
Invite a friend who has a bomb sniffing dog over.. tell them to bring their dog.
Get a Shotgun or a holy water sprinkler
Get Shaggy on speed dial.
Ask your friend with the dog if they know anyone with a drug sniffing dog.
Ask Dr. Peter Venkmen (ghostbusters) over for lunch. Have him check the fridge.
Get your water tested.

More Verizon antics: woman whose husband died is still expected to pay early termination fee (article). Among other things.