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It's Limerick Time! (Dead Terrorist Edition)

Yes, again. Another ASV limerick contest is upon us. You'll like this one. Allah today linked to this article about some lovely songs that are all the rage for Palestinians mourning the death of their beloved Sheik Yassin. Oh, those wacky Palestinians! What will they think of next? Sonnets for Arafat? Concertos for Hamas? One of the songs has the endearing name of There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine: "The song describes Yassin's assassination from the time he left the mosque in the morning and details his struggle on behalf of the Palestinians." Well, you know I just couldn't resist. That song title is just crying out loud for a limerick to be made. You know what to do. The limerick must start with the line There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine. I know, I know. It doesn't really follow proper limerick protocol, but just go with it. We'll call it poetic license.

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Comments

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
Who was blinded by fierce sunshine
But along with the light
Came an explosive fright
As it turned out that sunshine was 3 missiles full of God's own fury that scattered his worthless terrorist bits and pieces farther than he could have crawled his paralyzed ass in a week.

Sorry, had a problem rhyming that last line.

this isn't as easy to do with the extra syllabobble...

There once was a fighter for Palestine,

who preached Anti-Jew stuff all the time,

it's a shame his wheelchair
was in the crosshair

and now we can see his intestine..

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
Who fled and became a French Pantomime
He would take out his cock
Which he'd named Jacques Chirac
And wave it at ladies to pass the time

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
who thought that explosions were mighty fine.
Until that one day
when the bulldozers came
and flattened her into a punch line.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
who done got blowed up.

I know, I know. It doesn't really follow proper limerick protocol, but just go with it. We'll call it poetic license.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
who encouraged the kids in the martyr line
But Israelis grew tired
On his wheelchair they fired
Now he's roasting in hell like a spitted swine

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who stood on his head and broke his spine
Because of this loss
He created Hamas
And got smeared by a missile, now all is fine.

(Great job Laurence!)

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who observed Israeli bulldozers with great heartache
She got in the way
Of the plow that day
And that's how she became Rachel, dead St. Pancake.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
He was a nasty TERRORIST - the worst kind
Big media uses "scare quotes"
To describe these killer blokes
"Freedom fighter" means something to the LA Times.

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
For the attention of girls he did pine,
So he strapped on a belt,
The bombs made him feel svelte,
And Hell sent him to the head of the line.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who came across a DO NOT ENTER sign
He went in anyway
Was mown down by a spray
Then came back in a box made out of pine

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Whom Arafat once said was "a pal of mine."
He blew up real nice
Wish they coulda' blown him up twice
Must have been a bitch to draw out the chalk line.

Hmm. Something wrong with that first line... I'll run it through the VRWC filter:

There once was a [homicide bomber] for [Displaced Arabs]...

Shoot. What rhymes with Arab? Carob?

scarab.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
resigned to malign all jew-kind
he finished his prayers, rolled out in his chair
became a stain on the ground for his crimes.

best I could do.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Which by itself comes across as a punch line
When the missile done hit
It blew him to shit
And parts of him stuck to the Israel fence line.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who was dispatched along with the rest of the swine
Upon his visit to hell
he exclaimed "this place is swell"
until Satan bellowed "it's Gulliani time"

Jim gets my vote. That last line is kinda catchy.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Whose life legacy is far from benign
He shattered Oslo's peace
While collecting millions in charity fees
Good riddance to this murderous swine

There once was a fighter from Palestine
who believed that his cause was devine
now in dispair
rockets targeted his wheelchair
now he can't even email o'reilly to opine

There once was a fighter for Palastine
who thought of all rallies just fine.
But one day he was killed,
By a Jew who was thrilled.
And the fighter's family got no retribution except for having to send out their oldest son to fight in a war over Palastinean lands which had been stolen by the world powers to appease a major religious faction before their time.
end

Well, that took a lot longer than I thought it would. Thank you for your contribution from the other side of the coin, RC.

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine.
who Arial Sharon sent a valentine
it hit at Mach II
and turned sheik into goo
just a couple of wheels and a pallie-spine

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who wanted to kill Jews all the time.

'Til one day he was hit
By a missile, the twit.

Now he's resting in pieces and that's just fine.

crayola... dude.
did you not know this was about Yassin's assassination or something?
I mean seriously... that is just pretty unfair to the israelites who fight for their lives daily against such terrorists

just a though dude

"until Satan bellowed "it's Gulliani time""

I love that one.

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
who's ass could explode like a mine
and in his distress
he made quite a mess
when he fell down from all that French wine

This is easy! More!

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
who was home in a bit of a bind
the bomb he created
had just detonated
of body parts, they found only nine

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who took a leak by mistake on a land-mine.
When the shell it exploded
In Hell he was demoted
For there weren't any Jews nearby.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Filling up on heartaches and cheap wine
Well, wouldn't you know
That song's by Kid Rock and Crowe
I guess I can't write about Yassin all the damned time.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Whose boss told him that it was splodey-dope time
He proceeded to holler
"I ain't goin' to Allah
72 virgins in heaven ain't worth my behind

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Whose bite wasn't much, but he sure could whine!
If I could get out of this chair,
you'd be gasping for air...
That smell you thought was a camel is mine.

or

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who marched through the streets in martial line
"I won't settle til Jews
are yesterday's news,"
he said hiding behind a child of nine

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Who killed children, for lack of a spine
At the launch of a mizzle
He said "I'm fucked fo shizzle!"
What's left of him won't fill a stein.

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Whose philosophy was simply asinine;
But an Israeli rocket
Put him on Allah's docket,
And the virgins never sent him a valentine.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who wanted the world to be Judenrein
Then Israel got sick
Of this murderous prick
And blasted his sorry terrorist ass straight to Hell where it belongs. -ine.

Nice one, Brendan.

There once was a killer in Palestine
He thought that C4 was just divine
But Oops! look he's gone!
Babylonian Saruman
And what was left got buried with swine.

Hmm. Seems the original first line was 'fighter for Palestine.'

My bad. I plead creative license.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
who, blown from his chair, moaned this pithy line:
"I have reaped what I sowed,
though it's less than I owed
'cuz those brains on the sidewalk are surely mine

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Whose heart, it knew nothing but malice, swine.
Then the bombs hit his chair,
His guts flew through they air,
And they dirtied the car of poor Alice Stein.

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Whose heart, it knew nothing but malice, swine.
Then the bombs hit his chair,
His guts flew through they air,
And they dirtied the car of poor Alice Stein.

there once was a girl from Nantucket...

Whoops! Wrong limerick!

There once was a killer of Jews
Who swayed many dolts to his views
But a leader with balls
Wasn't afreaid to make calls
And the death of the killer made news...

Yeah, I changed the first line..so sue me!

There once was a fighter for Palestine
(Born in Cairo, but folks still fall for that line)
Kicked out of Tunis
Can't get back to Khan Younis
'Cause he's trapped in his office all of the time

Screw that awful metre.

There once was an Arab from Gaza
Whose terrorist group rivaled Fatah
The Jews took a shot
And the Arab they got
Now just get Arafat and his shmatta.

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who wanted Sharia from there to the Palatine
His claim to want death
Israel put to the test
And made him explode like a bovine.

Dere once was a fighter for Palestine,
-- where's that ?

Who blew up da owl, on his own time.
-- who, who?

Til da owl done got sore,
-- Deze 2 flamingos walked into a bar & said 'Ouch'

Said 'We'll take this no more!"
-- No mas, hamas.

So da owl blew up da fighter, an' dats mighty fine.
-- Oh yes, preach it sister.

Limerick & commentary.

Britton

My vote's for you. That was perfect.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
whose followers spouted his party line
"Kill the Jews!" he implored,
"Eat some lead!" Israel roared,
A bit late, but a very nice Valentine.

There Once Was a butcher for Palestine
Who preached death for children to soothe the whine
Of those that hate Jews,
Their friends that write "news"
In the mythical land called Palestine

There Once Was a butcher for Palestine
Who found a Hellfire had replaced his spine
They knew he was dead
Brains popped from his head
In the mythical land called Palestine

There Once Was a butcher for Palestine
Once dead the newsmedia set to whine
For the ROP
Gets a pass you see
In the mythical land called Palestine

There Once Was a butcher for Palestine
Now all sewn together like Frankenstein
So as Yassin burned
Was the Lesson Learned?
In the mythical land called Palestine

There Once Was a butcher for Palestine
Now Rantisi repeats the same old line
So again Hamas
Will bray like an ass
In the mythical land called Palestine

So theres a new butcher for Palestine
Who says war on the USA is fine
As they've always said
Until they are dead
In the mythical land called Palestine

There once was a fighter from Palestine
Who was crippled but he was not blind
Which means he could see
the Jews' Apache
and the missile that bombed his behind.

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Who thought "The mistake must be mine."
With egg on his face,
Said "There is no such place,
But that doesn't mean I can't whine."

You know what's wrong with that first line?

Who calls terrorists "fighters"?

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Quite famous for rather a callous line
He’d ask girls in Ramallah
To do “blow jobs for Allah”
Their response was a one-fingered phallus sign

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Whose family needed a bunch of dime.
So the strapped on bombs went bam
They waited for the check from Sadam
Oh wait, he’s been gone for a long time.

There once was a Palestinian apologist
Who thought he could slip unnoticed into our midst.
Said the Rotting Crayola
For the Israeli's crimes there should be no payola.
Then an Apache blew Crayola to shit.

Sorry - best I could do. It's Monday and I'm frazzled, but I needed to respond to RC.

PS - Joshua - It's based on a song about Yassin that Palis are singing. Michele explained all that. Plus she recently did a post on reading comprehension.....

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who said kids killing kids is fine
But Allah said 'Ewww'
And with the help of a Jew
Blew his ass to the kingdom of swine.

A fighter for Palestine said,
"By Allah, I'll see these Joos dead!"
But ere he could fight,
IDF put to flight
such thoughts, with his brain, from his head.

Graham Lester has it IMO. Ahh, hands down.

There once was a fighter for Palestine
(Who worked undercover—a pal o' Stein).
    At Palos' Greek wedding
    He sat on his setting.
So the fork in his butt was a Palos tine.

Thanks Daniel :)

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
who whipped up the hatred at rally time
Schlomo's aim was fantastic
Yassin's colon went spastic
Now it's back to the base for a Ballantine!

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
Whom Israelis thought was a real swine
They wished in great hope
Stretch his neck on a rope
And hang him to dry like a vine

IDF thought a lot
And hatched a good plot
To eliminate one with no soul
They decided, these men
Send a rocket (or ten)
And aim 'em right for his arsehole.

The chopper did fly
Over Gaza's dim sky
One target it had in its sight
They searched first in vain
For a turban-clad mane
In a wheelchair
(And taking quick flight)

They went to a mosque
Had a bit of a fosk
And soon found the wheelchair-bound cripple
They said, "This is great"
We'll zap the old Sheik
And paint the mosque walls with his spittle.

The laser lined up
"Now the Sheik's outa luck"
cried the crew of the IDF Huey,
The rocket it flew
Very fast, very true
Made the Sheik look like toasted chop suey.

His blood and his skin
Spread the pavement so thin,
And amongst all the weeping and wailing,
A weak voice was heard
As he spat out a turd
To say, "I wish I'd gone sailing!"

Now the Palis have sworn
To kill by the morn
All the Jews that they can 'til they puke,
What they don't know by rights
The Jews have in their sights
The centre of Gaza to nuke.

The Sheik should have stayed
In the mosque and just prayed
To his Allah to bring him some luck
While it may've seemed odd
To the dirty old sod
The IDF just said, "You're fucked".

So the Sheik's gone aloft
To the clouds white and soft
To search for a really nice virgin
But came down with a thud
In fact shed tears of blood
When he found his old dick wasn't workin'.

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine
I looked for the fruits of his labor
and all I could find was his rind..

A pedophile mullah named Yassin
Whose followers all liked to wear green
He said joos should be dead
So joos blew off his head
And now he is just a has-been.

"Palestine" is a fiction, so I didn't want that in my limerick. Had the Romans not renamed the territory specifically to insult the conquered Jews after the reviled and already-extinct Philistines, the area would be called Judea, as it is on Roman coins of that era and on the arch in Rome.

I've been having some photoshopping fun, too:

Yassin’s Argument Clinic

White House finally gets around to the correct Mideast policy

Kerry and the Spongemonkeys

Blogopoly Addenda 3/24

A Mullah with a towel for a hat,
In his ricketty wheelchair he sat,
'Til some ordnance skyward fell,
Sent him straight off to hell,
And HAMAS was especially shat.

A dirty old turban-head scrote,
Upon whom Arafat would dote,
To kill Jews he'd insist,
But got turn'd to pink mist,
And that 'twas all Allah wrote.

A wheelie bound prick from HAMAS,
Everything he said was so crass,
From the Mosque he came wheelin'
With more nefarious schemin'
But a Hellfire shot straight up his ass.

From right in the middle of Palestine,
Came a wheelchair-bound old swine,
The smile on his dial
Was removed by missile
And on this the pilot would dine.

That's ab9out me limericked out.

Here are my belated entries:

There once Was a fighter for Palestine
Whose aerobic attempts meant he lacked spine
He wouldn't speak; he would squawk
Until he saw the approaching Tomahawk
They now can't tell his brains from his intestine

There Once Was a fighter for Palestine
Who was a pig (actually that's an insult to swine)
'Til the end he was defiant
Now hell is wheelchair compliant
But nowhere a virgin in sight

There once was a fighter for Palestine
Who preached that to murder is divine
He inspired many kids
To martyr before him
And now for those virgins he's waiting in line.

THERE WAS ONCE A FIGHTER FROM PALESTINE
WHO SAT IN A WHEELCHAIR FROM A BROKEN SPINE
HE HATED THE JEWS,
SO WHAT DID HE DO
BUT MURDER AND MAIM THEM ALL THE TIME
ALONG CAME MOSSSAD
AND BLEW UP HIS BOD
AND THAT PUT AN END TO ALL HIS CRIMES

There was a fighter from Palestine
Whose "religion" had gotten way out- of- line
Allah finally got pissed, at the way He'd been dissed
and said "Sharon, send him home
'cause it's pay back time.

there once was fighter from palestine,
but sharon said "bud, you're no friend of mine,"
said "heads up you schmuck, you're shit out of luck",
now the fighter is one with the stop sign...

ok, pretty lame last line...

there once was a "fighter" from palestine
who was encouraged by shills from the NY Times
Now a dead coward at heart
as if redundant that part
His smudge points the end of Yasser's time

Dag, y'all are GOOD!!!

Here be mine, as rapped in da hood...

Dey once be a mo-fo from P-stine
he be ugly like a cow's behind
couldn't get him no ho's
took it out on the Jos (work with me here)
now he be thinkin it's virgin time

Da brotha ain't gettin no bitches
no matta how much he wishes
he goin to his cell
way down dere in HELL
ain't even got no balls left for to itches

Word.

There once was an ass-wipe from Palestine
He sure wasn't no friend of mine
The IDF sent his ruin,
Blew his ass to the moon
What's left won't fill a box made of pine.

There once was a fighter for palestine
Who found out why the Jews are divine
It is so fun to see
The fata compli
Is simply a matter of time

Dang- missed the stipulation over the first line.

There once was a fighter from Palestine,
Who had blobby jello, 'stead of a spine,
Moved o'erland like a snail,
So a rocket's vapour trail,
Split his carcass asunder like pine.

There once was a fighter from Palestine,
An “Old man of God” was the liberal line.
But his message of hate
Was seen to abate,
When a heat-seeking missile flew up his behind.

There once was a fighter from Palestine,
Who got killed by Sharon (not before time).
His sight was not keen,
So he had never seen
The "Danger: Falling Hellfires" roadsign.

One criticism Michelle, the line has too many syllables...allow me to take a liberty:

There once was a 'splodydope fighter
Whose wife was shagging some blighter.
The silly old sod
Proclaimed a jihad,
And blew himself up to despite her.

cheshirecat

There was a man called Yassin
Inspired many a hamas assassin
Till the IDF got the shits
blew the prick to bits
and now the gates of hell
he's a passin.

Or not breaking the rules:

There Once Was a Fighter for Palestine.
He needed a wheelchair for a bad spine

His hate it was true
But the missile was too

And now all he is, is a crime scene outline

There once was a fighter for Palestine,
Who snuck in, in the night on a ballast line.
As dawn was emergin’,
He got his virgins,
Or so goes Hezbollah’s palace line.

There once was a fighter from Palestine,
That refused to behave as my valentine.
Or was he Iraqi,
Oh hell have more Sake,
And pass me the rest of my Ballantine.