A Small Victory

Okay, well, I just did your reading. Honey. You're just not a happy camper right now. Okay, this is what I see: A million ideas, thoughts, escape plans, regrets, possibilities and subsequent limitations are racing through your mind right now. And it's killing your sleep. You're having nightmares when you *can* sleep. You never feel rested because your mind is always churning, churning. About EVERYTHING. Okay, recent past, you made this plan (Seven of Wands). You were in chaos and made a decision to take your life in a different direction. Trouble is, now that you're in this new direction, everything seems utterly absolutely wrong. You are (un)sleeping on a bed of nails. But see, in your mind you have constructed this idea that you can do this, it is an act of mental discipline to be this model mother/wife/helpmeet (Queen of Cups), to put everyone else's needs first, to be dutiful, docile, to come when called. Trouble is, this has left your heart lying pierced and bleeding out its life into the frozen snow. (Ten of Swords) Honey, there is an electrical storm boiling in your deepest inner reaches. A conflict so violent that it could tear you apart if left unchecked. Already you are sowing the seeds for something totally destructive. I don't know what it is, you sneaky, crafty Virgo, but you have planted explosive charges in strategic areas where all you have to do is dial certain numbers on your cell phone and bridges collapse, buildings cave in on entire relationships. It is one of the only things you feel like you have power over right now. But remember, destructive power is never real power. It takes just as much out of you in strength as it gives you in satisfaction. The victories are always hollow. Right now, you are doing the only thing you can do, diligently tending to your chores (Three of Pentacles) and doing what you must do to keep things from flying apart, but meanwhile your heart is feeling like a category four hurricane. There's an irritating man around. An attorney? (King of Swords) You are *this* close to smiting him with the full wrath of your fury, but remember, honey, jobs are hard to find, and you have a new house to move into. All this guy wants is your attention. He wants to get your goat. He wants to feel like he has some kind of effect on you, even if it is to watch you pointedly ignore him. He's a sad little boy. Treat him as such. He's just static. You have bigger fish to fry. I see another female figure on the horizon. Dark hair, maybe curly, dark eyes, spicy smelling perfume or shampoo. What's up with this woman, Michele? Why do you love and fear her? Do you want to be her? Do her? Are you worried she's after your man? Know what? I don't trust her either. You are right to feel wary about her. Keep an eye on that woman. She wants something. As for your outcome? I see restlessness. Restlessness, restlessness, restlessness. You want some changes. You might even want some more time to yourself. Use these powerful emotions that you are soooooooooo good at denying as forces to change your self for the better. Have a look at what's out there. You could have it, too. Otherwise you will melt down from the constant internal conflict. You owe it to yourself and everyone who loves you. Meanwhile, YOU MUST REST. In order to think clearly, to heal properly, to be quick and clever and fast on your feet, you must be well rested. So, rest. Get your eight hours a night if it kills you. You must reconcile this conflict between this Donna Reed in your head and the raging tempest boiling in your gut. It's going to wear you out and make you do things you'll regret. I want to talk more with you about this.