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Open Mic Night Guest: World Wide R-Andy

A pointless aside, but I was just watching the Denver 9 News and I swear their "back from the break" music has some saucy, heavy breathing mixed in. I never knew the news could be so exciting. Somebody slap my ass before I slap it myself, 'cause you know that's how I like it, sugar. Errr... anyway, speaking of saucy, heavy breathing (and things of which I am not ashamed but probably should be, per the directions of our blog mistress this eve):
  1. I'd do Britney Spears. Honestly, I would. Well, ok, only if the wife would let me and only if she (Britney, not the wife) passed all sorts of "certified disease-free" tests. This is quite possibly the only thing I have in common with Oliver Willis, thank the sweet Lord Jesus. Next I'll find out that Atrios and I both...
  2. ...once liked a Linkin Park song. Shut the hell up. I got better. I've no idea about Atrios though.
  3. Finally, long ago, I watched Top Gun so many times that I could virtually speak the script in time with the actors. I still can. A high school friend and I even wrote the screenplay for a really bad spoof of it, all based around the Montgomery, Alabama Department of Motor Vehicles, but that never got off the ground. This, of course, was way back in the late 80s, and not, say, last week. Honestly. Shut the hell up. None of this had anything to do with Tom Cruise, and everything to do with F-14 Tomcats and things going "boom!"
If you've enjoyed this confessional, you can find more of the same, more of the different, and more of the sort-of-similar-in-a-way-that-I-can't-quite-put-into-words-but-man-he's-turning-me-on over at The World Wide Rant. Thank you, amen, god bless, and see ya for now.


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Nobody slaps your ass except me, babe. It's my job.

Hey, what about me?!

OK, Zomby, one slap and that's it. Make it count.

I was actually in the Navy when Top Gun was released. To this day I can't look at Tom Cruise without my cheeks tingling - and not in a good way.