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Let it be Written

Let it be done. The Messiah is here and his name is Reverend Moon. bq. The five great saints and many other leaders in the spirit world, including even Communist leaders such as Marx and Lenin, who committed all manner of barbarity and murders on earth, and dictators such as Hitler and Stalin, have found strength in my teachings, mended their ways and been reborn as new persons. Emperors, kings and presidents who enjoyed opulence and power on earth, and even journalists who had worldwide fame, have now placed themselves at the forefront of the column of the true love revolution. Together they have sent to earth a resolution expressing their determination in the light of my teaching of the true family ideal. They have declared to all Heaven and Earth that Reverend Sun Myung Moon is none other than humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent. This resolution has been announced on every corner of the globe. This is great news because it ties in with something I was thinking about today (stay with me here, I'll get to the Messiah part eventually). I spent a good portion of my day staring into space and thinking about Alien v. Predator. Well, not so much Alien v. Predator my thoughts ran more along the lines of coming up with a whole genre of "VS "movies. Sure, they've already done Freddy v. Jason, but that just sucked. Who wants to see two ancient villians fight it out for one last grasp at some box office money? What we need is films with real characters. But they can't just be any historical figures that you pull out of hat. No, they have to have something on the line. You can't just have Voltaire v. Teddy Roosevelt and expect people to pay money to see it. Well, the more I thought about that, the more I realized it was just a foolish idea, because everyone knows the greatest VS movie ever has already been made. And that would be Godzilla v. Mothra. So I took the idea to another level. What if we staged real battles? None of this actors and make-up and special effects crap. Real, fight to the (not quite) death battles. Think of how this would help the economy grow. I've created thousands of jobs right there! Managers, booking agents, promoters, popcorn sellers, program writers - it would be a boon to America! Which is where the Reverend Moon comes in. See, I have a feeling that Jesus is none too happy with the Reverend's announcement. (I'm sure there are a few other people feeling just a little pissed off, like Allah, maybe Moses or King David or Little Buddah, or a host of other Messiahs. Techinically, even Buffy is a messiah). So all of the above leads me to the final conclusion of today's thought: Who would win in a fight? Jesus or Reverend Moon? And would you watch it on Pay-per-View for, say, $25? Just asking.

Comments

Taking away the obvious advantage of the Son of God vs. a false prophet, it would be an interesting fight, both races are fierce fighters; Korean vs. Jew... but I got to give it to the Jew (Although, it would be considered a draw in Vegas... Jesus would not fight, turn the other cheek, but could not be defeated).

Thus ends my blasphemous post for the day.. I'm probably going to hell, but I got a back up plan. All I got to do is tell St. Peter: "But, it was all Michele's fault!" He'd understand, saying: "Yeah, I know, she's seduced more than a few of us Christians."

Jesus. Rev. Moon would probably trip and fall over his own enormous ego.

Always bet on Jesus. Remember -- Satan backed him.

Jesus would win, probably by a TKO. Seriously though, the only celebrity deathmatch I would relish would be Steyn vs. Chomsky.

Tagteam: Steyn & VDH vs. Chomsky & Zinn.

'course, I would have paired Said w/ the old Chimpskybot, but , well, the former is in no condition to fight...

wait... Hitler was a Moonie?? Stalin was a Moonie?? huh.

wait... Hitler was a Moonie?? Stalin was a Moonie?? huh.

I'd rather see Moon v. Osama. Fight to the death. No one's a loser.

I would pay cash money to see Voltaire vs. Teddy Roosevelt.

Really.

Voltaire vs. Teddy Roosevelt, Dave, are you kidding? It'd be a bloodbath. Unless Voltaire's rapier wit could be turned into a concrete object, Teddy would crush the guy.

Screw the stuff about San Juan Hill, anybody that gets shot during a campaign speech and still finishes it before going to the hospital gets my money.

If I couldn't see Moon vs. Osama, then I'd have to see Moon vs. Sharpton. Such a win-win!

As for Voltaire vs TR, that's no contest- Just as JFH said, that man took a bullet and kept talking. Actually, I think he was shot just before the speech, but decided to give it anyway, figuring that if the wound had been mortal, he'd die before arriving at the hospital, whereas if it hadn't been, then the length of the speech wouldn't change the outcome. Amazing.

This actually is a very relevent point: do gods need to battle? Do all our gods accept all good people or are they exclusive? Can a global religious pluralism emerge, the evolution of a universal concept of inclusive morality or must it remain Rev Moon vs. Jesus, Mohammed vs. Abrahan, Budda vs. Zoroastorism?

Ooh! Oooh!

Jane, you should read "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman.

You'll love it.

HOLD UP.

You have spoken blasphemy.

Freddy VS Jason was one great flick. I'm surprised with you- I would have bet money you of all people would have enjoyed it. It stayed true to both franchises, and delivered not only plenty of teenage carnage but a rather satisfying brawl between the headliners. Ahh well.

Let's get ready to ruuummmmble!

Fan favorite Jesus, an obvious skinny underdog against the rotund reverend, uses his Bible Bash (a variant of the clothesline) very effectively to take early control of the match. Pausing in his butt-whoopin' to preach at the audience about the meek inheriting the Earth, Moon gets his second wind, grabs a chair from an unseen accomplice in the audience, and lays Jesus out with a blow to the head.

Booo! Hisss!

It's a perfect setup for the return match PPV event. Imagine the ratings! Imagine the money! Imagine the scene when Jesus, on the ropes, calls for some extra help from his dad...who responds with some truly old-school mayhem.

how about moon vs mothra? it has that alliteration thing going on...

Guys, I think you're underestimating ol' Jesus. I think he'd be a lot more active than most of you give him credit for. Remember, when you ask "What would Jesus do?" sometimes the answer is "Go ballistic and knock shit over."

I have heard there may be some moneychangers hanging around the wrestling venues. Can anybody confirm that?

I think Voltaire vs. Roosevelt would be a fairly boring match, what with both being dead and relatively inactive.

But the gods thing is a great idea but let's make it All vs. All. I'm envisioning a Survivor/Cage Match thing (on Fox, of course). After the preliminaries of ritually slaughtering Jeff Probst, here's my take on the chances of some of the potential contestants:

Rev. Moon: Mere mortal and obviously insane. Dead before he starts.

Buddha: Immovable object, will be tough to dislodge but won't take the offensive.

Jesus: Got the power but too quick to forgive, won't be ruthless enough to finish off his opponents.

Allah: Tough guy. Fights dirty, but not organized enough to fight effectively

Vishnu: The Preserver. Too nice, out early.

Shiva: The Destroyer. Last one standing, for my money. Destroys all. He will bring down the house (literally - so I plan to leave a bit early).