16 through 22: stupidity, bravery, sweet revenge, pussies, flirting lessons
Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. I decided to use the category thingamajig, so now all the questions are in one happy place. Christine asks, via email: 16. People often mistake stupidity for bravery. Have you ever done anythign that would fit into that category? Why, yes I have Christine. And it was recorded right here on this very site for posterity. Then the frat boy in the passenger seat speaks. To me, no less. He looks at me and says, smirking "Maybe if these people kept their tards at home we wouldn't have to sit here in freaking traffic, ya know?" He looks at me as if he expects an agreement. I am stunned. I am horrified Read my story of brave stupidity here. While we are digging around the archives, Charles wants to know (#17)what my favorite MTX album is. bq. This particular CD alone (Revenge is Sweet, that is), is at once so sad and so happy that you don't exactly know what you feel when you hear the songs, all you know is that you do laugh or grin and you realize afterwards that you were actually laughing or grinning at yourself and the angst and tremor with which you pursued love. Check that out here. Alan K. (not to be confused with my TCP partner and bad music lover, Alan) asks a bunch of questions that I'm not going to answer and a few that I will. Sorry, Alan, but asking which nipple I favored when my kids were nursing is just weird and, well....there are sites for people like you. $14.95 a year, but it might be worth it to avoid having to type that stuff into search engines. 18. Have you ever had the urge to cat blog? That would be odd, seeing as that I would have to go out and get a cat first. I did, however, tell Laurence - the king of cat blogging - that when I move we're going to look into the cat thing so I can finally show him my pussy. 19. What were you thinking of when DJ was conceived? Faster, please. 20. Can you justify your existence? No. 21. Does DJ have a crush? He's eleven and hitting puberty at full steam. He'll crush on any girl with boobs bigger than mosquito bites. 22. Name him. Who Him? DJ's crush? If you haven't figured out that DJ is a boy by now, you haven't been paying attention. Perhaps you think DJ might be gay, which really isn't unheard of as everyone in my family at one time or another has said, that boy has got to be gay. Between the showtunes and the cross-dressing we figured it was a given. DJ did announce to us, just about two years ago, that he was gay. I had then made plans to ship him off to Choire's for a week or so to get a crash course in Being the Perfect Gay Guy. Then he got all hetero on us. Appropriate story reprinted below, below because Raising Hell has gone to the big archives in the sky.
Flirting Lessons (June, 2002) Scene: Restaurant/pizza place where we are enjoying DJ’s baseball team’s end-of-season party. The boys are in the front of the restaurant, by the door, so they can escort in anyone who shows up and lead them to the back room we have taken over. I am sitting in the back room with some of the other parents. One mom walks in and gives me that look. The look that says “do you have any idea what your son is doing?” Believe me, I have seen that look enough to recognize it instantly. “Do you have any idea what your son is doing?” she says, predictably. “Do I want to know?” “He is standing at the front door trying to pick up a 17 year old girl.” “That’s pretty interesting because just yesterday he announced to us that he’s gay. For the second time.” “He’s nine.” “He likes attention.” “Well, this girl is giving him plenty.” A discussion follows about DJ’s declaration and whether I take it seriously or not. We walk up front and not only is DJ doing some serious flirting with this beautiful girl, but she is flirting back with him. And the other boys are taking notes. I tell the boys to come in the back room and I give the girl a look that says I’m sorry at the same time as please don’t encourage him. There’s a an opening in the far wall in the back room. It overlooks the dining room. The girl is seated at a table, facing us. DJ peeks over the wall and waves. She waves back. Her friends laugh. DJ’s friends look at him in awe. The girl is encouraging him, the friends are encouraging him, the other parents I’m with are laughing. This goes on through most of the party, except for the part where the coach got up and said a few funny and nice things about each kid and I was almost afraid to hear what he would say about DJ. But that turned out ok. Finally, the party is over. I’m leading DJ out, and the girl calls out to him. “Hey, cutie! You leaving so soon?” She winks at him. He winks back. “Gotta go. Got school tomorrow.” Yea, THIRD GRADE! , I'm thinking. He stares the girl for a second and says, while batting his eyes, “Bye, sweetie pie. Hope I see your beautiful eyes again someday.” Where he got that line from, I have no idea. But it sure made an impression with the 17 year old because she looked like she was going to melt. She waves a wistful goodbye to him and blows him a kiss. We get outside and one of the other parents says to DJ, “I thought you were gay?” “What can I say,” he says. “I’m just a confused kid.” Sometimes I really don’t know what to make of him. I imagine that strangers have even a harder time figuring him out. Sure, he’s got quirks, but at least they are entertaining quirks.