Let's move on to a different subject, shall we? I'm not quite done with the old one yet, but I need a breather.
I am boycotting Yankee Stadium. Granted, I don't go to too many games because the Major Deegan Expressway is something I try to avoid at all costs. Still, this is cause
for outrage and action:
The ballpark snack paired with peanuts in the stadium anthem "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" will no longer be around for the seventh-inning stretch at Yankee Stadium.
Cracker Jack has been replaced by the competing caramel popcorn Crunch 'n Munch at the home of the Bronx Bombers.
"Cracker Jack is a brand name," Yankees chief operating officer Lonn Trost told The New York Times for its Wednesday editions. "We're selling a caramel crunch that is the same thing as Cracker Jack."
Trost compared the difference between Cracker Jack and Crunch 'n Munch to "Frigidaire versus refrigerator, or aspirin and Bayer, or Jell-O and gelatin.
One has to believe that Mr. Trost has never tasted Crunch 'n Munch. See, Cracker Jacks nearly melt in your mouth as they drown your taste buds in sugary, smooth as butter waves of pleasure, which is only heightened by the sweet, salty peanuts.
Eating Crunch 'n Munch is comparable to eating cardboard laced with some kind of acidic medicine. There is no comparison.
And it's not just the taste, it's the history. The Yankees themselves, and the stadium, are steeped in glory and history. Their name is legend. To take Cracker Jacks away from the masses and replace it with such pedestrian fare is tantamount to erasing the entire aura of historical greatness from the Stadium.
It's a slippery slope, folks. How soon before they take away the dirty water dogs? We cannot let this happen.
And what of the song?
Take me out
To the ball game
Take me out
With the crowd
Buy me some peanuts
I don't care if
I never never get back
Buy me some peanuts and Crunch 'n Munch?
Does Crunch 'n Munch even have nifty prizes? I don't think so. So Steinbrenner and company are trying to deny you the one thing that may make suffering through another lousy pitching performance worth it. Give me my teddy bear tattoo back, you thief!
I think at the next Yankee home game, everyone should go right ahead and buy a big old box of the Crunch stuff. And when the seventhing inning stretch comes along, you just go right ahead and sing along with Take Me Out To The Ballgame. But when they get to the part about Cracker Jacks, everyone should throw their boxes of Crunch 'n Munch on the field.
This works on two levels - not only will the Stadium management get the point, but the pigeons will swoop in to eat the spilled munchies, thereby ruining the field, causing the Yankees to forfeit the game.
Yes, I'm a Yankee fan and I know how much this would hurt, but I am first and foremost a baseball purist (no, I do not like the DH), and the Yankees' vulgar display of historical ignorance in the name of presumably saving a few bucks has hit quite the sore spot.
Trust me, there are plenty of other ways
for the Yanks to save some money.