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spontaneous combustion

I've let out more curses today than the script of Scarface and Glengarry Glenn Ross combined. Barely two inches of snow on the ground and the schools close. Of course, ours is the only school district stupid enough to close down for the day. And, of course, this is one of those rare days my husband is not home. So here we are. Home. It's ok, I tell myself. I have a lot of Command Post work to do today. Well, no. Not if my cable connection doesn't cooperate. Which it hasn't since about 6am. Ten snowflakes and the cable goes crazy. My tv's digital cable is out, too. Just some snow and the occasional scrambled picture, reminding me of how we used to watch porn back in the early days of cable. Watching George Bush give a speech that way just does not give me the same thrill. Sure, the internet connection is working, but it's working as if I were on a 14k dial-up. Frustrating, to say the least. I just can't work like this. DJ has been playing the opening riff to Smoke on the Water over and over, once in a while stopping to play whatever else he picked up from School of Rock. I unplugged his amp after half an hour. It didn't help. I can still hear him. When we move in May, I am soundproofing his bedroom. Natalie has been on the phone all morning, relaying to her friends the "horrible, dreadful nightmare" she had last night, in which John Peter Lewis (aka The Pen Salesman) was voted off American Idol. I was tempted to relate my nightmare, in which severed, bloody heads were being thrown out of an airplane and onto the field at Yankee Stadium during the World Series, at which former mayor David Dinkins was pitching against Daniel Pipes. George Steinbrenner was there, wearing a Speedo, and every time a bloody head landed on the field, he would shout "heads are gonna roll!" and then he would laugh and laugh and laugh until his laughing was the only sound one could hear, at which point Mickey Kaus (who looked sort of like Bruce Willis circa Die Hard) got on the PA system and announced that there would be a karaoke contest after the game at Burger King. And then he pulled out what appeared to be some kind of futuristic machine gun that was soldered onto his arm and shot down the plane with the bloody heads. It was actually a pretty interesting dream. Certainly better than today's waking life, with spotty connectivity, Deep Purple as interpreted by an eleven year old and the screech of a 14 year old girl as she finds out that her mother has seen her Live Journal. It's really too early to drink isn't it?

Comments

dude, you can get regular ol' network, right? hello, March Madness! quadruple-header!

go Murray State!

It's never to early to start drinking. Occasionally it get's to late to start drinking, or to early to stop but it's never to early to start.

disclaimer
Do not try this at home, I am a trained professional.

Your new best friend:

kinda pricey at $200

a little "personal practice amp" with headphone jack & effects and actually plays rythmn and bass patterns (to jam along to)

and...
what's really neat is a "phrase trainer"
you plug in your cd player, and record part of the cd. the pandora will slow the phrase down without changing pitch...
great for learning solos.

and though 99% of all guitar players can play the riff from Smoke on the Water, not many can play the solo.

oops... forgot to give ya a link

http://www.musiciansfriend.com/srs7/sid=040319101137068232139092539518/g=guitar/search/detail/base_pid/152187/

Yes, I was going to say...there are amps that are small and with jacks for headphones so one can practice without driving family/neighbors berserk!

As Danny Thomas used to say, it's after five somewhere in the world right now..

his amp has a headphone jack. doesn't use it 'cause he just wants to drive his mother crazy, and that's ok with me! after all, he does take the lessons at MY house... and what? no props for your new brother-in-law's bday? come on, he's half way to 70!!!

Dave, you SURE you're in Texas? Quoting Phil Donahue's father-in-law instead of Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet?

Michele,

A snow day, on a Friday, and you're NOT drinking yet? It's 74 here and I'm thinking of pouring my first glass of wine. PARTY! (Are you allowed to write "party" in all caps with an exclaimation point, once you're over 40?)

What the hell do you eat before you go to bed?

Uhhh ... we're drinking in OUR household ...

I rarely plug in when practicing, and as others noted, there are usually headphone jacks, if not headphone amps that can be pretty cheap. I have a POD (an amp modeler) that has a headphone jack. However, it is not cheap.

Still, soundproofing his room is a good idea.

And I second the notion that it is not too early to start drinking. The only problem with starting early is passing out early.

It's 80 degrees, sunny and green here in Georgia. The dogwoods are blooming, the crepe myrtles budding pink and purple. A gentle breeze is blowing and I saw at least 11 guys jogging with their shirts off today, some from the Navy School and the rest from UGA.

Sigh. You're free to hate me.

And honey, mornings are why God invented Bloody Marys and Srewdrivers!

D

do you have Uriah Heep's "Easy Livin" floating around anywhere? Make him learn that. It's waaay cooler.

JFH, I hear ya. I'm just old enough to remember catching reruns of DT and that famous line.

And while I have no anecdotal evidence to support it, I'm sure Danny would have thought Phil was an ass.

If it gives me any credibility, me and my boys in the band (Hit and Run) cover Margaritaville better than any SOBs I've heard in 20 years. I think it's cause we drink em while we sing about em.

I used the 'it's always 5:00 somewhere in the world' line successfully for a long time. My wife took to asking 'where?' So I bought a nice globe, and commenced to answer appropriately (I con now do this with a PDA, but it is a reeeeeally nice globe and I am something of a traditionalist.

My rationalization for drinking is that it is always NOON somewhere in the world.

Would you like a Sam Adams with your Quarter Pounder?

Michele, I could have SO easily gone my whole life without having the image of Steinbrenner in a speedo imprinted on my brain. You're an evil woman...

it's sorta like picturing a pear, with a rubber band around it, isn't it?