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by request

This is probably the third time I'm repeating this story, but it's definitely the one that people ask me about the most (I get a lot of emails saying, hey are the one who wrote the Star Wars pissing story? Uh...yea, kind of). A mouse asked - in the comments on the post below this one - to please repost it. Request granted. An orignal Raising Hell piece:

Don't Pee in the Millenium Falcon

do not pee in the millenium falcon Every family has those special sayings. The ones that only the people in their family know the meaning of, usually related to some inside joke or a story that is the family's version of an urban legend. Yes, we have them. We have several, actually, but this is my most often used saying and my favorite just for the looks I get from other people when I say it. When DJ turned four (you just knew this would have something to do with DJ, didn't you?) he was a Star Wars freak of the highest order. Ok, we all were. For his birthday that year, he got a whole batch of Star Wars toys, including this humungous replica of the Millenium Falcon, complete with flashing lights and sound effects. He enjoyed this present immensely, often playing with it for hours at a time. He would sometimes take his figures from other toy sets - knights and pirates and cowboys - and put them in the Millenium Falcon. He would then have Han Solo boss them around. It was fun to watch. So one day I go in his bedroom and I notice a strange odor. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, and I start looking around the room for moldy food or drink cups or small, dead animals. Finally, I pinpoint where the smell is coming from. The Millenium Falcon. I look into it, and see that a small flood has invaded its interior. Han Solo and Pocahantas are floating together in a stream of.....of....what's that? Piss?? Piss in the Millenium Falcon? I went ballistic. I screamed and yelled and acted sufficiently horrified, all the while fighting the urge to let out this maniacal laugh. The laughter that comes from witnessing the absurd. DJ stood there watching me, a small grin playing around the corners of his mouth. He wanted to smile. He wanted to laugh. Hell, he wanted to do a jiggy dance right there because his little antic served its purpose. He wanted a reaction. He got it. I didn't really know what else to say at the point. So I put my hand on my hip and pointed sternly at him. "Young man," I said. "You do not pee in the Millenium Falcon!" He nodded his head in agreement, still stifling that laugh. I made him take the offending toy outside, hose it down and the throw it in the garbage can. Which, of course, made him cry and realize the gravity of his action. A couple of days later, we are in Chucky Cheese. They have one of those big, winding tunnels that the kids can crawl through and torment each other. It's suspended about 8 feet above the rest of the play area and it's basically impossible to get to the kids when you want to leave. The kids know this. I read my kids the riot act before they go to play. Coming here is a privilege, I explain. When I say it's time to go, we go. So an hour later it's time to go and they look down at me from the opaque orange tube of kiddie hell and stick their tongues out at me. I go to the end of the tube and yell at them. They laugh. I say something about taking good things for granted. They laugh. I then yell "Do not pee in the Millenium Falcon!" Heads turn, the place goes quiet. Everyone is staring. Two seconds later, the kids are down the slide and in their coats. They knew what I meant. The phrase has found its place in the twisted lingo of our family. We use it at opportune moments, in our home and in public, and it always makes its point and gets the job done. Do not pee in the Millenium Falcon. Our family's golden rule.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference by request:

» Awww, she heard me! from One Little Victory
Thanks to Michele, who granted my special request to repost one of her funniest parenting stories ever, "Do Not Pee In The Millenium Falcon." Words to live by.... [Read More]

» roulette from roulette
Please visit some relevant pages in the field of casinos slot machines roulette [Read More]


Thanks for re-posting that. It was just as good the second time around. :D

Oh and I love the "Lenore in train-car" graphic up top. Because I know you wanted my opinion on it ;)

The "golden rule" was a pun, right? Get it? Okay, I'll go away now.

Boys and Urination:

When I married, my husband's sons were 6 and 4. All I had was a very sweet dog, a coonhound. There was the usual amount of turbulence in mixing families. The dog would occasionally (we thought) urinate on the rug in the family room, leading to high drama--bad dog! nose rubbing! husband complaining about dog habits! me on knees, rinsing and blotting!

Then, one day about 4 months after we were married, I was passing by the family room when I heard an unusual, tinkling kind of noise. I happened to be barefoot (stealth stepmother)--it was my younger stepson, using a Tonka dumptruck as a urinal. I maintained my stealth stance to see what would happen next.

He drove the truck to the middle of the rug and dumped it. Then he went and called the dog into the family room.

I tiptoed away and went and found my husband and told him the whole story. We had to hide in our bathroom because we were laughing so hard.

Here is the plot we hatched. We decided we would punish the Tonka Truck and apologize to the dog. The son was small enough that the message would get through, without shaming him.

So that's what we did. We went itno the family room and I went into cleanup mode, while my husband became the great Pee Sniffer. "I know you are cleaning, but I still smell pee!" Discovery of the damp Tonka Truck. Speaking sternly to the Tonka Truck--"Dumping pee on the rug is wrong!" "Letting Doggy get punished for your actions is wrong!".

The dump truck was exiled to a cabinet in the garage for a week.

Doggy got a fulsome apology from me (in front of the son) and extra treats to make up for being wrongly accused.

At the end of about a week of exile, Truck was welcomed back. Some offhand mention of his reformed ways was made from time to time.

No more pee stains on the rug.

the things I have missed raising daughters...

Michele, you haven't even lived the real joy of the story yet.

Just imagine, some years in the future: "First, Lisa, we'd like to welcome you to our family as our daughter-in-law, and hope you and DJ have many happy years in the future. As you two go through life together as husband and wife, we'd like to offer you some pieces of advice: Never keep secrets from each other, never go to bed mad at each other, and never pee in the Millenium Falcon!"

Thank you! Can't wait to have my husband read it!

my favorite blog entry of all time. seriously. I love it more every time I read it. i read it to my wife when i first saw it awhile back. she's a big fan too. thanks for sharing it again and again.