A Small Victory

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing."

"There's another saying, Senator: Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining."

Kids your age. Pimple-faced college drop outs who have made unhealthy sums of money forming internet companies that create no concrete products, provide no viable services, and still manage to generate profits for all of its lazy day-trading son-of-a bitch shareholders. Meanwhile, as a tortured member of the disenfranchised proletariat, you find some altruistic need to protect these digital plantation owners?

Jeremy Piven as Dean in Serendipity.

Jeremy Piven made that movie. I would actually rather listen to his bon mots than stare longingly at Kate Beckinsale and she is automatic chubby material.

This particular line just knocked me over, partly because of the delivery (seemingly all in one breath) and partially because it is so hillariously and baldly accurate.

Plus I love the phrase "digital plantation owners".

Welp, this is my first comment on this blog, so why not start off with a bang?

"You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it! Is that clear? You think you've merely stopped a business deal: that is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity. It is ecological balance. You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations; there are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems; one vast, interwoven, interacting, multivaried, multinational dominion of dollars. It is the international system of currency which determines the vitality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today. And you have meddled with the primal forces of nature. And you...will...ATONE."

- Ned Beatty in NETWORK, proving every last person involved in television is bat-shit insane.

Actually, that was Ken's post, but I'll take the credit...

Well, it's your place.

Eh, Ken's gonna be mad. I better fix it.

"The rose goes in the front big guy."

-much better quote than the more memorable and now cliched one from this movie.

"I was just pondering the immortal words of Socrates, who said "I drank what?!""

-- Erik

Ok, I have 2 I can't decide on - from the same character, different movies

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah!Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

And

"Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."

"Are my eyes really brown?" (Bogie)

"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!"

"KHHAAAAANNNN!!!"

"Hail to the king, baby."

"I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum."

"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

"Don't eat the green ones, they aren't ripe yet. A-hahaha."

"Pyle, you had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!"

or

"You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over!"

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world, he didn't exist." - Verbal Kint in 'The Usual Suspects' -- I'm not even sure that line was original or where it came from, but it sounds so damned good when Spacey said it.

"Go ahead, make my day." - Dirty Harry Callahan in 'Sudden Impact' --- A classic line.

"You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and shit, and Jack left town." - Ash from 'Army of Darkness'

"He said, go back inside!" - Agent Norman Stansfield in 'Leon.' This is a 'context' quote because he says it right after firing a bullet (claiming he was calm) over that old lady's head and with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." - Vito Corleone from 'The Godfather'

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." - Chief Brody in 'Jaws'

"Greed, for the lack of a better word, is good." - Gordon Gekko in 'Wall Street'

"Wake up! Time to die!" - Leon in 'Blade Runner'

On second thought, those don't work well out of context.

"It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it."

Oh God, I LOVE "Are my eyes really brown"! Such a great moment.

"Here's lookin' at you, kid."

"Lovely"? Forgot your glasses today, didja? ;)

"How come I'm the only one who has that dream?"

"No lieutenant, your men are already dead."

"In this world, Elwood, you must be oh-so smart, or oh-so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart, I recommend pleasant."

"Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great man, now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty shit now man... That's it man, game over man, game over, man! Game over!"

Two of them, one classic, one new.

"No reward is worth this."

"There's a... 30% chance that it's already raining"

Ted - "You ditched Napoleon? Deacon, do you realize you've stranded one of history's greatest leaders?"

Deacon - "He was a dick."

"I suggest a new strategy... let the Wookie win."

"Tell a person that you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody is a theology scholar."

Movie quotes? What kinda bullshit is this? Where's the political talk? Give me substance, baby. Substance!

"Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!"

--------------

"Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future."

I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.

This flick is also a favorite in the Allah household.

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Deam Wormer

"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to." - Colonel Jessup

"No wire hangers!" - Joan Crawford

"Get Bob Berenger something. What's he like?"
"Fourteen year-old girls."
"Well, get him half of a twenty-eight year-old girl."

and

"This is what my people died for. The right to make a movie in this town."

"Well why don't you put her in charge?!?!"

"No Luke......I...am your father."

"Good...Bad...I'm the one with the gun."

"No Mr. Bond! I expect you to die!"

"No, no, no! Don't cut that. You never know what it might be attached to."

"Nothing but two nasty looking switches here, but I'll not be the first."

"Do you want me to put these on?"
"How can I bite them off you if you don't?"

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

"Freeze gopher!"

I have so many, but here are just a few:

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K."

"Never give up. Never surrender."

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Michele, you're absolutely right. Much better without the source.

"Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling.....what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not? "

"Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard."

"You're young and you got your health, what do you want with a job?"

"Can you make funny shapes with em?
I imagine so, if you think round is funny"

"Son, you got a panty on your head."

"Well if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop, and if I drop, I'ma gonna be in motion."

"He had on his damn jammies - they had Yodas and shit on em."

"Well it ain't Ozzie and Harriet."

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. 'T would be a pity to damage yours.

Well I believe in the soul... the cock...the pussy... the small of a woman's back... the hangin' curveball... high fiber... good scotch... that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap... I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Goodnight.

Bull Durham

"You made one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, 'Never fight a land war in Asia.' But only slight less well known is, 'Never go up against a Sicilian, when Death is on the line!' Hahahaha...haha...haha..."

The barbarities of war are seldom committed by abnormal men. The tragedy of war is that these horrors are committed by normal men in abnormal situations.
-Breaker Morant

"Someday this war's gonna end..."

"You have failed me for the last time."

"You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you love 'em so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. Something to be played your way, according to your rules."

"You got to admit I played this stinking city like a harp from hell."

"Non!"

(can you guess the movie? Check the comments at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075222/)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

You are so money.

How extravagant you are, Rick, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce.

I knew that loose was too noose. Um...noose was too loose.

I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request... means "no"

------------

No time for the old in-out, love, I've just come to read the meter.

------------

It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.

------------

"Actor" 1: It's turkey time.
"Actor" 2: What?
"Actor" 1: Come on, gobble, gobble.

"You are an errand boy,
Sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill."
Apocalypse Now

"Are you not entertained?"
Gladiator

"Don't nobody care what's goin' on in da hood."
Boyz in the Hood

This amp goes to eleven.

He was a cruel but fair man. Nailed me hand to a table once, but a real professional abou' it.

...And for vocal quality alone: "Tell me about the Silence of the Lambs."

Dennymack

Slade (Al Pachino) in Scent of a Woman (warning: graphic language)

"Out of order? I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is, Mr. Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too fucking blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this place! Out of order, who the hell do you think you're talking to? I've been around, you know? There was a time I could see, and I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there is nothing like the sight of an amputated spirit; there is no prostetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs, but I say that you are executing his soul! And why? Because he's not a "Baird Man". Baird Man. You hurt this boy, you're gonna be Baird bums, the lot of you. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there: fuck you too!"

"Stand down, Mr. Slade!"

"I'm not finished! As I came in here, I heard those words, "cradle of leadership". Well, when the bow breaks, the cradle will fall, and it has fallen here, it has fallen. Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here! I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong. I'm not a judge or jury, but I can tell you this: he won't sell anybody out to buy his future! That, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. Now that's the stuff leader should be made of.

"Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's Charlie: he's come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path: it's the right path. It's a path made of principle that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. You hold this boy's future in your hands, committee. It's a valuable future, believe me. Don't destroy it, protect it. Embrace it. It's gonna make you proud one day, I promise you."

"Have the good manners not to hit the man until he's your husband and entitled to hit you back."

"Impetuous! Homeric!"

"Of course I'm a bad guy, you idiot! I'm a lawyer!" -from Rustlers Rhapsody

"Who died and left you in charge?"
"Captain Bipco!"
"Oh, right."

"Listen and understand. That Terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop--ever--until you are DEAD!"

"Is that how a diseased mind like yours gets it's kicks? By plotting the deaths of innocent people?"
"No--by causing the deaths of innocent people." --Superman and Lex Luthor

"You want an explanation? Fine! This university believes that the purpose of science is to advance mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge, or hustle. Your methods are sloppy, your theories are the worst sort of popular tripe, and your conclusions are highly questionable. You are a poor science...Dr. Venkman."
"Yeah--but the kids love us."

"Is this gonna be a stand up fight, or another bug hunt?"

"Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets." (Almost any line from TREMORS is terrific)

Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

Yerss!

"I've never met a woman like you before. I've met teamsters like you, . . . "

"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

I'm obliged to submit my feeble blog's namesake quote:

"Now what kind of an attitude is that, 'these things happen?' They only happen because this whole country is just full of people who, when these things happen, they just say 'these things happen,' and that's why they happen!"

"When I put my mind to something, I go all the way. I'll go all the way for you, sir. I'm a big fan of money. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I wanna put more in that jar. That's where you come in."

You know, I never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm going to do that either.

"My dear, since Eve picked the apple, no woman has ever been taken entirely unawares."

"Do not run away. We are your friends."

"Everything is proceeding as I have forseen."

"Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!"

"Victor. Nettoyeur."

"Doctor, can you give us your impression of the patient?" - "I'm sorry, i don't do impressions, my training is in psychiatry."

"It just so happens we be Texicans. Texican is nothin' but a human man way out on a limb, this year and next. Maybe for a hundred more. But I don't think it'll be forever. Some day, this country's gonna be a fine good place to be. Maybe it needs our bones in the ground before that time can come."

Actor1:Well, the prodigal brother. Ain't seen you since the surrender. Come to think of it, I didn't see you at the surrender.
Actor2:I don't believe in surrenders.

#1: I used to sit by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then they moved my desk, and they switched staplers, from the Swingline to the Boston, but I kept my Swingline, because it doesn't bind up as much, and...
#2: Okay, then..
#3: No, it's not okay, and I told Mr. Lumburgh that if they move my desk one more time, I'll...set the building on fire.

"Well the whole bloody place (America) is the most unspeakable matriarchy in the whole history of civilization! Look at yourself! The way your wife & her strumpet of a mother push you through the hoop! As far as I can see, American men have been totally emasculated- they're like slaves! They die like flies from coronary thrombosis while their women sit under hairdryers eating chocolates & arranging for every 2nd Tuesday to be some sort of Mother's Day! I'll wager you anything you like, if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight!"

Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Bloody peasant!

Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
...

"Give me that baby, you warthog from Hell!"
...

"Sometimes you just got to say... what the f*ck."

Mmm, that IS a tasty burger.

husband's therapist:"How often do you sleep together?" husband:"Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week."

wife's therapist:"Do you have sex often?" wife:"Constantly. I'd say three times a week."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing"

"My teen-age angst bullshit has a body count!"

"Pardon me Miss, I speak Jive"

""Bitches, man..."

"That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen- seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas,... [sniff] ...and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want."

"I think this is a private club Wang, so don't tell them you Jewish."

"What you get a free bowl of soup with this hat? Hey, look good on you though."

"No, no, Good shot. Right on the beach."

"You, Your no good."

"The best part about it is that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon and get stoned to the bejesus belt that night"

Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person who finds her gets to name her right?
Dan Truman: Yes, yes that's right, that's right.
Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria."

Thank you, Miss Flemm. You call us when the shuttle lands, won't you?

Heather, did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?

--If your're caught, you'll be destroyed.
--Whaddya mean, destroyed?
--Your brain will be electronically simplified.
--My brain? That's my second-favorite organ.

"Questions raced through his mind: What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap, and why?"

"Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results."

"It just doesn't matter"

"We could do that, we don't even need a reason"

"That's a fact, Jack!"

"Back off man, I'm a scientist"

Heck I could do this all day just with Bill Murray lines. (Well, certainly with the last three movies, not too much in Meatballs to quote)

"When you vote, you're exercising political authority. You are using force. And force, my friends, is violence, the supreme authority from which all other authority derives"

"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass, and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around."

"It's the smart move, Tessio was always smarter."

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.

Major Strasser: Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?
Rick: It's not particularly my beloved Paris.
Heinz: Can you imagine us in London?
Rick: When you get there, ask me!
Captain Renault: Hmmh! Diplomatist!
Major Strasser: How about New York?
Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.

Now remember, things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is.

LTC McKnight: You, get up there and drive!
Clay Othic: But I'm shot Colonel!
LTC McKnight: Everybody's shot! We need the prisoners, let's go!

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. That's the only way to be sure.

I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Do or do not. There is no try.

I remember when my daddy gave me that gun. He told me that I should never point it at anything in the house; and that he'd rather I'd shoot at tin cans in the backyard. But he said that sooner or later he supposed the temptation to go after birds would be too much, and that I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted - if I could hit 'em; but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird. Well, I reckon because mockingbirds don't do anything but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat people's gardens, don't nest in the corncrib, they don't do one thing but just sing their hearts out for us.

We're not your classic heros. We're the other guys.

- "They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? 'I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?'"

- "I, I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there."

- "I'm drowning in assholes."

- "Good things come to obsessive-compulsives who fixate."

- "Pavlov's pothead... I hear the sound of a bong clink and my eyes begin to water."

"As you wish."

"My God, it's full of stars"

"Ogres...are like onions"

"Son, you're looking at a legend."

"I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, Daddy."

***

"There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth."

***

"My hat blew off, Daddy."

"I hope your goddamn head was in it."

"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."

"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys, that's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination"

The greatest quote ever!

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas."[a looper?] Yeah, a looper, you know, a caddy, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort" And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money in it for you, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

"Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be'she always called me Elwood'In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me."

"THIRTY-SEVEN!"

I love this quote. It has become shorthand for anytime one of our friends starts putting the crews to another friend in the midst of a fight with their girlfriend. Nothing like throwing gasoline on the fire.

--And who do you work for, Mr. Breen?
--Nobody whose name you want me to say.

You know the Woodstock Generation that were all so conceited and full of themselves? None of those people could dance.

--What makes you happy?
--Nothing! I'm not!

If I flunk English that's it; kiss college good bye. I'll get maybe a six month grace period, then I've gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right; I start at the register, and work my way up to the drive through. Then my big break comes: The french-fry guy dies and they offer me the job. The day I'm supposed to start, some guys in a black Lincoln tell me I can make a quick $300 just for driving a van back from Mexico...When I get out of jail, I'm thirty-six years old. No job, no upward mobility, very few teeth...

"Cause your not quite evil enough. You're semi evil, you're quasi-evil, you're the diet coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough."

"But if I'm here and YOUR here, doesn't that make it OUR time?"

"Erik Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet you!"

"It's a Cinderella story here at Augusta..."

"Yes, I don't think I've ever seen four more beautiful eyes in my life. Well, three anyway."

"Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual."

"All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break them for no one, you understand?"

"Evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

"…and so what Jefferson was saying was, “Hey, you know we left this England place because it was bogus, so if we don’t get ourselves some cool rules, pronto … we’ll just be bogus too."

Jeff Spicoli From, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

"I don't patronize bunnyrabbits."

-----

"Do these balloons blow up into funny shapes?"

"No, 'less'un round is funny"

-----

"Phone's ringin' dude."

How much for the little girl? How much for the women? Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children.

"You two mother-fuckers need Jesus!"

"Lawzy, we got to have a doctor. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies."

"Well, I'm all broken up over that man's rights!"

"When a man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross"

"Bark like a dog"

and my personal all-time favorite:
"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

--I wonder how come Patsy Cline don't make no more records.
--She's dead.
--Oh, that's so sad. Don't that make you sad?
--I've...had time to get over it.

--You stupid bastard, you've murdered a human being! They're going to hang you!
--Oh, I hardly think they'd make such a fuss over one girl, when thousands of lives are being lost every day.

Your average Russki don't take a dump without a plan, Son.

"If you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere near up to and including one mile of Adolf Hitler, with a clear line of sight sir, pack your bags fellas, war's over. Amen."

"You gonna bark all day, little dog? Or are you gonna bite?"

"It's a pity she won't live. But then again, who does?"

"We're on a mission from God."

"Road? Where we're going we don't need roads."

"Laugh while you can, monkey boy."

"I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings."

David: I want thirty pounds of sirloin steak, please.
Butcher: Did you say 'thirty pounds'?
David: Yes, that's right. Thirty pounds.
Butcher: How will you have it cut?
David: Oh, just in one piece.
Butcher: Are you gonna roast it or broil it?
David: Neither, it's gonna be eaten raw.
Butcher: Yeah...Say, do you grind this up before you eat it?
David: Oh, oh, this isn't for me. It's for Baby.

"Yippie Ki-yay, Mutherfucker."

"Hey, Dad, . . . wanna have a catch?"

"Igor, help me with the bags."
"Okay, you take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban. Ruff!"

"What knockers!"
"Why thank you."

--Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

--Requesting permission for flyby.
--That's a negative, ghostrider. The pattern is full.

--Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?

"We have clearance, Clarence."
"Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?"

"You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last."

"I'm Cherokee Jack!"

"Nice Beaver!"

"Thanks, I just had it stuffed."

"Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror."

"Yes, but why is the rum gone???"

~~

"Gimmie some sugar baby"

~~

"Ack ack ack ack!"

~~

"Hey, Hey, It's me"
"prove it"
"You're a dick"
"Ok"

~~

"A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head"

~~

"It's times like this that make me miss dating a lesbian"

~~

"37 dicks - My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!"
"In a row?"

"Try not to suck any dick on your way across the parking lot!" (guy starts to follow her) "Hey, get back here!"

~~

"No ticket"

~~

"I'm the most wanted man on my island. But I'm not on my island."
"You're island? You mean Ireland."
"Yeah. It's MINE."

~~

"Your mother ate my dog!"
"Not all of it."

~~

"Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man when he come in the door, man she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man."

~~

"This place used to be off limits man 'cause some drunk freshman fell right down the middle smacking his head on every beam man. Autopsy said he only had one beer, how many did you have?"

"Four."

"You're dead man, you're so dead."

~~

"That's my mother you're pissing on."

~~

"Spandex, it's a privilege, not a right."

~~

"This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence."

~~

"You beast . . .You savage . . .C'mon, bark like a dog for me!"

~~

"you'll shoot your eye out"

~~

"I'm gonna get medieval on your ass"

~~

"Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance."

~~

"Back off, man. I'm a scientist."

~~

"Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we're crusin' around in a Ford P.O.S."

~~

"There has got to be more to life than just being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking."

~~

"I can Derelick my own balls, thank you!"

~~

"Oh. I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugugalizer I am."
"A what?"
"A eugugalizer-one who speaks at funerals, or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugugoly is?"

~~

"I'm not wearing any pants - Film at eleven."

~~

"Please get out of my Van Halen T-Shirt before you jinx the band and they break up."

~~

"Oh, thank God! Vibrator repair?!"
"No ma'am, Los Angeles Police Department. Sorry."

~~

"Excuse me, yo-I-I believe you have my stapler."

~~

"Behold Semmi! Life! Real life, a thing that we have been denied for far too long. GOOD MORNING MY NEIGHBORS!"

"Hey Fuck you!"

"YES! YES! FUCK YOU TOO!"

~~

"Oh, no, you did not shoot that green shit at me!"

"When things look bad, and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb mad dog mean. Cause if you lose your head and you give up, then you neither live nor win, that's just the way it is."

"No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD."

1) That's a priceless Steinway!
Not anymore.
- Inspector Clouseau

2) How do you know she's a witch?
She looks like one!
Yeah! Yeah!
- Python peasants

3) But what would you do with a brain if you had one?
- Dorothy Gale

4) I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like... like victory.
- Colonel Kilgore

5) It doesn't much matter to me so long as the "collar" and "cuffs" match.
- James Bond

"Ho-ho-hold on one second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it."

"They can bill me."
--------
"Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked!"
--------
"Look, this is an emotional moment for all of us, okay? I know that. But let's not... Let's not make snap judgments, please. This is clearly an important species we're dealing with and I don't think that you or I, or anybody, has the right to arbitrarily exterminate them!"

"Wrong!"

"Yeah. Watch us."
--------
"Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! Let's go, yeah, come on! Come on! Come and get it you bastards! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!"

... yes, they're all from "Aliens", your point is? g

"Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Renee, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime."

"What's a nubian?"

"Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?"

--Are you a bounty hunter?
--A man's got to do something for a living.
--Dying ain't much of a living, boy.

"So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go to him, dammit."

Have fun storming the castle boys!
Think it'll work?
It would take a miracle.
____

Oh Mikey, respect my ass! ...You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip.
____

So much time; so little to do. Strike that; reverse it.
...
Oh, well. She's dead. Let's move on, shall we?
...
The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
____

Blood's not thicker than money.
____

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.
____

Perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.
____

Do you hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.
____

I'll shoot you. Really, I will. I have a gun and everything.
____

Don't tell me my business, devil woman!
____

Sew, old one! Sew like the wind!

"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are."

"You have to ask yourself, am I feeling lucky today? Well, are you feeling lucky, punk?"
--------

"Have fun storming the castle boys!"
-----
"Hello, pretty lady."

Last one, I promise. I own all the movies I quoted from, including this so-bad-it's-good gem:

"Get out the big skillet."

and

(singing)"All you motherfuckers, don't tell me what I should do..."

Now, are either of you homosexuals?

You mean like flaming? Or part time?

Well, it's a question we have to ask of all our new recruits.

No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.

-- Looking at you and having memories of us, I'm wondering how did it go on, how did it all slip away.

-- Well it didn't slip away Martin you did when you went off with Nicki at my birthday party.

-- Yea, that was a good party.

"I'll be honest with you. I hate this place. This zoo. This reality, whatever you call it, I can't stand it anymore. It's the smell, if there is such a thing in this place."

"No..." "oh.... shit." "...not without incident."

It's only wafer thin.

"I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!"

"Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station."

"Nobody sees the wizard!"

"The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am."

"If you build it, they will come."

"Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in."

From my favorite movie of all time (and one Michele apparently likes too):

"Nihilists!? .... Fuck me .... I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude- at least it's an ethos."

I think one D.H. quote is missing:

A man's got to know his limitations.

"one, two...three...four...Oswald was a pussy."

"I ain't got time to bleed."

"What is the greatest feeling in life? To see your enemy flee before you, and hear the lamentations of his women."

"If it bleeds, we can kill it."

"What's the world comin' to, when folks throw out a perfectly good white kid."

"I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!"

"You mess with the bull, you get the horns."

"Fix me a chicken pot pie, b*tch!"

How fast are you going to run?
Fast as a leopard.
What are your legs?
Steel springs.
What are they going to do?
Hurl me down the track.
Right. Let's see you do it.

Do you think my methods have become...unsound?
Colonel Kurtz, I don't see any method at all.

The world is thus, excellency.
No, Senor Cabeza, thus have we made the world. Thus have I made it.

I'll have the lot of it, all mixed up in a bucket.

You Americans, always on with the "Listen here" or the "Let me tell you." Well shut up now, 'cause y'er dead!"

Joel, get off the baby sitter!

P-51 Mustang, the Cadillac of the Skies!

What we have here... is a failure to communicate.

"You know what I am going to do about this?"
"What?"
"Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway; so what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!"

"one, two...three...four...Oswald was a pussy."

actually it was "Oswald was a fag."

<commentary>
Interesting that BeckyJ's quote, "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are," appears in two sci-fi movies that came out within a year of each other.
</commentary>

Let her go. Let her go, man. Another Quaalude, she gonna love me again. What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That the bad guy." So...what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide--how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say goodnight to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Betta get outta his way!

If it's a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it's a short chamber Boxer Henry point 45 caliber miracle.
Colour Sergeant And a bayonet, sir, with some guts behind.

--------------------------

Think! Think of the opportunities here in Florida. Three years ago, I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now, I've got a nickel in my pocket.

BELLBOY: That's all very well, Mr. Hammer, but we haven't been paid in two weeks and we want our wages!

HAMMER: Wages? Do you want to be wage slaves, answer me that.

BELLBOYS No.

HAMMER: No, of course not. Well, what makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Remember, there's nothing like Liberty -- except Collier's and the Saturday Evening Post. Be free, my friends. One for all,and all for me, and me for you, and three for five and six for a quarter.

----------------------

YES!

I'll have what she's having.

They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

"I think people should mate forever, like pigeons...or Catholics."

Actor 1: "I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Actor 2: "By choice, man."

Actor 1:"Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick.
Actor 2: "Nick?"
Actor 1: "Yeah, Nick. Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick."

"You can't really dust for vomit, can you?"

--

"Pretty industrious for a Cossack."

--

"So then .... that would make Bethany .... part black?"

"If you don't have anything nice to say about anyone, come sit by me!"

***

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Not at all. They could be carried.

What? A swallow carrying a coconut?"

***

"It's just a flesh wound!"

***

"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history."

***

"Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say 'Jehovah'."

The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in
====
Earn this
====
Don't get cocky!
====
No ma'am, we're musicians.
====
You fucked up, you trusted us
====
Open the pod bay doors, Hal
====
Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!

This is not Vietnam, this is bowling! There are rules!

"We can put you in Queens on the night of the hijacking, tough guy."
"Really? I live in Queens. You come up with that all by yourself, Einstein? Whaddya got, a team of monkeys working 'round the clock on this?"

"So what have you been doing with yourself?"
"I'm a professional hit-man."
"Oh. So, do you have to do graduate-level work for that, or can you just jump right in?"

"We're on a mission from God."

"Man, that's a shame, people throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that."

"What's your name?
Dong.
What's your first name?
Long.
What's your middle name?
Duk."

"My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."

When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a
customer or an employee who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your
gun and smash their nose in. Drops 'em right to the floor. Everyone jumps, he
falls down, screaming, blood squirts out of his nose. Freaks everybody out.
Nobody says fuckin' shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to ya. But give her a look, like you're gonna smash her in the face next. Watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. The
managers know better than to fuck around. So if one's givin' you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy. So what you gotta do is break that son-of-a-bitch in two. If you wanna know something he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell 'im his thumb's next. After that he'll tell ya if he wears ladies underwear. ...I'm hungry, let's get a taco.

-What? What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
-What?!
-English, motherfucker, do you speak it?!
------
-Yeah, well sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy muthafucka.
------
-You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.
------

"Never, but never, fuck with the king"

I can't believe no one has mentioned...

"WOLVERINES!!!"

"How do you know he's the King ?"
"He hasn't got shit all over him"

"Can you drive a six inch spike through a board with your penis ?"
"No"
"Well, a girls got to have her standards."

"Just because some farcical aquatic tart lobs you a scimitar..."

"Stand up child. Your father's passing by".

"Charlie. Don't. Surf."

"Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks".

"We'll need guns, lots of guns."

"There is no spoon."

"Use the force."

"Hello, Dr. Falken. Would you like to play a game?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave."

"I am Jack's smirking revenge."

"No disassemble!"

"I'm not even supposed to be here today"

"Oh, you mean this gate key?"

"I was quit when I came in here. I'm twice as quit now."

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die."

"We're not here to do the decent thing, we're here to follow fucking orders."

"I am! I was!"

"Well that sounds like a really nice deal, but I have a better one. How about I give you the finger, finger, and you give me my phone call."

"I was never more certain of how far away I was from my goal than when I was standing right beside it."

"There's no gene for fate."

"He had everything except desire."

"You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back."

"I got the better end of the deal. I only lent you my body -- you lent me your dream."

(Yes, I really like GATTACA, like, a LOT.)

"That'll do pig, that'll do."

"When you kill a man, it's a hell of a thing, because you've taken away everything he's got and everything he's ever going to have."

"Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one 45 caliber automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in rubles, one hundred in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pairs of nylon stockings. Shoot! A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

"I'm Woody the Wabbit and I'm going to win the wace." (just to prove JFH wrong)

"Gort, Klaatu mirada nikto. "

"Whoooo are the Britains ?"

"I'm Woody the Wabbit and I'm going to win the wace." (just to prove JFH wrong)

"Gort, Klaatu mirada nikto. "

"Whoooo are the Britains ?"

-Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor ?

-I'm a zit, get it ?

- You gotta be fucking kidding me.

-Lando Calrissian was a positive role model. He got to fly the Millenium Falcon.
Fuck Lando Calrissian, that Uncle Tom nigger. Only some white boy would invoke the holy trilogy.

Oh, come on, people. We're this far into it and no one had hit this yet?

"Rhett, Rhett... Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?

Fankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

"What can I say your honor... she was fourteen going on thirtyfive."

"I think I'll have a large order of prognosis negative!"

"I'm not so fond of your voice as you are."

Hobson's Choice, 1954

Mother is the name for God on the lips of every child.

Eric Draven - The Crow

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

Better ones for JFH
This is the year Fink beats the Stomach.
(NOTE: got next quote from IMDb)
And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child joined hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or if we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!

other quotes:
What are you doing?
Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they shifted all out of whack.

I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.

he'd have an enormous shwanshtuker.
he's gonna be very popular.
abby something...abby normal
could be worse...could be raining
put the candle back.

f*ck me gently with a chainsaw.

I have a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it.

yeah, you blend.

Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.

Pork away pal. F*ck her blue.

people on ludes should not drive.

I'll have another drink. Do you want another fish?
you must have hated this moose.

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

we had a car waiting
come on...your already dirty.
you can't go. all the plants are gonna die.
I'm pacing myself, Sergeant.
Lighten up, Francis.
chicks in new york pay top dollar for this garbage

You could join a monastery.
Did you ever see a monk get wildly f*cked by some teenage girls?
Never.
So much for the monastery.

It's a moral imperative.

You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Idiocy is our only option.

Run away!

I am a child.

Just the facts ma'am.

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious s**t.

(Maybe not the greatest but some that make me giggle.)

Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!

"Bud!?!?! Fuck that shit!! Pabst! Blue Ribbon!"

Ok, sorry, just one more. It's even more hideous when I think my husband jokingly said this to our mumbling daughter one night:

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU SOLDIER. NOW SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!!!!!!"

Too much fun, must quote more:

I can't understand none of the Bible. This one begat that one, and begat and begat, and lo someone sayeth some shit, and just how retarded are you, Carl?

"Okay, I'll shoot the vending machine, and get you your money. But if you don't get the President on the phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?"
"What?"
"You're gonna have to answer to the Coca Cola people."

Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russki talks big, but frankly we think he's short of know-how. I mean, you can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like our boys. That's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you take your average Russki, we all know how much guts he has. Look at all of them the Nazis killed off, and they still wouldn't quit."

And one more from one of dankhubba's movies:

"What knockers!"
"Oh, sank you, doctor."

"Wyatt Earp is my friend"
"Hell, I got lots of friends"
(long pause)
"I don't."
Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday

"Elvis is NOT dead--he just went home"
Tommy Lee Jones as Agent Kay

"The Fantom. How operatic"
Sean Connery in LXG

"If you shoot me from there, it won't look like a suicide."
"I could shoot you from Stuttgart and make it look like a suicide"
Pierce Brosnan as Bond

"Maybe I should just leave this here with you"
Will Smith in Independence Day

"Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passing."

"It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

"There's no crying in baseball!"

"He had a melanoma, carcinoma, some kind of noma?"

"Don't worry, baby, I know how to handle tits!"

"Oh shit... there goes the planet."

and

"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine."

and

"Out of order? FUCK! Even in the future, nothing works! "

--

And of course, the all-time Lebowski classic:

"Her co-star in the beaver picture?"
"Beav- you mean, vagina? -- I mean, you know the guy?"

"Sugar, Mr. Poon?"

"The thing I learned from the whole Charlie debacle: you gotta punch your weight. See, Charlie? She's not in my class. She's too pretty, too smart, too witty, too much. I mean, what am I? I'm a middleweight. I mean, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm certainly not the dumbest. I've read books, like The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Love in the Time of Cholera, and I think I've understood them. They're about girls, right? Just kidding. But I have to say, my all-time favorite book is Johnnie Cash's autobiography, Cash by Johnnie Cash."

I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

OR:

When a man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!

TV (Harry)

dankbubba, this one was my fav from that movie:

Rigby: Them? Who is them?

Capt. Rodriguez: Nobody knows senor! Only they know who is them!

"Why, Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world . . . But for Wales!"

"You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

Is this some kind of white cunts' joke that black cunts don't get? Cuz I'm not fuckin' laughin' Nicholas.

Once you had a man with no legs you never go back. I know what you thinkin' baby, you seen 'Porgy and Bess'?

Scuze me, while I whip dis out.

"This isn't art, this is SEX!"

You shall add joy to the wedding ceremony by being boiled in oil.
--
So that's what an invisible barrier looks like!
--
But no-one can survive the Fire Swamp!
Nonsense. You only say that because no-one ever has.
--
We'll find the alien. You get the cat.

I'm butchering this one, but I can't find the original and it's been almost twenty years.

"It's not that my father didn't want to oppress people, it's just that, as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity."

Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? ... I bet they're asleep in New York. I'll bet they're asleep all over America.

(pounds the table suddenly) Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine!

[I'll count those as two]

Losers whine about their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

"The sheriff is a n...BONG!"

"Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?"

"This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated."

"What are you looking at? You're laborers, you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education."

"Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?"

LOVE that movie. And my second favorite quotable comedy...

"What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy."

"Well, here's all you need to know: Classes, nothing before eleven. Beer, it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?"
"Uhh... no."
"Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day."

"America's greatest president."
"It's me, Rand. Open up."
"America's greatest president."
"Dammit. Who is Ronald Reagan?"
"A casual shoe for yachting."
"What are you trying to figure out, BD? Who could I be? What is a blucher?"
"They killed Jesus Christ."
"Who are the Jews? Open up, sucko."

1) It puts the lotion on its body, or it gets the hose again.

2) The song 'Like a Virgin' is about a chick who loves big dick.

3) What are you rebelling against? What have you got?

oh also just about anything from slapshot:

"What are you guys doing?", "Putting on the foil coach";

"Then you go to the penalty box; you feel shame" (said with French Canadian accent).

Excuse me for reposting this, but I screwed it up the first time.

"You made one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is, 'Never fight a land war in Asia.' But only slightly less well known is, 'Never go up against a Sicilian, when Death is on the line!' Hahahaha...haha...haha...(croak)"

"No more yanky my wanky, The Donger need food!"

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers"
"Your proposal is acceptable." (munch)

"I just honestly don't know what I have in common with those people anymore. I mean, or with anyone, really. I mean, they all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do, and what am I going to say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork... How have you been?"

All right now, I'm comin' out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife. His family. And all his friends. Burn his damn house down.

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

The guy that built this was either a certified genius or a pathetic whacko.

Do you like apples? - What?
Do you like apples?
- Yeah.
Well, I got her number. How d' ya like them apples!

- I heard a rukcus! - ...could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Kickboxing. Sport of the future.

Kent puts his name on his license plate. -My mom does that with my underwear.
Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

The light is green - the trap is clean

A pound says you won't kill her!

Re-venge! - Coming to k-k-k-kill me, k-k-k-Ken?

I used to box for Oxford! - I used to kill for the CIA.

He didn't fall? Inconcievable!

I will bear it. Though I do not know the way. ...
- If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.

What are you doing here? - Bleeding, sir.

How about a nice game of chess? - No, let's play global thermonuclear war.

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's bother's girlfriend heard from this kid who knows this guy who's going with the girl that saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

We are from the planet of the toes, and we bring you .... rrraaaarrgghhh ... we bring you produce!

Adam Smith needs revision.

#1: What a dirty, disgusting job!

#2: Could be worse.

#1: How?

#2: Could be raining.

BOOM, RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper

"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them."

"There's right and there's wrong.
You gotta do one or the other.
You do the one, and you're living.
You do the other,
and you may be walking around, but you're as dead as a beaver hat."

"Keep y'gad-damn hands off m'wife"

"Do you breast-feed? You appear capable."

***

"I admit the human element seems to have failed us here."

***

Bob: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.
Peter: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.

***

"Well...well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Daman inspired me:
____________________

"Bring me... the bore worms."

"Lying bitch."

Zarkov: Why do you attack us?
Ming: Why not?

Oops. Damian. Sorry.

"He choked on vomit."

"Not on his own vomit, someone else's."

"They don't know whose."

"You can't fingerprint vomit."

I'm your huckleberry...

Actor 1: He sounds like a chronic masturbator.
Actor 2: He prides himself on it.

You're a handsome devil...what's your name?

Actor 1: You were in my apartment?
Actor 2: I took her.
Actor 3: I was up to my elbows in your underwear drawer. It was like touching the Shroud of Turin.

Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Her: You're out of your tree.
Him: It wasn't my tree.

---------------
1: You cheated!!!
2: (Shrug) Pirate.
---------------
1: No way.
2: WAY.
1: No...hwayyy.
2: HWAYYY
1&2: (Nodding) Excellent.
----------------
(Grin) I bet you say that to all the boys.
----------------
(Grin) You gonna stay mad at me forever 'chere?
----------------
Boards...don't hit back.

Inspired by DrSteve:

"Samir Nagaha... Nagahee... Naga... Nagonna work here anymore, anyway!"

and

"Samir, this is America... this isn't Riyadh- they're not gonna saw your hands off."

--

"So you're gonna be making a lot of money, right?"
"Yes."
"And it's not yours?"
"Well, it becomes ours."

Two from the "duh" file.

"People scare better when they're dying."

"I got better."

"Sorry. Sorry. I got a little agitated. The thought of escape crossed my mind, and then suddenly - suddenly - suddenly I felt like bending the fucking bars back, ripping the goddamn window frames and eating them - yes, eating them! Leaping, leaping, leaping! Colonics for everyone! All right! You dumbasses. I'm a mental patient. I'm supposed to act out! "
- Jeffrey Goines in 12 Monkeys
(He has the craziest facial expressions in that film.)

Spasm! Spasm! Oh, God, here it comes... lactose intolerance!
- Kate in French Kiss
(This scene and the Orgasm in the Café scene from When Harry Met Sally is why I love Meg Ryan.)

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Stop saying that!"

"Offer me everything that I ask for."
"All that I have and more."
[stab] "I want my father back, you son of a bitch!"

"Are you a Mexican or a Mexi-can't?"

"You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

"We're on a blind date with destiny, and it looks like she's ordered the lobster."

"Ray, if someone asks you if you're a god, say Yes!"

Final lines from two great flicks:

"For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble."

"Now, where was I?"

Inspired by David:

"You ask me if I have a God complex? Let me tell you something: I AM God."

The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!

**********

It was... the SALMON MOUSSE!

**********

"I don't want to go to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison!"

"...and don't call me Shirly."

"I've got a funny feeling about this."

"This is glue. Strong stuff."

"Your knuckles-- They're breathtaking!"

"This young man has had a very trying rookie season, what with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him...We-e-ell, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle! Ogie Oglethorpe!"

"That plane's dusting crops where there ain't no crops."

----

"What were you expecting in an opera? A happy ending?"

----

"Why? Was I so unattractive, so distant, and so forbidding?"

"Ever hear of a tune-up?" [chuckling]
"Ever hear of a ritual killing?" [mocking chuckle]

and

"Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell's wart."

and

"You're not a gnat, are you Bug?"

--

"This is so Guatemala. They put hard boiled eggs in everything down there because you know chicken is so important to them. It's their only real currency. A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens and a man's wealth is measured by the size of his cock. Will you excuse me?"

--

"Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."
"Yes, but now I work for the United Nations."
"Well your work has not changed."

and

"So it was you. I was going to expose you."
"I know. So I choose to expose myself."
"Please! There are ladies present."

and

"But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared."
"That was his job- he was an illusionist."
"But he never reappeared!"
"He wasn't a very good illusionist."

--

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

--

"Cute cat. What's his name?"
"Annoying customer."

--

"Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing brass on the Titanic."

"Mongo only pawn in game of life"

"What do you like to do?
Play chess...screw.
Let's play chess"

"You will only be risking your lives while I am almost certainly risking a nomination for best supporting actor"

"Where you work has anyone ever said "sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays?'
No...no man, I think they'd get their ass kicked."

"There's nothing I hate more than Illinois Nazis"

"We have to strike now sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!"

"SHUT UP! Shut up, SHUT! UP!"

Cops got better things to do than die.

It's not that I can't help these people, it's that I don't want to.

Trapped in a tiger trap by a tiger

Tom Tuttle from Takoma, Washington.

And of course I can't believe nobody used one of the best and most quoted lines of the 80s.

I was born a poor black child.
Whenever my nephew goes into his 'gangsta rap' mode I quote that one at him.

"It's completely baked."

"Mein Furher! I can walk!"

Gotta love that one...

"I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd help."

"Turn up the Flash Gordon noise, and put more science stuff around!"

"Moose bites can be pritti nasti, you know."

"YES! YES! Say it! He... vas... my... BOYFRIEND!"

"Lighten up, Francis."

"Call Boris Karloff a cocksucker."

Hello everyone, I am a park ranger and I will be leading you on the tour. All of the park rangers here at Alcatraz were at one time guards, myself included. My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicky. Will you please follow me?

"chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's something unusual."

"The doc said I swallowed a lot of agression....along with a lot of pizza."

"Stay on target....stay on target..."

"I was born a poor black child."

"Screws fall out all the time. It's an imperfect world."

Put it on the Underhill's tab."

"Can I borrow your towel. I just hit a water buffalo..."

"Is this movie in 3-D ?"
"No, but your face is."

"Get..away..from..her..YOU...BITCH !"

"I dunno. Just kin-da-funny-lookin'."

"Ooooh-jeeeeez."

"OK, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here and then this execution-type deal."

*****

"Say hello to my little friend!"

*****

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"I think you're bluffing."
"It's possible. Pig. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But then again, perhaps I have the strength after all..."
[stands]
"Drop. Your. Sword."

It’s envy, plain and simple. Every sap that ever played by the rules, made the commitment, bought the cow and goes through every day praying, please God , let tonight not be “too tired, big day tomorrow, getting my period, got my period, just had my period, yeast infection, bladder infection, dinner with those rockheads who never leave before midnight” hates him. They wish they could do what he does and they know they never will. So they hate him and they want to see him go down.

These are a couple that my Congo African Grey Parrot, Mayo likes to repeat: Badges...we don't need no stinkin badges and I see dead people (which is pretty creepy to hear when his cage is covered) He also says some of the other lines already listed. Searched this site to teach him something new. Thanks.