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in which i discuss girlie things

This is what's it's like the day before I get my period: I wake up with a few zits on my face. My hair - no matter how many times I wash it or what I try to do with it - looks dull and lifeless and will not behave, not even with a fire-hazard amount of hair spray. My skin looks pasty, sort of like a zombie's before they get replenished with brains. I feel bloated all over; no matter what I wear, I like fat and puffy. I feel like my boobs are going to burst out of my bra and everything is too tight. I sense that my ass is so big you could rest a tray of donuts on it. I think everyone is staring at me because I must look like the fat lady from the circus. I'm awkward and clumsy. I drop everything I pick up. I trip over my own feet. I can't type, I can't spell, I can't dial the right numbers on the phone. I think about sex every ten seconds. So basically, every 28 days I go through puberty all over again. In the span of one day. And my husband wonders why I get so cranky. Someone get me a tray of nachos and a chocolate shake, please. And a force field that keeps people at least ten feet from me at all times. And a sign to put on my steering wheel that says "Remember: Road Rage Bad." Honey, I'm on my way home. Just a warning.

Comments

I'm am so glad that I cannot relate to women on this subject. All I can say is "I'd be in a bad mood too if I had to put up with that sort of crap"

I got girl scout thin mints today;)

So does my wife, and my two teenage daughters.

But I'm not complaining. I know better.

Sounds like my life everyday...minus the feeling fat part. Though, you did leave out the bleeding and cramping...so

Too late I discovered something that made me feel better, no meat or booze a few days before. Fruits and veggies eased the pain.

And lots of chocolate.

Oh, that is too much! LMBO.
So true...

LMAO! That is so my wife and teenage daughter... They call it the ookies, and of course, they are in sync and are both bundles of joy at the same time. My personal survival is always contingent on upon a healthy dose of just leaving them the hell alone!

No sync at this house...sometimes my life is like walking through a minefield!

I can't say as though I sympathize or understand, but I have one rule:

Never, ever fuck around with any creature that can bleed for a week and NOT DIE!

In my house, when those tell-tale signs come out, I get REEEEAAAL meek-like.

You look like hell,you feel like hell,have a short temper and constantly think about sex?
Sounds like you've turned into a man!