i dream of angelina
Last night's dream: Angelina Jolie was married to Matthew McConaughey, who had changed his name to Tom and stood around all day in a beige, wool turtleneck looking pretty. They lived on a sheep ranch in Texas and somehow, my husband knew them and decided to go visit them. I was wavering on going because I had a dream (within the dream) that the plane would crash on the way to Texas. Angelina decided to come to New York to persuade me to come to Texas. Also, she was helping my mother out with Christmas preparations. So we went shopping, Angelina and I. And I wasn't wearing a shirt. Nor a bra. I was walking around with my boobs hanging out for everyone to see. I finally found what I was looking for - raspberry soda - and Angelina paid for everything. We came out of the supermarket and were immediately accosted by some people shoving a camera in our face. I thought at first they were there for Angelina, but they weren't. It was some Candid Camera show hosted by Ben Affleck. Man, did Affleck look like shit. He smelled like the subaway and apparently he hadn't shaved nor had a shower in days. Jay and Silent Bob stood by laughing as Affleck tried to interview us about the treatment of laboratory mice. Angelina kicked him in the nuts and we moved on. Once home, we started setting the table for Christmas dinner. Angelina and my mother were making lasagna. My husband kept calling, asking me if I was ready to go to Texas. I repeated the plane crash dream each time. Then I was on the phone with my cousin who I really don't like and I was bragging that I know Angelina Jolie and Matthew McConaughey when my mother interrupted the call to tell me that PopPop had died. I assume she meant my grandfather - but I never heard her call him PopPop before. I bitched about having to take another sick day on Monday to go to the funeral. Angelina told me to come to Texas instead because Matthew wanted a threesome and he chose me. Damn alarm clock.