« bringing the world together | Main | radio, radio »

psa to whomever it may concern

As you may recall (or not), last month I posted a few times about my attempt to get off of Paxil and Wellbutrin. I wrote about the withdrawals, the side affects, etc. As progress reports go, I'll make this quick because I have a longer piece waiting on this: It's going well. All the withdrawal symptoms have long since gone and I weathered the cold turkey quitting without killing anyone. Some of you -whether it be in the comments here, in email or on your own blogs - have decided to hold that part of my life over my head like a sword. Every time I am angry about something, I am guaranteed that somewhere in the blogosphere, someone is telling me to go back on the meds. My anger is separate from the anxiety for which I was taking the medication. I would be reacting the same way whether I was still on the meds or not. Unfortunately, there is a whole lot in this world right now that is either pissing me off or making me sad. And that's just me, it's just the way I am and have always been. I take everything to heart. I take it all personally. I am passionate in my anger and if that is a bad trait to have, so be it. It's who I am. I resent anyone who tells me to take a pill whenever I write something that shows anger or any kind of intense feeling about the subject at hand. It's a personal attack, really and one I won't stand for. It's pretty easy to jump on a flaw instead of addressing the issue at hand. Much easier to say "you need a Xanax" instead of opening a discussion on the subject. If you want to say "I think you are an idiot because you believe X," that's fine. I still don't think it's a good way to approach what someone wrote, but I'm sure I've been guilty of that just the same. But the "take a pill" is bullshit. I'm sure you have something better than that to offer. If you don't know by now that you're going to get a lot of raw emotion here, then you're never going to figure that out. And, by this point in the post, you should figure have figured out that I'm going to tell you to not let the door hit your ass on the way out. You are not welcome here. Yea, I'm being an asshole about this, but it's my site which makes it my prerogative. Those emails will go unsanswered, your comments will not be responded to by my and your blog posts referencing my medication or lack thereof will not have your desired result of my coming back at you. Anyone who uses that kind of wording to make a point does not deserve a reply. You know what? I haven't even approached real rage yet. Wait until I start singing this song. That's when it's time to take cover.

Comments

I generally prefer Heather Alexander's "March of Cambreadth" for such occasions.

"Axes flash, broadsword swing,
Shining armour's piercing ring
Horses run with polished shield,
Fight Those Bastards till They Yield
Midnight mare and blood red roan,
Fight to Keep this Land Your Own
Sound the horn and call the cry,
How Many of Them Can We Make Die!"

mp3 downloadable for free from here.

I get that comment at least once a week... in my real life.

If I cry? "You need to go back on prozac"

If I am angry? "Hey, didn't you get your perscription filled yet?"

People are assholes.

Michele - this is such a good post. I have been through the same thing myself. Thank you for putting it so plainly.

Michele,
I emailed you an apology but I'd like to make a public apology here. I did not intend my comment to be taken this way. It was a lame attempt at a lighthearted remark. There's no excuse for what I said and I am very sorry. I honestly did not seriously mean you should go back on your medicine. My friends and I often use this comment as a joke and too easily I forgot that you don't know me and I don't know you, and this was completely inappropriate. I apologize to you and to the rest of your readers. I'm sorry.

Shelby, thank you. It was directed only at you - I've been getting a lot of this the past week or so. But thank you for explaining what you were intending and I am sorry to have taken it the wrong way.

Thank you Michele. It was an utterly insensitive and inappropriate thing to say and you can be sure that I'll be checking my ill-advised attempts at "humor" much more closely.

why can't there be more people like shelby in the world?

Michelle,
I'm a recovering bulimic/adhd and TOOK xanax for panic. last week i took myself off of those evil pills. I want my "recovery" to be real- not the product of a drug induced haze. Yeah, I'm weird. AND... You don't need "no stinkin drug." We're normal. It's everyone else that's crazy-grin!
the twerp

GOD HATES US ALLLLLLL!

Damn, Shelby apologized. I had ALL KINDS of beagle insults lined up.

(THE ABOVE WAS A JOKE.)

(OKAY, NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.)

(SHUTUP.)

Actually I think your post was a waste of bandwidth.

Those who dislike your views are the ones most likely to recall you once took certain medications for "mental illness." And the average non-professional, as well as many patients, don't have a clue or any understanding of "mental illness" beyond the tip of their nose.

Rant all you wish. You can count on it being used against you. Given your popularity as a blogger you can even count on special hints and slurs in addition to more obvious attacks.

Sorry. That's the way the world is when it comes to "mental illness."

On a different note, you are to be commended and congratulated for your success in going cold turkey. THAT is quite an accomplishment and requires more than a bit of luck as you well know. Congratulations.

Beagle insults?! Now THAT hits below the belt :D ;).

I love you, man.

snif

God Bless Slayer.

I'm glad to see your withdrawel from the drugs didn't do any lasting damage. I find it somewhat odd that I was quite worried about someone I've never met and will probably never meet. It's either my well known kindly humanitarianism or the power of your writing.
I would submit that the vast majority of people who say or do hurtfull things do so by accident or ignorance as Shelby seems to have done. Few of us go through life wanting to hurt others, though you seem to attract all of that few. I would submit that you attract them by putting all your emotions out there. You wear your heart on your sleeve for all to see. Some of us do that. More, like me, guard their emotions. I wear a poker face through life. It's more difficult to hurt me. I'm not sure how much I've really gained, though. I'm shielded from random hurt but am somewhat walled off from random joy.
We are both, though, fully formed adults. You aren't going to change much and I'm damned sure not. Not in my late 50s.
The random (and often accidental) hurt you face is the price of that more frequent random joy. Hang in there, pal.

you have described me as well-taking everything to heart and taking everything personally. it is a burden and i wish you well. it isn't easy being designed this way and i truly appreciate your honesty. scott

My personal favorite retort when someone insults me is:

"I've been called worse by a better class of person".

I start by humming Jimmy Buffett's "Fruitcakes".

Hang in there. I know the joys of getting off medication (not psych meds in my case, but it's just as hard). You're doing fine.

There IS a lot of anger in your posts, but I think I'm learning that it's just your personality. Be you - we'll either stay or go as appropriate.

Michele, I've often caught myself wondering what's wrong with me, that I have so much anger.

Michele, there are still some very evil, powerful people on the loose in the world today; and there are many nice, polite, well-educated people in our midst who are making excuses for them, and even protecting and defending them.

If that didn't make you angry, there would be something wrong with you.

Stay well and take care of yourself.

Heh. I've heard "March of Cambreadth" before (I'm a Heather fan), but hearing it again it occurs to me that March of Cambreadth would make a great title for a "warblog."

I find that the best cure for being insulted in my comments is to mutter "asshole" while deleting the comment.

You ought to try it, Michele. It works wonders, and fuck anyone who says they have the right to say anything they want on your weblog.

Couldn't it be "The Battle Hymn of the Republic?"

Everyone in the world is allowed to be angry at US, and every color of US citizen but US white people, but we can't be angry at the world?

HAH! Boy are they in for a rude awakening.

Go buy a basket of flowers on me.

I dunno about the assholes who tell you to go back on the meds. Perhaps it's THEM who should be popping a xanax or two.... just my opinion.

However, I found that Slayer reference a bit disturbing....GHUA has been doing the rotation in my player lately and I just don't find it nearly as "fuck you, die" as either early Slayer or early Metallica... I immediately thought of "Face The Slayer":

You see me lift the axe, [as] it plunges through your shield
You now begin to panic as you see your chances grow slim
Your running through the endless maze
[You] Turn and I'll be there
A force too strong for you to fight
Your end I'll see tonight [sings "I'll see your end tonight"]

You think you can destroy [me]? You'd better think again
I am eternal terror my quest will never end
I'll trap you in the pentagram
And seal your battered tomb
Your life is just another game
For Satan's night of doom

Or "Damage, Inc.":

Living on your knees, conformity
or dying on your feet for honesty
Inbred, our bodies work as one
bloody, but never cry submission
Following our instinct not a trend
go against the grain until the end
[..]
Know just how to get just what we want
tear it from your soul in nightly hunt
Fuck it all and fucking no regrets

That "Fuck it all..." line from Metallica is my all-time favorite lyric. ever.

Exile is too "I'll kill myself to be rid of you" instead of something like "Face The Slayer" which is more like "I'll dismember you to be rid of you." Just my twisted opinion....