I'm waiting for these fuckers
. That's when I'll be able to finally vent all of my anger and frustration.
See, I remember the last cicada blast. No, wait, not the last one. I was 24 for that crop and I don't really remember much about 24. At least not about cicadas. But I do remember one summer when I was a wee child (obstensibly I would have been seven at the time, but maybe this was when I was 24 and was just hungover enough to think I was seven?). Anyhow, the cicadas came. They were loud, annoying and crunchy. Yes, crunchy. Everywhere you stepped, the cicadas crunched underfoot. We couldn't go barefoot that summer. We couldn't even eat outside. These things would just randomly drop dead and fall out of trees.
So we spent a few weeks crushing and dissecting cicadas. If my memory serves me well, they had a yellowish, lumpy inside. For some reason, that's a childhood image that has stuck with me for all these years. Stomping on a bug and watching the yellow fluid that looked kind of like pastina run out of the dead insect. One less noisemaker! One less thing to step on!
And then I dreamed for nights on end about the living cicadas taking revenge on me. They were giant sized and hard shelled and unkillable. And they ate me. Night after night, they would chomp off bits and pieces of me. First night, they took my hands. The next night I entered the dream as a handless child and then they ate my arms. And so on and so on. Until it all turned out to be one huge dream, where there were dreams within dreams all of w hich resulted in my ending up with nothing but a head, just my little, seven year old head sitting there on the blanket outside, the cicadas approaching and they were all singing something like "we're coming to get you for killing our king" and all I could do was blink and try like hell to wake myself up. My kingdom for a blowtorch. And some arms.
So now the bastards are back. I haven't seen nor heard them yet, but I hear we are about ten seconds away from the army of cicadas emerging from the ground, when they will form armies and burn and pillage our villages, rape our women, kidnap our children and destroy our crops.
I am ready for them. And don't you PETA people or insect activists give me any shit about this either. These cicadas have been haunting my nightmares for 24 years now. I will not be able to rest until I kill as many as possible. Right now I am armed with a gallon of gasoline and few matches, but I'm thinking a Howitzer wouldn't be too much overkill. Would it?