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open audition for greeting card writers

Another year, another creepy Valentine: val37.jpg Except this year, I took the wording off of the original. It's your job to decide what should go in there instead. Anything goes.


Damn. I can't decide between:

'Nothin' says lovin' like Strawberry Shortcake and bananas! Hoo hoo!'


'Mi banana es su banana, mi Valentine!'

Please, please don't make me choose!

Is this the valentine that Monica sent to Bill?

"No, I don't mind a little back hair."
Ok so I stole it from that beer commercial.

"Let's see how you like 12 inches in your mouth."

"Gag and spit, or should I just make you?"

"Guess where the other banana's going."



"At least yours doesn't need batteries!"

(I'm a bad, bad man.)


"It's your job to decide what should go in there instead. Anything goes."

Hehehehehe. Well, I can't top that.

I'd kiss you but you're so damned ugly...

(and, crazy bonus points if you can get the blonde girl to sound like Chucky Heston).

"Suck on mine and I'll suck on yours ..."

I can't think of anything witty as a caption, I am too distured by the fact that the little girl has a tit on her head and the monkey seems to have throat cancer.

Hi Bubbles! Michael asked me to give you these...

"Lay for Mojo"

This is how Mr. Ritter showed me to do it.


Wouldn't THIS just rock Jane Goodall's world?!?

Munchies for monkeys

Is she pregnant?

Though I am sure you are loath to...that seems like a great entry to Maxim magazines "Found Porn" monthly contest